Girlfriend took photos of me naked without consent. I'm weirded out.

[ThatMan]

You remind of me that one lady who walked in on my roommate going to the bathroom. She even said that spiel, "This is going on facebook." Sure that was kind of creepy, I guess, but nobody could ever take her too seriously.

 

The moral of the story is that if you're going to date a teenager, be patient and willing to allow them to mature on their own, with all the reins kept off. And if you're dating somebody older than a teenager who behaves this way, well, then prepare yourself for a relationship with probably the most obnoxious woman out there.

[Baller25]

I can't believe people are telling you that you're overreacting! You have every right to be furious at her! God only knows if she posted those pics on a website! I would have dumped her on the spot! That is the ultimate invasion of privacy!

 

When it's happening to a guy then it's "over reacting". If it was happening to a girl then they'd all say to call the police.

[gaius]

If the tables were turned and HE took an unauthorized pic of her naked in the shower we'd all be up in arms about it and you know it. What's the difference just because it's the other way around?

 

I've been navigating the online world for quite some time and in that time I've witnessed and encounter and chatted to countless men and women who've found themselves in this very predicament and it was bad. Yes, it might be completely innocent but then again, maybe not.

 

These situations usually seem to be much more prevalent with women and more damaging but it's not THAT unusual for sh*t like this to go viral and ruin someone's life and career or even their self esteem. The fact that you think otherwise makes me think you don't know much about how the internet works or know much about the darker corners of the world wide web.

 

Besides, even if that possibility isn't realistic, he should be allowed to feel violated nonetheless even if she only took the picture for herself. He clearly stated that he doesn't have much issue with it if they had been together longer but it's a fresh relationship and they're just getting to that point where they feeling comfortable with one another.

 

Again, if the situation was reversed, we'd be rallying around the girl and tearing strips off her guy for being such an creepy a**hole.

 

I think OP has every right to have felt as he did and do what he did. I think he was very thoughtful in his responses and how torn up he felt about having to do what he did for his own sanity. Lesson learned and I bet she won't be making that mistake again any time soon.

The difference is that the consequences are different for a woman, like you said. You admit this in one sentence but then still feel the need to treat both situations exactly the same in another. =/

 

You don't really strike me as a woman who would be terribly turned on if your boyfriend felt the need to search your phone and make sure you didn't take a nude picture of him Michelle. And most other women wouldn't be turned on either. It reeks of insecurity. You're not helping this guy by pretending this picture might be a career/social killer out of some weird devotion to equality when things aren't equal.

 

P.S. I seem to be the only one that understands how the internet works.

[No Limit]

But she apologized and deleted them, and hasn't taken more.

 

So she says...

 

I must admit, if a guy did that on me I'd cut all ties. And if I found the picture would take legal action.

And before people bash me for even thinking of getting the police involved; it seems that nobody in the US cares but in my country photos like that would cost me probably every job opportunity I could get. So excuse me if I would get the desire of burning his house down.

Edited June 7, 2014 by No Limit

[bubbaganoosh]

Next time she steps out of the shower, take a few of her and she if she likes it. Granted, delete them but maybe she'll get the idea that when she sees herself bare assed on camera, she wont thinks it's funny.

 

It's called right of privacy and honestly, next time you shower, lock the door and maintain it.

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

I cannot even take this serious... THERE IS NO EVIDENCE!!!!!!! HE HAS SEEN NO PICTURES!!! Get over yourself seriously.. its funny how it is more believable to you that she really took them than she was just joking... vanity at its best.. I bet you think this song it about you...

[Keenly]

I cannot even take this serious... THERE IS NO EVIDENCE!!!!!!! HE HAS SEEN NO PICTURES!!! Get over yourself seriously.. its funny how it is more believable to you that she really took them than she was just joking... vanity at its best.. I bet you think this song it about you...

 

I've heard enough to believe him. That's all that matters to me.

 

 

Dude was right to be upset. I'm not sure how I would have handled it, but I can at least say I agree with him being upset about it. It wouldn't affect my trust, but this is where I, as a 50% member of this relationship, would lay down some serious ground rules and explain why I feel the way I feel. Based on her reaction to this conversation, I'd forgive her or let her go.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Regarding the phone "invasion"...

 

First of all he ASKED her if he could check her phone. He didn't STEAL it when she was sleeping or on the toilet and hack it without her knowledge or permission. The operative word here is ASKED. He didn't DEMAND or THREATEN her and he did so with her present.

 

And guess what? SHE LET HIM. She could have just as easily declined and list a number of reasons/excuses for refusing him access but she didn't. No one held a gun to her head.

 

And it's not like he asked her for her password for heaven's sake. It was a one-time-request based on a very isolated situation which he felt warranted the request in order to give him some peace of mind. Why is it so hard to understand this?

 

Apart from the fact that I would NEVER take such revealing photo of my man WITHOUT his consent, if he asked me to go through my phone I would be COMPLETELY fine with it. You know why? Because I have NOTHING to hide. Why wouldn't I let him?

 

Regardless, this girl is clearly young and very immature. And maybe she was just being silly and it was all innocent cheeky fun but if her actions made him uncomfortable for WHATEVER reason, shouldn't he be allowed to express his concern and find a way to get some peace of mind?

[germain]

There wasn't anything on her phone!!! lol I think you need to learn how to take a joke.. This is just banter & a compliment stop being so highly strung.. You clearly don't trust her that (even if the pics really existed) she wouldn't put them in the public domain so you may aswell end it now x

You seem hung up on my actually seeing the photos to prove they existed. She told me she took them. Even while we were arguing, and I was upset, she confirmed that she took them. If it were a joke/didn't happen, that would be something she'd likely mention at that point.

 

Again, nobody cares about a picture of a guy getting out of the shower. And how on earth is a prospective employer supposed to find it anyway? They sometimes check social networks but you can't post nude pictures there. Scott Brown had his published nationwide and nobody cared, not even the voters.

 

Unless there's something you're not telling us, like she's your other woman or something and her just having the picture can put you in a compromising situation, then she did a very loving thing even being interested enough to take one in the first place. Even moreso if she's impressed enough to show it to a friend or two. Most women don't care about stuff like that.

 

I don't disagree that if you put a few random nude photographs on the internet, it would be unlikely anyone you know would see them. Nudity isn't allowed on social networks, sure, but you can still post it. It will stay up until someone reports it + the time it takes the site to verify it. Even still, texting them to her friends, emailing, or messaging these to my friends would be embarassing. I'm not even considering the career aspect as much as the social one right now.

 

Even when I asked her how she would have felt had I done the same to her, she said somewhat upset and disrespected. Everyone has their own expectations when it comes to privacy. This sounds like something that would have been okay for you, which is great. What I expect is just different.

 

Regarding the phone "invasion"...

 

First of all he ASKED her if he could check her phone. He didn't STEAL it when she was sleeping or on the toilet and hack it without her knowledge or permission. The operative word here is ASKED. He didn't DEMAND or THREATEN her and he did so with her present.

 

And guess what? SHE LET HIM. She could have just as easily declined and list a number of reasons/excuses for refusing him access but she didn't. No one held a gun to her head.

 

And it's not like he asked her for her password for heaven's sake. It was a one-time-request based on a very isolated situation which he felt warranted the request in order to give him some peace of mind. Why is it so hard to understand this?

 

Apart from the fact that I would NEVER take such revealing photo of my man WITHOUT his consent, if he asked me to go through my phone I would be COMPLETELY fine with it. You know why? Because I have NOTHING to hide. Why wouldn't I let him?

 

Regardless, this girl is clearly young and very immature. And maybe she was just being silly and it was all innocent cheeky fun but if her actions made him uncomfortable for WHATEVER reason, shouldn't he be allowed to express his concern and find a way to get some peace of mind?

Thank you

[Tayla]

The OP really needs to re-examine this girlfriends' dismissiveness of the matter. It takes all but three secs to cloud base a photo, can you really be sure no copies exist? She doesnt get a free pass with age. She would have had to earn big time any trust.

[FitChick]

It doesn't matter what other people think. It's only what the OP thinks and wants that matters. If someone did that to me, I'd be furious.

 

I have nude photos of an ex but I asked him if I could take them. He had no problem and even said, "Show them to your girlfriends!" He lived in a flat with no shades or curtains that was across from a university dormitory. They got a show every night. When I would stay over, I'd tape the newspaper to the bathroom windows so I could shower in privacy. He thought it was funny.

 

The net is full of naked shots of men and women who trusted their wives, boyfriends, husbands, girlfriends.

[gaius]

The OP really needs to re-examine this girlfriends' dismissiveness of the matter. It takes all but three secs to cloud base a photo, can you really be sure no copies exist? She doesnt get a free pass with age. She would have had to earn big time any trust.

Yeah, I'm sure she went through that effort just to make sure she never lost that picture. Because it's just THAT important.

 

There's a narcissism epidemic going on. =/

[gaius]

I snuck a few non-naked pictures of one of my ex's who would almost never let me take any. Luckily when I told her later on she took it for what it was, a compliment. That I actually wanted a reminder of her when she wasn't around. She wasn't so involved with herself that she thought I was somehow going to post them all over the web. =/ Her head wasn't the size of a watermelon so it never even occurred to her. She was in touch with reality. And this was a girl I adored and probably would have married. We're talking about a young relationship in this case.

[kaylan]

I snuck a few non-naked pictures of one of my ex's who would almost never let me take any. Luckily when I told her later on she took it for what it was, a compliment. That I actually wanted a reminder of her when she wasn't around. She wasn't so involved with herself that she thought I was somehow going to post them all over the web. =/ Her head wasn't the size of a watermelon so it never even occurred to her. She was in touch with reality. And this was a girl I adored and probably would have married. We're talking about a young relationship in this case.

Are you serious? Just because you think its not a big deal that someone secretly take naked photos of someone does NOT mean such behavior is OK. Most people are right to feel thats very wrong to do.

 

Considering how people have had their lives damaged from photos and videos getting online, I think its valid for someone to be upset about such someone taking naked photos of them. And your ex Im sure your ex wouldnt have liked it if those pics you took were very sexual in nature or naked.

 

And wtf is up with your thinking?

 

You said "She wasn't so involved with herself that she thought I was somehow going to post them all over the web". Gimme a damn break with this poor logic. People SHOULD be involved with themselves enough to dislike someone snapping naked photos of them unknowingly. Do you live in the 21st century? Are you missing the countless stories that exist of people sharing pictures of their partners/ex-partners without their permission?

 

It happens A LOT. So stop trying to dismiss concerns someone rightfully has with situations like these. Then again, I wouldnt expect you to have a rational view of all this. Youre the same guy who acts ho-hum about older folks scewing highschoolers

Edited June 8, 2014 by kaylan

[Tayla]

Thank you Kaylan for mentioning the fallicy of thinking on that topic. It helps for folks in the digital age to understand that images can come back to haunt you years later.

The OP of this topic seems to be accepting of his gf's efforts of deleting. If that eases his mind so be it.

I've been around too many girls and (guys) for that matter to see how their "been Scorned get even" attitude comes back to haunt someone. Just a word of caution to folks who dismiss something so easily only to have it rear its ugly head years down the road....

[Bonnie Potter]

Wow, what if she wanted to use them for some malicious purpose? You have every right to be weirded-out. I say keep your eyes open and try not to fall for her until you feel you know what's going on in that mind of her's.

[Keenly]

Gaius is demanding everyone else feel / react the same way he would, even though he seems to be the only person who feels that way.

 

 

Just because its nothing to you doesn't mean its not something to us. We get it. You don't have anything against it. We do. And its not because we think so highly of ourselves. Its because we like privacy .