Foolish Posted February 13, 2005 Share Posted February 13, 2005 Me and my ex broke up a few weeks back, after 2 years of being together. We broke up because he thought he had fallen out of love with me because we were in a rut. I have moved interstate to be with my family but i am so home sick. I want to win him back. I want him to fall back in love with me. I am still that same person he feel in love with.. I just want him to see me a fresh... do i have a chance here? Link to post Share on other sites
RedTigerNY Posted February 13, 2005 Share Posted February 13, 2005 id give it some time and let him see & realize how much he misses and needs u. ppl crave rarity i think. if u go back too soon u may really want to but for a while the distance may actually help , sometimes makes heart grow fonder and really recognize how much person means Link to post Share on other sites
Author Foolish Posted February 13, 2005 Author Share Posted February 13, 2005 yes, but i'm so scared that if i stay here for too long... he will get used to not seeing me. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 13, 2005 Share Posted February 13, 2005 Originally posted by Foolish I am still that same person he feel in love with.. ... but you were the person he fell out of love with, too. Falling out of love is a slow, painful process that you never really see until its too late. The person allows their emotional investment in you to dwindle, drop by drop until it reaches a point where there simply isn't enough left to keep things going anymore. When your boyfriend fell out of love with you, he looked at everything you were and everything you had to offer and he let it go. There is no good answer to "why did you fall out of love with me" - you'd get an easier answer by asking a corpse why it died. Once a person falls out of love, and leaves the relationship - they generally will not want to come back, mainly because they know they will be returning to the things they rejected to begin with. You will want to take the focus off of "getting back with him" and try to focus on "getting back your heart". Give yourself some time to work through your emotions. Does he call you or anything? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Foolish Posted February 13, 2005 Author Share Posted February 13, 2005 yes, he calls me all the time. we are best friends. i have never done this before and i dont know what to do. i feel like i cant live without him Link to post Share on other sites
RedTigerNY Posted February 13, 2005 Share Posted February 13, 2005 u must let him know how u feel then. see if he feels same way is it possible for u all to meet like every weekend or sthg then? Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 13, 2005 Share Posted February 13, 2005 You definitely need to be clear with him about how you feel. Don't give him the impression that you are ok with "just friends" if you aren't. A lot of people who are in love with someone who doesn't love them back will say that they are "friends" but the sad truth is that "friends" is just an excuse to spend time and be with someone that you can't otherwise have romantically. If he is truly your friend, and I mean friend in the true sense - without any romance or love involved, then he will understand when you tell him that your heart can't handle "just friends" right now and that you can't continue to be dishonest with him about your motivations to be friends. You love him, you want to be with him, and 'just friends' won't cut it. So, you will need to ask him not to contact you for a while until you get your heart and head together. You can't truly be friends with him, if the only reason you are "friends" is because you are hoping you'll get back together. He isn't going to get back together with you right now. Hanging around and being there for him in this way is all he wants from you right now, not a relationship. You'll need to understand and accept that he isn't continuing to talk to you because he wants to be back in a relationship with you: he's continuing to talk to you because he likes you and likes talking to you. That doesn't mean he loves you and wants to continue a relationship. One day he might, you never know - but right now, all he needs from you is friendship. The only real chance you have is to let this relationship you had with him die. Let it burn out of your heart. He fell out of love with you in this first relationship, and I seriously doubt he would want to go back to something that he was able to get himself out of. What you have now works for him. He gets to talk to you, and be your friend - but he doesn't have to be your boyfriend. As long as this arrangement works for him, and you allow it to work for him, he has no motivation to change it: even if it isn't what is best for you. So, who will have to change? The only person with any motivation to change is you. You are miserable, lost and hurt in this situation so you'll need to find a way to change it. That means letting your "friend" know that you need some time alone to sort out your feelings. This would mean 'no contact' - none, nada until you have your heart put back together. This will let you mourn the loss of your relationship, and put your feelings back into some sort of order so that if you do choose to be "just friends" with this guy - it won't be quite as painful, as you'll be his 'friend' and not just his 'heart-broken ex hoping to get back with him'. If you are afraid that he won't understand that, and will abandon you instead of giving you the time you need to heal - then you may want to consider exactly how good of a friend he really is. You will also want to consider your own motivations: are you really interested in being his friend, or is your only motivation for talking to him hoping to be his girlfriend again. If there were absolutely no hope of ever dating him again, a 0% chance he would love you again and you knew this - would you still seek him out as 'just a friend'? Link to post Share on other sites
Feeling Lonely Posted February 13, 2005 Share Posted February 13, 2005 Oh my god. Your situation is so much like mine, except my ex not only no longer loves me but has found someone else and has even told me how much better she is than me! The advice your getting also applys to me, so thanks. An good luck p.s. read my story at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56861/ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Foolish Posted February 14, 2005 Author Share Posted February 14, 2005 I asked him today not to contact me. He was fine. He wants me to be able to move on properlly. I told him I would call him when i am ready. He said that this is fine and that he is just waiting for me to be ok because he really cares about me and wants to be my friend. So that's it I guess. This is so hard. I've never hurt like this before. I don't know if I can do it, but I'm going to try. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts