Hawk Posted February 12, 2005 Share Posted February 12, 2005 I have been talking to this girl for a while now, so today she calls and we talk for a few minutes and she asked me what do i see us 2 as and i say just talking for now, and I tell her that I like her ALOT, then she says that she likes me too but she says that she see's us and only friends and that she didnt want me to think that we are talking or anything, and that she doesn't want a BF,and she starts asking me if i'm mad and I say no, knowing that i am kinda pissed. What should I do now??? someone help me out Link to post Share on other sites
Midwest guy Posted February 12, 2005 Share Posted February 12, 2005 A girl told me a similar thing last night. I know it sucks. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56885/ Link to post Share on other sites
lynnered Posted February 13, 2005 Share Posted February 13, 2005 i would back off then ,if she liked you in a dating way she would tell you,there's this guy i just like as a friend i know he likes me ,and that makes me feel awkward,its like guys cant just be friends!! Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 13, 2005 Share Posted February 13, 2005 The best thing to do is to be honest with her. Tell her that you are interested in being her boyfriend, not just her "friend" and that you don't think it would be a good idea to keep talking to her. Seriously - once you strip down your relationship with her and remove every single romantic intent: do you still want to hang out with her? Would you seek her company out if you had no romantic interest in her at all? If you would, and you genuinely like her and enjoy her company - then you can be friends, but you'll have to have a 'cooling off' period to bury your romantic feelings and let them die off. Otherwise it will just be a case of another broken hearted person looking for any excuse to spend time with the person they love and try to fool themselves and their partner by agreeing to call it "friends." Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 13, 2005 Share Posted February 13, 2005 Originally posted by Hawk This really hurts and I feel like I've been wasting my time calling her and being EXXTRA nice and sweet to her. yes HAWK, next time don't be too nice or sweet to a girl. and don't become their friends, become their lover. Link to post Share on other sites
masked_man Posted February 13, 2005 Share Posted February 13, 2005 It sounds like she has made it pretty clear she doesn't want any sort of relationship with you at the moment. Whatever you do don't go pushing her on the subject. For whatever reason she wants space, so respect that. As to what to do next, I'd say keep your options open. Be her friend and make the most of that, but keep on the look out for other people who are more interested in you. Link to post Share on other sites
Midwest guy Posted February 13, 2005 Share Posted February 13, 2005 Originally posted by masked_man It sounds like she has made it pretty clear she doesn't want any sort of relationship with you at the moment. Whatever you do don't go pushing her on the subject. For whatever reason she wants space, so respect that. As to what to do next, I'd say keep your options open. Be her friend and make the most of that, but keep on the look out for other people who are more interested in you. Yes. I made the mistake of "smothering" Lindsay and that turned her away alot. Link to post Share on other sites
JLove Posted February 13, 2005 Share Posted February 13, 2005 I dont mean to tell you the harsh truth but this girl will probably never want to be with you. It sounds like she put a lot of thought into her decision and that she was interested at first, but them realized that you two weren't compatible. If you still have strong feelings for her I suggest that you stay distant from her for a while because it may be easy for her to have maintain a platonic relationship, but it will be torturous for you. I highly recommend that you do not chase her or call her all of the time because it will just make her dislike you. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Fritz Posted February 13, 2005 Share Posted February 13, 2005 Move on, unless you really have no desire for her and can handle being friends with her. Don't end up being her emotional blanket/backup boy/emergency dick in a glass case. Link to post Share on other sites
Javelin Posted February 13, 2005 Share Posted February 13, 2005 she doesn't want a BF If she told you this, than I'd say to tone down a little. Maybe she's not ready for the obligations in a relationship right now. Chances if you get involved with her, she'll be very insecure in the relationship & probably end up dumpin' you in the long run anyways... This is probably the reason she's telling you this, because A) You're a nice guy , B) She doesn' want to hurt you , and C) Again, she just isnt ready... What I'd so in a situation like this: If I knew for sure she would make a really good Girlfriend, had all the qualities of one. Then I wouldn't stop being that sweet guy that takes her out every once in awhile. Valentines Day is what? Tomorrow? Perhaps you should become her secret admirer for the time being. Send her Roses, Letters, and Stuffed Animals now and then, with notes Etc etc. Just don't let her know it's you still in pursuit. I don't know what type of girl she is, but adjust to her interests and such. If she loves Sports, perhaps surprise her with a well planned secretive date to a game (Get Good Seats).. I dunno man, be creative! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hawk Posted February 13, 2005 Author Share Posted February 13, 2005 well she called me late last night, but I wasnt very talkative and she noticed and she kept asking if i was mad and i told her how i felt, then she asked if I was gonna stop calling her and I was like i dont know, but then she made me promise that I would keep calling her. So I dont know, I dont really want to keep calling if we are just gonna be friends. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 13, 2005 Share Posted February 13, 2005 Originally posted by Hawk I dont really want to keep calling if we are just gonna be friends. Nor should you have to. You aren't obligated to be her friend if you don't want to be. Just let her know that you aren't interested, and say your goodbyes. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 13, 2005 Share Posted February 13, 2005 Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia Nor should you have to. You aren't obligated to be her friend if you don't want to be. Just let her know that you aren't interested, and say your goodbyes. good advice LUCREZIABORGIA. and funny thing is that this could be the first step into makeing her more than a friend. telling people you are inteested in that you will not settle for "friends" puts you in a diff light. Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted February 13, 2005 Share Posted February 13, 2005 Why not? She's good enough to be your gf but not a friend? Or are you bitter that she didn't want you as more then a friend and trying to "punish" her? Link to post Share on other sites
FoShizzleMyNizzle Posted February 13, 2005 Share Posted February 13, 2005 Originally posted by Midwest guy Yes. I made the mistake of "smothering" Lindsay and that turned her away alot. you have your own thread, go there. Link to post Share on other sites
FoShizzleMyNizzle Posted February 13, 2005 Share Posted February 13, 2005 Originally posted by allina Why not? She's good enough to be your gf but not a friend? Or are you bitter that she didn't want you as more then a friend and trying to "punish" her? wouldn't call it punishment or bitterness. but when a girl says she just wants to be friends and he wants a relationship this to him is rejection - this is a proper man's way of dealing with it: by having shorter conversations and trying to be neutral. Link to post Share on other sites
FoShizzleMyNizzle Posted February 13, 2005 Share Posted February 13, 2005 Originally posted by Hawk I have been talking to this girl for a while now, so today she calls and we talk for a few minutes and she asked me what do i see us 2 as and i say just talking for now, and I tell her that I like her ALOT, then she says that she likes me too but she says that she see's us and only friends and that she didnt want me to think that we are talking or anything, and that she doesn't want a BF,and she starts asking me if i'm mad and I say no, knowing that i am kinda pissed. What should I do now??? someone help me out seems like you made a couple of mistakes in regards of letting her know of your feelings about her even though you aren't in a relationship. she may probably like you, but she doesn't want to be involved with someone that is a yes/no/maybe kinda person. what you should be doing now is think about this and probably look towards the future without her. Link to post Share on other sites
Grinning Maniac Posted February 15, 2005 Share Posted February 15, 2005 Originally posted by allina Why not? She's good enough to be your gf but not a friend? Or are you bitter that she didn't want you as more then a friend and trying to "punish" her? Get over yourself, babe. You sound pretty conceited. It has nothing to do with being bitter or dealing out "punishment". Why do you feel that he should just suck it up and deal with the pain that would certainly come with being her "friend" during a point in time where he has feelings for her? It doesn't work that wat. You think that it's a good idea for him to feign indifference, and possibly become the girl's sounding board for her problems with OTHER GUYS? Feh. He needs to distance himself from that sort of situation. You cannot REALLY be friends with someone you have feelings for. You can PRETEND that you're a friend, but you'd just be lying. Was your post serious? This situation isn't just about her. He has feelings too. He has no obligation to stick around. At least he's being honest, and not making up a fake friendship in hopes of getting in her pants. Something tells me you have a few of those "friends". Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted February 16, 2005 Share Posted February 16, 2005 It is my belief that as a woman , if I tell you I only want to be your friend , then that is EXACTLY what I am telling you. It means : Friends = No Romance. This sounds mean but its very true. We either see you as possible romantic endeavor or we see you as a Friend. Its kind of a death blow to any possible romance. Can friends become lovers ? I would not want to turn a friendship into a romance. Should you stay friends with her with your strong feelings ? I recommend NOT because you are going to get hurt. You either need to see her as a friend and that is all. Would it bother you if she kissed someone in front of you ? Would it bother you if she told you all about her new boyfriend ? If the answer to these questions is Yes. then you need to stop seeing her for while until the feelings die down. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted February 16, 2005 Share Posted February 16, 2005 It means : Friends = No Romance. This sounds mean but its very true. We either see you as possible romantic endeavor or we see you as a Friend. Its kind of a death blow to any possible romance. Can friends become lovers ? I would not want to turn a friendship into a romance. Should you stay friends with her with your strong feelings ? I recommend NOT because you are going to get hurt. You either need to see her as a friend and that is all That may be true for you, but not everybody thinks the same way. I have done the 'love at first sight' thing and I have done the 'fall gradually for a friend' thing and the latter was by far the best way to go. A *lot* of people who marry were 'friends first'. However, in this case, she said: and only friends and that she didnt want me to think that we are talking or anything, and that she doesn't want a BF,and If you hear words like that, you're being told in no uncertain terms that you will only ever be a friend. You have to distinguish between 'friends first' and 'just friends'. BIG difference. Link to post Share on other sites
browneyes22 Posted February 25, 2005 Share Posted February 25, 2005 Originally posted by lynnered i would back off then ,if she liked you in a dating way she would tell you,there's this guy i just like as a friend i know he likes me ,and that makes me feel awkward,its like guys cant just be friends!! Now I don't mean to be harsh but I want to give a little news flash for all ladies out there. When a guy is being friendly to a cute girl...99.9999999% of the time the guy is INTERESTED in being more than friends. Look, this girl told you she wants to be friends, which is fine. She isn't interested and what else is she going to say. But the fact that she actually wants you to talk to her on a regular basis, in effect ignore your feelings about her, is laughable. Listen...for the immediate future there is no hope for you and her. But, a few months or even years down the road you may meet up again and both be in a better place to start dating one another. So don't ever feel like you never have a shot ever again. Your timing was just off, that's all. Link to post Share on other sites
AMBOMB Posted February 27, 2005 Share Posted February 27, 2005 It seems a little odd that she would call you up and ask you what you see the nature of your relationship as if she only wants to be friends. She may be playing some sort of mind game with you. I'd cut off all contact with her. Get caller ID on your phone and don't answer when she calls. See how she reacts to that. Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted February 27, 2005 Share Posted February 27, 2005 After a certain while of dating or hanging out with this girl, she will normally bring this up to see how you define your relationship with her...as well as see where this is all going. after a few dates, you dont tell someone you like them , you especially dont use the term "A LOT". Let them figure it out. Your words are defined by your actions, not by your words.....especially in this siituation. she put you in the friends zone cause she knows she's already gotten you. Needless to say, girls like a guy that isnt easy to obtain, get the picture? Link to post Share on other sites
AMBOMB Posted February 27, 2005 Share Posted February 27, 2005 I suspect that this girl is a control freak attempting to wrap you around your little finger. You may be well advised to avoid getting involved with her entirely. Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted February 27, 2005 Share Posted February 27, 2005 Originally posted by AMBOMB I suspect that this girl is a control freak attempting to wrap you around your little finger. You may be well advised to avoid getting involved with her entirely. i doubt she's a control freak. But if i were in this guy's shoes, i would definitely avoid being friends with her. Just cut all contact. or give her an ultimatum, if you two cant be exclusive then you cant be friends at all. Link to post Share on other sites
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