You girls should never have problem finding a BF

[irc333]

I was wondering if it was either just shyness/introvertedness or the person just had no specific interest in the individual talking to them. lol

 

 

Introverts can and are outgoing. Just not clubbing every other day with dozens of other people around. But you can work on that becoming more outgoing introvert style due to hobbies, sports, couple dancing and other activities.

 

 

Also, a woman, maybe even especially women, should show a little interest, introverted or not. Because the thrill of the chase wears of very quickly without it.

 

 

Read this:

 

 

Reciprocal liking - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[Priv]

I was wondering if it was either just shyness/introvertedness or the person just had no specific interest in the individual talking to them. lol

 

 

Haha, wondering is good. I linked this a few days ago;

 

 

https://news.ku.edu/2014/06/03/flirting-hard-detect-study-finds

 

 

Quote from the article;

 

 

“If you think someone is not interested in you, you are probably right, they are not interested,” Hall said. “But if someone is, you probably missed it.”

 

 

Basically depending on gender we have a 18-36% chance of picking up on someone flirting with us.

 

 

This coupled with reciprocal liking in my view hits the basic essence of dating/friendships and the associated problems with it.

 

 

We like those who like us, and are mostly disinterested in those we percieve not to like us. Seeing as we are already bad at picking up who likes whom you have to put yourself out there and take a risk. Does not matter if you are shy, introverted, homebody whatever. And the beauty of it is, it is not even that much of a risk. The person you are interested in/like becomes interested (in some capacity) in you solely because you like them.

 

 

Every other topic about money, height, career, education etc. to attracting the opposite sex is all very much secondary to this.

Edited June 22, 2014 by Priv

[irc333]

Right, then there are those who try to get some people that don't like them (at first I guess), TO like them. "Wooing" them over by various romancing techniques as seen so many times by "creating attraction" self-help E-Books. lol

 

"What, they don't like you? Then you're doing something wrong if they aren't liking you."

 

It's people like that try to get you to jump through hoops like a circus monkey to get someone to like you as opposed to an effortless mutual/instant "liking" of one another, Priv.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Haha, wondering is good. I linked this a few days ago;

 

 

https://news.ku.edu/2014/06/03/flirting-hard-detect-study-finds

 

 

Quote from the article;

 

 

“If you think someone is not interested in you, you are probably right, they are not interested,” Hall said. “But if someone is, you probably missed it.”

 

 

Basically depending on gender we have a 18-36% chance of picking up on someone flirting with us.

 

 

This coupled with reciprocal liking in my view hits the basic essence of dating/friendships and the associated problems with it.

 

 

We like those who like us, and are mostly disinterested in those we percieve not to like us. Seeing as we are already bad at picking up who likes whom you have to put yourself out there and take a risk. Does not matter if you are shy, introverted, homebody whatever. And the beauty of it is, it is not even that much of a risk. The person you are interested in/like becomes interested (in some capacity) in you solely because you like them.

 

 

Every other topic about money, height, career, education etc. to attracting the opposite sex is all very much secondary to this.

[Priv]

Right, then there are those who try to get some people that don't like them (at first I guess), TO like them. "Wooing" them over by various romancing techniques as seen so many times by "creating attraction" self-help E-Books. lol

 

"What, they don't like you? Then you're doing something wrong if they aren't liking you."

 

It's people like that try to get you to jump through hoops like a circus monkey to get someone to like you as opposed to an effortless mutual/instant "liking" of one another, Priv.

 

 

Well, I am sure it works sometimes but personally I think it is a huge waste of time and I am never really interested in someone who isn't interested in me (thats where the reciprocal liking comes in ). Dating really becomes effortless once this approach is taken. The only trouble than is just finding someone you actually like.

 

 

I think the main audience for these kind of methods are the ones who are just looking for a bf/gf. Keyword here is the A. They are not genuinely interested in the person, but in scoring with the opposite sex in general. There is no real liking/interest in the person in that situation.

[hotpotato]

Introverts can and are outgoing. Just not clubbing every other day with dozens of other people around. But you can work on that becoming more outgoing introvert style due to hobbies, sports, couple dancing and other activities.

 

 

Also, a woman, maybe even especially women, should show a little interest, introverted or not. Because the thrill of the chase wears of very quickly without it.

 

 

Read this:

 

 

Reciprocal liking - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I am to the point where i finally want to join sports but not necessarily to meet people.

 

I can meet people and get along with people just fine. In fact, people feel comfortable around me. When I used to go to the bookstore like every other day, people would just sit by me and tell me everything. I do mean EVERYTHING lol. The only group of people that really didn't talk to me were guys my own age.

 

I'm trying to tell everyone, I'm just different from most women.If you put me at a table with 15 other women, you will immediately see a difference.

 

Actually, the more interest I show, the worse it is. Showing a little interest works if the guy is 50 and over. Just a conversation can set them off, and they interpret anything as interest. It's a bit trickier with guys my age. It's almost like I would have to ask them out.

 

I've tried to show interest in guys, so far no success. Between that and doing all the work in relationships, i'm getting tired of chasing guys.

[Targetlock]

As a fellow Introvert i can be rather socially awkward and takes a lot to get me to get out there and express myself, which makes it awkward for dating as people don't get an idea of the 'real you'. so i regularly try and push myself out of that comfort zone by accepting every social invite or opportunity that is given to me

[SoleMate]

ANYONE, male or female, attractive or not, any age, any height or weight, any race, any income, handicapped or not, can find a partner. Yes, 99% of women could find a spouse in the next 48 hours by becoming a prison visitor. Same thing for 99% of men, if they visit a women's prison and are willing to make a $20 deposit in her name at the commissary. If that's not working, keep upping the contribution until it flies.

 

Many people cannot find the partner they want. So if you are an "incel" man protesting you don't want a spouse/GF who is a felon and can be bought for shampoo and ramen noodles, just be aware that most women don't want the kind of "BF" who is on offer for any woman's (temporary) taking at every dive bar. Hope that's clear.

[Targetlock]

i hate how people think we guys have it easier, because me being a guy i don't

 

we certainly do not, it isn't easier being of either gender in my opinion, but appearance and confidence seem to major factors in this.

[Priv]

I am to the point where i finally want to join sports but not necessarily to meet people.

 

I can meet people and get along with people just fine. In fact, people feel comfortable around me. When I used to go to the bookstore like every other day, people would just sit by me and tell me everything. I do mean EVERYTHING lol. The only group of people that really didn't talk to me were guys my own age.

 

I'm trying to tell everyone, I'm just different from most women.If you put me at a table with 15 other women, you will immediately see a difference.

 

Actually, the more interest I show, the worse it is. Showing a little interest works if the guy is 50 and over. Just a conversation can set them off, and they interpret anything as interest. It's a bit trickier with guys my age. It's almost like I would have to ask them out.

 

I've tried to show interest in guys, so far no success. Between that and doing all the work in relationships, i'm getting tired of chasing guys.

 

Haha, totally get the 'people feel comfortable around me' part. It is my most heard compliment by far; 'it feels like I can tell you anything' or 'I love how I can be myself around you' etc. Guess we are just very non-assuming

 

Sounds like you do all the right things. Sucks you had no luck this far except the 50y olds (unless you too are 50 ), but surely you will some day. Just keep at it. And sports is awesome for all kinds of reasons!

 

Maybe it is the being very different part. But how so very different?

[hotpotato]

For guys its literally a matter of knowing how to get a date or a relationship, for girls its not a matter, girls don't need to know how to get one since it just happens out of thin air for them

 

Oh really? Several women in this thread have ready dispelled that myth.

[hotpotato]

Haha, totally get the 'people feel comfortable around me' part. It is my most heard compliment by far; 'it feels like I can tell you anything' or 'I love how I can be myself around you' etc. Guess we are just very non-assuming

 

Sounds like you do all the right things. Sucks you had no luck this far except the 50y olds (unless you too are 50 ), but surely you will some day. Just keep at it. And sports is awesome for all kinds of reasons!

 

Maybe it is the being very different part. But how so very different?

 

Im well under 50. Actually, if he is 50 thats an improvement. Im a grandpa magnet.

 

I dont talk as much as most other women. I dont tell all my business to people I just met. I have different interests.

 

Sports are great. Im thinking of taking a free capoeira class for fun. It can be awkward meeting people at gyms or other places where people train or workout. Younger people go there to workout, so its older people who are more likely to make a move. Ive heard stories of old men hitting on and sometimes stalking both men and women at gyms and places like that.

 

The issue now is most of the guys my age are married. I live in an area where people settlr down at relatively young ages.

 

Anyway, I go out more often nowadays. I even went to a beer fest.

[hotpotato]

how is that possible when women don't have to initiate or escalate anything? never need to take the lead?

 

Its hard for men and women in different ways. Like others have said, its easy for women to get sex, but its complicated for both sexes to find a relationship.

[hotpotato]

yes i know in different ways but even when a girl does meet a guy she is attracted to, meets the right guy, she doesn't have to do anything in order to "make it happen", guys are dealt with that card, and guys can easily mess it up in that process, i don't see how a girl can mess things up since girls are the ones that have the final say in the beginning, are the ones that decide whether or not they are gonna go out with the guy or give him his number, spread his legs open for him.

 

You are acting as though women dont get rejected, dumped, hurt.

[carhill]

Apologies for missing the interceding discussion...

 

Is there any reason a girl should say that shes having trouble finding a bf or dates?

 

Absolutely there are reasons and a woman's reasons are just as valid as a man's reasons and, when they feel the struggle of 'finding' whether it be a date which moves them, or a BF whom they feel they could partner with the rest of their lives, those are valid reasons and feelings.

 

While the specifics of the 'problem' may differ by gender, the scope of the challenge remains.

[GemmaUK]

You are acting as though women dont get rejected, dumped, hurt.

 

And as though no women ever ask men out..

Some of us do. I certainly have.

[GemmaUK]

Apologies for missing the interceding discussion...

 

 

 

Absolutely there are reasons and a woman's reasons are just as valid as a man's reasons and, when they feel the struggle of 'finding' whether it be a date which moves them, or a BF whom they feel they could partner with the rest of their lives, those are valid reasons and feelings.

 

While the specifics of the 'problem' may differ by gender, the scope of the challenge remains.

 

Absolutely!

These kind of threads make me want to tear my hair out!

[Smarty Pants]

Gender generalizations are so stupid. I didn't read any posts on this thread but the title is bad enough.

[firmness]

Absolutely!

These kind of threads make me want to tear my hair out!

 

To all who say this, I get it. Generalizations are almost always inaccurate on the face of it.

 

But I think the OP is spot on - women on dating sites tend to get significantly more "hits" than guys do. With all the social changes we have seen - specifically over the past two decades - women are still not taking the same risks that men are....generally speaking. OLD data bears this out.

 

That is pretty much the main point. The secondary part of OP's post is that women should have no problem getting a date because of this, and it doesn't work that way.

 

Big numbers do not translate to big opportunities. But women do indeed have it easier in this regard.

[Smarty Pants]

If you want to generalize, I would say men are more desperate for attention than anything. We try to play this game and try to impress women we see. That's why they put themselves out there which allows women to "have many options".

 

This seems like a pity party to me. Again, I didn't read this thread because the title was enough for me.

 

For the guys. If you get rejected, so what? Don't take it personally. I've had women approach me and I wasn't interested in them. I hope they wouldn't take it personally. Why should you care what one person thinks about you? There are plenty of people out there that are looking for the same thing as you.

 

Get rejected, move on to the next.

[Glinda.Good]

dumped and hurt is different that rejection, as for rejection i'm referring to approaching first and asking for phone number, asking out on a date, women don't have to do that, they have full-societal approval to be passive

 

Woe is you.

 

If you are so opposed to asking women out, don't. You don't have to. That's not saying that sitting around hoping to be asked out is a good strategy. Women are learning this too.

 

I'm not sure what has happened to make everybody forget the famous cultural archetypes of "rejected" women: the "Old Maid." The "Wallflower." "One of the Boys." "Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Bride."

 

Etc.

 

Whether those stereotypical women who are overlooked by men could have asked some out or proposed to them or not, I assure you that they feel just as rejected as you do.

 

Anyway, it really is ridiculous the way some (mostly young) guys cannot get past the mistaken concept that women have it easy and men have it rough. First, it's not a competition. Second, you don't understand other peoples' challenges and hurt, so stop using it to bolster your points.

 

Just work on making your life the way you'd like it to be, regardless of what you think the women have.

[hotpotato]

dumped and hurt is different that rejection, as for rejection i'm referring to approaching first and asking for phone number, asking out on a date, women don't have to do that, they have full-societal approval to be passive

 

I'm curious as to why you think being dumped isn't rejection. :/

[Targetlock]

I'm curious as to why you think being dumped isn't rejection. :/

 

yep, just rejection in another form

[HappyLove]

"Originally Posted by fullofregret217

dumped and hurt is different that rejection, as for rejection i'm referring to approaching first and asking for phone number, asking out on a date, women don't have to do that, they have full-societal approval to be passive"

 

 

There are plenty of women who would LOVE to ask a man out too but if a woman asks a man out she is considered desperate as hell and looked down on. You have no idea how difficult it is for MANY women. Especially if you aren't a size 2 beautiful with blonde straight hair. Give me a break about men having it so hard.

[Targetlock]

There are plenty of women who would LOVE to ask a man out too but if a woman asks a man out she is considered desperate as hell and looked down on. You have no idea how difficult it is for MANY women. Especially if you aren't a size 2 beautiful with blonde straight hair. Give me a break about men having it so hard.

 

I would love that to happen to me and i certainly wouldn't consider it being desperate but rather go-getting and know what she wants

[somedude81]

I'm curious as to why you think being dumped isn't rejection. :/

 

Getting rejected and getting dumped are completely different things.

 

Being rejected is pretty much someone either a stranger or someone you know very well, essentially telling you that you aren't good enough to date them. Hearing that over and over can have a huge negative effect on ones self-esteem.

 

Very few women know what it's like to ask out a guy and get rejected. Some women may have done it once or twice in their life and then will exclaim to never try it again.

 

Women are very lucky to not have to experience rejection if they don't want to.