Forget About Her Posted February 13, 2005 Share Posted February 13, 2005 I recently ended an on/off 4.5 year relationship with the love of my life. I'm finally excepting the fact that it is over, so it's time to move on. I'm really in a weird situation, so I would appreciate you guys taking the time to read through this and offer me some advice. I met a girl at school last semester that I became friend's with. Since me and my ex parted ways, I've been hanging out with this girl a lot. She is 19 and I am 22. Over the past 3 weeks, she has slept over my house at least 15 times. We sleep in the same bed, we have progressively become more comfortable with cuddling, touching, wrestling, etc. We go out to dinner every now and then, I go to her dorm room every once and a while. We watch movies together all the time, play poker, etc. She has become very comfortable in opening up to me about a lot of things including sexual history, deep emotional feelings, etc. She is even so comfortable that she has no problem grabbing my "groin region" (in a non-sexual way), and she doesn't mind me playing with her breasts or laying on her. I tried last week to move in for a simple kiss and she denied me. She does not hook up with a lot of people at all, and I can tell she is still in love with her ex-boyfriend. They broke up about a year ago. She tells me that she has moved on and that they will NEVER get back together, but I know she still loves him, but I still love my ex too. It is really strange having this gorgeous girl sleeping over every night, laying on me, putting her leg over me, rubbing my chest, wrestling around, but we STILL HAVE NOT HOOKED UP! I've been with a decent number of women and this is the strangest situation I've ever been in. Can anyone give me some advice or give me an idea of what the hell is going on. Link to post Share on other sites
gridiron Posted February 13, 2005 Share Posted February 13, 2005 Since she has not had sex with many other people, maybe she just believes that you don't have sex with someone unless you are ready for a long term committed relationship, which she may not have wanted from you. Or she values you as a friend and thinks that some touching may be fun, but actually having sex would change everything. Either way, you ended it, which I applaud you for doing and know it must have been really tough. The next step is just to move on, and well . . . do what your handle says. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 13, 2005 Share Posted February 13, 2005 Find out where you are: are you dating? Is she your girlfriend? If you aren't dating and are 'just friends', it could be that she is just looking for a 'safe guy' - someone to be close to, but not so close as to interfere with her intentions to keep things in the "friend zone" in case things work out better for her with someone else. Since she can't be with the ex (or whomever) - she's with you, sort of. She's going as far with you as she feels comfortable and as far as she thinks she can go and still "be just friends", and feels that if she goes any further you'll "get the wrong idea". You represent someone that she knows that she can be close to physically and be intimate with, but you represent no emotional threat to her otherwise. So, you are a teddy bear, basically - something to comfort her when she needs to be close to someone. You'll need to approach this carefully - if she isn't interested in a relationship with you then she needs to know that she should stop sending you inappropriate physical signals. I can understand a girl not wanting to hook up, but a girl who doesn't want to hook up shouldn't be rubbing all up on a guy in bed at night - that sends a very mixed and grossly unfair signal: She is even so comfortable that she has no problem grabbing my "groin region" (in a non-sexual way), and she doesn't mind me playing with her breasts or laying on her. There is no way to avoid the truth of this matter: this is sexual interaction. It is not something that "friends" do. You two may really want to consider what it is you have going, and decide if this type of behavior is appropriate for what it is you have. Link to post Share on other sites
clynn Posted February 14, 2005 Share Posted February 14, 2005 Ummm, she may want reassurance that you are not JUST intereted in "hooking up". Could be that you both might want to be bf / gf, but you'll need to talk about it, for sure! Link to post Share on other sites
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