You girls should never have problem finding a BF

[somedude81]

Again, I am not talking about strangers. You don't have to explicitly ask a guy (or girl, for that matter) out on a date for them to know you are interested. The experiences I had that I am thinking about -- the guys knew I was interested. No doubt. It's not a mild rejection, either to be rejected. My girl friends have all had similar experiences.

This happens to me with about 10 different girls every college semester. These are girls I don't ask out because I know they will turn me down so I don't bother. They never explicitly turned me down, so I don't count it as a rejection. Some knew I was interested, others didn't.

 

It happens so often that if I counted it as a rejection and let if effect my self-esteem, it would just completely break me down.

 

 

I don't understand your question. The guy would never make a move because the guy wasn't interested. Guys who are interested ask women out and pursue them. Guys who are not interested don't do that. There are also a lot of other clear signals when a guy isn't interested -- such as when he ignores you, makes out with another girl in front of you, etc. It's not rocket science to figure this out.

Yeah, I've never had a girl I like make out with some guy in front of me. Maybe they were already together and you just got a crush on him?

 

As for my question, if a girl is just standing around hoping the guy asks her out, without letting him actually know that she likes him, then it's not a rejection to me.

 

Hell, men are pretty dense when it comes to knowing if a woman likes them or not, so I don't believe that it's a rejection when a guy doesn't ask out a girl who has a secret crush on him.

 

My ex had a secret crush on me for a couple of months before we had our first date and I just didn't know. Was it a rejection when I didn't ask her out whenever I saw her in person? Of course not.

 

I have no idea how many girls like me in each class. There is no way that I'd say that I'm constantly rejecting women when I just have no idea they liked me.

[clia]

This happens to me with about 10 different girls every college semester. These are girls I don't ask out because I know they will turn me down so I don't bother. They never explicitly turned me down, so I don't count it as a rejection. Some knew I was interested, others didn't.

 

In your situation, these are women you only saw in class, correct? I'm not talking about that scenario. I'm talking about much more interaction than that, at parties, bars, etc. Not a guy I said three words to in class every two weeks or admired from afar. Guys I interacted with and hung out with as a group with others.

 

I think you aren't getting what I'm saying because you don't go to bars or parties, don't have friends, and didn't have the typical college experience.

 

Yeah, I've never had a girl I like make out with some guy in front of me. Maybe they were already together and you just got a crush on him?

 

No, this was not the scenario.

 

As for my question, if a girl is just standing around hoping the guy asks her out, without letting him actually know that she likes him, then it's not a rejection to me.

 

I wasn't just standing around. I think I've made that pretty clear. I'm not going to go into the examples, but these guys knew I liked them, no question about it.

 

I don't understand why you are being so resistant to the theory that women experience rejection. It's bizarre.

 

Hell, men are pretty dense when it comes to knowing if a woman likes them or not, so I don't believe that it's a rejection when a guy doesn't ask out a girl who has a secret crush on him.

 

Again, not secret crushes.

[somedude81]

In your situation, these are women you only saw in class, correct? I'm not talking about that scenario. I'm talking about much more interaction than that, at parties, bars, etc. Not a guy I said three words to in class every two weeks or admired from afar. Guys I interacted with and hung out with as a group with others.

 

I think you aren't getting what I'm saying because you don't go to bars or parties, don't have friends, and didn't have the typical college experience.

Contrary to what you believe, I have had friends in college.

 

There are also many girls that I've spoken to every single class meeting for almost the entire semester. I wasn't talking about people I've barely spoken to.

 

No I've never spent any time with them in parties or bars so I don't know how it's different. Though I have had several female friends that I spent a lot of time with outside of class. Virtually all of them ended up rejecting me. Actually I did meet a few female class buddies at a salsa club that has a bar so that counts right?

 

I wasn't just standing around. I think I've made that pretty clear. I'm not going to go into the examples, but these guys knew I liked them, no question about it.

 

I don't understand why you are being so resistant to the theory that women experience rejection. It's bizarre.

Simply because it's such a rare occurrence in my life to have a girl like me and I actually know about it. Then the thought that if I knew she liked me and I didn't want to giver her a chance just seems really odd.

 

Basically I can't relate to what you are talking about.

[GoodOnPaper]

Getting dumped feels completely different than getting turned down by a girl I've asked out.

 

I know it's not supposed to work this way, but I also thought that surface rejections were much harder blows to the self-esteem than getting dumped from a relationship. In the relationship, I was at least given a chance and the girl felt enough attraction for kissing and sex -- I definitely valued that experience. A surface rejection implies that you are physically revolting. It's hard to not take that personally.

 

 

I don't understand your question. The guy would never make a move because the guy wasn't interested. Guys who are interested ask women out and pursue them. Guys who are not interested don't do that. There are also a lot of other clear signals when a guy isn't interested -- such as when he ignores you, makes out with another girl in front of you, etc. It's not rocket science to figure this out.

 

To all single guys who struggle with "nice guy" issues, this is a lesson I wish I had learned before I bailed out of singlehood: Women assume that you act intentionally. Women don't assume what you and I already know -- that a lot of times, you don't ask out a particular woman that you are actually attracted to because you are nervous or shy or scared of rejection or paralyzed by playing out a gazillion scenarios in your mind or figure that there are a million other guys who are pursuing her.

[dragon_fly_7]

Is there any reason a girl should say that shes having trouble finding a bf or dates?

Well in terms of quantity is easy and the pool is huge but as we search for certain traits (quality) the dating pool becomes smaller so yes it can be hard for us too.

[hotpotato]

I know it's not supposed to work this way, but I also thought that surface rejections were much harder blows to the self-esteem than getting dumped from a relationship. In the relationship, I was at least given a chance and the girl felt enough attraction for kissing and sex -- I definitely valued that experience. A surface rejection implies that you are physically revolting. It's hard to not take that personally.

 

 

Ok, so it's worse to be rejected outright because unlike in a relationship you got SEX?

x infinity

 

There are plenty of reasons someone might get rejected. It isn't always because of looks.

[somedude81]

I know it's not supposed to work this way, but I also thought that surface rejections were much harder blows to the self-esteem than getting dumped from a relationship. In the relationship, I was at least given a chance and the girl felt enough attraction for kissing and sex -- I definitely valued that experience. A surface rejection implies that you are physically revolting. It's hard to not take that personally.

 

Yeah I don't know what it really is.

 

When I get rejected with by a girl it's just a feeling of sad emptiness. I feel that she never gave me a chance and none of will get to see what happens. The feeling is stronger depending on how much I actually like her.

 

There was one girl that I liked for almost two years and I asked her out several times. She would spend time with me as a friend but she was always certain to point out that we were only hanging out. Eventually we had a big fight that ended the friendship. It sucks that she just never gave me a chance.

 

To me getting dumped hurt more than getting rejected by the girl I mentioned, but at least I got to date my ex and experience everything I did with her. I will never wish that it didn't happen, that we didn't get together. It was also such an ego boost to know that at one point she really did like me and was attracted to me. Plus I got to enjoy many great moments with her that I wouldn't have, if she never went out with me in the first place.

 

 

I hold it true, whate'er befall;

I feel it when I sorrow most;

'Tis better to have loved and lost

Than never to have loved at all.

[GoodOnPaper]

Ok, so it's worse to be rejected outright because unlike in a relationship you got SEX?

 

Sure, getting sex has always been the most difficult part. It's just the mirror image of what women experience when they are frustrated with being used for sex. For guys who struggle, the occupational hazard is being friendzoned -- being used for emotional purposes when he feels unrequited physical attraction.

[Badsingularity]

the misery of having a wiener?

 

..LoL.

[Smilecharmer]

I am 6'3 200 pounds average looks, social, have plenty of friends and i am educated. I went online and made an account on plenty of fish and in 2 weeks did not receive one msg from girl. I sent 100's of msgs to girls a day and only received 2-3 replies out of the ones i sent and all of them ended up with nothing. Usually i would be writing asking questions and the girl would reply with few words answering the question but never asking me about anything.

 

 

Anyway i got tired of it and canceled my account but not until i went on my fb and found a average (maybe a bit below average) looking girl and made a fake profile on POF. (I know this is kinda wrong but i really really wanted to do this experiment)

 

 

Let me tell you within an hour i had 100+ msgs from different guys. In 2-3 days i had over 1000 msgs. I closed the account after that.

 

Now i know many of you will say well it was probably from guys that were not quality guys or not good looking guys. I would say many of the guys were average looking guys and some were even very good looking. So if you really cant find 10-20 potential guys out of the 1000 that send you msg there is something wrong with your standards.

 

 

Is there any reason a girl should say that shes having trouble finding a bf or dates?

 

 

I think the real eye opener here is with all the fake female profiles being done on OLD to prove female online superiority, you men may actually be pursuing other men and that is why you get no replies.

Also, if as short men have stated that tall men get gfs, why can't a guy who is 6'3 get a gf? These are the things that keep me guessing.

[hotpotato]

Sure, getting sex has always been the most difficult part. It's just the mirror image of what women experience when they are frustrated with being used for sex. For guys who struggle, the occupational hazard is being friendzoned -- being used for emotional purposes when he feels unrequited physical attraction.

 

Most difficult? Its easy to get evdn outside a relationship and for a man. Maybe its not the kind a man would normally brag about, but it is available.

[ltjg45]

Again, I am not talking about strangers. You don't have to explicitly ask a guy (or girl, for that matter) out on a date for them to know you are interested. The experiences I had that I am thinking about -- the guys knew I was interested. No doubt. It's not a mild rejection, either to be rejected. My girl friends have all had similar experiences.

 

Do they? I wonder.

 

I do have a scenario that is bugging me as of lately that is related to this.

 

There is a female coworker at my job that I have asked out months ago. Got rejected because she has a BF at the time but have given me her number. Due to an issue at the job and a small argument after that, I deleted her number to avoid further problems.

 

Fast forward to a month ago, when I do come back to my job as a customer during the day time (I work overnight) and she sees me, she tend to go out of her way to talk to me. Also, at least twice so far, she has also pinched my arm. Today, she saw me and was willing to talk to me and the conversation went through quite easily.

 

Keep in mind that I have no clue as to her situation with her BF or whether or not they is even together.

 

If I were to not ask her out again (especially since we are coworkers), would that be considered as a rejection to her? Hard to say. It is not like I can get the rest of the info that I need without making it obvious to her about my interest in her still.

Edited June 26, 2014 by ltjg45

[Glinda.Good]

You know what, guys? I respect the fact that it's difficult for a person who is not completely outgoing to step up and face possible rejection by asking a girl out.

 

I can't imagine being brave enough to do it. But if something were important enough to me, I would muster up the courage to try for it.

 

You CAN. If you want to end up getting where you want to be in this life, you need to go out of your comfort zone a LOT. That goes for all of us.

 

And thinking along the lines that it's so hard, it's not fair, etc. is getting you nowhere, in addition to feeding a few decidedly unattractive qualities. You don't need to keep nurturing those.

[mattny]

Ive only had a few women catch my eye, and nothing really materialized out of all of them. But you know what? I keep at it. Getting turned down doesnt really faze me anymore...and I have way less fear actually holding a decent conversation with any woman wether she be a 5 or a 10 in my eyes

[Els]

Okay. For the record - yes, I think getting rejected sucks. A lot. And yes, men do have a hard time in this regard IMO. Conversely there are other aspects in which women are more likely to suffer. So in the end, it does even out.

 

But that isn't what this thread is about. This thread is about having a boyfriend. Presumably that means a relationship, not just being asked out on a date or having sex. Not related to rejection. Whether you are directly rejected or just not asked out, the outcome (no bf/gf) is the same. And it is equally hard for both genders to find someone whom they are actually compatible with for a LTR.

[BlueIris]

Most difficult? Its easy to get evdn outside a relationship and for a man. Maybe its not the kind a man would normally brag about, but it is available.

 

This obvious truth just seems to be ignored over and over, doesn't it? That becomes more interesting than the complaining itself.

More power to you, though, hotpotato.

[clia]

If I were to not ask her out again (especially since we are coworkers), would that be considered as a rejection to her? Hard to say. It is not like I can get the rest of the info that I need without making it obvious to her about my interest in her still.

 

If she likes you and is clearly putting out the signals that she wants you to ask her out, then your not asking her out might be a rejection to her. But I don't see that she's clearly putting out those signals, at least as of yet. Since you've already asked her out, she knows on some level that you would probably go out with her even now. She may just be paying attention to you because she knows you like her. But at this point, if she really wants to go out with you, she should be more clear about it or at least mention that she's single. If she mentions she's single, that is a good sgn for you.

[hotpotato]

This obvious truth just seems to be ignored over and over, doesn't it? That becomes more interesting than the complaining itself.

More power to you, though, hotpotato.

 

Its so obvious, but we are having a pity party here.

 

If a dude wants sex that bad, there are plenty of outlets. Ok sure if he has to pay, she didnt pick him. However, horny dudes on Old are not picking any particular woman but instead are searching for a warm female body.

[hotpotato]

Unless you're a short, fat guy. I can imagine it's tough for those guys to get laid.

 

Even if he is short and fat, its still readily available.

[somedude81]

Paying for sex doesn't count.

 

It's much harder for men to have sex with women they actually want.

 

It's also harder for men to go on dates with women they are attracted to.

 

I just really don't think women have any trouble in getting dates from guys they are attracted to. They have a big advantage.

[BlueIris]

Paying for sex doesn't count.

 

It's much harder for men to have sex with women they actually want.

 

It's also harder for men to go on dates with women they are attracted to.

 

I just really don't think women have any trouble in getting dates from guys they are attracted to. They have a big advantage.

 

Because you/they are too picky.

 

Personally, I think that many men would be much happier if porn and BudLight commercials didn’t exist. Think about how you developed your beliefs regarding beauty and sexiness. Madison Avenue owns you, and all they’re trying to do is sell you stuff. They don’t care if you’re happy and content. In fact, they want you discontent… so you buy stuff (literally and metaphorically).

[somedude81]

Because you/they are too picky.

 

Personally, I think that many men would be much happier if porn and BudLight commercials didn’t exist. Think about how you developed your beliefs regarding beauty and sexiness. Madison Avenue owns you, and all they’re trying to do is sell you stuff. They don’t care if you’re happy and content. In fact, they want you discontent… so you buy stuff (literally and metaphorically).

 

My taste in women isn't affected by the media or porn at all. If I was alive 200 years ago, I would like the exact same body type of women that I do now.

 

BudLight didn't make men desire blonde girls with big boobs. Men already desired those women and BudLight just used those preexisting desires to attract more attention. The same with porn.

 

And no, I really doubt men are too picky. The average guy just wants a nice cute girl who isn't fat.

 

The average woman has a laundry list of requirements.

[hotpotato]

Paying for sex doesn't count.

 

It's much harder for men to have sex with women they actually want.

 

It's also harder for men to go on dates with women they are attracted to.

 

I just really don't think women have any trouble in getting dates from guys they are attracted to. They have a big advantage.

 

Why not? Because a guy cant brag about easy sex?????? Maybe we should tell men they should settle, too.

 

What are you going to do about it? Change mens sexual desires?

 

Im a girl who gets hit on by grandpas. Things are so easy for me because I have a vagina!

[hotpotato]

My taste in women isn't affected by the media or porn at all. If I was alive 200 years ago, I would like the exact same body type of women that I do now.

 

BudLight didn't make men desire blonde girls with big boobs. Men already desired those women and BudLight just used those preexisting desires to attract more attention. The same with porn.

 

And no, I really doubt men are too picky. The average guy just wants a nice cute girl who isn't fat.

 

The average woman has a laundry list of requirements.

 

We have already debated this and determined it takes more than being nice and cute to get a boyfriend.

 

If men find women in general attractive, it shouldnt be hard to find one who is a suitable sex partner.

[somedude81]

We have already debated this and determined it takes more than being nice and cute to get a boyfriend.

No it doesn't! A couple of outliers do not make it untrue.

 

The only cases where being nice and cute isn't enough is when the woman wants a highly desirable man and is competing with other women.

 

Even then, the women who have "struggled" with men, have had more relationships than the guys who have struggled. I don't know of any woman that hit 30 without ever getting a boyfriend.

 

If men find women in general attractive, it shouldnt be hard to find one who is a suitable sex partner.

Why do you say that?

 

Every day I see hundreds of women that I consider to be generally attractive and it's extremely hard to find one who would have sex with me.

 

The same goes for the average man. Men just aren't as picky as women think we are. If women were as relaxed in their requirements as men are, these threads filled with men complaining simply wouldn't exist.

Edited June 26, 2014 by somedude81