You girls should never have problem finding a BF

[Eternal Sunshine]

I started having trouble finding a bf (around my age) since I turned 30 or so. At my current work place, there are at least 10 men I would date but they are all in serious relationships. Quality guys are generally in serious relationships past certain age.

 

I had over 100 OLD dates and I wasn't picky. Majority looked for sex only, the rest had something severely wrong with them (in a relationship already, unemployed, lived with the parents at 35, can't hold a conversation, severe commitment issues etc).

 

When I was 20-30, nearly everyone was single and I always had 5 guys lined up (and no I didn't gain weight since then or drastically changed my looks).

 

I can't date one of the OLD losers so I am going to remain single.

[kodakgirl]

It always amazes me how much mileage can vary online. I've never ever had that kind of response. I'm 26, considered to be pretty attractive, slim, with lots of non-looks based great qualities. If I have just made a shiny new account I might get 15-20 messages in the first 24 hours, top (though many more views). That is on OKC... POF gives me much less for some reason! I hate pretty much everything about POF (oh dear god the layout) but I've tried it occasionally for a change of pace (my tolerance lasts about 3 days usually, haha). I get 2 or 3 messages in 24 hours with a new account, none of which respond to anything in my profile. And I live in a city of a couple million people!

 

I'm all right with that though-- I would HATE to get 1000 messages!! That would disgust me. I'd know very well not all 1000 are interested in ME. There is no way my personality-- or most people's--could possibly appeal to that much of the population. And I am sure almost all of that hoard isn't targeting specific women. I hear about men who write hundreds of messages and it is such a turn off. I don't want a man who is so un-picky. I want a man who has chosen me (or at least me and a couple other women that week, I am realistic) to write to because he feels I might be special in some way. Not just because I'll do.

 

Anyway though, the thing is-- it always looks like it's better from someone else's position. Sometimes it seems to me like OLD would be so much better if you are a guy because there seem to be so many more quality, attractive women than quality, attractive men.... disregarding of course that I'm judging women's profiles and looks in a totally different way than men's, and of course the fact that men often have a hard time getting responses. Sometimes it seems to be I'd have a better time if I were "hot" rather than "cute"... disregardng the fact that as is I get next to no sexual messages, which seems a huge mercy. Sometimes it seems it would be so much easier if I were an average, typical 20-something instead of someone who is quite "different", even if I am very happy with t he ways I'm different (and so are the people who matter to me). Really though-- I think the vast majority of people who OLD struggle with some aspect or another. Some people are super lucky, they meet someone the first day of their account and end up married to them two years later. The rest of us have to take the frustrating parts along with the advantages, and balance them out, and take a break or quit if it tips too far in a negative direction (I'm on a break right now, possibly a break-up). There really isn't any good in wishing we were in someone else's place.

Edited June 6, 2014 by kodakgirl
spelling

[Els]

I don't actually have any stake in this, but it's quite amusing how you equate 'getting messages on OLD' to 'getting a bf'.

 

That's like making a new email account, getting Nigerian prince emails, and saying, "All of you should have no problems getting money - I made an email account and within a day I had three people emailing me to offer me a million dollars!"

[Snakechammah]

My experience with OLD only took 11 days so I wouldn't know the other side of it.

 

My boyfriend feels like he has struck the lottery with me. He's been in OLD for 5 months and was about to delete his account when he stumbled upon my 2-day-old profile, lol.

 

Well, for 11 days that I was there, I had about 74 emails. He started messaging me in day two and those 11 days were mostly spent replying to his messages. There were A LOT of other guys chatting me up, begging me for dates, handing out their numbers like free biscuits, and after day 10, I confessed to my boyfriend (then love interest, not exclusive YET) that I was tired of replying to other guys and in my own words "I feel bad leaving my profile up because I feel like I am no longer looking." (hint hint mister!)

 

To my utter delight, he deleted his the very next day. Yup. I logged in Day 11 (we had already moved to personal emails by then) and saw his account had been closed. He wrote to me in email that he agreed with me, and closed his account because he too, felt like he was no longer looking. I followed suit, closed my account that day, and we've been exclusive since.

 

So OLD worked miracles for me. But one thing to be noted - I replied to every single message that the other guys wrote to me. Maybe I am an exception, but I feel it is rude to ignore someone who took the time to write to you even if you are not interested. I always show appreciation to these little gestures, and just because you are rejecting someone doesnt mean you should make them feel like ****. I take great care to make sure I let them down gently and never ignore them.

 

So I was actually replying to ALL the messages, those I was uninterested in got a standard template of "Thank you for writing! Really appreciate it! Hope all goes well for you and have a wonderful day ahead!"

 

Some got the hint, some still pursued. But at the end of the day, I had found my man in OLD and closed my account as soon as possible because nobody deserved to be led on!

 

So yeah, maybe the OP is right, women do tend to get more choices than men. And my experience has been a blessed one, with only 11 days! I also believed you get what you give. If you take the time to be kind to people, the same act of kindness will be given to you.

[Keenly]

I think both sexes lack basic conversation skills. I haven't messaged any guys, but I know for a fact that it can't be just women. Some of the responses I get are absolutely terrible. Conversation has a flow to it, and some people don't understand how it works.

[HappyLove]

I've wasted so much time on OKC and POF. Written probably a thousand messages. Few dates, but nothing that ever went anywhere.

 

It just a terrible enviroent.

 

The worst part about it is I'm a genuine guy with a big heart, pretty okay looks, and a desire for something more than just the casual stuff. I was a life raft in an ocean of D bags, obvious D bags too. I read profiles, found common ground, madr jokes. I spent 10 minutes on most messages.

 

 

 

I have almost nothing to show for it. A handful of terrible dates, a disrespectful woman, s woman that disappeared, and two women who use their pictures to lie about their weight.

 

I had to clear out my okc sent folder 3 times. That's probably 700 messages that I wrote out. Wasn't looking for sex, but for companionship and adventure. I got jack shiz in return.

 

 

Wasted my time and took easy too much social and emotional energy for zero pay off. Just makers me get pissed off when I hear the women I know IRL complain about not getting dates or something. Blows my mind.

 

 

Have you tried dating offline?

[gaius]

It's always rough for the guys who secretly want to be the female in a relationship.

[HappyLove]

I'm always amazed at how easy men think it is for women to find a man! This site could be filled with 50 posts in a row with women upset and wondering if they'll be single forever and STILL the guys will just dismiss it and tell you how you have it soooo easy. Can't we all recognize and respect that both sexes have a hard time finding a mate these days? I was told in another thread that the people with no luck online just don't know what their doing. Whatever!

 

And give me a break with all the nice guys are Saints act because they aren't. Everytime I was stood up or played when I OLDed it was from your average, not so hot, run of the mill guy. Anybody can be a dog or use people no matter how attractive or unattractive they are.

[Keenly]

Have you tried dating offline?

 

Nope. Never. I run from the mere sight of women screaming DONT BEAT ME DONT BEAT ME!

 

 

 

I wouldn't be wasting my time with a OLD if I was.meeting women.

[GoreSP]

I am 6'3 200 pounds average looks, social, have plenty of friends and i am educated. I went online and made an account on plenty of fish and in 2 weeks did not receive one msg from girl. I sent 100's of msgs to girls a day and only received 2-3 replies out of the ones i sent and all of them ended up with nothing. Usually i would be writing asking questions and the girl would reply with few words answering the question but never asking me about anything.

 

 

Anyway i got tired of it and canceled my account but not until i went on my fb and found a average (maybe a bit below average) looking girl and made a fake profile on POF. (I know this is kinda wrong but i really really wanted to do this experiment)

 

 

Let me tell you within an hour i had 100+ msgs from different guys. In 2-3 days i had over 1000 msgs. I closed the account after that.

 

Now i know many of you will say well it was probably from guys that were not quality guys or not good looking guys. I would say many of the guys were average looking guys and some were even very good looking. So if you really cant find 10-20 potential guys out of the 1000 that send you msg there is something wrong with your standards.

 

 

Is there any reason a girl should say that shes having trouble finding a bf or dates?

 

I've been single since 2009. Not necessarily by choice soooooo STFU

[gaius]

I've been single since 2009. Not necessarily by choice soooooo STFU

:confused: You're one of the posters I just assumed was in some kind of ltr, or at least seeing someone.

[Do_The_Herp]

I'm all right with that though-- I would HATE to get 1000 messages!! That would disgust me. I'd know very well not all 1000 are interested in ME. There is no way my personality-- or most people's--could possibly appeal to that much of the population. And I am sure almost all of that hoard isn't targeting specific women. I hear about men who write hundreds of messages and it is such a turn off. I don't want a man who is so un-picky. I want a man who has chosen me (or at least me and a couple other women that week, I am realistic) to write to because he feels I might be special in some way. Not just because I'll do.

 

lol.. Yeah, sure. Let me make a profile so I can check out that you like all of the obscure indie bands that I do, have my goofy sense of humor, a taste for the surreal, blah blah blah.. I'll be so picky, I'll merely write to you and several other women, because SURELY they'll respond to what they say they would. Unless I'm ugly or something that negates all of that, I suppose.

 

But hey, I should just message those several women and probably give up if none of them respond, even if the statistical chances of even ONE of them even responding ONCE is like 1/40 or 5% or maybe even less likely than that.. Don't want to be indiscriminate in my messaging, I surely have something to prove that's more important than finding a single girl out of hundreds who will actually respond to a message!

 

Yeah, in that sort of environment, it's totally realistic for most guys to be picky rather than message girls whom they share basic common ground with and are attracted to and take it from there.. I'd much rather just ask out a bunch of attractive girls in public. If someone is interested, it'd be the easiest smoothest instantaneous process ever..

 

And then it boils down to spending time with them and getting to know them. But most guys struggle to even get to the starting line, with OLD.

[Andy_K]

My experience with OLD only took 11 days so I wouldn't know the other side of it.

 

My boyfriend feels like he has struck the lottery with me. He's been in OLD for 5 months and was about to delete his account when he stumbled upon my 2-day-old profile, lol.

 

I know exactly how your boyfriend feels, because I've had three serious relationships start from OLD. In every case it was a girl whose profile had only been up a few days and I was lucky enough to be the first or second guy she met. In every case I'd been looking for 6+ months.

 

So from your experience, my own, and others, it seems to me that most reasonably attractive girls with any sense of character who are serious about finding a boyfriend, should be able to do so in days!

[kodakgirl]

lol.. Yeah, sure. Let me make a profile so I can check out that you like all of the obscure indie bands that I do, have my goofy sense of humor, a taste for the surreal, blah blah blah.. I'll be so picky, I'll merely write to you and several other women, because SURELY they'll respond to what they say they would. Unless I'm ugly or something that negates all of that, I suppose.

 

But hey, I should just message those several women and probably give up if none of them respond, even if the statistical chances of even ONE of them even responding ONCE is like 1/40 or 5% or maybe even less likely than that.. Don't want to be indiscriminate in my messaging, I surely have something to prove that's more important than finding a single girl out of hundreds who will actually respond to a message!

 

Yeah, in that sort of environment, it's totally realistic for most guys to be picky rather than message girls whom they share basic common ground with and are attracted to and take it from there.. I'd much rather just ask out a bunch of attractive girls in public. If someone is interested, it'd be the easiest smoothest instantaneous process ever..

 

And then it boils down to spending time with them and getting to know them. But most guys struggle to even get to the starting line, with OLD.

 

That's fine if you feel that way. We're all looking for different things in relationships, and so of course we are going to approach the process in different ways. My perspective reflects the kind of person I am and the kind of person I am looking for. I'm not a standard 20-something woman, and the fellows who are genuinely interested in me aren't the type looking for standard 20-something women. Some people might easily find 100 profiles a week where they feel attraction and mutual ground (to me looking for that is being picky enough, nothing to do with liking the same indie bands or pointless crap like that). I certainly can't find that, and I don't think my kind of fellow would (the fellows I have met up with from online certainly didn't). A lot of this is just personality type.

 

I'm not deluded-- of course you can't put all your eggs in one basket online. Of course you are going to approach multiple people, and keep approaching multiple people until one sticks or you quit. You can't make any one person oh-so-special before even writing them. But I personally don't think it's a great approach to erase any kind of specialness, either. People aren't interchangable, and I feel approaching them like they are is a major cause of dating problems these days.

 

I know very well I don't reflect the views of most women, or most people using OLD, or most people my age. I know I'm different and old-fashioned and I know this is probably a big part of why I struggle. But I'd rather be alone than be just another girl who'll do.

[MikeyBe]

More exhausting than being the one writing 100s of emails?

Probably not. Sounds more exciting at least but doesn't sound easy either.

[GoreSP]

:confused: You're one of the posters I just assumed was in some kind of ltr, or at least seeing someone.

 

Really?

Haha!

[LoveIsMyReligion]

I prefer the old fashioned way, asking someone out in person.

 

Sex for women will always come easy, but finding a meaningful relationship... not so much.

[GoreSP]

You know, the reason why it's so easy for women to get laid is that men are willing to **** pretty much anything that has a vagina…

I'm just sayin'…

 

It's up to you men to change that I guess lol

[Targetlock]

If dating and meeting people was so easy we wouldn't need OLD in the first place.

[hotpotato]

I am thinking you probably picked the best looking guys that msged you without even reading their profile. I think those guys are just trying to increase their sexual partner number so they try to move fast.

 

 

Maybe if you give the average guy a chance he would not only look for sex. If any of the girls online gave me a chance i know i wouldnt have disrespected them and would take it serious.

 

Like someone above mentioned the problem is you guys pick the best looking guys who actually do have alot more options so they are just looking for a quick lay.

 

A kit if men are looking for a quick lay. It has nothing to do with how they look.

[hotpotato]

 

Is there any reason a girl should say that shes having trouble finding a bf or dates?

 

There are plenty of reasons why a woman would have issues getting dates or a bf.

 

Some of us are different. Dating and getting a boyfriend are not always easy for women who are more strong willed or introverted.

 

Some of us are quirky.

 

Some of us are shy.

 

Just because I'm a woman doesnt mean I can snap my fingers and get a relationship.

[Imajerk17]

This might be hard for some of you guys to believe, but there are men who have options.

 

I've had women want to be my girlfriend when I wasn't sure. Its not that I'm a superstud or anything, its like that for a lot of guys I know. (We also deal with rejection too by the way but we keep putting ourselves out there.)

 

FWIW its not our looks. We're just "confident" (we own our space and have no problems approaching) and not desperate.

 

I'm sorry so many guys on here struggle. Maybe if you just put yourself out there more?

Edited June 7, 2014 by Imajerk17

[guest572]

I've met a few guys online, they all juggled dates between me and other ladies when they first met me. So yeah it is hard for us women to find boyfriends. And no i am not fat and ugly

[Phoe]

Let me tell you within an hour i had 100+ msgs from different guys. In 2-3 days i had over 1000 msgs. I closed the account after that.

 

Now i know many of you will say well it was probably from guys that were not quality guys or not good looking guys. I would say many of the guys were average looking guys and some were even very good looking. So if you really cant find 10-20 potential guys out of the 1000 that send you msg there is something wrong with your standards.

 

Hmm.

 

 

Either she really wasn't all that "average", or you live in major city. Something about those numbers just seems strange.

 

 

I'm an average girl, and I had an OLD account for 2 or 3 days. I received 18 messages total. Totally reasonable amount

[Phoe]

I have only ever rejected 2 men who asked me on a date.

 

I have only ever gone on a handful of dates.

 

 

 

 

Put those 2 facts together and what does it mean? Men don't want to date me. I have gone several years without ever being asked out.

 

 

I've also tried taking things into control myself and being the pursuer, but got rejected each time.

 

 

I got tired of feeling so very unwanted. I tried OLD, I got those 18 messages, and in amongst them was the message from my current boyfriend. I'm very grateful and feel so lucky that he reached out and wanted to be with me.