todreaminblue Posted June 5, 2014 Share Posted June 5, 2014 (edited) had a flashback recently in the dentist chair, it wasn't a defined flashback it was a partial, I have a dentist phobia in the first place, it i swhy i had my teeth removed under general anesthetic a whole mouth full because of multiple pregnancy they became deficient......and prone to breaking lost a few halves to hits to the mouth and a habit maybe of washing my mouth out with diluted bleach when i didnt have mouth wash as a teen.....anyway i had an impacted wisdom tooth floating around in my palate (the roof my mouth) it broke through the skin and was near my gum line, it started to go back up and got infected because there was an open hole.........so the dentist was really nice had kind eyes and i felt warmth and i trusted him he said it has to come out deborah....he was very gentle with me....i know my pupils would have been huge so that was why he probably knew to be gentle.....instant trapped anyway the lady assistant was nice too....and they did major cutting...through bone i believe and gum and the roof of my mouth now the lady assistant put the air sucker to my upper lip because i had blood all over my lips....i stopped breathing, felt confusion, and it hit me like a brick it felt like fingers coming over my lips rubbing them pressing down, so hand over mouth flashback and my body did this pretty violent wave(an ex said the spanish dancer move a sea creature that folds in on itself and pushes out .......i call it the buck move.......i think spanish dancers are pretty, the dentist freaked out jumped back(which was my intention in flashback mode they all jumped...... and said whoah what was that and said please please deborah dont do that again then it was mentioned that at the time i had a mouthful of sharp heavy duty instruments.........i started to cry and they were very soothing thinking that i was upset about pain....... i wasnt crying for that reason, i was crying because i remembered how useless that buck move was way back when and how much pain i went through and how soothing they were to me now was making me cry harder because they thought i was in pain........i had no soothing after th eway back when it felt almost like i was getting the soothing for all past pain even though they seen me do a spanish dancer move which is rather embarrassing because it was a flashback .....and i felt retarded................. i thanked them after when they stitched me up i apologised profusely, thanked them as many times like someone who doesnt speak english well who is grateful to be heard and understood,or a multiple who is thanking as each sewlf..... the nice lady said i was the best patient ever ....we all were...we all said thankyou we all apologised...i told them to have a great day as i backed out the door and took off.......through a mouthful of cotton, the reception lady loves me there.......and i look at her face, with eyes so kindly smiling, and i burst into tears again tried to talk to her to say thanks and have a great day and i said sorry cant talk, looked at my mum and a room full of observers.......and i just said mum i am so happy its over.....its over ........its finally over .......i will heal ...i am healing......i wanted to share.....thanks god for guiding me to trust a unaware dentist with kind coffee eyes..no one knows bar an ex and now loveshack ......i am healing and it feels wonderful..deb .......... Edited June 5, 2014 by todreaminblue 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ja123 Posted June 5, 2014 Share Posted June 5, 2014 ((((((((((( Hugs, Deb! )))))))))))) Thanks for sharing. It was quite compelling to read. You ARE healing!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author todreaminblue Posted June 5, 2014 Author Share Posted June 5, 2014 (edited) I really think i am healing..thank you for reading ja and hugs back atcha..........i re read what i wrote and i wrote a unaware dentist it should have been an unaware dentist..... what is scaring about being healed .........is i worry i wont see spanners.......because i believe a lot of what is me and makes me who i am and able to help others is my brokenness..i wont see spanners chucked at my head....more importantly i wont see spanners thrown at other people and i wont be quick enough to dull blows............i dont want to forget being broken...i dont want any memories to disappear......or for me to be unaware and cocky and then because i dont see a spanner.......i die...........when i could really help someone else by being broken...and truthfully i am not ready to go yet....not now......but healing feels so good.....i dont want to change really at all because i dont know what that change involves..if it means i become harder i dont need to....i can adapt instead and still be soft............but i do want peace and peace i know for me is change.......I cant change the world....so maybe peace in me is the change that will happen.......debxo Edited June 5, 2014 by todreaminblue Link to post Share on other sites
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