Why can't I be happy?

[Hidden_Girl]

I have been in a really bad mood lately..all I ever do is think about how much I hate life. I was never one to hate life..I was always a possitive person...I don't know what's gotten into me?

 

You see..A few months ago my job got transfered to another job -- I wasn't happy about this to begin with...I lost a lot of great co-workers..the new people I work with are ANNOYING **** TALKERS. I hate it so much! At another job I have all I've been doing is SCREWING UP...I love that job to death and when I mess anything up I seriously just wanna die...everyone always rubs it in my face that I screwed up and it really hurts my feelings and people don't see that they are hurting my feelings at all -- I just wanna scream sometimes..I love the people their and the job but when one thing goes wrong it's like I'm the enemy for the next few months.

 

I have been in a very bad mood around everyone lately and I have had one hell of an attitude..I have never in my life been smart with someone other than my parents but lately...it's been a different story.

 

Another little problemo I've been having is I have been seriously dieting..I wiegh 90lbs and I'm 19 years old 5'5...I know I'm not fat but I feel like I look like I'm pregnant all the time b/c I have a strange stomach so I always feel the need to not eat...I think this might be why my work performance has been HORRID lately...I say I'm gonna eat healthy but then I always feel guilty when I do..and right after I eat if I look down at my stomach all I see is NASTY FATNESS.

 

I have shut all of my friends out of my life..I just don't like to be around them and I don't trust any of them..there is only 1 person in my life that I trust and this person has no idea that I trust them more than anything in this world.

 

I miss my old self..and I want it all back..why can't I just be my old happy self?????

[Thinkalot]

Why such a big change?

 

I mean, the work stuff I can understand being annoying, and perhaps bringing you down.

 

But why have you started shutting others out?

 

And I have suffered an eating disorder. It can mostly certainly take control of things.

 

Have you considered going to a counsellor to talk this through, and maybe get to the bottom of it? Try and think positvely...look at what you have to be thankful for and focus on that.

 

Talk to a professional- Then perhaps you can heal whatever it is, and get back to being your old self. I hope so, for your sake.

[FreeMe]

Originally posted by Hidden_Girl

Another little problemo I've been having is I have been seriously dieting..I wiegh 90lbs and I'm 19 years old 5'5...I know I'm not fat but I feel like I look like I'm pregnant all the time b/c I have a strange stomach so I always feel the need to not eat...I say I'm gonna eat healthy but then I always feel guilty when I do..and right after I eat if I look down at my stomach all I see is NASTY FATNESS.

 

You have a SERIOUS problem. The "fat" you see is your stomach distending from MALNUTRITION. You can die. Get yourself to a doctor. You have an eating disorder and you're starving your brain cells which is probably causing hormone problems and depression.

 

Get medical and mental help.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Happiness isn't going to be found in your job. It isn't going to be found in another person. It isn't going to be found in double 0 sized clothing or a completely concave stomach and thighs that don't touch when you stand up. It isn't going to be found anywhere you look, because what is wrong with all those things around you are your perceptions of them.

 

Your perceptions are driven by an apparent deep disappointment (and possibly hatred) of yourself and helpless feelings that you have no control over those things around you. What you don't see is that it isn't control over things that you need: its getting your perceptions under control that you need. With the severity of your problems, you will definitely not be able to do that with a "feel-good" self help book or a "heart to heart" chat with a buddy.

 

You will want to pick up the phone and call a professional who specializes in body dysmorphic disorders and eating disorders. This person will help you gather control over the one thing that eludes you: the ability to control your perceptions of the world around you. If money/insurance is a concern, call up Social Services in your area - tell them that you need help and they will help you with referrals and a payment plan.

 

Make that choice - yearn helplessly for control or actually pick up the phone and take the first step toward it.

[RoxStar]

I agree with the other posters... You should look into counseling. It sounds like you have some issues with your body which need a professional to assist you in resolving that.

 

Changing jobs can be as stressful as death or divorce so it also sounds like you have had a lot of upheaval in your life. My guess would be depression. Depression can make you shut out the people you love and can make you hate your life and hate living until you take control of it by getting some help.

 

Happiness can only come from within. Your weight wont equal happiness nor will your job. It has to be in your mind and in your heart. Some people can fight depression on their own and others cant. Depression can consume you if you arent careful. I can tell you that from personal experience. I went to counseling for a long time to deal with my problems and yes I still get depressed but in counseling I learned some of the tools to help me deal with depression and overcome it.

 

Cheer up. Keep us posted as to how you are doing!

[sammy123454]

try 2 st. johns wort daily. works like a charm!!

[moimeme]

try 2 st. johns wort daily. works like a charm!!

 

NEVER try any medication, herbal or otherwise, without consulting a doctor first. Some folks are allergic to these 'natural' aids.

 

You badly need to see a physician. 90 lbs is WAY too skinny for your height. There is a disorder that distorts people's ability to see their own bodies properly. Everybody else will see a skinny, bony, unhealthy person but that person thinks she's fat and ugly. It's not true; it's a problem that physicians will help - a diet will never fix it. You could lose another 50 lbs but because of this problem, you will still think you look fat even if you're almost dead from starvation. Please get help today.

[xxxImaginaryloverxxx]

Damn i am going through so much of what you are. i realy hate life right now. and myself. i cant help it... u gotta just get through dont do ne thing stupid.

and the not eating thing isent good. u have to eat! if u are really that self consiouse.(like me) excersize. i am so insecure about me but u cant hurt urself like that. i have no room to talk i really put my self down all the time but i just keep saying to my self the quote at the bottom of my post. you'll be ok and hopefully i will to.