wife cheated me by having an affair.

[revelations]

I left my cheating xWW because I have more love and respect for myself than that. Oh and guess what, if she is able to be that empowered woman and cheat, then she needs to be that empowered woman and face the repercussions of that decision. If it is loosing her boyfriend or husband over it then so be it. I get tired of these emotional and mental games that women play. Guess what, men are wising up to that and if you look through out history men (not women) are famous for solving these kind of problems. That's right we are walking way from you and enjoying our lives without you. See problem solved.

[JohnMcClaine]

You summarised your position by saying EVERY MAN SHOULD LEAVE A CHEATING WIFE.

 

Well, duh. Why would a man not leave a cheating wife?

 

You clearly indicated by your response that any BH's who attempt to reconcile have not done the right thing. Maybe it wasn't your intention, but that is what you said.

 

I'd love to hear the scenario where reconciling with the person who just (being fully aware of what they're doing) destroyed your relationship by sleeping with someone else is the right thing.

 

There is a HUGE difference.

 

Maybe if you're in denial.

[petee]

Get rid of this parasite. Grow a pair, front it out and move on. Or be a lemming.

[Spectre]

I'd love to hear the scenario where reconciling with the person who just (being fully aware of what they're doing) destroyed your relationship by sleeping with someone else is the right thing.

 

Well, the only legit scenario I can think of involves several X-Men, time travel, and shape shifters.

 

But yeah, you just hit the nail on the head with the "being fully aware" part. Sex is a process, you can't just snap your fingers and have it over and done with. You have several chances to stop it, personally whenever I want to stop sex from happening I make sure to keep all my clothes on. I hear this has worked for other people as well.

[fellini]

Well, duh. Why would a man not leave a cheating wife?

 

I'd love to hear the scenario where reconciling with the person who just (being fully aware of what they're doing) destroyed your relationship by sleeping with someone else is the right thing.

 

Maybe if you're in denial.

 

Because for every 3 stories you wish to tell about why a man should leave his wife, there are 7 to tell about men or women who did not walk away, and are not living in denial.

 

In this case, I happen to agree the OP should walk away. But in my case, I made the decision not to. I take into consideration the 17 years that she did not cheat, not the time that she did.

[Spectre]

The problem with that is those 17 years should of been enough to prevent her from cheating. That is the inherent problem with people trying to look at adultery that way. There is even another topic up talking about that very issue, and the plain truth is the more history you have with someone, the worse it is when you cheat on them. That added history doesn't cushion the blow, rather it makes the blow 10 times harder.

Edited June 9, 2014 by Spectre

[road]

The problem with that is those 17 years should of been enough to prevent her from cheating. That is the inherent problem with people trying to look at adultery that way. There is even another topic up talking about that very issue, and the plain truth is the more history you have with someone, the worse it is when you cheat on them. That added history doesn't cushion the blow, rather it makes the blow 10 times harder.

 

 

 

 

 

No. Numbers do not lie. Though liars use numbers.

[fellini]

Perhaps because you continue to believe that all infidelity has something to do with the BS and not just the WS. We all know that infidelity can occur at any stage of a relationship in BF/GF relations, during engagements stage, in honeymoon stages, within the first year, during pregnancies, immediately after firstborn, and any day up to and beyond 25 years of a happy marriage, an unhappy marriage.

 

The fact is infidelity doesn't really have anything to do with the marriage. We all know this.

 

Im not sure why you continue to use statistics and assertions which are clearly outside your personal experience. How on earth do you know if something is ten times worse for someone who reconciled if you haven't been there yourself? And even if you had, on what basis do you feel you can generalise your experience on the rest of the BS population? Especially when you make these assertions and then others like myself insist that our experience does not confer with your findings.

 

You know that your perspective, and everything you say continues to be met by others who challenge your view that ALL Infidelity has such a fatal effect on the outcome of the marriage. You have no evidence of this. You only have your personal story, which you notably do not relate in your posts.

 

The problem with that is those 17 years should of been enough to prevent her from cheating. That is the inherent problem with people trying to look at adultery that way. There is even another topic up talking about that very issue, and the plain truth is the more history you have with someone, the worse it is when you cheat on them. That adgded history doesn't cushion the blow, rather it makes the blow 10 times harder.

Edited June 10, 2014 by fellini

[JohnMcClaine]

But in my case, I made the decision not to. I take into consideration the 17 years that she did not cheat, not the time that she did.

 

And how anyone can sleep at night knowing they're still with someone who, being of sound mind, engaged in the antithesis of their relationship after 17 years is mind-boggling.

[fellini]

And how anyone can sleep at night knowing they're still with someone who, being of sound mind, engaged in the antithesis of their relationship after 17 years is mind-boggling.

 

 

But possible nonetheless. Very real. I have read somewhere that I am not the first to reconcile with my WS. So I don't pretend to hold any exceptional features in that regard. Just plain old human variety and response to the problems that life sometimes throws at us.

[fellini]

Marriage is not a poker game.

 

Divorce her if you want nothing more to do with her ever.

Separate if you have to, but if you don't want to divorce her, then deal with her. You don't actually need to divorce someone just to find out how they feel about you. Divorce is not a litmus test. And love is not something you can manipulate through the courts.

 

Make up your own mind about how you feel about this woman, and proceed from there.

[Spectre]

The fact is infidelity doesn't really have anything to do with the marriage. We all know this.

 

Gotta disagree here, if you are stepping out on your partner it has everything to do with the marriage. I frankly don't care what solo issues a person has, in a good strong marriage they can go to their partner with those issues instead of banging some dude. If you have issues and you solve them via screwing around, well, that speaks volumes about the marriage. Sleeping around instead of dealing with your issues is the utterly lazy way out.

 

You know that your perspective, and everything you say continues to be met by others who challenge your view that ALL Infidelity has such a fatal effect on the outcome of the marriage. You have no evidence of this. You only have your personal story, which you notably do not relate in your posts.

 

My personal story is irrelevant, but hell: I've been cheated on. One of them was a girl who I guess I should of expected, another was a girl who I would of never thought to be a slut, but then it turned out I was very very wrong about her. After she cheated she told me she still was in love with me and I literally burst out laughing right in her face and told her to quit her day job and go become a comedian, because she was damn hilarious. She said she wasn't joking and then I told her she then just doesn't understand what words like "love" mean then.

 

Then, get this, she began crying. Funny too, I'm the one who was betrayed yet she was the one sobbing. So because of her, I had trust issues a mile long that even carried over into other relationships. That is adultery for you, the gift that just keeps on giving!

Edited June 12, 2014 by Spectre

[betrayedlove]

Thanks friends for all your suggestions.

 

It has been a long time since i have been here.

 

No forgiveness to her and all am dead set on divorce. I don't love her nor i want her back in my life.

 

I cant forgive her for cheating on me. Hence I had filed for divorce.

[Darren Steez]

Good luck to you!

[Friskyone4u]

Only thing you did wrong was hit her. Should never ever hit a woman and whoever said you are lucky you are not in U.S. because you could have some serious legal troubles. That aside, you need to get rid of her.!the whole marriage isn't sham.

She is minimizing to you to try to manipulate you into reconciliation and then you will find out more later on. You do not need her . You are young , have a good job, and can do better.

This crap about she took a week off from work to spend with him and claims they did not have sex insults your intelligence. Do not believe it!!

Change your contact information and go NC with her and her parents.

And do not look back

[Clay]

Thanks friends for all your suggestions.

 

It has been a long time since i have been here.

 

No forgiveness to her and all am dead set on divorce. I don't love her nor i want her back in my life.

 

I cant forgive her for cheating on me. Hence I had filed for divorce.

 

 

Its so nice to see someone actually stand by morals. Good for you for moving on. There is much better women out there. If more cheaters were actually held accountable there would probably be less cheating. People do it because they get away with it.

 

 

Your life is going to be so much better without this toxic person in your life.

 

Clay

[merrmeade]

Hello, betrayedinlove,

Just read through this thread and there is one essential piece of information missing - for me anyway. You say in the beginning post: "I am an engineer who married the love of my life 1.5 years ago. We both are working employees. Everything was perfect and fine until a month ago and after our honeymoon."

 

When you say you married the love of your life, are you saying this was a love marriage?* Not arranged? I lived in India for many years and know that there are very different mindsets regarding love and marriage there compared to the west. I know that cheating is adultery both there and in the west; that much is no different. But I don't think people in the west understand, much less appreciate, arranged marriages.

 

Personally - just to verify I have no cultural bias against the practice of arranged marriages - my son had one and is very, very happy and definitely loves and is loved by his wife of 8 years. But I'd like to know whether yours was an arranged marriage and if her affair partner was someone she'd been "in love" with before the marriage.

 

Normally I would say give a cheater the worst you've got, but I know for a fact that "the worst" in India can be pretty bad, including deadly. I'm not accusing you of anything, but you say you have beaten your wife already, and I think you and the posters have different assumptions about this. I don't think that the posters from the west realize how different the attitudes and practices are in India toward women who commit adultery. You and I, OP, both know that sometimes families feel that adulterous wives deserve far worse than beating. Because of this and because you ask for advice about whether or not to divorce your wife and because she is begging to be taken back, I would like to know several more pieces of information:

• Does your wife want to be take back because she's afraid of what will happen to her if you divorce?
  
• What will happen to her if you divorce? Will her family take her back? How will she be treated in the community? Will she be shunned or humiliated by anyone? Will she lose her job? If so, will she be able to get another?
  
• What will happen if you take her back? Will your family accept her? How will they treat her? Is there any possibility that she could be physically hurt?
  
• Was there a dowry given to your family by hers? If so, what will happen with that?

 

My personal opinion is that you should divorce AS LONG AS there is fair adjutication regarding settlement, including whatever dowry your family was given, and as long as your wife will be able to work and live her life with basic human rights and dignity.

Edited November 6, 2014 by merrmeade

[Trotters]

How come some thread replies say the cheater still loves their husband/wife, then other replies will say divorce him/her etc???. Generally speaking.

[road]

How come some thread replies say the cheater still loves their husband/wife, then other replies will say divorce him/her etc???. Generally speaking.

 

 

 

Because for the people that say divorce the only response to an affair is divorce.

 

 

Everything in life is a choice.

[LifesontheUp]

Only you know if you want to work on your marriage or not. There will be many reasons that you would want to as well as many reasons not to.

 

For me, 18 yrs together, and his betrayal was the kick that I needed to get out of the marriage.

 

For others, it is the kick that is needed for them to work through any issues and why the affair happened in the first place. Yes, while the cheater made a decision to cheat and has their own issues to address, the betrayed needs to look at their part in the marriage also.

 

I wish you all the best. Life is short and we should do what will make us happy

[nightmare01]

Love is a verb.

 

Love is shown in actions, and betrayal is the most unloving action of all.

[Trotters]

Is all this true or are people just angry because its happened to them & just wanna vent their anger?. Just curious.

[betrayedlove]

thanks everyone for you replies.

 

I don't wish to get back with her as i told earlier. I filed for Divorce by Mutual Consent and not under Adultery law if I do so the She will face Many troubles. yes her parents are angry with her but had taken her back being their Daughter.

 

As per Indian Divorce Law i will have to wait Six months as the court granted me a reconciliation period and if still no results i will be granted divorce. This happened because Divorce is by Mutual consent if under Adultery law i would have got it the day i filed for Divorce. As I told earlier i don't want to shame her in-front of Society or take Revenge on her. I just want myself to be out of all relationships with her legally and also mentally. Then it's her life she can do what she want.

 

If the Domestic Violence Law is concerned she knows if she proceeds further with that I will expose her Adultery in Public. Then I won't give her any considerations. Moreover Court will come to know the real reason of my divorce and won't slap any charges on me as i will prove it was in a heat of that movement. She cannot get me in any Legal trouble for her Wrong doings.

 

Leave it i don't want any Court battles with her unless she provokes me. Of course i Have the proofs so i will win i know. If I proceed legally i can even land her in Jail for cheating on me and if she files any false case will do that.

 

The simple question which i would like to ask is "IF THE AFFAIR WAS CONCERNED, I WOULD HAVE ALSO HAD IT BY CHEATING HER. WHO WOULD HAVE STOPPED ME FROM HAVING IT?? NO-ONE." But i do respect My Culture, Marriage and Family Oriented life. Is this what i deserve.?

 

Moreover in India, it is not so easy to walk out of a marriage even if anyone wants to as the Courts won't allow that to happen without any serious reasons and the spouse who walks off will land in legal troubles if they refuse to be in that marriage without a valid reason irrespective of wife or husband. The Courts don't allow here one spouse to dump their soulmate so easily. Hence the Divorce rates are less here. None of my colleagues or friends or any known person are Divorced all are happily married and have loving wives only am the one who will be a divorcee soon.

Now My Divorce is happening because i threatened her to expose her adultery if she refuses divorce in Court. Hence we both peacefully agreed for Divorce in Court even though she was Crying i noticed it. Hence Bombay Court agreed but Still a 6 months time period is give to us for reconciliation which is impossible for me. I refuse to have any contact with her.

 

I just hate to be in a situation like this for my no mistake.

I never thought i would be in situation like this. I have my Parents support too. Hence no question of Getting back. Am just waiting for the time period given by Court to get over.

Edited November 11, 2014 by betrayedlove

[BeholdtheMan]

Am I right for being deadset on divorce because cheating cannot be ever forgiven by me??

 

Of course you are. Your wife is an unrepentant cheater who is pretending to be regretful now that she's been exposed.

 

A pledge of loyalty from a cheater is worthless. Whether she commits suicide is none of your business now. The relationship and trust between you two ended when she cheated. She can't blackmail you to stay in the marriage by threatening suicide. Her life is hers to live (or not live). It has no bearing on you.