Found out about my girl's past

[Confused]

I have dated my girl for almost 6 months now. A few days ago, I found out that she slept with her cousin when she was 14 (The cousin being 20). I found this out from our mutual friend. I confronted her about this, and she said that she was raped by her cousin. It means that she has been abused, and I want to rectify this, if it is true. She is 16 now. I would really want her cousin to be punished for this. What do I do from now? She told me to drop it, and never mention it to anyone, But I have not slept yesterday night, and now I am at work, and can't stop thinking of it. The cousin lives in our town. Should I just go over to him, and deal with him, or report him? She was scared when I found about it, and I assumed her cousin must have threatened her to keep her mouth shut about it.. I need some help, as to how to act. She is young, and I really want to straighten things out. What if he does it again.

 

Thanks

[Tony T]

This matter is absolutely and completely none of your business whatsoever.

 

Now, if this situation has adversely affected her psychologically...which I'm sure it has...you should encourage her to get psychological counselling.

 

There is no statute of limitations on rape. When she is older and more confident, if she wishes to press charges she may do so. You have to understand that under the very best of conditions, it is extremely humiliating for a girl to deal with the legals aspects of a rape case. It is ten times worse when it involves a member of your family.

 

The embarrassment and humiliation of reporting this, the lack of any evidence whatsoever, and the humiliation of possible publicity and its affect on the entire family are things she has thought long and hard about. Although there have been successful prosecutions of persons for rape many years after the fact, they are difficult and rare to pull off and usuall come down to an admission of some sort.

 

I suggest you talk to a social worker in your town if you want to completely understand just how traumatic it is for a woman to be sexually assaulted and then have to go through all the legal stuff afterwards. The trauma of interviews, depositions, trials, etc. is usually worse than the sexual assault itself.

 

Your lady is the best judge of what she wants to do with this. My guess is that she will never want to do anything except avoid this cousin. She has suffered enough and to go through all this new legal stuff, which probably would be for naught, and you don't need to put it back in her life.

 

This girl has suffered enough and doesn't need a boyfriend to come in and run her life at this point. She also needs a boyfriend who doesn't run around talking about beating people up from her past. That kind of talk is immature and childish. And if you do that, you will surely be jailed for assault. I don't think you want that.

 

So if you care for her at all, honor your girlfriend's wishes, forget this matter and back off. Short of suggesting counselling for her, you should have no input in this whatsoever. And don't bring this matter up to her again. She has suffered enough and doesn't need to relive it on your account.

 

In time, you will understand why it's not a good idea to interfere in the personal affairs and lives of other people unless they specifically ask you to. Your girl has asked you to drop it and never mention it to anyone and that's what you should do. Respect her wishes and spare her, please!!!