galaxyman Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 I think I finally got to "that" point. The "sick and tired of being sick and tired". Now, I'd like to know actual steps successful men took to finally break free from being the "nice guy". Can anyone offer any strategies/ideas/tricks they used to help them break free from this lifelong behavioural trend? Note: To sum up: I understand why it's bad to be an NG, and how it comes about. But can't get a hold on "what to do next". Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 Depends on what you mean by "nice guy". There are quite a few different definitions that get thrown around on this forum. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
R3d Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 Watch Simple Pickup. They will teach you how. Link to post Share on other sites
Leeway Harris Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 Me, I just started walking up to people and punching them in the face. Worked like a charm. People started going "That guy sure isn't nice. Not at all." 5 Link to post Share on other sites
TheBladeRunner Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 I reached a conclusion myself: If a woman wants the "bad-boy", D-bagger type, HE can have her. I have had a few GREAT relationships by just being myself. I am a decent guy and I'm sticking to it! People that accept being treated poorly = someone with VERY poor self esteem IMO. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Bruce Leigh Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 Becoming more self centered and to a lesser extent, a tad more selfish. It felt a bit alien at times but when you truly learn to not give a ****, then you have cracked it. But it takes time. Link to post Share on other sites
Always Pondering Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 I heard of a book called "No More Mr. Nice Guy" written by Dr. Robert A. Glover. I'm not sure if it applies to this situation or if it's even a good book but I have it sitting in my bookshelf (haven't read it yet though). I've heard great things about it though. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
littleplanet Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 Me, I just started walking up to people and punching them in the face. Worked like a charm. People started going "That guy sure isn't nice. Not at all." Oh thanks for this, Leeway. I'm laughing my way all through dinner. I was tempted to write something a little more extensive, felt that steam working up through the boiler, but after reading your post, the sheer mirth I now feel is just too good to waste on blithering profundities. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Salvatore85 Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 It depends on what you mean? Being a nice guy isn't a bad thing, being a pushover, which most women seem to refer to as a "nice guy" is what you're actually trying to avoid. You can continue on being a nice guy but you also need to build an assertive side as well. When you're seeing a female and ask her out to dinner, tell her where you guys are going instead of waffling and asking her "well what do you want to do?". I'm not saying to be a jerk, just have a bit of swagger/confidence. Link to post Share on other sites
Shaun-Dro Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 I think I finally got to "that" point. The "sick and tired of being sick and tired". Now, I'd like to know actual steps successful men took to finally break free from being the "nice guy". Can anyone offer any strategies/ideas/tricks they used to help them break free from this lifelong behavioural trend? Note: To sum up: I understand why it's bad to be an NG, and how it comes about. But can't get a hold on "what to do next". There's nothing wrong with being a nice person. No one wants to be around a miserable *******. The difference is not letting people walk all over you. That's the difference you need to learn. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 Like Leeway i just battered anyone who cared to show up. It's working like a charm. Op are you sure about this? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Targetlock Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 I say just be yourself and nor conform to the crowd we have bad boys out there in my opinion, but yeah don't let yourself become a doormat either. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 The term "Nice Guy" as used in relationship parlance is a term referring to guys to let women use them for companionship and coddeling and to do favors and stuff for them in hopes that it will make the women like them and desire them. "Nice Guys" often let people take advantage of them and make them do things they really don't want in hopes that the people (women in particular) will like and desire them. "Nice Guys" avoid conflict and take it on the chin themselves in an effort to not step on anyone's toes or cause any unpleasant feelings. "Nice Guys" put their wants and needs in the back seat to other people's wants. You stop being a "Nice Guy" by pursuing your own self interests and your own well being and don't let anyone else take advantage of you or push you around. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 The term "Nice Guy" as used in relationship parlance is a term referring to guys to let women use them for companionship and coddeling and to do favors and stuff for them in hopes that it will make the women like them and desire them. "Nice Guys" often let people take advantage of them and make them do things they really don't want in hopes that the people (women in particular) will like and desire them. "Nice Guys" avoid conflict and take it on the chin themselves in an effort to not step on anyone's toes or cause any unpleasant feelings. "Nice Guys" put their wants and needs in the back seat to other people's wants. You stop being a "Nice Guy" by pursuing your own self interests and your own well being and don't let anyone else take advantage of you or push you around. Well said. To add to this. Nice guys should also be assertive and confident. It's not bad if you're like this. If you're just "nice" without the other two, you're a doormat and that won't get you anywhere with women. So in short, it's possible to be a nice guy and have women want you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Targetlock Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 yet again it all comes back to that magic ingredient: confidence!! sometimes easier to find than others and often our worse enemies are ourselves. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheBladeRunner Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 Yes, it's OK to be confident and assertive, as a matter of fact, it's required. I also like to add a clear set of boundaries as well. It's amazing how much a woman can test you in the early stages, let's use income for starters. When a woman wants to talk about my income in under 3 dates, I promptly shut her down. The "nice guy" would spill his guts to woo her over. I am older (47) and I date in my own age range. The way I see it if they are 5 years either way from my age they dam# well better be taking care of themselves and I tell them that. I am amazed how they stick around. I am a good guy, but I will not be a doormat again. My XW totally made me into a BladeRunner welcome mat (MY FAULT) and I will not do it again. I have nice guy friends that have completely rearranged what they want, their values, their religious beliefs, and so on all for the sake of avoiding conflict and being nice. You can be confident, assertive, lead, and even be strong and still be a nice guy. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
GoodOnPaper Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 Long-time recovering "nice guy" here. Distilling down everything I've learned and read (including "No More Mr. Nice Guy"), keep the following in mind: 1. Self-acceptance -- You must develop some degree of this. Yes, being nice a lot can be rather thankless, but if it's in you, it's in you. Learn to do it without mentally waiting or hoping for the recognition/validation afterwards. Having a busy life helps with this. 2. Be in tune with what you really want in all areas of life -- career, love, finances, spirituality/morality. Don't accept what's minimally acceptable by default. In fact, shifting your life from "default" to "want" isn't as easy as you think -- I need to get a lot better at that, myself. Example . . . spend all day Saturday playing video games because you WANT to, not just because you are bored and killing time. Whenever you catch yourself doing something "by default", take a deep breath and mentally focus on what you WANT to do. 3. Especially when it comes to women, don't let guilt prevent you from leaving a situation that is bad or that you are just lukewarm about. I don't know about you, but one of my big NG habits was putting the commitment cart before the horse. I would feel the responsibility of a relationship before it was actually warranted. A lot of people say "care less" and that's completely understandable but the problem is that it's easy to learn how to "care less" a little too well in the name of not being a "nice guy". That is the moment when a woman will come into your life and you will want or need to feel real intimacy. The art of developing a thick skin while still being able to care is what you want . . . but it is not easy to achieve. Link to post Share on other sites
Imported Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 I'm a pretty nice guy. Today driving home, someone signaled to enter my lane. I promptly sped up and quickly passed them thus allowing them to enter my lane. I do things like that all the time. It's called common courtesy man. And there is nothing wrong with that! Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 Never underestimate a nice guy, they fight the hardest for the right reasons which is love not hate Never mistake kindness for weakness soldiers are nice guys who protect selfless in other words bad guys are pushovers, often cowardly in nature and design and are only concerned with themselves and their selfishness they do not make long term partners and sexually, they suck, nice guys give muliples orgasms not bad guys or is it multiple orgasms.not in my case.its mulitples orgasms....nice guys can dance a dream in life in love and on the dance floor they are leaders ......bad guys are not leaders they are followers i am a leader i am a nice girl and a soldier wran deb reporting for duty toinspire and defend nice guy status. i need a guy to fly my boat because thats the way it is, only nice guys know how to fly boats 1 Link to post Share on other sites
El Brujo Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 For me it was easy. I wasn't getting any results, so I thought, "what am I, nuts?" Then I quit the game, and quit worrying. Link to post Share on other sites
Targetlock Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 some times us nice guys do nice things because we want to do nice things, not because we want validation, a good deed is its own reward. As a care worker i know how rewarding it feels to do something worthwhile 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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