Let MM go, still hurting

[msbettyb]

Ended it with married man but the pain is still here. I have so many questions that were'nt answered and they still seem relevant to me. I found out a year ago that my guy was married and has been for 7 years and thru a talk with his wife found out that he has a two year old. He is upset that me and the wife talked but I told him she called me, he did'nt want to hear it. We have'nt had a decent conversation in about 3 weeks, he keeps saying he needs time to get things right. The wife told me on the phone she's divorcing him, he has'nt said anything of the likes to me. He has been staying with his brother, never told me. This is stressing me out so bad I just want to know where me and him stand. I never knew I would hurt this bad. I call him at work but he just rushes me off the phone, does'nt even call when he says he will. I guess I don't know what I want. He is the one guy I thought would never hurt me but now it seems I'm wrong. Please give me some insight. I can't sleep and the headaches are relentless. It hurts knowing he loves her enough to just drop me.

[newby]

i really feel for you msbettyb,

you dont say how long your actual relationship w him has been going on for.

i dont think you are going to get answers you want at the moment.

obviously at the moment his wife has the upper hand in that he is the one in the wrong, also if theres a child involved things are complicated he will be concerned about that right now.

there are several bits of information you havent given in your post which would make it easier to determine what might be going on in his head.

my advice give him time, in the meantime concentrate on making yourself stronger and strong enough to deal with whatever the outcome is. take up yoga, meditation, tai chi anything that is calming and beneficial to the mind and body, know that you are just passing the time, soon enough you'll come to a point where you will be strong enough to deal with any possible outcome.

if he and his wife really do divorce for good he will still have emotions there that he will have to work through, you will have to be dealing with all of that. if they decide they want to make another go of it you will need your strength for that too.

i dont think you are strengthening either your position or your integrity by keeping contacting him.

[nextel]

Sorry to hear about your pain. Unfortunately what you are going through is the reality about MM.

 

A MM will drop the OW in a heartbeat in order to put things in order at home. When you found out that he was married without him volunteering that information, you should have dumped him. He lied to you because he wanted to use you for as long as he could. If he had some decency to care about you, he would have just been honest and taken whatever decision you made like a man. OW in affairs with MM know that he is married and thats not even a topic for discussion. They meet, have a good time and go on with life. In your case, he was not honest.

 

There is really nothing you can do to get answers. What you can do is have some respect for yourself and stop calling him. Men never burn their bridges. He will stop calling you before he tells you that he does not want to have anything to do with you.

 

Find other men to go out on dates with. This guy's life is more complicated and you dont need to be in it.

[newby]

i'm sorry nextel but........

 

can i just say NO mm are honest!

they ALL lie and other ow dont just say "oh he's married whatever lets get it on" they have also been drawn in by lies and deceit

also maybe we all should leave once we find that we have been lied to but it is quite difficult once you have invested that much emotion into somethng and also when you are so CONFUSED about something and face it nobody wants to admit to themselves they have been manipulated into a situation where they have thought they were loved but actually they really were just being used, THE TRUTH IS VERY HARD TO DEAL WITH IN ONE BIG WALLOP LIKE THAT.

things are just not so simple as you percieve them to be

[lynnered]

"It hurts knowing he loves her enough to just drop me."

that may or may not be the case again, you don't know that sometimes the devil you know is better then the(new)devil you don't,&if you ended it stop calling him!!over means over gone NC at ALL.

anyway, its already over ,so the focus now is you, what's going to make you feel better?a man is not our soul purpose in life .

" I call him at work but he just rushes me off the phone, does'nt even call when he says he will"

then sorry to say it sounds like he does not want to talk to you ,stop chasing him leave it alone.

i broke it off with xmm &I'm nowhere near as upset as you ,i do go to therapy it helps to vent ,1x a week, i started a couple of weeks before i broke it off &i talked of him most of the time ,now maybe a few minutes of him ,it will get better but realize he's being a jerk.

if its closure you need ,I'm sorry it doesn't sound like you're going to get it from him ,do it yourself with your self ,write a letter get all your feelings out ,cry, burn it, rip it up whatever, but stay away from him all your doing is causing yourself pain .

what I've realized about myself, i hurt myself not him, i should have never gotten into this situation ,i knew me better, I'm not the type of person who could be happy in that situation ,yet cause i loved him had feeling for him for 2yrs, i let myself down ,putting his needs first &i went w/o alot of things i deserve ,please just let go ,i know how you feel ,& your holding on ,which is natural but all the signs say its not going to work out in your best interest

".

There is really nothing you can do to get answers. What you can do is have some respect for yourself and stop calling him. Men never burn their bridges. He will stop calling you before he tells you that he does not want to have anything to do with you. "i agree with nextel on this .

keep posting it helps to get the hurt out ,do it here not with him there are people who have been in your situation&are in your situation .

read some of the old posts and look at yourself wow there are some things in common!!not good things.

i wish you luck

[Leaf]

Ms Betty,

 

I am so sorry you are going through this. I know the immense pain you are feeling must be crippling to your life. The feelings of rejection and ultimate second best are horrible and NO MAN is worth you feeling like this about yourself. I know you love him and are probably rationalizing some of his actions in your head. I know this because I know what you are going through, I know the pain.

 

This may sound silly.. but try listening to music.. something goofy like Disco.. (dont laugh) Songs like I Will Survive ect.. sing them outloud, cry and scream, listen to them over and over. I dont know why.. but they give me strength.

 

Anyways, take care and I wish you peace.