XDoubleA28X Posted June 6, 2014 Share Posted June 6, 2014 No one replied to my last post but that a few days later her really close friend messaged me on facebook, her friend always thought i was a great guy for her, and we got to talking. Her and my ex had a day long talk about me and her feelings and apparently the guy she left me for makes her miserable and after seeing me for the first time in 6 months she realizes now that she made a huge mistake and still loves me. Im seeing her possibly next week but its a definite thing as explained by her friend, its just she has a new job or she would come around earlier. - We were together for 2 1/2 years. - I was a bad boyfriend jealous, easily angered, etc. which pushed her away but equally amazing to her and always there for her especially during the time in her life leading up to her moms passing because of cancer, which i guess she had completely forgotten about. - She started drifting away and revealed to me she had met a guy, she lied to me and broke my trust and went out on a date with him one time, nothing physical, and ended it with me to go out with him. I still love her so much and im willing to move pass what she did, i certainly can be better to her but what would you guys do in my position? I feel like me being a terrible boyfriend pushed her away and led her to do what she did, is that valid reasoning or am i being delusional? Any advice for how i should be when I meet her? Im so damn scared and hesitant... Link to post Share on other sites
marcjb Posted June 6, 2014 Share Posted June 6, 2014 I feel like me being a terrible boyfriend pushed her away and led her to do what she did, is that valid reasoning or am i being delusional? This is what she wants you to think. Where did these thoughts come from? Yourself, or something she insinuated? If it was anything she said to you, she was projecting blame, trying to justify her actions, when really, there is no justification for what she did. Link to post Share on other sites
Author XDoubleA28X Posted June 6, 2014 Author Share Posted June 6, 2014 Its weird because i was a very loving boyfriend like i was always faithful and never EVER thought about another girl, i always cooked for her when she came over, I was always there to listen to her problems and always believed in her when it came to her dreams like going to art school, BUT i was also very impatient, got angry over little things, veryyy jealous, etc. I think over all i was a bad boyfriend my mom confirmed it as well, she doesn't shy away from telling me the truth cause she loves her like a daughter. She in fact said that I was a very amazing person but I had so many problems that outweighed that, this is what she said the last day and i completely agree. Link to post Share on other sites
ponchsox Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 As you should be hesitant. I don't see this ending well for you. Why not look for a new, exiting, fun, and beautiful woman? Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 (edited) No one replied to my last post but that a few days later her really close friend messaged me on facebook, her friend always thought i was a great guy for her, and we got to talking. Her and my ex had a day long talk about me and her feelings and apparently the guy she left me for makes her miserable and after seeing me for the first time in 6 months she realizes now that she made a huge mistake and still loves me. Im seeing her possibly next week but its a definite thing as explained by her friend, its just she has a new job or she would come around earlier. - We were together for 2 1/2 years. - I was a bad boyfriend jealous, easily angered, etc. which pushed her away but equally amazing to her and always there for her especially during the time in her life leading up to her moms passing because of cancer, which i guess she had completely forgotten about. - She started drifting away and revealed to me she had met a guy, she lied to me and broke my trust and went out on a date with him one time, nothing physical, and ended it with me to go out with him. I still love her so much and im willing to move pass what she did, i certainly can be better to her but what would you guys do in my position? I feel like me being a terrible boyfriend pushed her away and led her to do what she did, is that valid reasoning or am i being delusional? Would you guys consider that cheating, lying, or what? Any advice for how i should be when I meet her? Im so damn scared and hesitant... just be truthful and hope that she will be ... when you are scared of meeting someone the best way is to project happiness it is infectious and helps build confidence in both you know you will be happy to see her so project it and be truthful in what you want and need from her should move forward that way either to be apart or be together i am often hesitant and scared with people they don't feel my fear luckily because i project happiness outwards i face it regardless,somehow. i pray a lot .....god give me strength the serenity prayer on repeat.. because i am empathic i feel also what they feel so i get double,which is my lot in life...double.... would be good to be singular emotions but i dont so i can be a recluse or i can move forward and handle what comes my way people or otherwise dont be hesitant be relieved you get to spend time to sort things out... face to face time is precious.....deb Edited June 7, 2014 by todreaminblue Link to post Share on other sites
Author XDoubleA28X Posted June 7, 2014 Author Share Posted June 7, 2014 I actually did try with two girls in the past 6 months, got shot down by one and the other i went out on a date with and it just didnt work out. The truth is ive never loved anyone like her before and cant imagine being with anyone else. As for projecting happiness i understand, im going to try my best to be at my best when i see her. I just talked with her friend again apparently my ex told her shes making sure to break it off with the ex so that she can do it right, the fact that shes breaking it off makes me believe this will actually happen! The problem is is it the right thing to do, to get back with her? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Beechy1973 Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 Yes you should. Go on a date, be positive and see how you feel. Let her do most of the talking and don't be gushing with your emotions. Be brave and good luck :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Jiivy Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 See where it goes and know that whatever it was killed your last relationship will ABSOLUTELY kill it again if you both don't own up to it and work on things together. I.e. without being a prick, call her out on her cheating, call YOURSELF out on the way you behaved. You've both got to be prepared to admit your shortfall, accept that it happened and also agree to put it behind you. It's a new relationship, not just a continuation of the old one. I wish you all the best of luck, very few of us get the chance to potentially reconcile. Link to post Share on other sites
Marco Valerio Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 This is what she wants you to think. Where did these thoughts come from? Yourself, or something she insinuated? If it was anything she said to you, she was projecting blame, trying to justify her actions, when really, there is no justification for what she did. The things you did doesn't justify what she did to you, one thing is having some issues you need to improve an another is cheating to your partner. I do think that people like that, who look for other partners meanwhile they are in a relationship, will always do the same. She was just looking the best for her, she was not thinking the best for you or for the relationship you had. If I was you, I wil try to be friends withe her during quite a long period before thinking about a loving relationship. Like that you should be able to see if she is the same person she was. DO NOT JUMP TO HER!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 Its weird because i was a very loving boyfriend like i was always faithful and never EVER thought about another girl, i always cooked for her when she came over, I was always there to listen to her problems and always believed in her when it came to her dreams like going to art school, BUT i was also very impatient, got angry over little things, veryyy jealous, etc. I think over all i was a bad boyfriend my mom confirmed it as well, she doesn't shy away from telling me the truth cause she loves her like a daughter. She in fact said that I was a very amazing person but I had so many problems that outweighed that, this is what she said the last day and i completely agree. Wow, I have to commend you for being honest about yourself. If these things don't change, no one is good for you, rather, you are not good for anyone else including your ex. People, especially the ladies, should not FOCUS on the good that a guy does for her, rather, the bad that doesn't change and keeps one from feeling happy. The good stuff that someone does is EXPECTED, should be the default, consistent behavior that one sees every day! It's the bad stuff that poisons a relationship that kills, that slowly destroys....never ignore that. OP, you need to make some serious changes. Your ex's other bf must have been REALLY bad to want to go back to you with your own issues. Link to post Share on other sites
Rig88 Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 I appreciate that I'm probably a rarity but I've recently got back with my ex of three years. We were apart for 18 months. I knew that I'd never experience love like I had with her which is why I knew I had to try again. Real love is hard to find. When you have that much of a connection with someone , you should only walk away when you know it's truly dead. Even if you try again and it doesn't work at least you can walk away knowing that you tried, otherwise those lingering feelings for her a likely to haunt any future relationships like they did with me. You should have a long talk , get everything out into the open. You need to accept that if you are going to start again it's has to be a new beginning and you need to be willing not to bring up the past. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
somegoodman Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 No, you don't take her back. She left you for another guy. By taking her back you demonstrate how little self respect you have and that there's no consequences to her actions. All the "reasons" she gave for leaving you are just backwards rationalizations to justify her behavior. She was attracted to another man and threw you away to pursue him, simple as. If you were such a bad boyfriend why is she coming back now? Don't enable people like this, cause that's really what you're doing. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 What on earth... Okay, so a few problems with you two getting back together. She left you for someone else, which means the next time she assumes she has found someone that one ups you, she will do it again. I don't know where you come off thinking you were a bad boyfriend for being jealous but is there something we don't know? Were you so jealous you were abusive? controlling? stalkerish? What??? This girl is just going to hurt you again from the sounds of it. Link to post Share on other sites
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