Every time you think it can't get worse...

[halfalive]

Hey all,

 

 

My heart is very heavy today. After months of NC, I ended up getting sucked into my exOM's world again and saw him earlier this week. And even though I told myself I was going only to catch up and that I was NOT going to start anything up again - I let myself get talked into going further than I wanted to.

 

 

Ugh, I so wish I could spell out what happened, but it would be way too specific and I am terrified of him stumbling on to it online. It was the worst experience of my life and I have so much regret now. I feel used and misled.

 

 

Even though the affair has been over for longer than a year, I have hoped in the back of my mind that eventually, someday we would find ourselves back together. Because I truly fell in love with him and wanted a future with him. After this experience, it is clear to me that there is no future and it is finally time to move on.

 

 

I needed to vent to you wonderful folks here at LS. Thank you for listening.

[whichwayisup]

All you can do now is pick yourself up and go back into NC mode. It's obvious that you two can't be friends or in each others lives at all.

 

Cry it out but don't let this get you down for too long.

 

Peace to you.

[halfalive]

All you can do now is pick yourself up and go back into NC mode. It's obvious that you two can't be friends or in each others lives at all.

 

Cry it out but don't let this get you down for too long.

 

Peace to you.

 

 

 

Could not agree more. It ended with him pushing me out the door with a "I hope we can just be friends" speech. No thank you.

 

 

By the way, whichwayisup, you've responded to many of my posts and I've always found your responses to be very wise. I probably should have taken your advice LONG ago!

[whichwayisup]

You're gonna be okay and recover quicker this time around.

 

Sadly most have to learn the hard way and when they've had enough and sick of hurting, they walk away forever. You're there now so that's a huge realization! You have your whole future ahead of you, don't look back once you've grieved the loss (for real this time and forever)... He is a real idiot and now you need to make it impossible for him to contact you. Change your email address, block him on any social media and if need be, change your cell number.

[Speakingofwhich]

Could not agree more. It ended with him pushing me out the door with a "I hope we can just be friends" speech. No thank you.

 

 

This is a great way to remember him and to quell any fantasy at all of him! Who knows? It may very well be this defining experience that frees your heart to totally move forward!

 

So, see it as a positive if that's what it took for you to break any chains that remained!

 

(((((halfalive)))))

[Speakingofwhich]

PS just want to add........what a jerkola!

[halfalive]

PS just want to add........what a jerkola!

 

 

 

Ugh, no kidding! You are right though. I think this will quell any fantasies forever.

 

 

And I have just blocked him on social media. Trying to figure out how to block on email.

[Scorpio Chick]

:(halflive, of course we don't know each other, but I could feel the pain you're clearly in. Of course it is always hard to believe while you're in so much pain, but things WILL get better. I wish I could wave a wand and make it happen for you now. Hug to you.

[gettingstronger]

I am sorry you are hurting but please remember-now you know his true intentions and will no longer have that "what if.." rolling around in your head-

It sounds although he did something incredibly cruel to you and for that I am sorry-take care of you and work towards going from "halfalive" to "aliveagain"

Edited June 5, 2014 by gettingstronger

[jesienna31]

I know how you feel... I have been there as well. Just take is as a lesson that you just have learnt. You left him a month ago with the beautiful and precious idea of him and what has connected you both. Now the recent event that you saw him changed it all... I know that you feel hurt, but in a way be greatful for that. You know the truth and truth is liberating. I can promise you that with this all in mind now you willl be moving forward much stronger and much faster that you could have before.

[BrokenPrincess]

Oh Halfalive, I'm so, so, so sorry. Even aside from whatever ugliness happened after your lunch, I truly know how hard it is after you break all that NC & find yourself hurt all over again. Hopefully this has broken you of that last glimmer of hope & wishing that it might still work out with him. And that you can finally be free of the emotional baggage.

 

Feel free to PM me if you need to vent or whatever without posting it publicly. Hang in there & try not to beat yourself up about it. It happened, it's over, and now you can heal. (((Halfalive)))

[veryhappy]

I doubt your guy is searching for anything online, analyzing and wondering. He's likely thinking of what to have for dinner instead, so you can very safely give whatever details you want. Men rarely stumble upon infidelity forums and when they do it's to get help to woo the w again.

 

I can only imagine you gave him a bj and he threw you out with the friends talk. Sorry, buy my imagination is wild.

 

You are lucky. Lucky to see who he is. Lucky to lose all the romance you built around him and you and securely plant your feet into reality. The reality of not wanting such a demeaning and damaging relationship in your life.

 

Dust yourself off and feel free from all the unspoken dreams and fantasies.

[joanofark]

I doubt your guy is searching for anything online, analyzing and wondering. He's likely thinking of what to have for dinner instead, so you can very safely give whatever details you want. Men rarely stumble upon infidelity forums and when they do it's to get help to woo the w again.

 

I can only imagine you gave him a bj and he threw you out with the friends talk. Sorry, buy my imagination is wild.

 

You are lucky. Lucky to see who he is. Lucky to lose all the romance you built around him and you and securely plant your feet into reality. The reality of not wanting such a demeaning and damaging relationship in your life.

 

Dust yourself off and feel free from all the unspoken dreams and fantasies.

 

it would probably help the situation if you vaguely let on to what happened and then he miraculously did see it. it might make him see what a loser he is. no offense, of course, because i have one of those in my life too.

[ConfusedMarriedOW]

Ugh, no kidding! You are right though. I think this will quell any fantasies forever.

 

 

And I have just blocked him on social media. Trying to figure out how to block on email.

 

Not sure if you have gmail. But you go to filters and "delete emails"

 

The good thing about blocking is that he will email you and text you and be like "huh?!!!!" And he will get his just rewards by being tortured. And you get to heal and be oblivious.

[halfalive]

it would probably help the situation if you vaguely let on to what happened and then he miraculously did see it. it might make him see what a loser he is. no offense, of course, because i have one of those in my life too.

 

 

 

LOL! Okay, you guys are right. So I had planned to do NOTHING with him, BUT one thing led to another and I'm ashamed to admit that I found myself in his bed. We were only about 2 minutes into it and he suddenly....errr....went soft while inside. Then he proceeded to blame it on thinking about out past (and basically on me), then pushed me out the door with the friends speech. It was horrible. I can't even explain how horrible I felt. To compromise the standards I had set for myself and then that happen? ugh.

[halfalive]

Not sure if you have gmail. But you go to filters and "delete emails"

 

The good thing about blocking is that he will email you and text you and be like "huh?!!!!" And he will get his just rewards by being tortured. And you get to heal and be oblivious.

 

THANK YOU!!! You guys are awesome.

[halfalive]

LOL! Okay, you guys are right. So I had planned to do NOTHING with him, BUT one thing led to another and I'm ashamed to admit that I found myself in his bed. We were only about 2 minutes into it and he suddenly....errr....went soft while inside. Then he proceeded to blame it on thinking about out past (and basically on me), then pushed me out the door with the friends speech. It was horrible. I can't even explain how horrible I felt. To compromise the standards I had set for myself and then that happen? ugh.

 

It worries me that none of you guys responded to this! Am I overreacting?

[smitten4ever]

It worries me that none of you guys responded to this! Am I overreacting?

 

No, that would have bothered any of us I am sure. I am so sorry you endured that. HUGS

[Waverly]

It worries me that none of you guys responded to this! Am I overreacting?

 

Ugh, that sounds awful! You're not overreacting. It sounds like you let your guard down, let him talk you into much more than lunch -- and much more than you had initially wanted -- and then had him do an about-face and push you out the door a few minutes later. I would be feeling the same way you are now.

 

If there's any bright side to any of this, I hope it gives you the strength to shut the door more firmly on him next time he tries to come back to you.

 

You're still married, right? How is that going? (I'm not judging here; I was MOW as well, so am more just genuinely curious how you've been doing.)

[sunburned]

xMOW here and something kinda, sorta similar happened to me. After MOM changed the dynamics of the A, I decided it was time to end it. Frankly, it was two months past time. The changed dynamics were less texting, less emailing as his W had seen one email already. Fortunately it was innocuous and only about an event. It was one more indication I didn't mean as much to him as a friend as he did to me. So I went NC. He came after me, we started talking a bit again then as soon as I indicated that yes, I'd be willing to give it another go, voila! He didn't have time, was under pressure, being watched, etc. He would only be able to call me just before he could see me and those times would be random (44 is a bit old for a booty call and he was a lot older than me). I couldn't believe my ears. It was basically the verbal version of what happened to you. But it was the kick in the a** I needed to get it together. We've been NC since and it took some months to get over the "rejection" aspect. Since that recovery, it was many more months to wrestle with what I had done and the colossal damage I had inflicted on my marriage, even without a Dday.

 

 

Next time, don't answer the call, the text or the email. No contact!

[ConfusedMarriedOW]

It worries me that none of you guys responded to this! Am I overreacting?

 

 

Oh, it is pretty sucky, that is for certain.

 

Thanks a lot dude for being willing to have sex and then blaming the other person in the end. You agreed, you went for it and then you flip out and blame someone else for going through. How manly.

 

He was just as weak as you were, but managed to flip out sooner.

 

Goodbye to him. What an irresponsible guy!

[Beautiful River]

Hey all,

 

 

My heart is very heavy today. After months of NC, I ended up getting sucked into my exOM's world again and saw him earlier this week. And even though I told myself I was going only to catch up and that I was NOT going to start anything up again - I let myself get talked into going further than I wanted to.

 

 

Ugh, I so wish I could spell out what happened, but it would be way too specific and I am terrified of him stumbling on to it online. It was the worst experience of my life and I have so much regret now. I feel used and misled.

 

 

Even though the affair has been over for longer than a year, I have hoped in the back of my mind that eventually, someday we would find ourselves back together. Because I truly fell in love with him and wanted a future with him. After this experience, it is clear to me that there is no future and it is finally time to move on.

 

 

I needed to vent to you wonderful folks here at LS. Thank you for listening.

I so understand your pain. I am in the same situation and I honestly don't know what is wrong with myself! Why do I want to be with someone who uses me, lies to me, makes me feel horrible, etc. Am I so lonely that I will accept any treatment?

This past Thur evening, I caved also. I splurged for a night at a pricey B&B, paid for dinner, had candles, music, hot tub, etc. I even "donated" $500 to his child's school trip fund. We had an amazing night of fun and togetherness. I find out the next night, he is with HER and is still with HER as of today. He has not contacted me, nor texted me. I even feel he took the money I gave him for his child's trip and most likely spent it on her. The rejection is horrible. The truth is.... I have an awesome job, make great money, have many talents, feel like I have a great personality and have been told that I am beautiful many times. So with all this going for me, why do I settle for someone like this? It is beyond me and I don't even recognize myself.

Please don't beat yourself up. We can't help who we love. We are human, not perfect, and we will make mistakes. However, we both have to regain control of our actions and how we respond. These men do not respect us when we allow ourselves to be treated like this. I don't even respect myself! Please feel free to respond/email me for support. I need it also. Good Luck to you.

[ConfusedMarriedOW]

I have experienced this same train of thought. Why is it that I keep falling at his feet and would do anything for him in the face of his rejecting me over and over again? I kept making him presents, writing music for him, complimenting h, checking in on him.

 

One day he loves me, next day he isn't talking to me. One day he is complimenting me, next day insulting me. Sometimes he doesn't even answer direct questions,

 

I am younger than him, healthier than him, attractive (and he isn't all that attractive really, I am wickedly talented at both music and art, my music resume is rather stellar, I am kind, I am acceptably intelligent, I can be funny if happy (although I can't say I have been happy much seen meeting him), I own my own house, have a nice car, have traveled the world...(he hasn't)

 

And even though I have aaaalll of that, he will rejects me.

 

Perhaps that is what is so unhealthful ly addicting?. We try so hard, we have value and yet they seem to not notice or care anyway. Other people would die to be with us, but they don't care and it speaks to a very vulnerable place that makes us come back over and over trying to prove our worthiness?

 

Or maybe that is just me.

 

I so understand your pain. I am in the same situation and I honestly don't know what is wrong with myself! Why do I want to be with someone who uses me, lies to me, makes me feel horrible, etc. Am I so lonely that I will accept any treatment?

This past Thur evening, I caved also. I splurged for a night at a pricey B&B, paid for dinner, had candles, music, hot tub, etc. I even "donated" $500 to his child's school trip fund. We had an amazing night of fun and togetherness. I find out the next night, he is with HER and is still with HER as of today. He has not contacted me, nor texted me. I even feel he took the money I gave him for his child's trip and most likely spent it on her. The rejection is horrible. The truth is.... I have an awesome job, make great money, have many talents, feel like I have a great personality and have been told that I am beautiful many times. So with all this going for me, why do I settle for someone like this? It is beyond me and I don't even recognize myself.

Please don't beat yourself up. We can't help who we love. We are human, not perfect, and we will make mistakes. However, we both have to regain control of our actions and how we respond. These men do not respect us when we allow ourselves to be treated like this. I don't even respect myself! Please feel free to respond/email me for support. I need it also. Good Luck to you.

[halfalive]

Ugh, that sounds awful! You're not overreacting. It sounds like you let your guard down, let him talk you into much more than lunch -- and much more than you had initially wanted -- and then had him do an about-face and push you out the door a few minutes later. I would be feeling the same way you are now.

 

If there's any bright side to any of this, I hope it gives you the strength to shut the door more firmly on him next time he tries to come back to you.

 

You're still married, right? How is that going? (I'm not judging here; I was MOW as well, so am more just genuinely curious how you've been doing.)

 

 

 

I don't know that there will be a next time? He hasn't given me the friends speech before and I think he must be embarrassed himself after that. I would hope so anyway? Who knows, because he never responded to me.

 

 

So, I am still married. GEEZ, not going well. (obviously, since I am still doing stupid s***.) We keep talking about separating, but when push comes to shove, nothing happens. I love our little family and I love it when we are all together as a family, but when the kids are gone, there is nothing. No chemistry, no desire to be together. Constant arguing. It's just been tough.

[halfalive]

I so understand your pain. I am in the same situation and I honestly don't know what is wrong with myself! Why do I want to be with someone who uses me, lies to me, makes me feel horrible, etc. Am I so lonely that I will accept any treatment?

This past Thur evening, I caved also. I splurged for a night at a pricey B&B, paid for dinner, had candles, music, hot tub, etc. I even "donated" $500 to his child's school trip fund. We had an amazing night of fun and togetherness. I find out the next night, he is with HER and is still with HER as of today. He has not contacted me, nor texted me. I even feel he took the money I gave him for his child's trip and most likely spent it on her. The rejection is horrible. The truth is.... I have an awesome job, make great money, have many talents, feel like I have a great personality and have been told that I am beautiful many times. So with all this going for me, why do I settle for someone like this? It is beyond me and I don't even recognize myself.

Please don't beat yourself up. We can't help who we love. We are human, not perfect, and we will make mistakes. However, we both have to regain control of our actions and how we respond. These men do not respect us when we allow ourselves to be treated like this. I don't even respect myself! Please feel free to respond/email me for support. I need it also. Good Luck to you.

 

 

Wow, both to you and ConfusedMarriedOW. I do feel exactly the same way.

 

 

He has done the most awful things to me and yet I still fall for him every time. I am trying more and more to make myself realize that I loved the old him. I am still in love with the old him. He changed and he will NEVER be that person again. Every time, I go back thinking that maybe he will be that man I fell in love with again. But he never is, nor will he ever be.

 

 

I don't know why we do this to ourselves. I know I am YOUNG and HOT and INTELLEGENT. He is starting to go downhill by now (looks and age) but he still knows how to use me just for his own ego boost and in turn destroys my self image. It sucks.