Boyfriend got a tattoo with his ex gf’s name!!

[poolhallprincess]

You seem to think that since you found messages that this means he didn't delete any, but that's not proof there weren't more.

 

That is not what I think at all. What I think is that it's not proof that some definitely have been deleted which is what a majority here seem to think. Are they right? Possibly. Not definitely.

 

That is why I will dig deeper to find the truth. I'm still astounded that people are so quick to judge. Let's just forget the tattoo for a moment. It is still quite possible that there is nothing more to the texts than what I see. It's still quite possible that they have not and are not planning on meeting up behind my back. So why would I jump 10 steps ahead and end a relationship based on speculation?

 

OK, so now add the tattoo back in. It does add a whole new dimension. Getting the tattoo without running it by me was certainly wrong and that has already been discussed and admitted. Having her name actually means little to me, in fact if he asked I would have said yes. What I don't like is that it is in a heart. Again he has admitted fault here. That doesn't change the fact that it is now there forever. I don't think this alone is enough to end a 5 year successful relationship. Now as I have stated if the real reason for getting the tattoo is because he loves her then obviously we are through.

 

This again is where I question other posters opinions. I have 5 years with my man, he has never lied, he has always treated me well. Yeah he makes mistakes as we all do, getting the tattoo was one, granted a big one, but not worthy of throwing it all away.

 

My gut feeling is that the posters here are right. BUT I am not going to follow what they want and end a relationship without finding the truth. Because as much as he could be doing wrong by me it may just be something blown totally out of proportion.

 

Without trying to criticize other posters personally, I would really hate to be in a relationship with a lot of them. Jumping to so many conclusions, and wanting to act impulsively based on speculation. That doesn't sound like a strong basis for a relationship to me.

 

The facts I have right now are the tattoo which seems to be a much bigger issue to people here than it is to me. And that he has been texting her. Well hey, I've been texting her as well without telling him when I asked her to my birthday. Is that worthy of a break up? I would hope most answer no to that.

 

What else is there? He might be meeting her for lunch. It's unlikely because circumstances don't allow him the time. He might have got the tattoo because he loves her. I have no way of knowing if that is true other than his word, his word that has always been open and honest. IF, if, if these are true then again we are through, if they are true. Are these unsubstantiated facts enough to end a relationship? Again I would hope people answer no.

 

It may well end up that the posters here are right but to me that doesn't excuse the lack of trust in ones partner by acting on speculation. It doesn't excuse the lack of trust in ones partner by thinking that their open answers to questions are lies.

 

Maybe I just have a closer relationship than most. Maybe I am comfortable with another persons name tattooed given the significance of it when others are not. Maybe I trust my partners word when others do not. Maybe I believe the best of my partner when other believe the worst in theirs. That allows me to love unconditionally and share a truly profound bond, it's sad that others are always suspect and will never get to experience the same.

 

And if it does turn out that he is cheating then we are through. I still hold my head high that I trusted him until it was proven otherwise. That is a damn site better than automatically fearing the worst and always living in doubt.

 

I don't mean to offend anyone by these comments but I am truly amazed by the amount of people that tell me I should break up rather than trust. It's really a sad state of affairs that people feel the need to feel that way.

[Keke1]

That is not what I think at all. What I think is that it's not proof that some definitely have been deleted which is what a majority here seem to think. Are they right? Possibly. Not definitely.

 

That is why I will dig deeper to find the truth. I'm still astounded that people are so quick to judge. Let's just forget the tattoo for a moment. It is still quite possible that there is nothing more to the texts than what I see. It's still quite possible that they have not and are not planning on meeting up behind my back. So why would I jump 10 steps ahead and end a relationship based on speculation?

 

OK, so now add the tattoo back in. It does add a whole new dimension. Getting the tattoo without running it by me was certainly wrong and that has already been discussed and admitted. Having her name actually means little to me, in fact if he asked I would have said yes. What I don't like is that it is in a heart. Again he has admitted fault here. That doesn't change the fact that it is now there forever. I don't think this alone is enough to end a 5 year successful relationship. Now as I have stated if the real reason for getting the tattoo is because he loves her then obviously we are through.

 

This again is where I question other posters opinions. I have 5 years with my man, he has never lied, he has always treated me well. Yeah he makes mistakes as we all do, getting the tattoo was one, granted a big one, but not worthy of throwing it all away.

 

My gut feeling is that the posters here are right. BUT I am not going to follow what they want and end a relationship without finding the truth. Because as much as he could be doing wrong by me it may just be something blown totally out of proportion.

 

Without trying to criticize other posters personally, I would really hate to be in a relationship with a lot of them. Jumping to so many conclusions, and wanting to act impulsively based on speculation. That doesn't sound like a strong basis for a relationship to me.

 

The facts I have right now are the tattoo which seems to be a much bigger issue to people here than it is to me. And that he has been texting her. Well hey, I've been texting her as well without telling him when I asked her to my birthday. Is that worthy of a break up? I would hope most answer no to that.

 

What else is there? He might be meeting her for lunch. It's unlikely because circumstances don't allow him the time. He might have got the tattoo because he loves her. I have no way of knowing if that is true other than his word, his word that has always been open and honest. IF, if, if these are true then again we are through, if they are true. Are these unsubstantiated facts enough to end a relationship? Again I would hope people answer no.

 

It may well end up that the posters here are right but to me that doesn't excuse the lack of trust in ones partner by acting on speculation. It doesn't excuse the lack of trust in ones partner by thinking that their open answers to questions are lies.

 

Maybe I just have a closer relationship than most. Maybe I am comfortable with another persons name tattooed given the significance of it when others are not. Maybe I trust my partners word when others do not. Maybe I believe the best of my partner when other believe the worst in theirs. That allows me to love unconditionally and share a truly profound bond, it's sad that others are always suspect and will never get to experience the same.

 

And if it does turn out that he is cheating then we are through. I still hold my head high that I trusted him until it was proven otherwise. That is a damn site better than automatically fearing the worst and always living in doubt.

 

I don't mean to offend anyone by these comments but I am truly amazed by the amount of people that tell me I should break up rather than trust. It's really a sad state of affairs that people feel the need to feel that way.

What or how do you plan on finding things out?

[iiiii]

I find it very hard to understand how anyone would think that tattooing an ex-partner's name on their body, without discussing it with their current partner, is acceptable.

 

Love heart or no love heart.

 

Any normal person would realize that doing this would make their current partner feel very insecure.

 

So all I can conclude is either your boyfriend is incredibly, astonishingly, thoughtless - or he is simply not over his ex and is not afraid for you to know.

 

I can't tell you which. Neither is great.

[juicygirl]

That is not what I think at all. What I think is that it's not proof that some definitely have been deleted which is what a majority here seem to think. Are they right? Possibly. Not definitely.

 

That is why I will dig deeper to find the truth. I'm still astounded that people are so quick to judge. Let's just forget the tattoo for a moment. It is still quite possible that there is nothing more to the texts than what I see. It's still quite possible that they have not and are not planning on meeting up behind my back. So why would I jump 10 steps ahead and end a relationship based on speculation?

 

OK, so now add the tattoo back in. It does add a whole new dimension. Getting the tattoo without running it by me was certainly wrong and that has already been discussed and admitted. Having her name actually means little to me, in fact if he asked I would have said yes. What I don't like is that it is in a heart. Again he has admitted fault here. That doesn't change the fact that it is now there forever. I don't think this alone is enough to end a 5 year successful relationship. Now as I have stated if the real reason for getting the tattoo is because he loves her then obviously we are through.

 

This again is where I question other posters opinions. I have 5 years with my man, he has never lied, he has always treated me well. Yeah he makes mistakes as we all do, getting the tattoo was one, granted a big one, but not worthy of throwing it all away.

 

My gut feeling is that the posters here are right. BUT I am not going to follow what they want and end a relationship without finding the truth. Because as much as he could be doing wrong by me it may just be something blown totally out of proportion.

 

Without trying to criticize other posters personally, I would really hate to be in a relationship with a lot of them. Jumping to so many conclusions, and wanting to act impulsively based on speculation. That doesn't sound like a strong basis for a relationship to me.

 

The facts I have right now are the tattoo which seems to be a much bigger issue to people here than it is to me. And that he has been texting her. Well hey, I've been texting her as well without telling him when I asked her to my birthday. Is that worthy of a break up? I would hope most answer no to that.

 

What else is there? He might be meeting her for lunch. It's unlikely because circumstances don't allow him the time. He might have got the tattoo because he loves her. I have no way of knowing if that is true other than his word, his word that has always been open and honest. IF, if, if these are true then again we are through, if they are true. Are these unsubstantiated facts enough to end a relationship? Again I would hope people answer no.

 

It may well end up that the posters here are right but to me that doesn't excuse the lack of trust in ones partner by acting on speculation. It doesn't excuse the lack of trust in ones partner by thinking that their open answers to questions are lies.

 

Maybe I just have a closer relationship than most. Maybe I am comfortable with another persons name tattooed given the significance of it when others are not. Maybe I trust my partners word when others do not. Maybe I believe the best of my partner when other believe the worst in theirs. That allows me to love unconditionally and share a truly profound bond, it's sad that others are always suspect and will never get to experience the same.

 

And if it does turn out that he is cheating then we are through. I still hold my head high that I trusted him until it was proven otherwise. That is a damn site better than automatically fearing the worst and always living in doubt.

 

I don't mean to offend anyone by these comments but I am truly amazed by the amount of people that tell me I should break up rather than trust. It's really a sad state of affairs that people feel the need to feel that way.

 

 

If you trust each other so much, why are you going through his stuff? If it's innocent texts why didn't he tell you? Most people didn't say break up with him, they said talk to him rather than fish for tangible evidence because he could easily get rid of that, and may just cave in and tell you the truth. Loads of people have been in relationship that were a lie, meaning they thought everything was great until they found out a ton of crap that was going on behind their back for years, it's soul destroying and many of those people ignored warning signs to. You don't have to dump him, but it's ok to ask questions, have boundaries and speak up if you're not o.k with the going on that he is doing. If it turns out he has been meeting her, but they haven't had sex and it's more of an emotional affair, you maybe able to work through it,heck if his had sex with her you maybe able to work through it, people do all the time.

 

It's not that we don't want to experience an open, trusting, loving bond with a partner, but you are clearly o.k with allowing him to disrespect, his behaviour is clearing hurting you or you wouldn't have post the details on this forum and I don't just mean the tattoo. Members are impartial, so it's often easier to see what's going on because our emotions and egos are not invested in this man or at risk of being hurt, and we're just being honest because we have no reason to lie to you! All you keep harping on about being together 5 years.

Edited June 15, 2014 by juicygirl
Added text

[mickleb]

You started this thread over a week ago. If you two are all about the honesty, why haven't you spoken to him yet?

 

Stop pretending the tatt isn't an issue for you and re-read your thread title, with its two exclamation marks.

 

Stop fantasising that you have a 'truly profound bond' with him because you 'trust him before things are proven otherwise': you snooped through his phone.

Edited June 15, 2014 by mickleb

[jbelle6]

OP, no you aren't closer than most, or you would have known of the tattoo, and you would know what this woman meant in the text telling your man to meet at the "usual place".

 

And yes, we are making a huge deal of the tattoo because it was an outlandish and absurd thing to do. The only reason to tattoo any other woman's name on his body would be if she gave him a kidney or part of her liver.

 

Some of us don't just post in our own threads, we read lots of stories and patterns emerge. You think your relationship is special and different. OK. But find us ONE thread on this whole site where we said there was shady crap going on and weren't dead on right. Some threads are almost 20 pages long of the original posters denials. This is no different.

[poolhallprincess]

OP, no you aren't closer than most, or you would have known of the tattoo, and you would know what this woman meant in the text telling your man to meet at the "usual place".

 

The words "usual place" were never said. She said meet for lunch again. That can mean many things, It could mean they have been meeting recently or it could mean let's meet again as we did last time I was in the country. When they met that time I was invited along as well. There is nothing to suggest the same couldn't have applied this time.

 

And yes, we are making a huge deal of the tattoo because it was an outlandish and absurd thing to do.

 

Yes it was. We have discussed and dealt with this though. People don't have to agree with me but why can't people accept that despite my initial hate of it I have come to understand what is behind it and accepted it, as I have accepted his apology.

 

The only reason to tattoo any other woman's name on his body would be if she gave him a kidney or part of her liver.

 

You are closer than what you may think to the truth. So if it was a kidney is the tattoo now acceptable? You seemed to intimate that it would be.

 

Stop pretending the tatt isn't an issue for you and re-read your thread title, with its two exclamation marks.

 

Yes, I accept that and have to take some blame for that. I was looking for feedback and in wanting to attract people to the thread I needed a title that would invoke peoples opinions and attract them in and attract them to post. Looks like it worked a little too well because the tattoo has become too much of the focus here.

 

You started this thread over a week ago. If you two are all about the honesty, why haven't you spoken to him yet?

 

Well I was evidence gathering but it seems there is nothing to gather, or at least I cannot find anything. Now that is done I will be speaking to him at the next opportunity.

[sterlingarcher]

Did you speak to him yet?

[TigerLilly78]

 

It may well end up that the posters here are right but to me that doesn't excuse the lack of trust in ones partner by acting on speculation. It doesn't excuse the lack of trust in ones partner by thinking that their open answers to questions are lies.

 

Maybe I just have a closer relationship than most. Maybe I am comfortable with another persons name tattooed given the significance of it when others are not. Maybe I trust my partners word when others do not. Maybe I believe the best of my partner when other believe the worst in theirs. That allows me to love unconditionally and share a truly profound bond, it's sad that others are always suspect and will never get to experience the same.

 

And if it does turn out that he is cheating then we are through. I still hold my head high that I trusted him until it was proven otherwise. That is a damn site better than automatically fearing the worst and always living in doubt.

 

I don't mean to offend anyone by these comments but I am truly amazed by the amount of people that tell me I should break up rather than trust. It's really a sad state of affairs that people feel the need to feel that way.

And den...

 

Well I was evidence gathering but it seems there is nothing to gather, or at least I cannot find anything. Now that is done I will be speaking to him at the next opportunity.

 

You see what I just did there? in your own words not mine OP...if you guys had a cosmically wonderful relationship you wouldn't have to snoop or try to gather evidence that's a fact im sorry...

[Spectre]

I just do not understand why you would be okay with his tatooing her name on him. You said the thing that bugs you was that it was in a "heart" or something. So you would seriously not be bothered if the heart was gone and it was just her name? If I was you, I would really try to think on that and try to think if I could be okay with that. I don't know if I could.