Esha_2014 Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 I met this guy online and he was sweet but his reluctance to meet in person put me off. He later said he was ready and then stood me up, so I stopped talking to him. As a matter of fact, I packed in online dating all together. He text me randomly after a few months saying he wants to meet. I initially said no but I realise he is going to be a guest at my best friend's wedding the weekend before the one he's asked to meet. Since I'll likely run into him at the wedding anyway, I changed my mind and said we could go for a coffee the morning after the wedding. For some reason my instinct was not to trust him and I put it down as because he's stood me up before. Despite seeing that this time he was making more effort, I still felt uneasy, thinking he's hiding something. Of course I knew if he had a gf he wouldn't tell me the truth but I asked him anyway just to see if that will settle my mind. He said no and even went as far as guilt tripping like 'why don't you trust me? I'm sorry I stood you up before it's just my nerves with meeting someone I really like the sound of' Well I've heard some of that before! I looked him up on facebook which I haven't done since he stood me up and I couldn't find him. I thought that was weird because I used to be able to find him although we didn't add each other. I asked my friend to do it and he found him in a relationship with someone and had been about a month or so now. I don't want to tell him I know because I don't want him to think I was stalking him (although that's essentially what I was doing lol). I simply want to tell him I'm no longer interested in meeting him but two of my friends think they'd want to know if they are the girl and that I should tell him I know. What do people think? Link to post Share on other sites
umirano Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 Sure why not. It's always good to stir things up a little. Esp. when it means fncking up things for unethical bastards like this guy. I'd do it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 I say NO. No coffee, no nothing just ignore him. You don't owe him anything. He is a cheater and apparently a liar who stood you up. Just go to the wedding and have fun and just ignore him. He will get the message. Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 Sure why not. It's always good to stir things up a little. Esp. when it means fncking up things for unethical bastards like this guy. I'd do it. Umirano your comment made me chuckle. We've all been in OP's position where you have to make a choice: do you confront the person with the lies they told you or do you take the higher road and just walk away? I say NO. No coffee, no nothing just ignore him. You don't owe him anything. He is a cheater and apparently a liar who stood you up. Just go to the wedding and have fun and just ignore him. He will get the message. I agree with you stilllafool that the OP doesn't owe this schmuck anything, because he is a cheater and liar who did stand her up. I can see the benefit of either choice here, OP. If you confront him you get to feel the satisfaction of knowing you called out a liar and cheater to his face, which shows him that you value yourself more than he apparently had (which was not at all). If you take the higher road and ignore him at the wedding you know he'll be a guest at, you can feel good about yourself because you know you deserve better than him and didn't lower yourself to his level of slime. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 This is easy. Just tell him you're real busy now, no explanations. Tell him that a time or two in text or phone and then just stop responding if he keeps it up. Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 Why should she lie though? She has no reason to lie because she didn't do anything wrong here. This is easy. Just tell him you're real busy now, no explanations. Tell him that a time or two in text or phone and then just stop responding if he keeps it up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 You dont know the girl, or what their relationship is like I'd just leave it alone its only been a month or so as you said and she may figure it all out for herself plus you dont know what she might think of you if you did you're the stranger to her. If however you're feeling devilish and want to get back at him for you and the girl stand him up back? And never explain like him, small win. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 I would just bow out gracefully, say you are not willing to take things further with him, wish him the best and fade out.You have no obligation to him, to disclose the why for's as, he is being deceitful you are being honest in saying you do not wish to pursue him..best of luck.deb Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 Why should she lie though? She has no reason to lie because she didn't do anything wrong here. Why would it be lying to say you're busy. In my mind, you WILL be busy -- busy not waiting around for him. Also, she's already lying by omission because she's investigated and doesn't want him to know it. I'm giving her what I think is the quickest most confrontation-free way out of this bad mojo. Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 Advising her to lie even more just adds to this bad mojo. She investigated him because she had a gut feeling that he was lying to her. And she was right! He was! She can always meet him and tell him that she followed a gut feeling and found out information about him that proves he was lying to her, because she's totally justified. He's the one who kept his girlfriend secret from her so I don't know why you're making the OP out to be the guilty one here. Of course the OP will be busy -- busy not waiting around for him. But she doesn't owe him any explanation for her decision not to see him - which a text of "I'm busy" would be: an explanation. He doesn't deserve that. Why would it be lying to say you're busy. In my mind, you WILL be busy -- busy not waiting around for him. Also, she's already lying by omission because she's investigated and doesn't want him to know it. I'm giving her what I think is the quickest most confrontation-free way out of this bad mojo. Link to post Share on other sites
umirano Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 Oh, I understood the OP was asking whether to tell the girl that he's a cheater. Just talking to him to point out that you know he's trying to play his GF... Idk, what benefit do you expect from it, OP? Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 We live in an age where pretty much everyone and everything can be viewed online. Googling someone isn't unusual these days and in fact, from a woman's perspective it is typically encouraged if only to protects ourselves before accepting dates with perfect strangers we meet online. It's common practice particularly if you have someone's full name. The fact that you checked him out or had someone else do it isn't anything to be ashamed of. HE'S the one that should be damned ashamed of himself for not only standing you up but for appearing to be in a relationship. I think you're over thinking this whole thing. I'd call him out on his bulls*t and shut him down once and for all. And learn to listen to your gut more often. Seriously. It's been my experience that it's rarely ever wrong. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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