Boyfriend got a tattoo with his ex gf’s name!!

[ThatMan]

Jealously is about the pain of losing someone you care about. Loss is a painful for anyone and even the toughest men are hurt by it. So please go easy on yourself because jealously is part of the human experience. People feel this way for so many different reasons. Emotions are merely how your brain processes your situation. So you have ever right to be jealous about the bond they share and now you have the opportunity to do something about it. Right now you're choosing to deal with it by being learning to tolerate his behavior that makes you uncomfortable. Think about that real carefully over the weekend.

 

You also do not need to know for absolute certain what goes on in secret. What you do know, today, is that some of his choices are very inappropriate. Responding to his inappropriate behavior by tolerating it further won't help you. Tattoos are profoundly personal. Don't pretend like you're boyfriend is the only person who ever had a tattoo before, even impulsively. His ex is close to his heart, literally, and you're choosing to dismiss the choices he makes because you somehow believe that's the only way to handle jealousy.

[Omei]

Text contact? Lunch meetings? A new tat in her name?

 

You're a fool this is grounds for a breakup for most people, its too much disrespect towards your relationship.

 

But if you wanna be walked all over whatevs

[Rar0]

It's a cruel joke

[Michelle ma Belle]

They are not relevant, It is a private matter. But the reasons he gave are very much real and consistent with everything he and his family and friends have discussed with me over the years.

 

I'm sorry but I think that kind of information might very well be relevant.

 

You're posting in a forum asking for our input on your man permanently inking his body with another woman's name without your consent. If it was that simple, the answer would be as well. It's not rocket science.

 

But it's not that simple because you're sitting here telling us over and over again how important this woman has been in his life, how she forever changed him and made him a better man which you get to enjoy as a result.

 

She sounds like a martyr for heaven's sake. If she was so wonderful and means so much to him why did they split up? What was it that made her so special and what did she do that warrants everyone including you, to be forever grateful?

 

Why so much secrecy about this?

 

The answers to those question might not change our minds at all but then again it could very well change our initial gut reaction to your original post. You say it's a private matter but you're posting completely anonymous already so what is the fear at this point?

 

Whatever...

 

My knee-jerk reaction to all of this is, as I said earlier, simple. This ALL sounds SUPERSONICALLY fishy. Not only do I see red flags but I hear the alarm bells.

 

And I wouldn't take too much comfort in the fact that you don't see any text messages discussing having already met up previously because he could have just deleted those messages earlier for fear you'd be looking through his phone. Many men who sneak around make a habit of doing this. You probably just beat him to the punch with this most recent round of text messages.

 

Good luck.

Edited June 7, 2014 by Michelle ma Belle

[revelations]

poolhallprincess,

 

I hate to say this to you, but between the tattoo and keeping the meeting up with the same ex for lunch is a bit much. I know that some men and women keep a friendship going with an ex lover and that is one thing However this does sound like you are getting played to me. I would really check into both of these matters and trust your gut.

 

To be honest with you, to me you sound like a very trusting woman. Maybe too trusting at times. You sound very secure about the ink that your boyfriend just got. However him meeting that ex for lunch in secret after just getting her name tattooed is over the top to me. So be careful, this sounds to me like you are being played. I don't want to see you hurt by this. You sound like too good of a woman to have this happen to. Anyhow I hope it works out for you.

[juicygirl]

I would have been livid if my bf got his ex's name on his body, I don't care what she did for him, be eternally grateful and move on.

 

I'm sorry but it sounds like he is still in love with her. Your bf is definitely too emotionally invest in his ex when his suppose to be with you. You need to confronting, before he ends up cheating on you, if he hasn't already.

Found out what's going on with them, because it sounds like he was with you because maybe she didn't want him or she was in a relationship, maybe she's recently become single and he wants to try his luck, but doesn't want to let go of you, just in case it doesn't work out. Don't make yourself his safety net. You've been together 5 years and his still doesn't know what you find disrespectful, secret meeting are a no, no. Why was he hitting the fact they met up,if you are aware of their friendship why wouldn't he tell you"hey is it ok if I go to lunch with x" his hiding it for a reason.

 

If you buy that excuse about the tattoo he maybe able to pull the wool over your eyes a little longer. Be very careful with this situation you may end up getting very burnt.

[Haydn]

Well out of order. Outrageous.

[poolhallprincess]

She sounds like a martyr for heaven's sake. If she was so wonderful and means so much to him why did they split up? What was it that made her so special and what did she do that warrants everyone including you, to be forever grateful?

 

She was with him during a dark time and helped in through it. She is no angel or figure to be revered but nonetheless she was there and she did help, going far beyond what most people would do.

 

I have spoken to my bf, to family and to friends and even sat in with his (our) counselor. All acknowledge what this woman did for him.

 

They split up when she moved overseas. She is now back temporarily for about 6 more months.

 

And I wouldn't take too much comfort in the fact that you don't see any text messages discussing having already met up previously because he could have just deleted those messages earlier for fear you'd be looking through his phone. Many men who sneak around make a habit of doing this. You probably just beat him to the punch with this most recent round of text messages.

 

This one has me confused. There are messages on his phone from her all the way back to when they first got back in contact so he's obviously not deleting them. She asked to meet but I still don't have confirmation that they actually did.

 

I refuse to jump to conclusions, I will fact find and then act appropriately. Many of the replies her seem to suggest we should split up already. It's looking like that may be the case in the end but I will do it based on evidence not suspicion.

 

All I know for a fact right now is that he has been talking to her via text and has not told me. And he got a tatt with her name in a heart which if I believe his reasoning is a reasonable thing (although 5 years too late as some pointed out). Just putting that in context, this is not a tatt that's 1 out of 4 he has on his body, he is a heavily tattooed man.

[poolhallprincess]

I hate to say this to you, but between the tattoo and keeping the meeting up with the same ex for lunch is a bit much. I know that some men and women keep a friendship going with an ex lover and that is one thing However this does sound like you are getting played to me. I would really check into both of these matters and trust your gut.

 

I will trust my gut once I have all the evidence. Right now I don't.

 

If it turns out that they have been meeting multiple times, they have been texting more than I can see and they have been talking on the phone then I have no option other than to accept that he is still in love with her especially considering that tattoo.

 

However if it turns out that they have not met despite her wanting to, I have seen all the text messages and there has been no voice calls then I can assume that her return just prompted him to get a tattoo after being reminded of how far he has come and why.

 

This is why it's important for me to get all the facts first because they are two very opposite possibilities and I don't want to act one way when the other could be true.

[ThatMan]

Isn't his current inappropriate behavior worthy of thought and consideration? You do not need to know all the facts to not be okay with his known choices.

[Raena]

How do you plan on getting all of the facts? He could easily be deleting only certain messages on his phone and deliberately leaving the others to make it look innocuous.

 

It's just fishy. No matter what his reasoning for getting her name tattooed on his body at this late stage of the game, he's still communicating with her and not sharing it with you.

 

I know you want to believe him, that's what we do when we are in a committed relationship, particularly one that has lasted as long as yours has. But something just isn't adding up here. You know it, or you wouldn't be posting about it on here.

 

You can't ask him directly because if he is sneaking around on you, he isn't going to come right out and admit it. How else will you find out the truth?

 

I personally think that when you start to feel like you have to snoop around and look for facts then it's the beginning of the end. There should be no reason at all for you to be wondering what he's doing. If he were being up front with you, then you'd have no reason to snoop.

[Million.to.1]

No judgment. I think you are being very reasonable about the tattoo. And for understanding their history and connection. Good for you.

 

But they broke up because they had to. She moved. Hmmmm. she's back. Hmmmmm. Sounds like there is a rekindling thing...unfinished business maybe. Maybe not. Maybe they are just friends. Does he have a smart phone? Are they friends on Facebook? They could also be using Fb messenger or another chat app to chat and arrange these 'lunch dates"

 

If I were you, I would stay calm about this, and ask him. Don't say you read his phone. Do not say that. it will all get turned around on you if you do. Say you are a little concerned about that tattoo after so many years and with her back in town. Say that you just want the truth and that you love him. Then ask him flat out if he has been meeting up with her behind your back. Look him dead in the eyes with love and trust and ask him. It's the only way you'll really know, because if he lies to you... You'll know why he is hiding it. If he comes clean straight away and is 100% honest with you about what you already know... Then i suppose you can trust him.

 

There is no way any of us can tell you if he is cheating, or loves his ex, or if they are just close friends. Only he knows, and can answer that for you, and after 5 years, i think you know him well enough to judge him in this matter for yourself.

[juicygirl]

Isn't his current inappropriate behavior worthy of thought and consideration? You do not need to know all the facts to not be okay with his known choices.

 

Exactly, it's almost as if you're making excuses for his behaviour because you haven't seen anything in print! She wants to meet up,but he doesn't and then suddenly his tattooing her name on his body! Does that make sense to you? In my experience if it doesn't make sense it's usually not true.

 

You may not have seen the text, but it's 2014 they could be communicating via social media, email, skype, carrier pigeon who knows and it's not unlikely that he deleted the text. Just have it out with him and see what he says?

[Smilecharmer]

He loves his ex. You aren't special. No, it isn't normal.

[No Limit]

My advice: break up. No need to thank me.

 

I refuse to jump to conclusions, I will fact find and then act appropriately.

 

You are in denial because you refuse to see what's real and happening all around you, all because you can't print your proof, while it's actually already there (actually you do have visible proof, unless you've already skinned your "boyfriend"). You just don't want to read between the lines because you won't like what you're going to find there.

On the other hand, it doesn't matter anyhow. Your "relationship" is running out of time and if you aren't going to break up with him, he will continue his emotional and physical cheating like he does now and then gladly kick you to the curb.

Oh right, and once you've gotten the heartache and the "Oh noo wai did he do that", please look for the suitable forum, thanks.

Edited June 7, 2014 by No Limit

[preraph]

I think his ex is probably done with him but he's still in love with her and hopes she'll come back to him someday and in the meantime, he has her convinced he's cool with just being friends. Why don't you invite her over for dinner and see how she likes really being in your life? Surprise him. After all, she shaped his life and all. Surely he'd want her to be friends with his present girlfriend!

 

Dump his sorry cheating disrespectful a**!!!!!! He is willing to take any and all risks with your relationship on the offchance he could ever get his ex back. That's it.

[Keke1]

I will trust my gut once I have all the evidence. Right now I don't.

 

If it turns out that they have been meeting multiple times, they have been texting more than I can see and they have been talking on the phone then I have no option other than to accept that he is still in love with her especially considering that tattoo.

 

However if it turns out that they have not met despite her wanting to, I have seen all the text messages and there has been no voice calls then I can assume that her return just prompted him to get a tattoo after being reminded of how far he has come and why.

 

This is why it's important for me to get all the facts first because they are two very opposite possibilities and I don't want to act one way when the other could be true.

 

Are you going to keep checking his phone? I believe you've started something that will be hard to stop. As a guy thats been through that mess if you resort to checking FB emails and phones. Its over already. What you would be doing from that point is wasting each others time.

[Rar0]

The tattoo is pretty disrespectful but you are ok with it so

[stillafool]

One thing you can be sure of - he is going to show her his new tat!

[TigerLilly78]

So am I the only one whose thinking maybe the "lunches" aren't really Lunches? she said she wanted to meet up again that could be interpreted in a few different ways sorry op def not what you wanted to her but you yourself said you cant be to sure it was even for lunch...

[Keke1]

The tattoo is pretty disrespectful but you are ok with it so

 

We have to get over that. The problem is trust. She is definitely losing it. & she doesn't know for sure if he truly does not have feelings for her beyond a platonic friend.

 

She says the woman is special buttttt idk. With that being said if my girl got a dudes name printed on her then she should call from the tattoo parlor for him to come get her. Swing by and pick your stuff from the curb also.

[Omei]

You make it clear that she was there for him in dark times but couple tattoos happen when your together or single in relationship mourning, not when your in a total different relationship after much much time apart that is totally a brain dead choice or he knows just how much he can push the limit with you, and this is a huge limit I do not understand how you could be okay with it.

 

There could of been 100 other ways of him expressing his gratitude to his ex for her past support while staying respectful towards you.

 

A short thank you note

A card

A fruit basket

A paid dinner....all under the respecfulness of you knowing he would like to thank her.

 

But coming home with a perm tat on his body inked for life without so much as talking to you about it? What else does that future hold?

 

This is pretty much saying hey I can make whatever choices I want in this relationship with no second thought of if how it may effect usor make you feel.....worse that might not even cross his mind at all and he really just has no idea.

[Rar0]

Why is he dating you then?

[Leigh 87]

Seriously? lol WTF. Hell no.

 

Just no.

 

oh and the secretly hanging out with her behind your back? Well you're okay with him getting her name PERMANENTLY MARKED ON HIS BODY so I don't see why that part would be the bothersome thing to you. He can forever link his body to her but lunch is not okay? lol what.

 

The tat and the secret lunches are both absurdly inappropriate but I honestly can't reconcile how you're okay with staring at her name IN A HEART on his body every day but not okay with LUNCH.

 

I think your man is in love with his ex, maybe trying to get her back behind YOUR back...with her name on his back. Whoa.

 

 

LOL.

 

Yeah. At least he will run "any future tatts" by her the next time around.

[Leigh 87]

I looked after my ex after his MUM died. We were VERY close.

 

We haven't gotten tatts of each other's significance that we played in each others lives.

 

My bf would think I was mental. If I got a tattoo of my EX in a LOVE HEART shape.

 

This is utterly ridiculous.