You girls should never have problem finding a BF

[hasaquestion]

Obviously, women do receive much more interest in online dating and it's pretty obvious why. There is plenty of research out there to support the fact that women are only attracted to about 10-15% of the male population (and mostly to the same men). Men, on the other hand, would be prefectly content with sex or a relationship with 50% of the female population. Since most women are chasing the same small group of men, these men get tons of attention and other men very little.

 

To compound this situation, a rapdily increasing number of women today have illegitimate children (48% of births to women 18-30 in the U.S), are morbidly obese, or date interracially (not an issue except most interracial relationships are black men/white women and white men/asian women rather than black women/white men or asian men/white women), which leaves men in general, and to an even larger extent, certain subsets of men, without many options. It's simple supply and demand: you have a huge number of average men, who would have married 30, 50 or 75 years ago, who vastly outnumber the numbers of eligible women. Throw in women's pickyness in only finding attraction to 10-15% of the male population, and you are left with the environment we have today.

 

I'm male and I wouldn't consider more than 10-15% of the the female population attractive. Its called having standards...

[Els]

Most men like our women soft, but reasonably fit. I do the same thing to my GF.

 

 

Yeah grabbing love handles is definitely something I was thinking of. I also like to give a little belly poke.

 

Women should be soft on their torso.

 

Nice.

 

In that case I really hope that the women who are training to get this body are doing it for themselves, not just to appear attractive. I've never found it attractive myself, but I thought it was just me.

[somedude81]

Nice.

 

In that case I really hope that the women who are training to get this body are doing it for themselves, not just to appear attractive. I've never found it attractive myself, but I thought it was just me.

 

 

Do those women even have periods?

 

Just no.

[hasaquestion]

Sexual attraction isn't a matter of standards, its just a physical reaction based on a stimulus, in this case a woman. A man that is only attracted to a small amount of women may have hormonal issues. It's one of the symptoms of low testosterone in men.

 

LOL.

My testosterone levels are fine, thank you.

 

First of all, I can fit into more than 50% of women's pants. Why would I want to get into them?

 

Second of all, the OP put HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH. A relationship means actually doing things together. Not just one night of sex with the lights off.

Edited June 9, 2014 by hasaquestion

[hotpotato]

Since the topic of girls lifting and having muscle has come up, and it's probably deserving of it's own thread, I'd still comment.

 

To me, a woman having muscle is sexy as hell. While my ex did not lift weights, she did ballet since she was 6, and her legs and butt were phenomenal. I was jealous of her calves they were so nice. It was just so hot to stroke her legs.

 

Though also important, she had big boobs and a squishy belly. For me, a hard stomach on a woman is a big turnoff.

 

Ill agree that men like fitness, but only up to a point. For example, most men aren't going to like it if she weighs as much as he does and has bigger quads and better muscle tone.

 

I don't know enough about this particular situation to comment.

 

 

 

True. I wouldn't want to date someone who didn't feel the same way I do on certain key issues. The reason so many couples look alike is because, like you said, why should someone in shape date someone who is not?

 

So should I settle or date a man like myself?

I wouldn't be dating an average guy either.

 

 

Maybe, maybe not. I don't know you personally, so it's tough to say. I have just never known of a guy turning a girl down because she's in better shape than he is.

Well, he might not turn he down for sex, but it's not always a turn on as far as relationships. Even on this website, guys (and girls) admit they dont always want to date someone really attractive.

 

 

 

I can agree that being different is a huge roadblock when it comes to dating. I have different hobbies, tend to listen to music most people have never heard of, and see things differently than most. While this gets in the way sometimes, I still get dates.

 

I think many people need to learn that settling is about their only alternative to being single. As I stated in the thread about settling, I have a perfect girl I'd like to meet, but since I'm pretty sure she not only doesn't exist, if she did, I may never meet her, and she probably wouldn't date me anyway. I think many people stay single because they're holding out for all the wrong things.

Honestly, some people may be better off single than settling.

 

 

I have a couple female friends like that. One girl used to come over to my place and play Playstation with me all the time. I didn't date her because she was fat, not because of her choice in hobbies. Another girl I used to hang out with was a ton of fun. I would tell her she was like one of my guy friends, but with a great rack. While she was fun to hang out with, I never dated her either. Not because she was one of the guys, but because she slept with a ton of guys, and kept too many male friends for my taste.

 

The point I'm making here is that, at least for me, a girl having less feminine hobbies isn't a bad thing, so if people don't choose to date her, I would guess it was another issue.

 

Point blank, most men don't want to date another dude.

I'll give you an example of how having male hobbies can backfire. My ex and I were both into cars. The problem was that I was the better mechanic. He acknowledged that,too. I'm not saying I'm anything like a pro, but I had more know how than him. Maybe if I had been a little into cars in a cutesy way, that would have been fine.

[hasaquestion]

You just said you only found 10-15% of women attractive. That is different from what you are saying now.

 

Not really. I find ~30% of women unattractive but would have sex with them anyway. And the balance would be a not interested at any level or under any level of intoxication. Sometimes you just want sex.

 

Women insist on only giving sex to people in their 10-15%. Men don't.

[hasaquestion]

Anyway, the point is that sex =/= a relationship. How are you going to be a good boyfriend for someone if you don't have any motivation to be?

 

How can you have interesting or spontaneous dates, when you're sitting across from someone who you aren't attracted to?

 

If I were eternally single, sure I'd take what I can get. But I'm not. And most men are not, so most men probably aren't willing to hop on anything that has vital signs for the long term either.

[D.Mc.]

Hi, Curious-One: I think when it comes to women & OLD it seems like we shouldn't have any problems finding a BF but we do and so do men. Yes I agree w/many posters here: attractiveness finds it's own level, 10's go to 10's & down the line etc, but this idea about the woman's "expectations" being "unreasonably raised" is not quite right as relates to OLD. OLD is set up for the check list. It makes it quite easy to reject for both sexes on the basis of...ANYTHING. IRL a woman or a man rejects the other approaching them on looks alone basically, since they don't know anything else about them (excluding all approaches from people they already know). At least OLD gives you a idea (possibly false) of the person behind the picture. I rejected (did not respond to a hello message) a few men in my OLD adventure just because there was nothing in their listed interests that I had anything in common with. I've also rejected due to my own deal breaker check list and I'm sure I've been rejected by men doing the same thing. My expectations have stayed the same since I begun OLD.

 

Oh...and to clarify this "outlier" thing? For some women, there really is a limited source of IRL opportunity to meet men. Personally there is a age and gender canyon between me and men at work AND school. Limited circle of friends all married therefore no socializing in places where I would be seen by men & asked out. Using OLD is a requirement for me. Might this change in the future? Maybe, I certainly hope so, but until then it's not like I'm living off the land in a tent in the woods. I just have different circumstances than the average woman my age & I'm dealing w/it as best I can. Not an outlier, just a single person, looking to not be single.

When you throw in peoples personality issues like shyness, or deal breakers like: children, race, separated vs. divorced status; why then it's no wonder women can't find a bf on OLD (the OP's example in the OP). OLD also gives both genders the false idea that there is an endless trough of potential mates: there is not, sign onto more than one "free" site and you'll see the same profiles. Has anyone come up w/a site where posting a photo is FORBIDDEN? Then we would have to message each other truly based on personality? No, I haven't been asked out by anyone on my OLD sites yet...had the $$ scam request though. I guess I'm on course...?

[somedude81]

Ill agree that men like fitness, but only up to a point. For example, most men aren't going to like it if she weighs as much as he does and has bigger quads and better muscle tone.

 

 

Yes, you are right about that.

 

I wouldn't want to feel that my GF is stronger or faster than I am. That basically ruins the whole point of me being the man.

 

Also, if the woman has lots of muscle on her, her body does start to take on traits of being masculine, and that's just not sexy for the average man.

[guest572]

So you can officially stop labeling us women as the picky gender now. Too fit, too fat. Ugh. You would seriously turn down those super fit abbed women? I wouldn't and I am a straight female.

[Targetlock]

I find fit women are still attractive its just the extreme body builder ones are quite scary, don't want to date someone who could bench press me!!

[Els]

So you can officially stop labeling us women as the picky gender now. Too fit, too fat. Ugh. You would seriously turn down those super fit abbed women? I wouldn't and I am a straight female.

 

Well, I would, but that's irrelevant because I'm also a heterosexual woman...

 

In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have posted those pictures. TBH if those girls are happy with their bodies then that's all that matters, really. It's just that I don't view such a body as attractive in women; because I have a thing for lean men with those abs, so it strikes me as a masculine trait. So I was curious about what heterosexual men think of those bodies. But obviously everyone has different preferences.

[hotpotato]

Yes, you are right about that.

 

I wouldn't want to feel that my GF is stronger or faster than I am. That basically ruins the whole point of me being the man.

 

Also, if the woman has lots of muscle on her, her body does start to take on traits of being masculine, and that's just not sexy for the average man.

 

At least someone here can be honest!

 

Most men want some kind of contrast. I can get around this by dating 200-300 lb football players. Sure I could try to settle for an average guy, and he for me, but neither one of us would be happy. I need a man with a strong masculine identity or a man who will let me take charge. Dating guys in the middle just causes problems.

 

If a date an average man, it's like putting two dudes together. The contrast isnt there.

 

So there goes the theory that settling will make people happy.

[mr_dave]

I am going off on a bit of tangent but there is something I will never understand.

 

I met quite a few men that told me stuff like I am waiting for a "prince" and living in fantasy world and it will never happen. Followed by that I should give "real men" a shot (like themselves). It seems to me that means that men don't care if a woman settled for them or isn't that into them. As long as they date her and sleep with her, it's all good.

 

Myself, and pretty much all of my friends wouldn't dream of being with a man that is "settling". If he wants a princess, then damn better make sure I am that "princess" or don't date me.

 

It's like men only care about how they feel and what they want.

 

Hmm, well I wouldn't want a woman who "settled" for me or didn't love me!

[GoreSP]

I have to ask, what is up with people and Honda hate? Even Rodgers made a few allusions in his manifesto to guys in Hondas getting girls (gasp, the horror!).

 

I had a Honda, it was a perfectly fine car!

 

Well I don't know about your area but where I'm from, Hondas get a lot of hate because here all the kids buy Hondas and try to turn them into race cars...

[Phoe]

Though also important, she had big boobs and a squishy belly. For me, a hard stomach on a woman is a big turnoff.

 

Now this is very confusing.

 

 

You are always adamant on preferring a skinny girl.

 

 

You once posted a picture of a model, who you said needed to lose a few pounds.

 

 

But now you like squishy?

 

 

None of that computes.

[KathyM]

I think most people do settle, and that is why they are in a relationship rather than alone. I think both men and women do have a preference/desire for the top 15% of the opposite gender, but they realize that, for them, that preference is unattainable or too difficult to achieve, or they just get tired of waiting for that top 15% or think it may never come, so they settle for the type of person who is attainable. If they didn't settle eventually, they would likely remain single. Eventually, most people do adjust their standards to whom they can attract, rather than being alone. Most people don't want to be alone. If you want to use the car analogy, would a guy rather be without a car while he's hoping to win the lottery and buy that Ferrari, or would he rather have a dependable car to take him where he needs to go that he can actually afford and is attainable? Most people are realistic in whom they can get, or they become more realistic as time goes on. Those who don't, or lack self awareness of their own level of attractiveness to others, generally remain single. I have clients who lack self awareness, who think they can get the top 15%, when they themselves have virtually nothing to offer the opposite sex. They are middle aged or older and have never gotten a date despite many years of attempts to chat up these top tier women. Most people eventually settle, or are realistic about whom they can get.

Edited June 9, 2014 by KathyM

[somedude81]

At least someone here can be honest!

 

Most men want some kind of contrast. I can get around this by dating 200-300 lb football players. Sure I could try to settle for an average guy, and he for me, but neither one of us would be happy. I need a man with a strong masculine identity or a man who will let me take charge. Dating guys in the middle just causes problems.

 

If a date an average man, it's like putting two dudes together. The contrast isnt there.

 

So there goes the theory that settling will make people happy.

You truly seem to be a special case. So for you I'd say "Settling will make people happy*"

 

* Unless they are buff as hell

[somedude81]

Now this is very confusing.

 

 

You are always adamant on preferring a skinny girl.

 

 

You once posted a picture of a model, who you said needed to lose a few pounds.

 

 

But now you like squishy?

 

 

None of that computes.

 

No no my dear Phoe.

 

The only thing I've been adamant about is that the girl can't weigh more than I do.

 

I believe you said that your 5'8, 140 lbs, since I'm 5'6, 155 lbs you're fine. The trouble for me is when a girl is like 5'3, 160. Girls that are that short and that heavy are far beyond squishy.

 

I don't remember which model I linked to.

 

I've never really liked super thin girls, mainly because they won't have boobs, and I'm afraid that I'd break them. But yes, I really like a squishy, not fat, belly. Mainly it's because I realized that a girl can be in great shape and still have a belly, so I won't hold it against a girl.

[Imajerk17]

Attraction works a bit differently for the genders. If you are a woman, you will generate attraction in a man if you happen to be his physical type. If you are a man, you will generate attraction in a woman if she is digging your energy. Men tend to go for "looks", women "chemistry".

 

On the one hand, generating attraction requires a lot more effort for a man to do (we just can't get by on our looks even if we are good-looking, we have to actually approach and lead) than it is for a woman (her looks will get her a lot further). On the other hand, a guy can do a lot more to improve his attractiveness to the opposite sex. Also, men tend to be happier with short-term relationships based on mostly attraction whereas women tend to want more.

 

Anyway when a man struggles with dating I wonder if he is taking enough initiative (as it's not his looks nor his height that is holding him back). When an "attractive" woman struggles I wonder where she is meeting men, whether she looks receptive enough (so men will actually approach) and how she is screening them (because if she is putting herself in the right environment, her looks are already bringing her men who are attracted to her).

 

@hotpotato, sounds like you have enough going with your looks to generate attraction. Sure, no one is attractive to everyone of the opposite gender. There are plenty of more athletic men who would love your body type though. You know how much male admiration the female CrossFit Games competitors get? Most can easily outlift most men, and most are taken I believe. I've also seen plenty of women who look like they were former college athletes and they have rings on their fingers too. So if you think your struggles are due to you being too muscular or too good with cars, nah that's definitely not it. Where are you meeting guys, and why do you keep going for "average men"? That's definitely NOT one-size-fits-all advice. You might have to do a better job with how you act and how you screen men, but going for someone "in a lower league" thinking that he will appreciate you that much more doesn't typically work.

 

@Phoe, didnt you find your boyfriend within one week of starting OLD? I get you talked to a bunch of guys who didnt ask you out but thats because a lot of guys who do OLD dont know what to do. You still got into a relationship after a really short time on the site even considering that you were talking to several men at the time. So you generate a lot more interest than you think.

Edited June 9, 2014 by Imajerk17

[Phoe]

So you generate a lot more interest than you think.

 

On OLD, I generated some good interest, but never in real life.

 

That's why I'm such a huge fan of OLD. It gave me opportunities that never existed before

 

 

If it weren't for the internet, I'd still be single and dateless and really confused about it.

[thefooloftheyear]

Nice.

 

In that case I really hope that the women who are training to get this body are doing it for themselves, not just to appear attractive. I've never found it attractive myself, but I thought it was just me.

 

Its you....

 

Thats hot as hell.....

 

Those women are FAR from being too muscular....They are "fit" in my book.....And I think that ANY guy who was confident and strong would have no problem with those types..Bring em on...Unfortunately, I could see how a "regular" or out of shape guy would turn nose up....Its just sour grapes on their part in many cases...

 

A woman with a strong body is way sexy...

 

TFY

[Els]

Its you....

 

Thats hot as hell.....

 

Those women are FAR from being too muscular....They are "fit" in my book.....And I think that ANY guy who was confident and strong would have no problem with those types..Bring em on...Unfortunately, I could see how a "regular" or out of shape guy would turn nose up....Its just sour grapes on their part in many cases...

 

A woman with a strong body is way sexy...

 

TFY

 

Ah, well. I haven't said that my taste in women is the greatest...

 

I don't think it's necessarily related to how the guy is... I'm not even a guy! Probably just a 'different strokes for different folks' thing.

[hotpotato]

You truly seem to be a special case. So for you I'd say "Settling will make people happy*"

 

* Unless they are buff as hell

 

And can outdo them in traditionally male activities.

 

Maybe I just don't understand this problem of yours because it's nothing I've ever encountered before. I'm not really what I would call fit anymore, but I still hit the gym and lift weights. For a girl to be stronger than me, she would have to be pretty effin big. Any girl that big, I probably wouldn't want to date, no.

 

Maybe you've just met too many sissies. I used to date a girl who had pretty big arms for a girl. I remember saying something to her about it, and asked if she was stronger than her ex. She told me she beat him in arm wrestling in front of his family. I wouldn't want to be that guy. I wonder if he would ask her to kill spiders for him too?

 

Im not especially strong in the upper body, but I can match some guys as far as lower body strength. I am leaner than a lot of dudes, even when i'm 13% bodyfat. it's nice to look at, but not necessarily what men want to date.

 

The guys who called me intimidating were not sissies, they were average guys. I would actually do better with a "sissy."

 

I've gotten around this in the past by dating men who were 200-300 lbs. One guy who was never intimidated was a 6ft5 former semipro qb and coach. The other was 6ft6 and nearly 300 lbs. I never had to deal with them calling me intimidating.

 

Looking back, the guy I dated for 3 years was in some ways effeminate.

 

It's not difficult to understand. Most men want to be that man in the relationship. They want to feel strong and to feel needed. Most men want some kind of contrast between themselves and the woman.

[GoodOnPaper]

It's not difficult to understand. Most men want to be that man in the relationship. They want to feel strong and to feel needed. Most men want some kind of contrast between themselves and the woman.

 

Agree. And don't most women want their man to feel strong and needed and be "the man" in the relationship? Personally, I don't care if my partner is not as athletic as me, but I always figured that women who are fitness enthusiasts would want partners who are at least as athletic/fit, such as your semipro QB ex.