8 months later I'm going to contact her

[RDawg]

Inspired by a recent bunch of lets be friends with an ex threads I have decided to reach out to mine after 8 months post BU and 7 months of strict No Contact.

 

I can't deal with this no contact any more, I have had enough. I am consumed with thoughts of her, it's like its become an obsession. I don't even know if I still want her back, all I know is I WANT TO SEE HER.

 

Geez, life is to short for pining away like this. I want to go for a drink and have a catch up, a laugh. I want her back in my life now, I don't care if she gets married to some other guy one day or whatever, really I don't. I just want contact with her. Stuff this, life is too short for cutting people away. So what if things didn't work out for us, does that mean we have to be dead to each other? For ever?

 

Aaargh, I swear I'm gonna do it and stuff the consequences!!

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

You do what you feel is best, I do completely get where you are coming from I feel much the same x

 

Just makesure you are ready x

[PegNosePete]

I don't care if she gets married to some other guy

You might be deluding yourself but you're not fooling anyone else here.

You clearly want her back and would be devastated if she had a new BF.

Dude you need to HEAL before you can even think about initiating contact with her. Otherwise you'll be right back to square one.

But at the end of the day it's your choice... good luck!

[FredJones80]

Hope it works out for you.

 

What if she already IS married?

[mangetout]

Go for it.

I just broke NC for the umpteenth time and my ex and I are trying again for the third attempt.

If it feels right to do so then go for it. So what if you get hurt. I am sure you will survive. Maybe you need to contact her to move on

 

 

Good luck

[JahnJahn]

If she broke up with you and hasnt suggested meeting up etc then why are you doing all the work?

[RDawg]

So she's married. Result = cool. move on.

 

So she doesn't want to hang out = cool. move on.

 

So she wants to hang out = COOL. see what transpires.

 

I am just sick and tired of fantasizing about seeing her again. I have it on good authority that she has no intention of ever reconciling with me. And that's cool, I'm not convinced our relationship was sustainable.

 

BUT, I still want her in my life. Maybe she will become my confidant? Maybe she will introduce me to my future wife? Maybe she will fall crazy in love with me all over again?

 

Confront your fears, take that leap into the unknown. Go forth bravely my fellow Loveshackers!!

[slouch]

Geez, life is to short for pining away like this.

 

I totally agree- which is why I'm dating again. You might think you'll be able to move on if you find out she's with someone else, but I honestly think it'll just set you right back to where you were at the start of NC.

[Haydn]

Good luck friend. You never know. Just waiting for a certain loveshacker to appear on your thread.

[RDawg]

I'm pretty sure she's still single. She spends her off days drinking at the pub, chain smoking cigarettes moaning to any one who will listen to her about my character flaws that led to the demise of our breakup.

 

And if she's got a new guy I wish the man all the best, he's going to have to be quite the dude to make this woman happy.

[RDawg]

Hi Haydn.

 

Not Tara I hope. She will give me a keyboard smack if she reads this drivel!

[ThorntonMelon]

I'd take the money you were going to spend on the drinks and spend it on the copay of your new therapist you need to get.

 

Why would you come on a website like this and say you're consumed with thoughts of someone but you don't think your relationship works? Are you consumed with thoughts of your other friends?

 

Do what you want with your life but you need to talk to someone.

[PhillyConnection23]

Happy to see a post like this.

 

I keep saying that if you want someone in your life you need to make an attempt and see what happens...when you are ready.

 

Best of luck!

[BC1980]

I think the problem is that you haven't used your NC constructively. If you are still obsessing after 8 months NC, there's a problem. I made a conscious effort to do things differently when I started NC. I now volunteer in 2 places, and I reached out to old friends. For instance, I ran into an old friend from high school who recently moved back home. Before, I would have just said hey and kept going. This time, I asked if she wanted to meet for lunch, and we started hanging out more. She has been a good source to talk to. It's not easy, but you have to actually use your NC to move on, not sit around and obsess.

 

I also read several books on grief and really worked to apply the concepts. Maybe you need some counseling. I just don't think it's good that you are still constantly fantasizing about her even now. It's not healthy, and it's no way to live.

[Simon Phoenix]

This sounds like a horrible idea, but whatever. Like BC said, it seems like you've been using NC to wait her out instead of to move forward. So maybe you need to be dragged through the mud a bit to go back to using NC the way it's supposed to be used? I don't know. Either way, best of luck.

 

And if you know what she's up to in regards to her post-work habits, are you actually in NC? If you are doing it the right way you wouldn't even have a guess as to what she's doing.

[ponchsox]

This may actually help you get over the hump. It has zero to do with them. It's all about YOU. Life is a journey and others are just along for the ride.

[erklat]

I can't deal with this no contact any more, I have had enough. I am consumed with thoughts of her, it's like its become an obsession. I don't even know if I still want her back, all I know is I WANT TO SEE HER.

 

Geez, life is to short for pining away like this. I want to go for a drink and have a catch up, a laugh. I want her back in my life now, I don't care if she gets married to some other guy one day or whatever, really I don't.

 

So basically you are obsessing over a scene of wild sex of her with someone else?

 

You are fooling yourself and the couple of others.

 

I'm not acknowledging her presence unless she does so, and after that I move

to another part of a bar or whatever. So basically yes, she's supposed to be as close

to dead as possible to you.

 

On the other hand, I felt pretty bad at the 8 months mark.

 

After that I got couple of gals better than her, got another one who kicked me to the kerb

before poking her nose in my Instagram account and starting a romance with another beautiful woman.

 

This is a terrible terrible idea which will end bad for you.

[erklat]

Yeah, now I remember that one of my friends who always found some

excuse not to keep NC.

 

Apparently after 7 months they reconciled. In s way that they are romanticizing in

secret since he can't force her to break the news to her family and friends, while maybe

still waiting for someone better to arrive.

 

You were ready to loose me forever. Go fnck yourself.

[OhNoNotAgain]

I'm about to break NC too. I know my ex just got out of her rebound relationship, and I might have to move soon. So I feel like this is the perfect time to try.

 

If she still feels the same way, and doesn't want me, at least I can know there is truly nothing for me in this town, and that I should move.

 

But I feel like this is something I need in order to move on. I'm at about 9 or 10 weeks NC. And I keep holding on to hope that she'll come back one day. But I need to know if she still feels the same as when we broke up. If she doesn't want me, so be it. But at least I'll know. I'd rather know that there is no chance, then to wonder my whole life what she would have said if I messaged her.

 

I think I'm going to do it tonight.

[PhillyConnection23]

I really think that everyone on this board wants the best for each other. We disagree on tactics and strategies but that's because love isn't a science. Relationships aren't a science.

 

I don't know the specifics about your relationship. Hell, I don't even think I know the specifics of my past relationship. But what I do know is that after spending enough time away from someone and doing the right things (moving on, bettering yourself, reflecting on the relationship, etc) you can make an informed decision about what you want to do and how to progress.

 

Life is full of heart ache, failures and successes. Only the individual can decide if they are going take the chance.

 

Personally for me, I lost my mother at a relatively young age. That taught me a lot about relationships, the value placed on them and ultimately how to move on with your life after something traumatic. I still want to be with my ex and I haven't hid the fact that I want to give it another shot sometime in the future. I'm not ready for that yet. Nor do I think she is. But I'm still going to contact her in the future and I'm going to go in with no expectations but in the back of my mind I will want it to be successful. Why? Because I think she is worth it.

 

People make mistakes. People grow. People change. Dumpers aren't always these cold and heartless individuals that we portray them as. (I'm not saying *******s don't exist...they do and they dump) But in other cases the person wants the best for themselves...which is exactly what everyone here tells dumpees. Why fault the dumper for the same things we encourage the dumpee to do?

 

This is turning into a rant and probably because of the beer I've drank but sometimes people need to take a chance. Life is about taking chances. I want to live my life and I want to feel all of its ups and downs. Hopefully it pays off big for me. Hopefully it pays off big for the other people that are also taking the chance...