Niqunar Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 Idk if my ex is specifically a sociopath, narcissist, psycho. I have outlined the things he's done to me in my other posts. He's stated that he has sociopathic tendencies, that he's probably a narcissist and when I asked him if he was a sadist he said only to me. I feel so alone at this point in my life, my dad died when I was 21, 3 years ago and my mom can barely speak English and she suffers from severe plague psoriasis. I suffered from alcohol addiction for many years and I broke away from a bad crowd of friends that kept trying to drag me down. I'm still not done with college and I wanted to go to medical school but I'm afraid to go it alone. I don't feel like I have anyone to rely on and I don't know how to rebuild my life after everything that's happened. Everything happened so fast my dad died, the dog died, my other pet died, my cousin was in a terrible wreck and almost died and I'm always stuck worrying about school and trying to get everything together. Well my ex was abusive we dated from ages 19-21 and he wrecked me emotionally. When my dad died he wasn't supportive, he hit me and pulled my hair and he said horrible things to me. I felt like he was the only one that tolerated my excessive alcohol drinking. To sum it up we broke up and him and his friends hacked my iPhone and drugged me, they broadcasted the video on facebook to ruin me. I ended up hospitalized and I had to take off a semester of school. My ex has been in and out of my life, he also texts me occasionally to hang out. I'm saddened because he uses MDMA, LSD and other drugs recreationally. When we were together he would try to pressure me to take drugs and drop out of school. Whenever he asks to see me now he'll try to sleep with me and get me intoxicated. I ordered a new phone and I'm going to get my number changed, I'm wondering if I should tell him this is goodbye or if I should just vanish without a trace. My social worker that does home visits agrees that he is a sociopath and she's trying to help me work on loving myself more so I don't accept this crappy treatment. I guess deep down I feel I need him because at least I'd have him than nothing at all. And at the same time it scares me how he could destroy me considering he went to school for it and he knows the INS/outs of systems security and networking. I'm just incredibly stressed and I'd like to do something with my life. I almost committed suicide over all of this and I just can't take any more cyber bullying or harassment. He told me that we would have been perfect together if I wasn't so jealous yet he'd pit his ex against me. Now I have trouble understanding any inherent value of having a relationship and I can't seem to trust or find a passion for life. It's not that I have total anhedonia, I just feel bored with life and I don't really expect much out of it. My godfather says that I just hung out with the wrong people and there are decent people out there but I have trouble grasping this. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 (edited) Change your number and disappear. If you say he's a sociopath, the only way to remove yourself and heal is to disappear. "I guess deep down I feel I need him because at least I'd have him than nothing at all." This is just like the woman that's sitting in the corner battered and beaten, and all she can say is that he's not so bad and that she loves him. I hope you keep seeing your counselor. This sort of mindset is very unhealthy and toxic. What you have with him is abuse. Nothing else. No love, no care, no kindness. Just abuse. Now ask yourself if abuse is better than nothing. Edited June 7, 2014 by Zahara 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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