Phoe Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 And even now there are men who would compete for you but since you are happy with your BF, you have no interest in letting those men compete. This doesn't make sense to me. Men would happily compete now, but won't because I'm taken? What about when I was single? What reason was there then? Single for 6 years, but you'd say that men were competing and I was unaware of it? I don't see how that could be possible. It's not like I was turning anyone down... OLD is the only scenario where the competing made sense. My boyfriend was blindly competing against a few other guys. He had no idea who I was competing against or how many there were, all he knew was that he wanted to date me and was going to make that happen. Out of all the men who talked to me on OLD, he's the only one who actually asked for a date. So he got it. So simple. All he had to do was ask me on a date. No jumping through hoops. No doing anything fancy. Just ask me for a date. Boom. Done. All these suggestions of having to compete so hard and make all these perfect moves to win the girl - in reality, all it takes is asking her out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 Does the past matter when you're happy now? My experience is extremely relevant to the thread topic. Therefore I'm discussing it. I don't expect when things go good for you that you'll totally forget about your past and present struggles. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Badsingularity Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 and make all these perfect moves to win the This is mostly all in their heads and what ironically holds many of them back. Women want guys who are not afraid to be themselves. When a guy is always worried about making the wrong move while interacting with women he is not being himself. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 I disagree Phoe. I think for the majority of men, nice and cute is more than enough. The girl I'm currently seeing is nice and cute, my ex was gorgeous and a bitch. I'd much rather be around the nice and cute one. I'm nice. In fact, I'd say I am too nice and too forgiving at time. The last one would always remark on how nice I was, then he dumped me for someone else. Nice and cute is not enough for men or women. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Salvatore85 Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 I'm nice. In fact, I'd say I am too nice and too forgiving at time. The last one would always remark on how nice I was, then he dumped me for someone else. Nice and cute is not enough for men or women. Some people need drama in their life and others simply like "nice and cute". For some of us it is enough. And honestly nice and cute is an amazing combination and one that is incredibly hard to find. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetjasmine Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 For some of us it is enough. Really? Nice and cute? That's it? So...nice and cute but 10 years older? Nice and cute but out-earns you by a factor of 10 and works 60-70 hours a week? Nice and cute but travels multiple times a month for business? Nice and cute but is in a wheelchair? Nice and cute but is deaf or blind or otherwise disabled? Nice and cute but doesn't want any children and thinks women should work as much as men? Nice and cute but dumb as a brick and incapable of holding an adult conversation? Nice and cute but has an alcohol problem? Nice and cute but is a chain smoker? Nice and cute but has 5 children? Nice and cute but can't hold down a job? Nice and cute but deals drugs? Nice and cute but has no driver's license? Nice and cute but never brushes her teeth and barely showers? Nice and cute but has 8 pets in a small apartment and is bent on rescuing more? Nice and cute but belongs to a radical political group? Nice and cute but refuses to keep any meat or dairy products in her fridge and kitchen? Nice and cute but is working on tattooing every last inch of her body? Nice and cute but bipolar? Boy, you fellas really don't care much about anything, do you? Either that, or you're full of it when you say "nice and cute is enough." 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Salvatore85 Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 Nice and cute is what's on the surface. That's enough to get you in the door and get a relationship at least somewhat going. In the beginning, yes that is enough. There are obviously other factors that come into play but for most men to at least consider a relationship I think these are the starting points. It's no different than women claiming they want "tall, dark and handsome". Does that mean they will happily accept TDH but he beats women or is a serial cheater or doesn't want marriage or hates children etc... Link to post Share on other sites
Shaun-Dro Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 I am thinking you probably picked the best looking guys that msged you without even reading their profile. I think those guys are just trying to increase their sexual partner number so they try to move fast. Maybe if you give the average guy a chance he would not only look for sex. If any of the girls online gave me a chance i know i wouldnt have disrespected them and would take it serious. Like someone above mentioned the problem is you guys pick the best looking guys who actually do have alot more options so they are just looking for a quick lay. This a tired topic, needless to say. It's like beating a dead horse. Some will never get it through their heads. Finding someone to date is all about chemistry and attraction. It's all about being who you are as a person. It's not about trying to fit any sort of mode in order to attract the opposite sex. That's like creating a false image. By trying to fit another mode that isn't you, the real you will eventually come forth, and the other party won't be pleased. And there goes the relationship: up in smoke. Finding your match is also about timing. This means being in the right place at the right time. How do you make this happen? Simply by putting yourself out there more. I get the feeling you're not really doing enough of that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 I've never watched guys compete over the really nice high quality girls I know. Only the disaster drama queen ones. I think we need to learn how to be drama queens! OLD is the only scenario where the competing made sense. Ditto here. I've never had a bunch of guys falling over me. The only time men are remotely competing for me is OLD. hotpotato, a 150-pound girl who is in shape actually sounds perfect to many men. The girls I usually check out are the curvy-athletic types, but the challenge for myself is that most of them already have rings on their fingers. Where have you been meeting the guys you date? Who do you say yes to? Surely you've had some nice guys ask you out no? Yes, it may sound perfect to many men who are in very good shape.Men who would actually date girls with those stats constitute a niche. Brb i weigh 150lbs gonna try to date a man who weighs 150 lbs. I meet guys in OLD only. The only guy who will give me a second look in real life are elderly, extremely physically unattractive, or very sexually aggressive. I've never had a bunch of guys asking me out. i think between gradeschool and college I had one or two men ask me out. Maybe that's the issue the majority of us are running into? As far as being too fixated on looks? Link to post Share on other sites
man_in_the_box Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 I'm smart and strong willed, which is a turn off to average guys. Oh please - what a load of nonsense. This might apply to spineless losers or something but not to the average man. Yes my partner is intelligent and persistant as well. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 Some people need drama in their life and others simply like "nice and cute". For some of us it is enough. And honestly nice and cute is an amazing combination and one that is incredibly hard to find. Nice and cute is nowhere near enough. Many men want someone who is assertive. Telling women to be nice and they'll catch a man is just bad advice. Telling people they can get dates from just being nice and cute is confusing and misleading. Attraction is a lot more complicated than that. Link to post Share on other sites
Salvatore85 Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 Nice and cute is nowhere near enough. Many men want someone who is assertive. Telling women to be nice and they'll catch a man is just bad advice. Telling people they can get dates from just being nice and cute is confusing and misleading. Attraction is a lot more complicated than that. Like I said before, nice and cute is enough to get a relationship started. What happens after that is obviously how the foundation of said relationship is built. I'm a guy. I think when me and the majority of guys I know who are single say they're looking for a nice girl, they actually mean it. Women need to quit reading articles written by other females claiming to know what men want. That has to be the most frustrating thing as a man when you're in a long line at the grocery store and there's a magazine cover that is clearly for women claiming to know what men want. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 Oh please - what a load of nonsense. This might apply to spineless losers or something but not to the average man. Yes my partner is intelligent and persistant as well. No, it's not true, that's why several guys have called me intimidating. The truth is a man wants a woman who is smart and confident up to a point. When/if she starts outshining him, that's where the problem start. We all know that most men do not want to feel inferior to the woman they are dating. Most men do not want to be a female in the relationship. C'mon, there are plenty of dating coaches who talk about this kind of stuff. Actually, i might do Ok with a spineless man. Average man won't have me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shaun-Dro Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 Like I said before, nice and cute is enough to get a relationship started. What happens after that is obviously how the foundation of said relationship is built. I'm a guy. I think when me and the majority of guys I know who are single say they're looking for a nice girl, they actually mean it. Women need to quit reading articles written by other females claiming to know what men want. That has to be the most frustrating thing as a man when you're in a long line at the grocery store and there's a magazine cover that is clearly for women claiming to know what men want. This is the truth! Most men adore a sweet woman, and attractive as well. It is not rocket science but a lot of women tend to make it such. Link to post Share on other sites
Salvatore85 Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 Hotpotato- Of course the majority of us are too fixated on looks. I'm not a fool, I know there needs to be some semblance of physical attraction however some people simply obsess over it. And as far as your other point goes. I'm in great physical shape. I diet and lift 4-5 times a week and get compliments on my physique quite a bit. I lucked out and I'm a good looking guy. The girl I'm currently seeing is cute but a bit chubby. Could I find someone more physically attractive than her? Certainly. However her personality is off the charts. She's hilarious and a blast to be around. Intelligent and works hard. I now look at her like she's settling by dating me. Me being more physically attractive than her is so low on the scale because all her other traits simply blow mine out of the water. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 Like I said before, nice and cute is enough to get a relationship started. What happens after that is obviously how the foundation of said relationship is built. I'm a guy. I think when me and the majority of guys I know who are single say they're looking for a nice girl, they actually mean it. Women need to quit reading articles written by other females claiming to know what men want. That has to be the most frustrating thing as a man when you're in a long line at the grocery store and there's a magazine cover that is clearly for women claiming to know what men want. If being nice and cute could get relationships started, Id be in a relationship all the time. I'd never be single, but yet I am single for years. Nice and cute might get a woman some sex, but that's it. There's a lot more to dating than being cute. I'll tell you from firsthand experience, that too much nice will kill a relationship. Actually, a lot of what I read is written by men or based on interviews with men. Being nice is, well, nice, but it doesn't mean someone wants to date you. Maybe you can get a lot of friends by being "nice," but it doesn't always translate to dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Shaun-Dro Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 If being nice and cute could get relationships started, Id be in a relationship all the time. I'd never be single, but yet I am single for years. Nice and cute might get a woman some sex, but that's it. There's a lot more to dating than being cute. I'll tell you from firsthand experience, that too much nice will kill a relationship. Actually, a lot of what I read is written by men or based on interviews with men. Being nice is, well, nice, but it doesn't mean someone wants to date you. Maybe you can get a lot of friends by being "nice," but it doesn't always translate to dating. Of course you have to have things in common as well; that's a no-brainer. Link to post Share on other sites
Imported Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 We all know that most men do not want to feel inferior to the woman they are dating. Most men do not want to be a female in the relationship. C'mon, there are plenty of dating coaches who talk about this kind of stuff. Actually, i might do Ok with a spineless man. Average man won't have me. Wrong. Most men just don't want to compete with the woman they are dating. There is a difference. Link to post Share on other sites
guest572 Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 Bad analogy. Finding a life partner has nothing to do with buying a car… It works for me, a car has to have the right feel to it. It should look good, run smoothly and not have any screws loose. Inspect carefully before making that commitment and handing over the cash..make sure you don't pick a dud because you will be paying for it years to come. They take regular maintenance. You don't want to end up stranded on the side of the road because of a blowout. Want me to continue? Great analogy I think it was Keenly who started that one . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 Hotpotato- Of course the majority of us are too fixated on looks. I'm not a fool, I know there needs to be some semblance of physical attraction however some people simply obsess over it. And as far as your other point goes. I'm in great physical shape. I diet and lift 4-5 times a week and get compliments on my physique quite a bit. I lucked out and I'm a good looking guy. The girl I'm currently seeing is cute but a bit chubby. Could I find someone more physically attractive than her? Certainly. However her personality is off the charts. She's hilarious and a blast to be around. Intelligent and works hard. I now look at her like she's settling by dating me. Me being more physically attractive than her is so low on the scale because all her other traits simply blow mine out of the water. It works for you because you're a man. Many soft bodied men don't want to date a hardbodied woman. It's kind of emasculating. I've btdt. I've noticed that men who lift date a woman who may be anywhere from obese to fit. Women who lift usually date men who lift. Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 Maybe you can get a lot of friends by being "nice," but it doesn't always translate to dating. This exactly. I have no problems making friends. Men are more than happy to be my friend, chat with me, maybe partake in some shared hobbies with me, but have no interest in anything further. There is a certain SOMETHING that is missing. "Something" beyond being a nice person and not hideous to look at it, that inspires a man to want more than just a nice friend to talk to. Figuring out what that "something" is, is mind-boggling. It may not even be a tangible thing that can be described accurately, but some women inherently have it, whatever it is. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 Wrong. Most men just don't want to compete with the woman they are dating. There is a difference. So most men are fine with women wearing the pants and dominating him? Link to post Share on other sites
guest572 Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 You just did a slippery slope logical fallacy. Nobody has to keep lowering and lowering their standards till they are at the absolute bottom. I really want a McLaren P1, but that's way out of my reach for now. So I'm willing to lower my expectations to a Scion FR-S which I will still be incredibly happy with. Honda Civic is not the bottom. Go date a fatty then tell us women to lower our standards. Link to post Share on other sites
Salvatore85 Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 If being nice and cute could get relationships started, Id be in a relationship all the time. I'd never be single, but yet I am single for years. Nice and cute might get a woman some sex, but that's it. There's a lot more to dating than being cute. I'll tell you from firsthand experience, that too much nice will kill a relationship. Actually, a lot of what I read is written by men or based on interviews with men. Being nice is, well, nice, but it doesn't mean someone wants to date you. Maybe you can get a lot of friends by being "nice," but it doesn't always translate to dating. Of course too much nice will kill a relationship. There is a happy medium though and you just have to find it. Nobody wants someone fawning all over them or putting them on a pedestal. Most people want a partner/an equal. Link to post Share on other sites
guest572 Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 What's below average to you though? And what exactly is an average man? Exactly, it is all subjective. Link to post Share on other sites
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