You girls should never have problem finding a BF

[Smarty Pants]

"We, as men, don't have to play any of those games. Many men choose to, but that's their choice. I don't go out there trying to impress people to get laid. In fact, that seems pretty lame to me."

 

That is my point. I was also using a generalization since another poster did. Does not apply to everyone.

 

"This one always makes me laugh. How is a someone supposed to not take rejection personally? When you reject someone, that's pretty personal. When a straight woman rejects a man, he knows that she likes men, she just doesn't like him. That's pretty personal."

 

Getting turned down has nothing to do with you. It's their problem/choice. Not every girl is looking for a relationship or hook up. When you get rejected you shouldn't assume it's because there is something wrong with you.

[somedude81]

Getting turned down has nothing to do with you. It's their problem/choice. Not every girl is looking for a relationship or hook up. When you get rejected you shouldn't assume it's because there is something wrong with you.

 

You can't be serious.

 

In the vast majority of cases, getting rejected has everything to do with you.

 

Yes there are some times when a woman isn't looking to date and would reject everybody. Though when a woman is single and looking, she is turning down men because of who they are, not just because they are men.

[Smarty Pants]

Yeah, they choose not to be with YOU. That's why people take it personally. That's pretty simple.

 

They don't know you so why would you take it personally? Again, not everyone you talk to wants a relationship. Girls get hit on all the time and I can assume they just want to hang out with their friends and not get asked out all the time. Happens with my girl friends all the time.

 

I don't. I assume they have poor taste in men.

 

Can't win them all. Move on to the next and stop caring so much.

[Smarty Pants]

If you take it personally when you get rejected, have some self esteem and move on to the next.

[Smarty Pants]

Because they are still rejecting me, PERSONALLY. There is no other way to take it besides personally.

 

There is another way. I'm telling these OTHER PEOPLE to stop caring so much about what random girls think about them.

 

I don't care. I have a girlfriend. I was just pointing out that getting rejected is a very personal thing.

 

Ok. I like my glass half full.

[somedude81]

There is another way. I'm telling these OTHER PEOPLE to stop caring so much about what random girls think about them.

 

As an other person, it is hard for me to stop caring. A big reason why getting rejected hurts is because I'm not asking out random girls. In the vast majority of cases I only ask out girls I've known for at least a month, some up to five or six months. I might have been talking to her for several times a week for several weeks.

 

When I make a move and get rejected by these girls that I know, it's simply not possible to not take it personally.

 

Repeatedly getting rejected by women I've gotten to know really hurts my self-esteem.

[Smarty Pants]

As an other person, it is hard for me to stop caring. A big reason why getting rejected hurts is because I'm not asking out random girls. In the vast majority of cases I only ask out girls I've known for at least a month, some up to five or six months. I might have been talking to her for several times a week for several weeks.

 

When I make a move and get rejected by these girls that I know, it's simply not possible to not take it personally.

 

Repeatedly getting rejected by women I've gotten to know really hurts my self-esteem.

 

Change your approach then. Clearly something isn't working. Einstein has a pretty good quote about that.

 

I get how you can take it personally. But they aren't saying you are ugly/lame/boring. They are saying to you that what you offer doesn't seem like a good match. IMO, you shouldn't take that personally. If you did take these girls out and they continued to not feel it, you would probably be hurting worse.

[somedude81]

Change your approach then. Clearly something isn't working. Einstein has a pretty good quote about that.

 

I get how you can take it personally. But they aren't saying you are ugly/lame/boring. They are saying to you that what you offer doesn't seem like a good match. IMO, you shouldn't take that personally. If you did take these girls out and they continued to not feel it, you would probably be hurting worse.

 

Yes I know that something is wrong with my approach and I'm trying to change it. It's all trial and error. Unfortunately there are so many ways to fail, and so few that can lead to success.

 

At this point it's hard to say that they don't find me ugly/lame/boring or even think that I'm too short. There are a lot of potential reasons why girls will reject me but most of the time I have no idea why. That's why I just assume that they think something is wrong with me, and I take the rejection personally.

[Els]

You can't be serious.

 

In the vast majority of cases, getting rejected has everything to do with you.

 

Yes there are some times when a woman isn't looking to date and would reject everybody. Though when a woman is single and looking, she is turning down men because of who they are, not just because they are men.

 

This is true, but getting rejected doesn't mean that there is anything necessarily WRONG with you, it might just be that you're not their cup of tea. Or vice versa. I mean, you've seen some guys talk about how they find Scarlett Johanssen or Angelina Jolie unattractive...

[somedude81]

This is true, but getting rejected doesn't mean that there is anything necessarily WRONG with you, it might just be that you're not their cup of tea. Or vice versa. I mean, you've seen some guys talk about how they find Scarlett Johanssen or Angelina Jolie unattractive...

 

When one gets rejected over and over by many different women, it's hard to believe that there isn't anything wrong with them.

 

That's when it starts to hurt.

[clia]

Getting rejected and getting dumped are completely different things.

 

Being rejected is pretty much someone either a stranger or someone you know very well, essentially telling you that you aren't good enough to date them. Hearing that over and over can have a huge negative effect on ones self-esteem.

 

Very few women know what it's like to ask out a guy and get rejected. Some women may have done it once or twice in their life and then will exclaim to never try it again.

 

Women are very lucky to not have to experience rejection if they don't want to.

 

You don't have to ask a guy out to experience rejection by a guy. I'm sure every woman on this site has stories of guys who they were interested in who wouldn't give them the time of day. That is just as much rejection as asking a guy out and getting no for an answer.

[Anela]

When one gets rejected over and over by many different women, it's hard to believe that there isn't anything wrong with them.

 

That's when it starts to hurt.

 

I've experienced the same with men that I'm interested in, so I know how that feels. I wish I had some good advice, or a way to snap my fingers and change things for both of us, but I don't.

[Do_The_Herp]

You don't have to ask a guy out to experience rejection by a guy. I'm sure every woman on this site has stories of guys who they were interested in who wouldn't give them the time of day. That is just as much rejection as asking a guy out and getting no for an answer.

 

How do they know that the guy wouldn't give them the time of day? How exactly do they know if they'd never ask?

[clia]

How do they know that the guy wouldn't give them the time of day? How exactly do they know if they'd never ask?

 

Because it's usually pretty darn obvious when a guy isn't interested. You don't even have to ask. You try to talk to him and he gives short answers or cuts the conversation short. He walks away. He ignores you. He looks around for someone better to talk to while you are talking to him. He actively flirts or hooks up with other women in front of you. (Yes, some men who know you have a crush will even intentionally do this just to hurt you.). Etc...

[Do_The_Herp]

Because it's usually pretty darn obvious when a guy isn't interested. You don't even have to ask. You try to talk to him and he gives short answers or cuts the conversation short. He walks away. He ignores you. He looks around for someone better to talk to while you are talking to him. He actively flirts or hooks up with other women in front of you. (Yes, some men who know you have a crush will even intentionally do this just to hurt you.). Etc...

 

Well, I can't say that I've ever seen any of that. I think that most if not all of the tell tale signs also apply equally to women, probably more so, since us guys are most often the one approaching..

 

The guy tries to light a spark, and the girl either drops a bucket of water on it or helps start a fire.

 

You do have to ask, if you don't really know the guy. Do you personally only become interested in guys once you've gotten to know 'em? Nobody who you might ask out in order to GET to know?

 

The latter'd be way more likely for me, both as a guy in general and someone who specifically isn't around the same people/girls on a daily or regular basis for there to be any getting to know or to develop any crushes that aren't a bit deeper than just based off of their appearance..

 

Even if I'm around a girl who isn't engaging me or placing herself near me, it doesn't mean she's even registered me on her radar to be seen as yay or nay, until I approach her and find out for sure. Maybe she looked at me and went about her business.. What about that other article, where lots of people are only attracted to those who they know or believe are attracted to them?

 

A girl could be closed off because she assumes that a guy wouldn't be attracted to her. Hell, I've probably ignored girls who were attracted to me because I assumed that they'd never be into me. You never know until you ask, unless you experience the extreme nasty behavior you're describing, I suppose. And I feel for you, because that's bullsheeeet..

[hotpotato]

Getting rejected and getting dumped are completely different things.

 

Being rejected is pretty much someone either a stranger or someone you know very well, essentially telling you that you aren't good enough to date them. Hearing that over and over can have a huge negative effect on ones self-esteem.

 

Very few women know what it's like to ask out a guy and get rejected. Some women may have done it once or twice in their life and then will exclaim to never try it again.

 

Women are very lucky to not have to experience rejection if they don't want to.

 

But isnt that what someone is saying when they dump you? You are not what im lookibg for, im going somewhere else?

[clia]

Well, I can't say that I've ever seen any of that. I think that most if not all of the tell tale signs also apply equally to women, probably more so, since us guys are most often the one approaching..

 

I don't disagree with you. My response was regarding the theory that women never experience rejection if they never ask a guy out. That simply is not true.

 

This type of rejection is reserved for guys that you know on some level and have interacted with. They are in your class, in a frat with some of your classmates, friends of friends, etc. You meet them at a party, with a group, in class, see them off and on, develop a crush, try to get to know them better, try to exchange numbers, put yourself in their zone, and get rejected.

[somedude81]

Because it's usually pretty darn obvious when a guy isn't interested. You don't even have to ask. You try to talk to him and he gives short answers or cuts the conversation short. He walks away. He ignores you. He looks around for someone better to talk to while you are talking to him. He actively flirts or hooks up with other women in front of you. (Yes, some men who know you have a crush will even intentionally do this just to hurt you.). Etc...

 

Clia, if that counted as a rejection then I would have hundreds of rejections, instead of the actual 25 or so girls that have turned me down.

[Glinda.Good]

Getting rejected and getting dumped are completely different things.

 

No, they're not. I understand that you believe this, but you're wrong.

 

They are both rejection in different circumstances.

 

Being rejected is pretty much someone either a stranger or someone you know very well, essentially telling you that you aren't good enough to date them. Hearing that over and over can have a huge negative effect on ones self-esteem.

 

It would be good if you would stop "hearing" what was not said or implied. When you get turned down, it only means you weren't "good enough" if you happened to ask a very conceited creepy girl. Usually it means that they are not interested in going out with you, for any number of possible reasons.

 

Women are very lucky to not have to experience rejection if they don't want to.

 

Oh, give it a rest. Women who are spurned by a guy they really like, or, yes, are dumped, are experiencing every bit of rejection that you have.

 

I will say that it takes more nerve and courage to be the one who does the asking, and that's difficult. But it certainly is not the ONLY way a person experiences rejection in dating situations.

[clia]

Clia, if that counted as a rejection then I would have hundreds of rejections, instead of the actual 25 or so girls that have turned me down.

 

How is it not a rejection when you like a guy and he won't give you the time of day? It may be a different type of rejection, but it's a rejection nonetheless, and it still hurts. To believe women are just flitting about through life, rejecting men left and right, and not experiencing any heartache or rejection of their own is completely absurd.

[Glinda.Good]

Clia, if that counted as a rejection then I would have hundreds of rejections, instead of the actual 25 or so girls that have turned me down.

 

Well, guess what. It DOES count as rejection, so you have hundreds of them.

 

Do you understand how out of line you guys are who insist that you know all about what women experience and how it pales in comparison to the misery of having a wiener? I wish you'd stop it.

 

Neither gender has the corner on the market on hurting. FACT.

[Glinda.Good]

To believe women are just flitting about through life, rejecting men left and right, and not experiencing any heartache or rejection of their own is completely absurd.

 

And guys who think like that wonder why women don't want to have much to do with them … hmm.

[somedude81]

How is it not a rejection when you like a guy and he won't give you the time of day? It may be a different type of rejection, but it's a rejection nonetheless, and it still hurts.

 

Because it's so freaking mild.

 

Do you have any idea how often that type of rejection happens to guys?

 

As I said earlier, I've had hundreds of girls not give me the time of day. I just don't considering them rejections.

 

In my opinion, it's only a rejection if the person knows that you are interested, and turns you down.

 

To believe women are just flitting about through life, rejecting men left and right, and not experiencing any heartache or rejection of their own is completely absurd.

Are those women putting themselves out there in a position to be rejected, or are they just waiting for the guy to make a move?

[somedude81]

But isnt that what someone is saying when they dump you? You are not what im lookibg for, im going somewhere else?

 

Getting dumped feels completely different than getting turned down by a girl I've asked out.

[clia]

Because it's so freaking mild.

 

Do you have any idea how often that type of rejection happens to guys?

 

As I said earlier, I've had hundreds of girls not give me the time of day. I just don't considering them rejections.

 

In my opinion, it's only a rejection if the person knows that you are interested, and turns you down.

 

Again, I am not talking about strangers. You don't have to explicitly ask a guy (or girl, for that matter) out on a date for them to know you are interested. The experiences I had that I am thinking about -- the guys knew I was interested. No doubt. It's not a mild rejection, either to be rejected. My girl friends have all had similar experiences.

 

Are those women putting themselves out there in a position to be rejected, or are they just waiting for the guy to make a move?

 

I don't understand your question. The guy would never make a move because the guy wasn't interested. Guys who are interested ask women out and pursue them. Guys who are not interested don't do that. There are also a lot of other clear signals when a guy isn't interested -- such as when he ignores you, makes out with another girl in front of you, etc. It's not rocket science to figure this out.