I think I'm just the guy that can never just date. I just never have any luck

[Locust]

I met this girl before the school semester ended and she asked for my number and got hers because we were suppose to do a study group. Before that I always use to see her in class sitting near the front of class, but once we start to know each other she started to sit next to me in every class meeting. On May 27 I text her when she would be free to play tennis and she replied. Then this past Monday I text her that I'm free this coming Sunday and she replied she will let me know this week because she may already previous plan.

 

Even though I never had dated my life before and I'm 27 years old soon to be 28 next month I just got a bad feeling about this. I just don't think I can add another girl to my female friend list this would make probably number 15 I think (most of them I wanted to be friends with and some I wanted more than friends). I'm just a guy with bad luck. About to graduate from college this August and never had date in school. I think what is telling is to just quit and maybe I should never try anymore.

 

I can meet women with no problem but getting a date with one is just like pulling teeth its extremely hard. Maybe its because I got Indian mixed in me. Maybe I should move out of the US and throw away my born citizenship and just go be in India. Any how I think I'ma walk out of the dating pool.

[Assasda]

Maybe its vecause you like putting yourself in the friendzone

[Locust]

I'm really ashamed to show interest and I would be nice if I could meet someone that can show it first then it would make me feel more comfortable. I always hear that woman friendzone the guy but not the other way around. I wonder if it is possible to friendzone yourself.

[normal person]

Maybe you're having trouble because everything you do to towards girl is under the guise of something else.

 

"I got her number so we could have a study group"

"I texted her so we could play tennis"

 

Ideally you should get her number because you like her and she likes you. Then you text her to set something up that's more than friendly. No ulterior motives.

 

If you want to date the girl, don't disguise your intentions as friendship and then get mad at her when she considers you, surprise, a friend. That's not fair to her. Be upfront with what you're after. You might get less friends out of it, but if it leads to one girlfriend it's all for the better.

[Easyguy14]

I met this girl before the school semester ended and she asked for my number and got hers because we were suppose to do a study group. Before that I always use to see her in class sitting near the front of class, but once we start to know each other she started to sit next to me in every class meeting. On May 27 I text her when she would be free to play tennis and she replied. Then this past Monday I text her that I'm free this coming Sunday and she replied she will let me know this week because she may already previous plan.

 

Even though I never had dated my life before and I'm 27 years old soon to be 28 next month I just got a bad feeling about this. I just don't think I can add another girl to my female friend list this would make probably number 15 I think (most of them I wanted to be friends with and some I wanted more than friends). I'm just a guy with bad luck. About to graduate from college this August and never had date in school. I think what is telling is to just quit and maybe I should never try anymore.

 

I can meet women with no problem but getting a date with one is just like pulling teeth its extremely hard. Maybe its because I got Indian mixed in me. Maybe I should move out of the US and throw away my born citizenship and just go be in India. Any how I think I'ma walk out of the dating pool.

 

 

Maybe you can try a lady of Indian descent and see what happens?

[Locust]

Maybe you're having trouble because everything you do to towards girl is under the guise of something else.

 

"I got her number so we could have a study group"

"I texted her so we could play tennis"

 

Ideally you should get her number because you like her and she likes you. Then you text her to set something up that's more than friendly. No ulterior motives.

 

If you want to date the girl, don't disguise your intentions as friendship and then get mad at her when she considers you, surprise, a friend. That's not fair to her. Be upfront with what you're after. You might get less friends out of it, but if it leads to one girlfriend it's all for the better.

 

 

What sort of activities should would you suggest that would be more appropriate to make my motive clear? That has always been my problem I don't know how to make it clear that I want it to be more than a friendly hangout. I sort of feel I might be killing or have killed the opportunity by somewhat not straight forward. I don't want to change the original plan, but afterwards would you guys recommend lunch or something else?

[normal person]

What sort of activities should would you suggest that would be more appropriate to make my motive clear? That has always been my problem I don't know how to make it clear that I want it to be more than a friendly hangout. I sort of feel I might be killing or have killed the opportunity by somewhat not straight forward. I don't want to change the original plan, but afterwards would you guys recommend lunch or something else?

 

It's not a matter of suggesting a particular activity because that's pretty much irrelevant. Before you do anything, tell her you think she's cute or something like that. You need to flip the switch from a neutral or friendly relationship into a (potentially) romantic one. If you like her you have to step out of your comfort zone and make it apparent. Crank up the sexual tension.

 

I personally think lunch is a bad idea (people here may tell you otherwise). If she seems on board with hanging out with you, I would definitely suggest drinks and/or dinner. It's way sexier than lunch. It shows that you want to put in a little effort for her. Good luck.

[R3d]

By the way, Jesse on Simple Pickup is Indian and kind of short as well (5'7). He still gets tons of girls (and attractive ones too) of a variety of races.

 

This is Jesse giving advice: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ZlZryEKdXE

 

Sample video of an Asian and the Indian guy (and also a white guy) picking up girls successfully: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wV2KC50rui0

 

These guys are in their early twenties, I believe. And they are just ordinary dudes. Not celebrities or movie stars or anything.

 

I suggest you check out their other videos where they test whether what we consider a severe disadvantage in reality is or not. Such as for being short, they have a video in which they show a guy who is 5'2 picking up a bunch of taller girls. At the least, I am sure you will get many good laughs out of it (I did).

 

From what I have seen so far on their channel, the answer is "no". So don't let anything hold you back.

Edited June 6, 2014 by R3d

[Locust]

That quitter attitude isn't going to help any. I'm sure you're discouraged because you haven't had any luck, but when things don;t go your way, you just try something different, you don't give up.

 

If you ask a girl out and she says she doesn't know, then she's not interested. If she was interested and just busy that day, she would tell you a day she wasn't busy.

 

If you find you keep getting stuck in the friendzone, these women you're hitting on just aren't attracted to you. You can either hold out for what you want (which hasn't been working so far) lower your standards, or work on yourself until the women you want also want you. If it were me, I'd pick the third option.

 

so far I have not heard any I don't know or anything similar. As for looks she not good looking but average, and is what I go for. I stay away from good looking girls. But as someone mention earlier I'm not being straight forward and lot of times is because I don't know the keywords. I usually say "hey want to hang on this day" or I would say "let me know if you are free so we can meet up" something like that. But people say it sounds like hangout as friends and its because I don't know what to say. I said the same thing to others before and only became friends or some I never ever from again. When I start to think of it "I don't know how to ask a woman out." Lot of times I try seaerching on the internet for keyword on what to say but I just cannot find anything and from that this is why I'm getting the feeling just give up and never try again. I keep failing because I don't have the correct answer.

 

Maybe I when I get a better job I can hire a call girl for a date. Since its money doing the talking it will be easier for me. I think I'm just going to let this girl go because all that will happen is go back to square one. Just hire a dating escort one day then I can get some dating experience.

[Easyguy14]

so far I have not heard any I don't know or anything similar. As for looks she not good looking but average, and is what I go for. I stay away from good looking girls. But as someone mention earlier I'm not being straight forward and lot of times is because I don't know the keywords. I usually say "hey want to hang on this day" or I would say "let me know if you are free so we can meet up" something like that. But people say it sounds like hangout as friends and its because I don't know what to say. I said the same thing to others before and only became friends or some I never ever from again. When I start to think of it "I don't know how to ask a woman out." Lot of times I try seaerching on the internet for keyword on what to say but I just cannot find anything and from that this is why I'm getting the feeling just give up and never try again. I keep failing because I don't have the correct answer.

 

Maybe I when I get a better job I can hire a call girl for a date. Since its money doing the talking it will be easier for me. I think I'm just going to let this girl go because all that will happen is go back to square one. Just hire a dating escort one day then I can get some dating experience.

 

 

You might get some experience but you wont be getting any relationships.

[Locust]

True I won't have relationship. But I'm starting to think relationships are just not made for me. At least I can be with someone I can walk and hold hands with. I'm just not going to get that from a regular woman. As for this lady I text to meet up I'm not gonna even bother. Yes escorts won't be real but its better than no companionship at all.

[Do_The_Herp]

Honestly, my man, just say SOMETHING. It's not rocket science, you just have to casually bring it up, and be unapologetic about it. You're asking a simple, harmless question.

 

I mean, good lord, at least give the girl a CHANCE to overreact. Then you can just shrug it off with a chuckle.

 

You can simply call the girl up and say "hey, you wanna get drinks?" It's really THAT simple.. But since they can possibly misinterpret that, I think you'd be best off with just maintaining your friendships with the girls that you're already friends with. Find a girl who you DON'T know, and don't try to weasel your way in. See a girl you find attractive? "Hey, would you like to blah blah blah?"

 

Rejection will NOT physically hurt.. It will NOT ruin any sacred reputation you thought you had. It's only as big of a deal as you allow it to be. If you want to succeed, it has to be as non-chalant a question for you as "excuse me, do you have the time?"

 

Do you think that super attractive people don't ever get turned down? I know people who are natural chick magnets who have had their fair share of women walk away for whatever reason. Who CARES what the reason was, even if it was never due to his looks.. How would they ever know the reason behind someone flaking out on them? It doesn't somehow make them look lesser.

 

It's all in your mind, dude. Which is a very tough trap to break out of.

[LustAppeal]

I can tell right off the bat you have confidence problems, and with women no matter how confident you think you are your body language always shows the truth and people read it on a subconscious level.

One of the main reasons why people are placed in the friends zone is due to the lack of building romantic/sexual attraction from the start.

Sexual Tension has two definitions. It's either the tension holding you back from intimacy with these women, or the tension you create to form a romantic relationship.

 

Most people who get friend zoned due to either lack of experience or social anxiety do not push out of their bubble of comfort and towards a more sexual or intimate relationship, because of this the girl begins to see you as a friend and nothing more.

 

Truth is getting out of this bubble means constant effort to put yourself in social situations that push you past your comfort zone while gaining experience along the way.

 

Never pull the minority card, seriously bro it doesn't matter who you are or what you look like, girls go for what their attracted to. And guess what, dating is about building attraction not just having it.

 

Everyone has these insecurities about how they look, how rich they are, living with parents, not having a car, and blah blah blah! Guess what dude OWN WHAT YOU OWN, ROCK WHAT YOU ROCK! If you're Indian rock the fact that your Indian, if someone points out they don't like Indians say something funny and turn the situation on them... "I'm Indian? That doesn't make sense, both my parents are black. I knew that milkman looked familiar."

 

Trick to dealing with insecurity is realizing the fact that in the latter of social acceptance all that matters is self acceptance, if you have self acceptance it doesn't matter if people reject you and this comes off as confidence. Look at people who are rich, they act as if they constantly need to prove they're rich or society wont accept them. Is this true, hell no!

 

When it comes to building sexual attraction(what moves a relationship away from the friends zone) it really takes experience. One thing I do is picture that I've already been with this woman, that we spent years together learning all about each others secrets and falling in love over and over again. But one day I got sucked back in time and I am back to the spot where I just met this girl, what am I going to do to win her over again... I know it's cheesy and this only started working for me after being in a deeply connected relationship where I felt all those emotions before.

 

Never manipulate a girl, never tell lies to establish attraction, and don't put on a mask when you're around these girls.

 

Good luck man, ask me some questions if you feel the need!

[Locust]

So I should just give this girl a try? See what happens.

[LustAppeal]

Dude why not!!!!!! Even if you don't get her number you'll learn something from the experience. Don't stop trying until you win, you only fail by giving up.

[MrRightNow]

If you're attracted to someone, you should make your intentions clear right from the beginning. Flirt with girls and see how they respond. If they seem to be enjoying the interaction, ask them out. If they're cold, don't bother.

[Locust]

If I do have a first date am I suppose to hold hands or no? I hope this is not a stupid question.

[LustAppeal]

If I do have a first date am I suppose to hold hands or no? I hope this is not a stupid question.

 

You're not suppose to do anything but get to know the person. You're never obligated to a kiss, paying for a meal, holding hands, sex, or anything else. A date is to get to know someone, all those things just form depending on how the date goes.

 

If you want to focus on things, focus on being polite. If you walk with the girl walk on the side of the sidewalk closest to the vehicles.

 

When you come to a door open it and step to the side holding it open for her, don't just push it open and get her to walk past.

 

And so on...

 

Everything else just comes with experience!

[somedude81]

It's not a matter of suggesting a particular activity because that's pretty much irrelevant. Before you do anything, tell her you think she's cute or something like that. You need to flip the switch from a neutral or friendly relationship into a (potentially) romantic one. If you like her you have to step out of your comfort zone and make it apparent. Crank up the sexual tension.

 

I personally think lunch is a bad idea (people here may tell you otherwise). If she seems on board with hanging out with you, I would definitely suggest drinks and/or dinner. It's way sexier than lunch. It shows that you want to put in a little effort for her. Good luck.

 

Didn't you just say that the activity you take a woman to is "pretty much irrelevant?"

 

I do agree with you that a guy needs to let the woman know he's interested in her as more than being friends and to flirt with her. Once it's established that she knows that you like her, then the guy can pretty much suggest anything.

[somedude81]

If I do have a first date am I suppose to hold hands or no? I hope this is not a stupid question.

For me, I will only hold a girl hand once I am in a relationship with her.

 

Worry about holding hands after you've kissed her a few times.

[preraph]

Ask a girl out and stop disguising your intention. Say "I'd like to take you out for dinner and a movie this weekend." Most women know that dinner and a movie is a real date. Also, you're so afraid of women that you don't even want to make a move at all, even the smallest flirt. I get it, but just saying guys who are confident are always putting their hand lightly on a girl's back as they guide her out the door or onto an elevator and things like that which just shows they're not afraid and lets the girls know the guy wants to touch her but is respectful.

[MidwestUSA]

For me, I will only hold a girl hand once I am in a relationship with her.

 

Worry about holding hands after you've kissed her a few times.

 

How does one go in for a kiss without holding hands? Do you take a girl's arm or hand when crossing the street, or negotiating a crowded sidewalk?

 

 

What about other touching in general?

[somedude81]

How does one go in for a kiss without holding hands?

Simple.

 

Have a hug turn into a kiss.

 

I don't know if it was my second or third date with that girl, but at the end, when I hugged her goodbye, I didn't let her go, and then went for the kiss.

 

Do you take a girl's arm or hand when crossing the street, or negotiating a crowded sidewalk?

Sure, I held that girl's hand all the time but it wasn't until we were in the makeout stage.

 

What about other touching in general?

I'm completely fine with all forms of touching, and do it often as a way to show affection. But walking hand in hand or sitting while holding hands is only something I'd do after we're a couple.

[Locust]

Ask a girl out and stop disguising your intention. Say "I'd like to take you out for dinner and a movie this weekend." Most women know that dinner and a movie is a real date. Also, you're so afraid of women that you don't even want to make a move at all, even the smallest flirt. I get it, but just saying guys who are confident are always putting their hand lightly on a girl's back as they guide her out the door or onto an elevator and things like that which just shows they're not afraid and lets the girls know the guy wants to touch her but is respectful.

 

I know I need to stop hiding it. But she even told me playing tennis is fun so at least that is a common interest we share at some level. I know dinner is always a date but I thought being on a date is spending time and having fun. I want to be different and do an activity instead of sitting at the table facing each other. Especially for a person like me who never dated it might be a little too much focus and could make things awkward. What are guys thought on this?

[normal person]

Didn't you just say that the activity you take a woman to is "pretty much irrelevant?"

 

Yes and no. If she likes you, she'll probably be down for whatever. If she still needs to be won over a bit, lunch probably isn't going to do you any favors.

 

 

If it feels right, hold hands and then kiss her, who cares? I've done that a few times.

 

IF it feels right.