Taramere Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 Because she created a thread on an internet forum asking why she can't find a boyfriend. Maybe she is on my Facebook feed asking why the latest guy gave her the pump and dump treatment. I have a Facebook acquaintance who does that all the time. She's an overweight girl always posting pics of her and some new guy who has the body of a CK underwear model. Couple weeks later, she will post some angry stuff about how all guys just want to use women for sex. Well, I agree that somebody like that sounds a nightmare. Personally I would resist the temptation to say anything, since the likelihood is that she just wants to embroil other people in drama. She might even want you to pass adverse commentary about her looks so that she can elicit a gaggle of rescuers to berate you. I worked with somebody like that years ago. She would regularly insult my looks. Meantime, she weighed about 300 pounds. She just wanted to bait me into insulting her. Since I was of a normal weight and okay looking, had I complained about her insults I'd have just been told not to be a narcissistic baby. Whereas she, looking as she did, would have had the weight of the entire union behind her. PC and manners are different things. I'm pretty sure that criticising a person's appearance has always been considered poor form in polite circles. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 Of course it has. However, if someone asks, I'm going to tell the my honest opinion on things. I just want the advice to be equal. I see a lot of people doling out advice to men about how they need to quit trying for really attractive women (essentially saying they are not attractive themselves) but when a woman gets the pump and dump, there is a VERY good chance it's because that guy was much better looking than she is. The way women tend to handle that with eachother, in my experience, is to say things like "he tends to go out with girls who look like models." Then, if the woman says something like "are you saying I'm too ugly for him?" something like "you're a perfectly attractive woman, but he's a very popular guy and he tends to date model types." It will still cause offence, there's no getting away from that, but it's less personalised than "you're just not all that attractive." The thing is that attractiveness is such a subjective thing anyway. Beauty, less so. There are pretty universal standards with regard to beautiful men and women. We see them on catwalks and in movies. Attractiveness, however, is often just a case of liking the personality that comes across in the way a person looks, moves, puts themselves across etc. There's far more room, with attractiveness, for somebody to have quirks and to depart from the usual standards of beauty. I think it no doubt is the case that women are more likely to fall for men who aren't conventionally attractive than men are to fall for women who aren't - but it can and does happen. Occasionally you'll even get a very attractive person flipping over somebody very average looking, if they're exceptional in other areas. Telling somebody they're not attractive isn't unlike saying "nobody will ever love you". It's cruel and isn't really necessary. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 (edited) Yes..because those couple of women who responded to that thread represent every female in the world. In fact, every woman on the planet thinks exactly the same way and is attracted to exactly the same things. :rolleyes:: Women are human beings, just like men. We're all attracted to different traits, physically and mentally. See, according to the wisdom here, men have personalities. According to the vocal male contributors, women should be interchangeable. Women should also be compatible with every single guy who shows an interest in them. Like Barbie dolls. These guys are clearly not interested in women's personalities. They're only interested in women's vaginas. It's just easier for some of the male posters to imagine themselves sitting on a throne, the judges of women's "worthiness", than to actually accept that no, not everyone woman you fancy will be attracted to you. Let's do away with compatibility and make up these grand theories about women only wanting to get pumped and dumped () by attractive and therefore evil guys. The funny thing is, all these things they rant about women doing? Pretty much projection, minus the pumping and dumping. Edited July 2, 2014 by Kamille 11 Link to post Share on other sites
GoodOnPaper Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 According to the vocal male contributors, women should be interchangeable. Women should also be compatible with every single guy who shows an interest in them. While I agree that all of us should do better to not view the opposite sex as a commodity, you may be interpreting pragmatism as shallowness -- at least to some extent. For many guys, and certainly the ones who struggle, the pressure point is at the initial meeting/attraction stage. Back in my dating days, I figured that two-thirds to three-fourths of the girls in my age range were at least "cute" enough to meet whatever physical attractiveness standards I had -- of course, this made it all the more frustrating that it was so hard to find one who would date me. If any of those thousands of girls had asked me out, I would have accepted. Does that make those girls interchangeable? No, I'd still care about individual girls' personalities -- it's just that that sort of compatibility would be worked out (or not) in due course. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 See, according to the wisdom here, men have personalities. According to the vocal male contributors, women should be interchangeable. Women should also be compatible with every single guy who shows an interest in them. Like Barbie dolls. These guys are clearly not interested in women's personalities. They're only interested in women's vaginas. It's just easier for some of the male posters to imagine themselves sitting on a throne, the judges of women's "worthiness", than to actually accept that no, not everyone woman you fancy will be attracted to you. Let's do away with compatibility and make up these grand theories about women only wanting to get pumped and dumped () by attractive and therefore evil guys. The funny thing is, all these things they rant about women doing? Pretty much projection, minus the pumping and dumping. Yes! Not all good looking guys are evil, and not all less than hot guys are innocent. My first bf was ok looking and was a terrible cheater. Despite being a computer nerd, he hasn't been single in probably 10 years. There you go, two myths dispelled. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 What exactly do you guys mean when you say women are "too picky"? Too picky about what? Is there anything women are actually allowed to be picky about, or do we just have to date every bland, average dude who shows an interest in us simply because he doesn't have a criminal record? 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Glinda.Good Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 Those women are single by choice. If that is the case, so are you. "Those women" are not going out with men who they do not WANT to go out with. Just like you. When you start dating girls towards whom you have zero attraction or interest, you can talk about women being "single by choice." 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Glinda.Good Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 And what exactly are their actions? That's disgusting. Evidently the "action" was having sex. What should the consequence for the nasty sex-having man be, I wonder. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Moonborn Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 I am very new here, but I thought I'd step in a give my two cents. First of all, I am a guy, and vagina is definitely not all I am after. And from conversations with male friends I know for sure that I am not the only one. I *tried* getting some casually with a girl who I just found physically attractive, but it felt horrible and shallow. It wasn't totally unpleasant, but it is not something I would waste my time with. On the other hand, I think a lot of guys don't understand that sometimes women will just not fancy a man. There is nothing they can do about it. Maybe they even wish they could like that particular guy, but they don't feel anything. I wouldn't want to date a woman who feels that way about me, not even if I like her madly. I also think that generalization is dangerous. Maybe they majority of men are after vagina. Maybe the majority of women in a certain culture have ridiculously high standards. This doesn't mean that *all* men and *all* women act that way, and those who generalize too much may be seeing just what they want to see and missing out on opportunities. This is not aimed to anybody in particular, just a general consideration that came to my mind after reading a few pages of this thread. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 (edited) I think you attributed your "struggles" 100% to being short, elsewhere … And the nerdy guys I am talking about are definitely socially awkward, boy howdy. Some girls love them. I have never said my struggles are 100% because of being short. I've repeatedly said that there are several reasons, over and over. Though I have said that if I was at least 5'10, I wouldn't have any problem with dating. Being short and socially awkward is a horrible combination. I can also be classified as a nerdy guy because of my interests and hobbies. And I've only ran into one girl who thought it was attractive. BTW, I've taken Japanese in college for a year and a half, which is pretty much nerd girl central. I was also involved with the Japanese culture club and the anime club. Tons of nerdy girls everywhere. I made friends with lots of girls, but none of them wanted to date. None of those girls would have had any trouble finding a boyfriend, despite some of them being awkward and having low self-esteem. Edited July 2, 2014 by somedude81 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bigcitydreamer Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 Yes social awkwardness does make it harder for a girl to date. The majority of men are not as desperate as a few of you so the realities of dating for women are not what you perceive. A lot of girls are socially awkward and because of this have trouble dating. Also not all relationships are the same and many women initiate in some way shape or form. Just because you aren't picky with who you date, doesn't mean other people aren't. Things are only skewed in the woman's "favour" if all or even most men were like you. But most aren't, I've never met a guy who would date any reasonably attractive female. It doesn't actually work that way. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Revolver Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 Social awkwardness, bad social skills, low self-esteem, don't screw a girl as much because they don't have to initiate anything, so of course socially awkward girls are going to have it easier than socially awkward guys are, since girls don't need to start a conversation first or keep it alive, undoubtedly they will have it easier in that area, don't know why people disagree with that, and low self-esteem also won't hurt a girls chances of getting a relationship because a girl can be needy, desperate, clingy, want a relationship for validation, to feel better about herself, but it's not okay to other way around, girls will be repulsed by a guy who is like that Having those traits as a male is actually worse than being flat out ugly or unnactractive 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 Man poses as woman online, lasts two hours Blog with comments Untrue. If that were the case, I would be married to my first high school crush. Or one of the subsequent crushes. Men also have preferences as to who they want to spend their life with. As they should. Yes, if that were true at all there wouldn't be any single women. Men are picky about who they date and commit to. Sex is one thing, dating is another. I very much disagree. Most guys have "confidence" at the top of their most attractive traits list. Pretty much all "forever single" women that I know are shy or socially awkward. Yet confident and below average-average women have no problems landing a guy. It's all about the confidence in both sexes. Exactly, and this is true for attractive Fa males as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
R3d Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 Double standards suck man...for both sexes (not just men, even though I am a guy) I think it's stupid. Anyway there was a study saying that women find 80% of men physically unattractive. That's the thing. The average woman is much more physically attractive to men than the average man is to women. Also, biologically, women are naturally more picky about who they mate with because they only want the best of the best genetics to pass on. I was going to ask: why does this double standard exist? That men are always told to settle and lower their standards but women are told to "never settle"? Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 Double standards suck man...for both sexes (not just men, even though I am a guy) I think it's stupid. Anyway there was a study saying that women find 80% of men physically unattractive. That's the thing. The average woman is much more physically attractive to men than the average man is to women. Also, biologically, women are naturally more picky about who they mate with because they only want the best of the best genetics to pass on. I was going to ask: why does this double standard exist? That men are always told to settle and lower their standards but women are told to "never settle"? Maybe because women are more likely to give men a chance, especially if they want to be married and have children by a certain age. I've also known women who were settling for bad boys, so it's encouragement to think better of themselves - they deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 I also don't understand the comments about women being too picky - in the past, it seemed like a lot of guys here were counting on the fact that women aren't so picky, and will go for a man who isn't so attractive physically, if they mesh well with him/like him a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 Your lack of intelligence displayed here is telling. As I said in a later post, it's because of decisions like this that China will soon usurp the US economically. Many other countries have already surpassed in other categories. We are in a rapid decline, likely partially due to all of the free handouts given to millions of women. Yet you want more... Communism, à la China? Hilarious. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 Maybe because women are more likely to give men a chance, especially if they want to be married and have children by a certain age. Ha, women are more likely to give man a chance. In what universe? If that were true, how come there are so many men who post on this forum who haven't even kissed a girl? Hell, it took me till I was 31 to find a woman who was actually willing to give me a chance. I've also known women who were settling for bad boys, so it's encouragement to think better of themselves - they deserve better. Settle for bad boys? That is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard! That's like saying that men settle for hot crazy girls with huge boobs 3 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 OK, since this thread is about women having trouble finding boyfriends. Are there any women here who are socially awkward and have had trouble getting a boyfriend or know anybody that the above applies to? Personally, I have known many young socially awkward women in college and they did not have a lack of guys who were interested in them. Though they were single, because they wanted to be. I've been turned down by about 5 awkward nerdy girls who simply did not want to date anybody and "focus on school." Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 Untrue. If that were the case, I would be married to my first high school crush. Or one of the subsequent crushes. Men also have preferences as to who they want to spend their life with. As they should. Just wondering. Did your high school crush have a girlfriend? How many other girls liked him? Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 Settle for bad boys? That is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard! That's like saying that men settle for hot crazy girls with huge boobs There are women who think that's the best they can do. They may not feel that they deserve to be treated well. Men do settle for women like that, when they're too scared to have something real. You could try taking women seriously, instead of only paying attention to what we're saying when we're a magical unicorn you desperately want to date. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Bigcitydreamer Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 OK, since this thread is about women having trouble finding boyfriends. Are there any women here who are socially awkward and have had trouble getting a boyfriend or know anybody that the above applies to? Personally, I have known many young socially awkward women in college and they did not have a lack of guys who were interested in them. Though they were single, because they wanted to be. I've been turned down by about 5 awkward nerdy girls who simply did not want to date anybody and "focus on school." You keep asking for examples and when people give them to you, you give some reason why the girl must be having trouble ie too picky, a rare case, etc. And did you ever stop to think that maybe your the equivalent of your "obese unattractive girl" to the women you hit on? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
hasaquestion Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 OK, since this thread is about women having trouble finding boyfriends. Are there any women here who are socially awkward and have had trouble getting a boyfriend or know anybody that the above applies to? Personally, I have known many young socially awkward women in college and they did not have a lack of guys who were interested in them. Though they were single, because they wanted to be. I've been turned down by about 5 awkward nerdy girls who simply did not want to date anybody and "focus on school." But that doesn't make them picky, that makes them not interested in you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 You give your experiences and I'll give mine. You have experience being a woman? If not..how can you post about what women experience? How can you post about how we think or feel or what we want in a man? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 (edited) But that doesn't make them picky, that makes them not interested in you. But it wasn't just me they were turning down. These girls were single for years by choice. one of my friends told me that her roommate wasn't interested in any normal guys and would only date guy's who were like those in some pretty boyband Edited July 2, 2014 by somedude81 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts