Girlfriend took photos of me naked without consent. I'm weirded out.

[germain]

So this is kind of embarrassing... My girlfriend of a month or two casually mentioned snapping a few nude photos of me while I was getting out of the shower a few days ago. Normally in a longer term relationship with more trust built up, I wouldn't care so much. But we're just now letting our guards down, and I feel like this is a huge violation of trust and respect.

 

If she has done this once without mentioning it to me, what's to say she hasn't done it before or won't in the future? And what was her motive exactly? It seems innocent enough as she told me about it which she wouldn't have if she had malicious intent. She also said she had no others and deleted the photos she took immediately after. But again, can I really trust her?

 

So on the advice of a few people, I picked her up from work - before she would have had time to transfer any photos to a computer at least - and asked to look through the photos on her phone. I told her I wouldn't look at anything else, and she would be right there with me. She let me, and it felt really weird doing it, but I didn't find anything other than what I have sent her. She could still have more, but I have a bit more comfort about it now at least. Also I think it may have restored some trust. We (she) argued a bit more after that when I told her I needed some time to think about this. She tried flipping it around on me, with it being about me looking through her phone now... I just let her do her thing and be angry until we were back on the same page on the real issue.

 

She's younger than me, and I think people her age are a lot less concerned with privacy, especially digitally. She said that she was just being "young and dumb" when she took it. And I can see that. But privacy is something that is incredibly important to me. I would never do something like this without her permission first. It's almost on par with someone recording sex with a hidden camera. Maybe not that bad, but still enough to make me uncomfortable and less willing to keep the bathroom door open from now on. Am I overreacting?

[pteromom]

You are within your rights to not want nude pics taken of you.

 

But she apologized and deleted them, and hasn't taken more. I assume you told her straight up that you never want her to do that again.

 

So it seems it is dealt with and over.

 

If she ever does it again after knowing how strongly you feel about it, you can just move on.

[O'Malley]

You're not overreacting at all. There's a big difference between her disrespecting your privacy and your sense of trust by taking those photos, and your asking to look at her phone to make certain she hasn't stored those images. She's young, but even the biggest exhibitionist knows that you don't take nude photos without it being mutually agreed upon.

 

After only knowing her for two months, it's something to keep an eye on, if you continue to want to date her. It may be that your views on privacy aren't that compatible.

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

I think she might be winding you up x

[Frank2thepoint]

You are not overreacting, at least about not wanting her to take nude photos of you while getting out of the shower (or sitting on the toilet ). It is in your right to have her respect privacy.

 

But you are overreacting by questioning your trust for her over her taking photos of you. You informed her about what you think and feel, she deleted them, now just move on.

 

On a side note, you didn't have to go through her phone. You could of just communicated your disapproval and request her to delete them. Then trust her that she did delete them.

[MalachiX]

I guess it depends on where you are in the relationship. I wouldn't think this odd for an SO to do if we were serious and comitted (of course, I'm a photographer). Or course I think it's best to ask permission first but I can understand doing something impusively. I once took a few pictures of a long time girlfriend sleeping (which seems creepy I guess) but it was because we'd been together for two years and she was going away for a couple of months and I wanted to remember what it was like to have here sleeping next to me. I don't think I ever told her I did that.

 

I can understand it would be out of line if someone did it after a first few dates since you don't really know the person and, for all you know, they may be sending them to their friends or keeping them as proof of conquest.

 

Two months is kinda a gray area for me. It's long enough to know that SOMETHING is happening but you may not have full-on committed to that person yet.

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

I really dont think she did and even if she did I think it would have just been for a laugh between you too. I once joked I had taken pics of my ex dribbling in his sleep and was going to put them on FB, we ended up having a bantering tussel and of course there were no pictures really... I think you are over thinking this xx

[HappyLove]

I can't believe people are telling you that you're overreacting! You have every right to be furious at her! God only knows if she posted those pics on a website! I would have dumped her on the spot! That is the ultimate invasion of privacy!

[nadine5]

I think she was just being immature. A lot of younger girls do stupid things like that.

 

Let her know that this is her last chance, though, and that you're not going to put up with that kind of crap.

[gaius]

Why do you think you're so important that people would care enough to even go and look even if she did create a digital shrine of pictures and videos of you naked?

[guest572]

Yes that is very weird.. I don't think you are overreacting at all . I also value my privacy and would probably be thinking about whether or not to pursue the relationship if that happened to me. I find it really creepy. Not that I am advising you to end it, but that is a big deal and you are right to be weirded out.

[germain]

On a side note, you didn't have to go through her phone. You could of just communicated your disapproval and request her to delete them. Then trust her that she did delete them.

 

I know-I felt horrible as I was doing it. Under any other circumstance, I wouldn't have. At the time, a few people suggested I do it for peace of mind, especially considering how we don't really know each other that well. I got that and also it showed me that she believes I should trust her by my putting her on the spot like that. She could have said no.

 

I can't believe people are telling you that you're overreacting! You have every right to be furious at her! God only knows if she posted those pics on a website! I would have dumped her on the spot! That is the ultimate invasion of privacy!

 

I'm not so worried about being some nameless, naked guy on the internet. But more worried about friends, co-workers, family seeing them. What I do think I have going for me is it would show a lot about her character to them if she did post them. Who takes secret nude photos of someone and then gives them out kind of thing...

 

Why do you think you're so important that people would care enough to even go and look even if she did create a digital shrine of pictures and videos of you naked?

 

I'm actually really hot, so... Seriously though, check above. I don't think people would necessarily care if I was anonymous. But mutual aquaintences would be pretty devastating socially.

 

My plan so far is to just talk with her more about it if it gets brought up. She seemed really upset about looking through her pictures. But it seemed right at the time. Invading privacy by looking through someone's phone vs. taking nude photographs of someone... I'll just have to keep my guard up a little bit, which is a shame. Hopefully, I will be able to build my trust back up and not let this chip away at me over time.

[ascendotum]

Yes that is very weird.. I don't think you are overreacting at all . I also value my privacy and would probably be thinking about whether or not to pursue the relationship if that happened to me. I find it really creepy. Not that I am advising you to end it, but that is a big deal and you are right to be weirded out.

 

Oh boy that word creepy gets way over used. No creepy is setting up the camera in a vent in the bathroom to take clandestine pics or footage. She is just being impulsive. She's young (immature) in love with him and he said he has a great body and I'm sure she loves it and she wanted to capture it. Lots of people take 100s of pics of mundane aspects of their lives now.

It wouldn't worry me, but my gf is not immature and it certainly wouldn't end up on FB, and if shown to a few of her friends it wouldn't phase me that much. Pics of me in short shorts washing the car are not that far off. If she did take a shower shot in the first month of being together, it would have made it more of a big deal though as I would not have known her nature so well.

 

Once the OPs gf realized she had done the wrong thing and apologized and said she'd delete the pics, I wouldn't think he would have to worry about her doing anything like that again...or that she's 'creepy'.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I know-I felt horrible as I was doing it. Under any other circumstance, I wouldn't have. At the time, a few people suggested I do it for peace of mind, especially considering how we don't really know each other that well. I got that and also it showed me that she believes I should trust her by my putting her on the spot like that. She could have said no.

 

 

I'm not so worried about being some nameless, naked guy on the internet. But more worried about friends, co-workers, family seeing them. What I do think I have going for me is it would show a lot about her character to them if she did post them. Who takes secret nude photos of someone and then gives them out kind of thing...

 

 

 

I'm actually really hot, so... Seriously though, check above. I don't think people would necessarily care if I was anonymous. But mutual aquaintences would be pretty devastating socially.

 

My plan so far is to just talk with her more about it if it gets brought up. She seemed really upset about looking through her pictures. But it seemed right at the time. Invading privacy by looking through someone's phone vs. taking nude photographs of someone... I'll just have to keep my guard up a little bit, which is a shame. Hopefully, I will be able to build my trust back up and not let this chip away at me over time.

 

Very well said

[gaius]

I'm actually really hot, so... Seriously though, check above. I don't think people would necessarily care if I was anonymous. But mutual aquaintences would be pretty devastating socially.

And how would they end up seeing it? Just randomly stumble on it during their daily browsing of still photographs of older, naked men? =/ None of the regular social networks allow posting naked pictures. And even if she somehow turns psycho you really think it's going to be devestating if they find out your naked when you get out of the shower?

 

Unless the girl is underage or you're cheating with her or something it doesn't make much sense to be that careful and uptight about it. Otherwise you should be questioning if she didn't want a picture of you naked.

[kaylan]

Why do you think you're so important that people would care enough to even go and look even if she did create a digital shrine of pictures and videos of you naked?

Bad post.

 

Its not about OP thinking hes so important.

 

Its about us living in a digital age, where pics and videos can ruin careers, relationships, or whole lives.

[gaius]

Bad post.

 

Its not about OP thinking hes so important.

 

Its about us living in a digital age, where pics and videos can ruin careers, relationships, or whole lives.

Best post of the thread. Find me one case where a non-sexual naked picture in an situation that isn't comprimising ruined someones career. Especially for a guy. I beg you.

 

Is he worried he won't be able to go into politics? Well, don't.

 

Scott Brown Nude in Cosmo – Senator Scott Brown Nude Photo - Cosmopolitan

[guest572]

And how would they end up seeing it? Just randomly stumble on it during their daily browsing of still photographs of older, naked men? =/ .

 

Ok, the photographs are on her PHONE. She could easily show all her friends (perhaps some mutual acquaintances)

 

And doctors or teachers for starters. Many careers. Prospective employers see nudie pics, yeah not very professional unless you are applying for a job as a prostitute or stripper. It really doesn't matter because the point is that she did this without his consent. And whether that makes her "immature and impulsive" or a downright creep, it has made the OP uncomfortable.

[gaius]

Ok, the photographs are on her PHONE. She could easily show all her friends (perhaps some mutual acquaintances)

 

And doctors or teachers for starters. Many careers. Prospective employers see nudie pics, yeah not very professional unless you are applying for a job as a prostitute or stripper. It really doesn't matter because the point is that she did this without his consent. And whether that makes her "immature and impulsive" or a downright creep, it has made the OP uncomfortable.

Again, nobody cares about a picture of a guy getting out of the shower. And how on earth is a prospective employer supposed to find it anyway? They sometimes check social networks but you can't post nude pictures there. Scott Brown had his published nationwide and nobody cared, not even the voters.

 

Unless there's something you're not telling us, like she's your other woman or something and her just having the picture can put you in a compromising situation, then she did a very loving thing even being interested enough to take one in the first place. Even moreso if she's impressed enough to show it to a friend or two. Most women don't care about stuff like that.

[kaylan]

^Snapping nudes without someones permission is loving? Gimme a flipping break.

 

Your response is all too typical of someone who minimizes a male's displeasure when a woman misbehaves in the sexual arena. Its similar to how people will shrug off a guy who says a woman sexually harassed him.

 

If its not ok to snap nudes of an unknowing female and show others, then its not ok to do the same to males.

[thefooloftheyear]

She'd be shopping for a new phone after its smashed into a million pieces...

 

Totally unacceptable...

 

 

TFY

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

There wasn't anything on her phone!!! lol I think you need to learn how to take a joke.. This is just banter & a compliment stop being so highly strung.. You clearly don't trust her that (even if the pics really existed) she wouldn't put them in the public domain so you may aswell end it now x

[Michelle ma Belle]

Again, nobody cares about a picture of a guy getting out of the shower. And how on earth is a prospective employer supposed to find it anyway? They sometimes check social networks but you can't post nude pictures there. Scott Brown had his published nationwide and nobody cared, not even the voters.

 

Unless there's something you're not telling us, like she's your other woman or something and her just having the picture can put you in a compromising situation, then she did a very loving thing even being interested enough to take one in the first place. Even moreso if she's impressed enough to show it to a friend or two. Most women don't care about stuff like that.

 

 

 

If the tables were turned and HE took an unauthorized pic of her naked in the shower we'd all be up in arms about it and you know it. What's the difference just because it's the other way around?

 

I've been navigating the online world for quite some time and in that time I've witnessed and encounter and chatted to countless men and women who've found themselves in this very predicament and it was bad. Yes, it might be completely innocent but then again, maybe not.

 

These situations usually seem to be much more prevalent with women and more damaging but it's not THAT unusual for sh*t like this to go viral and ruin someone's life and career or even their self esteem. The fact that you think otherwise makes me think you don't know much about how the internet works or know much about the darker corners of the world wide web.

 

Besides, even if that possibility isn't realistic, he should be allowed to feel violated nonetheless even if she only took the picture for herself. He clearly stated that he doesn't have much issue with it if they had been together longer but it's a fresh relationship and they're just getting to that point where they feeling comfortable with one another.

 

Again, if the situation was reversed, we'd be rallying around the girl and tearing strips off her guy for being such an creepy a**hole.

 

I think OP has every right to have felt as he did and do what he did. I think he was very thoughtful in his responses and how torn up he felt about having to do what he did for his own sanity. Lesson learned and I bet she won't be making that mistake again any time soon.

Edited June 7, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

If the tables were turned and HE took an unauthorized pic of her naked in the shower we'd all be up in arms about it and you know it. What's the difference just because it's the other way around?

 

I've been navigating the online world for quite some time and in that time I've witnessed and encounter and chatted to countless men and women who've found themselves in this very predicament and it was bad. Yes, it might be completely innocent but then again, maybe not.

 

These situations usually seem to be much more prevalent with women and more damaging but it's not THAT unusual for sh*t like this to go viral and ruin someone's life and career or even their self esteem. The fact that you think otherwise makes me think you don't know much about how the internet works or know much about the darker corners of the world wide web.

 

Besides, even if that possibility isn't realistic, he should be allowed to feel violated nonetheless even if she only took the picture for herself. He clearly stated that he doesn't have much issue with it if they had been together longer but it's a fresh relationship and they're just getting to that point where they feeling comfortable with one another.

 

Again, if the situation was reversed, we'd be rallying around the girl and tearing strips off her guy for being such an creepy a**hole.

 

I think OP has every right to have felt as he did and do what he did. I think he was very thoughtful in his responses and how torn up he felt about having to do what he did for his own sanity. Lesson learned and I bet she won't be making that mistake again any time soon.

 

Before we order in the judge, jury & executioner can we just simply see exhibit A... Oh... Nope seems there isn't any evidence...

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

This is definitely going to make me think twice next time I joke & say "yea yea it's all going on FB!" As I jokingly wave my phone.. Gosh the only thing that could possibly blow this all out of proportion & ultimately ruin any future relationship is the other person then grabbing my phone because they can't take a joke & rifling through my personal photos AFTER I told them there were no photos!

 

U know what I think.. U think u are sooo hot that her joking about it with your vanity actually put u off as she is clearly obsessed with you.. She's joking mate shrink your ego & banter back