Boy friend thinks he is abusing me!

[Ninaaa]

We were together for 3 years and he is so romantic n me as well. After 2 years n half he started touching me n holding me while walking n we held hands 3 months later. we are both religious n that's the reason for the delay n of course PDA is a taboo in my society n we don't share a place so we didn't have any privacy. Last month we were in a deserted place, we were sitting and he was holding me in his arms, touching my back n all of a sudden we french kissed!

 

he was so embarrassed after it happened but he told me he liked it n wanted to experience it again, so we met again : we made out .. he also had an ejaculation with just me kissing n hugging him; for I'm his first girl friend n everything that happened was his first, same as me. The kissing happened again n he also touches my breasts while kissing. Last night he told me that he doesn't like to do these things to me anymore til marriage, cuz he finds his actions too sexual with not much feeling in them, he thinks he is abusing me when he doesn't feel our love in his heart at the moment.

 

Also he told me we may not be able to get married after all n he feels he has abused me n it gives him a bad feeling. He liked the whole thing very much of course n said how great it was. I told him I'd prefer not to be touched by you anymore in anyway if it gives you such bad feelings n he said I try to! I really don't know how to act towards him if he touched me again. I know he may be right but why did we made out after all if it was not going to happen again? would someone give me some advice on this? pretty sad n confused

[umirano]

Stopped after the third substitution of 'and' with 'n'. It's very hard to read like this. Sorry.

[FrostBlaze]

This post is very sweet and dumb.

Sweet because of the things betwen you, dumb because it took so long and the problems you make up from being religious.

 

Sorry i can't help per say i am not a religious man and think this waiting till marriage is a bad ideea. You have to experience these things, to know if you fit blabla, there's a lot of reasons and i am not going to post.

 

Tell him what you actually feel.

Did you like it? Did he? If yes, do so.

Why is he pulling back now? PRetty sure he enjoys it, probably just the "guilt" from being a religious man, idk. Im speculating.

 

That's what the mind does to you if you don't let loose to your feelings, he might of IMAGINED it more special(the kissing n stuff), and it's not turning out the way he ENVIOSONED it and is feeling unsure about his emotions.

 

Waiting so much till his first kiss, he might of expected something more special.

Hell, we can't really know what is going on, talk to him and be direct.

[spiderowl]

It sounds like instinct took over and couldn't hold back. It's not surprising after all that time you've known each other and been dating. From the sound of it, he is shocked that he behaved like that and is feeling bad about it. He is projecting that bad feeling on to you and talking about not dating any more, as if you are to blame for his behaviour and guilt. This is not remotely fair on you.

 

I don't know what culture you are from but in Western culture, his reaction would be seen as excessive. I guess if he thinks you may be badly affected if people knew, or even punished for what he did, then he may be backing off to protect you. Perhaps you could talk to him about the cultural differences in different societies and that neither of you should blame yourselves or feel guilty. You need to work out between you whether to continue dating or not, because of his attitude. Ideally, you would find a boyfriend and lover who genuinely loved you and who would be determined that you shouldn't suffer whatever you both did, i.e. would marry you if appropriate in your society.