ll_lok Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 So, my gf and I broke up a month ago, up until 1 week ago I "begged" her 3 times for us to continue together, to keep fighting for our relationship, I told her it would be worth it, etc. She obviously said no. We both cried, I ended up getting upset and telling her I never want to see her again and went NC. Now just 1 week later she texts me asking how I am and how my college projects are going. Now here is the dilemma, I WANT HER BACK. I mean I understand that NC is about myself, and its great actually, I am already starting to feel better and little by little getting over her (up to a couple of days ago I felt very depressed). But if there is any chances of us going back together I would never doubt taking it. So, after giving it much thought I answered back, we talked for about 15 mins and then we just stopped talking and I went back to NC (or so I think). Was it the right choice? I mean, when using NC if you are still hoping she could come back, is it ok to reply to her messages? What should I do if she texts me again? Not reply? Maybe little by little? I am not going to ask her to meet up or anything, I figured that if we are going to go back together she is gonna have to ask to meet and say it herself. But what now? Link to post Share on other sites
noww Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 Let her go is my advice.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ll_lok Posted June 7, 2014 Author Share Posted June 7, 2014 Its funny, right now I feel like I can totally do that. And if it is for the best I will. But again, if there is any chance of getting back together I would do it as well. So, considering I want her back, what should I do since she broke NC? Link to post Share on other sites
noww Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 Its funny, right now I feel like I can totally do that. And if it is for the best I will. But again, if there is any chance of getting back together I would do it as well. So, considering I want her back, what should I do since she broke NC? Do you REALLY want her back? When you think rationally? I mean, there was a reason she dumped you. You two may get back together but it's likely that the reason WILL creep up again. I would go strictly NC and ignore the hell out of her messages if she does send you any again. But that's just me. I've just come out of an on-off relationship and to me, they don't work. And this could be a start of an on-off relationship if you don't let enough time pass to sort your head out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ll_lok Posted June 7, 2014 Author Share Posted June 7, 2014 Yeah I guess you are right... Maybe I just got a little excited haha Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Always Pondering Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 She broke up with you, you begged (not a good idea), then she said no. You broke NC by replying to her "how are you" message. I don't know the details of your relationship but in more cases than not, this scenario ends up playing out with no reconciliation. If you're using NC for the right purpose, you can't "hope" that she will come back because that hope just serves as a huge log that's blocking your way. Personally, I would respect her decision and not beg/plead/persuade/etc her anymore and NC so that you can let go and move on. The break-up was fresh and your last contact was not too long ago, so obviously being "friends" is not an option if she offered that to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ll_lok Posted June 7, 2014 Author Share Posted June 7, 2014 I guess you are right... The way I see it however is that while I dont want to hold on to false hope, if there was any chance of getting back together at the very least I have show that my lines of communication are open if she wanted to get back. She doesnt? Fine, I am going to have to accept that and I am actually starting to. But if she did, then at the very least she should know that she can talk to me right? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 I guess you are right... The way I see it however is that while I dont want to hold on to false hope, if there was any chance of getting back together at the very least I have show that my lines of communication are open if she wanted to get back. She doesnt? Fine, I am going to have to accept that and I am actually starting to. But if she did, then at the very least she should know that she can talk to me right? No, that's not right. That's very wrong. Extremely wrong. All you are doing by "opening the lines of communication" are saying that it's ok for her to see you as just a friend, that you are over the breakup and are capable of being her platonic friend. From her perspective, you are basically saying that the breakup is OK when you answer those type of bulls--t texts. If you want to really discern if she's interested in restarting romantically, you can't just sit there like an obedient pet and jump every time she snaps her fingers. You have to keep moving forward and let those breadcrumb texts go unanswered. If you do that, two things will happen, both good. a) she'll realize that you aren't there as a safety blanket and she'll realize that to have you, she needs to be with you and she'll up the ante or b) she won't up the ante, but you'll be on the way to recovery and meeting someone who will. But either way, your strategy of answers her texts is really, really awful. She can't miss something that doesn't go away, and you aren't going away if you answer her texts. And you can't move forward if you are continously going back to answer every mundane text she sends. So show some self-control and backbone. It will help you a ton later on. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
lime87 Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 She might, or she might not. She might contact you and leave you breadcrumbs, and it'll hurt you if you invest in them. If she wants you bad so badly, she'd have to swallow her pride. Don't respond to anything other than "I want to get back together" from her if you want her back and you honestly believe you can work things out in a new relationship. Keep NC, and concentrate on healing yourself. Either you'll move on and be stronger or you might get a second chance. Either way you win. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 Breadcrumb. Block her if you feel the temptation to give in again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ll_lok Posted June 7, 2014 Author Share Posted June 7, 2014 Damn you guys are harsh but definitely right! Thanks so much for the feedback. Next time this happens I will just forget and delete the message as if nothing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lime87 Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 Damn you guys are harsh but definitely right! Thanks so much for the feedback. Next time this happens I will just forget and delete the message as if nothing. I know what you mean by it seeming harsh, especially when it's not what you want to hear. It's all said with you in mind and your best interests (and healing!) though! Hang in there and come back when you need support! Link to post Share on other sites
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