Haven't had a serious relationship yet at age 21?

[amyO]

**This is really long, I'm extremely sorry in advanced! haha Thank you to whoever takes the time to read this. I truly appreciate it.

 

I've posted about this before on this forum- I'm seemingly always concerned about this topic, but I love to hear feedback from others and get different viewpoints.

 

I am 21 right now and I'll be 22 in a few months. One thing that has always bothered me is the fact that I haven't had a serious boyfriend yet. From the surface it seems I haven't had long term or serious relationships, but in reality I've been with a couple of guys. I've also had a lot of little things, in a sense; happen between me and other guys. I think I'm just embarrassed that I can't admit that I've never had a boyfriend or never found the right guy to have a great relationship with. I've just had these "together" type relationships over the years. This probably all sounds really confusing, but I'll explain more.

 

I didn't date at all in high school, so when I finally went away to college it was my first time really being with guys. I hate to admit this, but I was a typical college girl who would make out all the time with guys in between being in a tiny relationship with a guy.... I'll start from the beginning though. I started talking to a guy freshmen year and we both really liked each other. He was the first guy that I went somewhat "far with." We talked for months and all our friends knew we were together, but we never established a title for what we were at the time.

Things ended and then summer came and I met a new guy. In my second tiny relationship, the guy and me were together for 3 months and I felt it was getting pretty serious. I met all his friends and we would hangout as much as possible. My best friends kept saying he was bound to be my boyfriend. At the end of summer though, things ended. He had a lot going on with his family and I did too. Again, no title was ever given to this relationship.

A few months later, I started being together with one of my best guy friends. I literally fell in love with him and ended up losing my virginity to him. We really cared about one another and I never felt how I felt with him with anyone else. However, I was dealing with a lot in life and ended up moving and transferring schools. We still talked afterwards and I came to visit him once, but things turned sour and we didn't speak for two months. Some time passed and we reunited and began being together again. However, we got into a huge fight 3 months later and didn't speak for a long time afterwards. It was hard as we very much loved each other, but knew we weren't meant to be together. We had been on and off for a little over a year. However, we never called each other boyfriend and girlfriend.

 

All of these little relationships took place between my freshman and junior year. This past year, being my senior year, I was open to hopefully finding a really great guy. I got burned a few times along the way, but without any warning, I hooked up with one of my friends that I met this year the last week of college. I wasn't expecting it at all, but I'm glad it happened. We talk every single day, but I'm trying to tell myself to just take things slow and see what happens.

 

However, the reason why I started thinking about this topic again is because we were talking about past relationships. He explained to me how he has had two ex-girlfriends. Both relationships lasted about a year each. He asked how many boyfriends I have had and I felt embarrassed because I didn't know how to really answer. I ended up saying I dated a few guys and that things didn't work out.

 

 

My overall question: Is this all normal? Is it okay to not have had a "boyfriend" yet by my age? Is it ordinary to not have had a long relationship yet? I know there are people that have never been with someone at all in their life and I should be happy to have met a few guys along the way, whether serious or not. I think I'm just a bit embarrassed, especially when family or friends ask if I've had a boyfriend yet or why don't I have one. I never know how to explain that I've had little experiences, just never had a title for them.

[Rar0]

Plenty of people are like you

[Do_The_Herp]

I'm like you. Same age as you, although I'll turn 22 a few months before you turn 23..

 

I haven't put myself in positions to meet anyone at all, and the few guys that you've met so far, just weren't the right ones. Keep searching.

 

Nothing wrong with us, and the countless young folk in our shoes.

[organizedchaos]

So what? You're only 21.

[Damaged217]

I was never allowed to date in high school and I was terribly shy so I never even really went on a date until college. In college, I was like you. I would meet a guy and hang out for a few weeks but nothing would come of it. I think very few guys want a relationship while they are in college. They want to take advantage of the massive amounts of girls. I didn't get a real boyfriend until I was 22 and we dated for 4 years. Like someone else said, the guys you were with just weren't the right ones. I was embarassed that I never had a boyfriend until I was 22 but I got over it. It will happen. Just enjoy college for now.

[R3d]

So what? You're only 21.

 

Just curious. What age is not "only"? Before you told me, "You're only 16."

 

Now I see you saying, "You're only 21."

 

What age would you consider to not be "only"?

[Mrlonelyone]

Let me clue you in on something.

 

NO ONE IN THE 21st CENTURY WORLD HAS A REALLY SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP AT 21!

 

The only exception to that rule is IMHO when the relationship last long enough for those 21 year olds to become 25 year olds. Then with a really mature 100% adult grown neocortex they can decide to stay the course.

 

At your age don't worry about serious just have fun. Once it stops being fun, end it. If trying to date is stopping you from having fun, stop trying to date, give up, and wait until you are older.

 

There is nothing wrong with saving "relationships" for age 25 or more. You can live to be 111 these days if you're careful so there's really no hurry.

[littleplanet]

Of course it's normal.

When you meet thr right one, all your statistics won't matter a lick.

 

Don't go thinking there's something wrong with you because you haven't had a 'serious' relationship yet.

We live in times of great economic pressure - and it surely puts the squeeze on romance. Which is a shame.

 

By the time I was 23, three of the four greatest loves of my life were behind me.

But that was a very different time.

 

By the time my father was your age - he was married with 2 kids.

That again......was a very different time still.

 

So applying a little perspective:

This isn't you alone. This is the mixture of you and whoever you're attempting to form a relationship with. That's a very important factor.

Many people your age have never had a serious relationship.

(Too busy with too many other things!)

 

If you feel social pressure from family and friends that you must by now, have had some 'serious' experience........then this places you right back in something resembling Victorian times - that supposedly you are in great danger of suffering some sort of missed opportunity.

 

It is not that you are disinterested, uninteresting, or dispassionate.

You just haven't met that "right" one yet, obviously.

And there's no point in settling the issue by winding up with the "wrong" one!

 

So relax.

It will happen in its own good time.

[aussietigerwolf]

0MG.... you should have been in a serious relationship as soon as you hit puberty... lol

 

seriously though, there are tons of these sorta threads from people that are barely in their 20's and no, your life isn't over nor are you weird for not having had "serious relationships" or having had sex or even having been kissed.

[Mrlonelyone]

One more thing.... when a certain... serious event occured here in the states recently a wise radio host made this point.

 

People your age get on social media and see these "wonderful" lives people have. The thing is 95% of what you see there is BS.

 

If they are in a relationship odds are that relationship.. 95% of the time is horrible and destined to fail. That is always the case at least 95% of the relationships we all get into a horrible, painful, learning experiences.

 

The remaining 5% are marriages and 50% of those are horrible and destined to fail...it just takes longer.

 

The other half of those last a long time un til death do you part. Then the one left alive has a broken heart. So the odds of heart break are 100%. The odds of having a truly great relationship only 5%. 5%!

 

Which is why I say just don't worry about it. When ever you start a serious relationship just realize there is, at minimum, a 95% chance of your heart being broken during your life time by it.

[organizedchaos]

Just curious. What age is not "only"? Before you told me, "You're only 16."

 

Now I see you saying, "You're only 21."

 

What age would you consider to not be "only"?

 

Hard to put a number to it. But at 21 you shouldn't even be worrying about a serious relationship. Work on getting your career off the ground. Then work on a relationship.

[Harradin]

I'm a 21 year old male.

 

Most of my friends haven't had serious long term relationships except two of my friends who have been in their serious relationships since they were 16/17, another's been in a relationship since he was 19.

 

Personally I was a late bloomer, I didn't get with a girl until I went to uni and I didn't lose my virginity until I was 20.

 

I've only had one relationship that bought me here, it only lasted 3 months but it somehow got intense really quickly and I was really into her but she cheated on me. The rest are all girls I got with in clubs so mostly one night stands, in fact I lost my virginity on a one night stand.

 

I'd say its pretty normal, besides at our age its not very likely that relationships that start now are even going to last for a long time, so its better to focus on career/life then worrying about looking for a serious relationship!

[R3d]

Hard to put a number to it. But at 21 you shouldn't even be worrying about a serious relationship. Work on getting your career off the ground. Then work on a relationship.

 

Reading this makes me genuinely surprised given that I have been worrying about it at 16. I mean when I read stuff online, I hear about all these people who are in years-long relationships since like age 14, 15, 16 - like real relationships lasting for years!

 

Then I come here and they tell me that most people don't until their mid-twenties.

 

This doesn't make any sense.

[PegNosePete]

when I read stuff online

Pro tip, don't read stuff online, it's all lies!

 

Or more specifically. A lot of stuff online is opinion and one person's experience, dressed up convincingly and professionally as wide-reaching fact.

[organizedchaos]

Reading this makes me genuinely surprised given that I have been worrying about it at 16. I mean when I read stuff online, I hear about all these people who are in years-long relationships since like age 14, 15, 16 - like real relationships lasting for years!

 

Then I come here and they tell me that most people don't until their mid-twenties.

 

This doesn't make any sense.

 

Some do, sure. I didn't have my first long term relationship until after high school. Stop worrying about this stuff and just enjoy your youth. Your time will come.

[jbelle6]

**This is really long, I'm extremely sorry in advanced! haha Thank you to whoever takes the time to read this. I truly appreciate it.

 

I've posted about this before on this forum- I'm seemingly always concerned about this topic, but I love to hear feedback from others and get different viewpoints.

 

I am 21 right now and I'll be 22 in a few months. One thing that has always bothered me is the fact that I haven't had a serious boyfriend yet. From the surface it seems I haven't had long term or serious relationships, but in reality I've been with a couple of guys. I've also had a lot of little things, in a sense; happen between me and other guys. I think I'm just embarrassed that I can't admit that I've never had a boyfriend or never found the right guy to have a great relationship with. I've just had these "together" type relationships over the years. This probably all sounds really confusing, but I'll explain more.

 

I didn't date at all in high school, so when I finally went away to college it was my first time really being with guys. I hate to admit this, but I was a typical college girl who would make out all the time with guys in between being in a tiny relationship with a guy.... I'll start from the beginning though. I started talking to a guy freshmen year and we both really liked each other. He was the first guy that I went somewhat "far with." We talked for months and all our friends knew we were together, but we never established a title for what we were at the time.

Things ended and then summer came and I met a new guy. In my second tiny relationship, the guy and me were together for 3 months and I felt it was getting pretty serious. I met all his friends and we would hangout as much as possible. My best friends kept saying he was bound to be my boyfriend. At the end of summer though, things ended. He had a lot going on with his family and I did too. Again, no title was ever given to this relationship.

A few months later, I started being together with one of my best guy friends. I literally fell in love with him and ended up losing my virginity to him. We really cared about one another and I never felt how I felt with him with anyone else. However, I was dealing with a lot in life and ended up moving and transferring schools. We still talked afterwards and I came to visit him once, but things turned sour and we didn't speak for two months. Some time passed and we reunited and began being together again. However, we got into a huge fight 3 months later and didn't speak for a long time afterwards. It was hard as we very much loved each other, but knew we weren't meant to be together. We had been on and off for a little over a year. However, we never called each other boyfriend and girlfriend.

 

All of these little relationships took place between my freshman and junior year. This past year, being my senior year, I was open to hopefully finding a really great guy. I got burned a few times along the way, but without any warning, I hooked up with one of my friends that I met this year the last week of college. I wasn't expecting it at all, but I'm glad it happened. We talk every single day, but I'm trying to tell myself to just take things slow and see what happens.

 

However, the reason why I started thinking about this topic again is because we were talking about past relationships. He explained to me how he has had two ex-girlfriends. Both relationships lasted about a year each. He asked how many boyfriends I have had and I felt embarrassed because I didn't know how to really answer. I ended up saying I dated a few guys and that things didn't work out.

 

 

My overall question: Is this all normal? Is it okay to not have had a "boyfriend" yet by my age? Is it ordinary to not have had a long relationship yet? I know there are people that have never been with someone at all in their life and I should be happy to have met a few guys along the way, whether serious or not. I think I'm just a bit embarrassed, especially when family or friends ask if I've had a boyfriend yet or why don't I have one. I never know how to explain that I've had little experiences, just never had a title for them.

 

 

 

 

If I was exclusively seeing someone, and they put their penis inside me, I think it would be safe for me to call them my boyfriend.

[jbelle6]

Just curious. What age is not "only"? Before you told me, "You're only 16."

 

Now I see you saying, "You're only 21."

 

What age would you consider to not be "only"?

 

 

 

The human brain doesn't fully develop until around the age of 25 so I think he's safe to say "only" to both those ages, it's just a different degree of "only".

[amyO]

Thank you for all your responses! I do feel a lot better about the whole situation. I may have not had a serious or long relationship with a guy yet, but I have had a good amount of experience so far by this age. I should be happy with that. I've also grown from every experience and hopefully one day in the future i'll happen to meet the right guy!