You girls should never have problem finding a BF

[hotpotato]

So you're saying that people who struggle with dating should learn to be more flexible in who they are willing to date, and learn to appreciate other qualities, even if some features are not what the person would normally be attracted to. I agree, adjusting standards will widen the dating pool and likely result in greater success.

 

For some people. Others should just stick to dating a specific group of people.

[Salvatore85]

Your example is going a little further than adjusting standards.

 

It's basically being excited about something that is pretty close to the opposite of what one is most attracted to. It's completely unrealistic.

 

Also I don't think that men with such rigid standards of only wanting very thin, or only large breasts, only long blonde hair actually exist.

 

Though one thing I do believe is that it is important to be physically attracted to your partner and there has to be some physical trait they have that one likes.

 

Actually Some, I completely disagree. I was like you, only wanted the in shape athletic body females and the girl I'm dating now is short and chubby. Was she my ideal when we first met? No. The odd thing is I agreed to go out on another date with her and on the second date she was amazing. She looked great and her personality was amazing. At first I completely felt like I was settling, like she was dating up. 3 weeks later and I now feel the complete opposite. I think she's gorgeous, funny, intelligent and is one of the happiest people I've ever met. She's successful and comes from a great family. I'm at a point now where I feel like she's completely lowering her standards to be with me. It may sound funny but I went out of my comfort zone and couldn't be happier.

 

And I do not feel like I lowered my standards at all at this point. She's awesome in just about every way.

[BoringPerson]

But … Tom Cruise was already short BEFORE he got the money and fame. And he was a leading man very early in his career (Risky Business), with adoring female fans.

 

His first few roles were bit roles or support roles. He got famous in Risky Business because of his face and body. But like i mentioned before people didnt know he was short because in the movies they made him taller and the other cast shorter.

 

By the time word of mouth got out he was short women didnt care because he was very famous.

 

Men can over come being short, but only if your face and body is higher then a 8/10 and you have mega fame and money, which realistically is like 1% of the male population.

 

I should use Tom Cruise as an example, if i work hard enough i can be exactly like him one day!

[todreaminblue]

His first few roles were bit roles or support roles. He got famous in Risky Business because of his face and body. But like i mentioned before people didnt know he was short because in the movies they made him taller and the other cast shorter.

 

By the time word of mouth got out he was short women didnt care because he was very famous.

 

Men can over come being short, but only if your face and body is higher then a 8/10 and you have mega fame and money, which realistically is like 1% of the male population.

 

I should use Tom Cruise as an example, if i work hard enough i can be exactly like him one day!

 

the question is or should be why on earth would you want to be a replica of someone else when you can be yourself quite easily with no work

whatsoever?......deb

[BoringPerson]

the question is or should be why on earth would you want to be a replica of someone else when you can be yourself quite easily with no work

whatsoever?......deb

 

Because being me is not good enough for women.

I learned long ago that 'be yourself' is the worst dating advice in the world.

[jay1983]

Because being me is not good enough for women.

I learned long ago that 'be yourself' is the worst dating advice in the world.

 

Sad but true

[hotpotato]

Because being me is not good enough for women.

I learned long ago that 'be yourself' is the worst dating advice in the world.

 

Be yourself can work, but there are a lot of 'ifs.'

[Glinda.Good]

Your example is going a little further than adjusting standards.

 

It's basically being excited about something that is pretty close to the opposite of what one is most attracted to. It's completely unrealistic.

 

No, it happens all the time. I understand that you don't hang around with people in real life; if you did, you'd know happy couples in your own age group who fell deeply in love with the most unexpected people.

 

Also I don't think that men with such rigid standards of only wanting very thin, or only large breasts, only long blonde hair actually exist.

 

Yes, they do, and women with rigid physical requirements also exist.

 

Though one thing I do believe is that it is important to be physically attracted to your partner and there has to be some physical trait they have that one likes.

 

I agree 100%. My point is that it happens very, very often that a person who is not what you'd considered your "type" happens to grow on you.

 

Not because you "lowered" your standards to "accept" them, but because you genuinely came to find they physically attractive.

 

Who knows why. Attraction, sex and love are mysterious.

[Glinda.Good]

Because being me is not good enough for women.

I learned long ago that 'be yourself' is the worst dating advice in the world.

 

Fortunately, most people grow out of this misguided notion.

 

If you are not "good enough" (which you probably are), what you need to do is work on yourself. Even if you ARE good enough, we all can use some introspection and self-improvement.

 

Pretending to be who you are not? Report back here when you have a couple of years of success with that under your belt. I mean, if you will be honest.

[hotpotato]

Be yourself can work, but there are a lot of 'ifs.'

 

As a woman who is I introverted, I will say first hand being yourself doesnt always work. For example, I am introverted. it would be better for dating purposes if I were not.

[Glinda.Good]

As a woman who is I introverted, I will say first hand being yourself doesnt always work. For example, I am introverted. it would be better for dating purposes if I were not.

 

I think you can work on your social skills while still being yourself. Changing behavior is not changing yourself or trying to misrepresent yourself. I mean, it can be, but does not have to.

[Imported]

His first few roles were bit roles or support roles. He got famous in Risky Business because of his face and body. But like i mentioned before people didnt know he was short because in the movies they made him taller and the other cast shorter.

 

By the time word of mouth got out he was short women didnt care because he was very famous.

 

Men can over come being short, but only if your face and body is higher then a 8/10 and you have mega fame and money, which realistically is like 1% of the male population.

 

I should use Tom Cruise as an example, if i work hard enough i can be exactly like him one day!

 

Damn, you're right! I don't know what I was thinking. Obviously no girl will ever have interest in a short dude. You shouldn't even try, it is so difficult for short guys that it might as well be considered impossible. Just play video games, eat cheeseburgers and don't worry about taking care of your appearance because it doesn't matter anyway. It doesn't have anything to do with your social skills or lack of trying! You're not responsible for any of your problems, you were born that way!

 

All these people trying to pump sunshine up your butt are wasting their time. You're short and there is nothing you can do about it. I'm not joking either. I am not being sarcastic. I think it is a waste of time to help you see life in a positive manner. It is lost on you.

[hotpotato]

I think you can work on your social skills while still being yourself. Changing behavior is not changing yourself or trying to misrepresent yourself. I mean, it can be, but does not have to.

 

Introverted is just what I am.

 

It doesn't make dating impossible,just more complicated.

[hasaquestion]

Because being me is not good enough for women.

I learned long ago that 'be yourself' is the worst dating advice in the world.

 

*Chooses user name BoringPerson*

 

*Laments futility of being oneself*

[Revolver]

As a woman who is I introverted, I will say first hand being yourself doesnt always work. For example, I am introverted. it would be better for dating purposes if I were not.

 

And you've probably been that way your entire life, so to just wake up one day and be this social butterfly would be hard

[Weezy1973]

Because being me is not good enough for women.

I learned long ago that 'be yourself' is the worst dating advice in the world.

 

Notice that the people that "liked" this statement (who I assume aren't themselves when trying to date) all struggle mightily with dating. Whereas those that don't agree have more success.

 

Being yourself is not only the key to dating successfully (for the purpose of a relationship) but is also the key to success in all aspects of life. You have to be your authentic success or else your life will be meaningless.

[somedude81]

Notice that the people that "liked" this statement (who I assume aren't themselves when trying to date) all struggle mightily with dating. Whereas those that don't agree have more success.

 

Being yourself is not only the key to dating successfully (for the purpose of a relationship) but is also the key to success in all aspects of life. You have to be your authentic success or else your life will be meaningless.

 

If I were to "just be myself", I would all day inside playing video games. Or when I go to classes I wouldn't have talked to any girls.

 

If I had "just been myself" I would have never gotten my ex girlfriend. Heck, I think "just being myself" is a primary reason why I lost her.

[iiiii]

As a woman who is I introverted, I will say first hand being yourself doesnt always work. For example, I am introverted. it would be better for dating purposes if I were not.

 

I am introverted and shy. I am very happy with my partner, because he accepts that I am introverted and shy, and he likes me anyway.

 

If I were to pretend to be extroverted to get a partner, then I'd likely end up with a partner who likes extroverts. Then I'd either need to pretend to be extroverted for the rest of our lives (what an exhausting act to keep up!), or I would risk disappointing him at some point when I revealed that I wasn't really the life of the party.

 

Being yourself might limit your number of dating opportunities, but the person you end with will likely be much more suitable for you.

[hotpotato]

And you've probably been that way your entire life, so to just wake up one day and be this social butterfly would be hard

Right. It would also be very fake.

Its neither good nor something that needs to be fixed, its just how some people are.

Notice that the people that "liked" this statement (who I assume aren't themselves when trying to date) all struggle mightily with dating. Whereas those that don't agree have more success.

 

Being yourself is not only the key to dating successfully (for the purpose of a relationship) but is also the key to success in all aspects of life. You have to be your authentic success or else your life will be meaningless.

Im willing to bet many of these people who dont agree are naturally extroverted. Its easy to say "Be yourself" when one already has the more popular personality type.

Its easy for introverted people to come across as, well, boring. Or maybe I am just speaking for myself. Im sure there were guys who thought of me as boring because im very different from a lot of women as far as personality type.

[Weezy1973]

Right. It would also be very fake.

Its neither good nor something that needs to be fixed, its just how some people are.

 

Im willing to bet many of these people who dont agree are naturally extroverted. Its easy to say "Be yourself" when one already has the more popular personality type.

Its easy for introverted people to come across as, well, boring. Or maybe I am just speaking for myself. Im sure there were guys who thought of me as boring because im very different from a lot of women as far as personality type.

 

Keep in mind that introverted is not the same as being shy. I'm introverted and I would absolutely HATE to act extroverted in order to find love. Most introverts find love quite easily, either with other introverts (~40% of the population) or with extroverts who are open to compromise.

 

Being shy, on the other hand, is just about the fear of rejection, which prevents people from showing their true selves.

[Glinda.Good]

I am an introvert but I was also extremely shy as a kid. Paralytically. I was miserable once I reached puberty. So I consciously chose to work on my social behavior. I did manage to ditch the shyness.

 

I am very sociable and love connecting with people now, but I am still the introvert I always was. My acquaintances have no idea how much time I need to spend OUT of the company of other human beings (friends and loved ones do know) and that if I don't get that time, I actually can have meltdowns.

 

I still feel true to myself, but I was very unhappy in my isolation.

[Under The Radar]

I am an introvert but I was also extremely shy as a kid. Paralytically. I was miserable once I reached puberty. So I consciously chose to work on my social behavior. I did manage to ditch the shyness.

 

I am very sociable and love connecting with people now, but I am still the introvert I always was. My acquaintances have no idea how much time I need to spend OUT of the company of other human beings (friends and loved ones do know) and that if I don't get that time, I actually can have meltdowns.

 

I still feel true to myself, but I was very unhappy in my isolation.

 

 

 

You can't have meltdowns ......especially from water ...... you're the GOOD witch.

 

 

Only the BAD witch ...... you know, the one from the west ...... melts from that.

[Do_The_Herp]

If I were to "just be myself", I would all day inside playing video games. Or when I go to classes I wouldn't have talked to any girls.

 

If I had "just been myself" I would have never gotten my ex girlfriend. Heck, I think "just being myself" is a primary reason why I lost her.

 

Those are just tendencies. That doesn't mean that you ARE an action, or lack of it. Unless you're one of those weirdos who identifies completely with a single thing.. And defines themselves and everything they do by that one trait. Like, "I'm a virgo! haha, don't mind me, that's just my virgo self coming out!"

 

I've been very outgoing naturally and enjoyed it, and also have been a home-body and enjoyed it, but I'm neither of those things, I'm just a unique filter in which subjective and objective experience passes through. We all are.

[hotpotato]

Keep in mind that introverted is not the same as being shy. I'm introverted and I would absolutely HATE to act extroverted in order to find love. Most introverts find love quite easily, either with other introverts (~40% of the population) or with extroverts who are open to compromise.

 

Being shy, on the other hand, is just about the fear of rejection, which prevents people from showing their true selves.

 

Well, I guess Im not "most introverts." I've never found it easy to find love.

 

I've never encountered women like me, except here on LS. I promise, I am very, very different from most women. I lose out because I'm not as outgoing as the average woman.

[Priv]

Well, I guess Im not "most introverts." I've never found it easy to find love.

 

I've never encountered women like me, except here on LS. I promise, I am very, very different from most women. I lose out because I'm not as outgoing as the average woman.

 

 

 

Introverts can and are outgoing. Just not clubbing every other day with dozens of other people around. But you can work on that becoming more outgoing introvert style due to hobbies, sports, couple dancing and other activities.

 

 

Also, a woman, maybe even especially women, should show a little interest, introverted or not. Because the thrill of the chase wears of very quickly without it.

 

 

Read this:

 

 

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