Called my mother the C word and she freaking punched me

[Smthn_Like_Olivia]

Never expect anything particularly insightful from a woman who anonymously identifies herself with a Marylin Monroe photo of all things.

 

Seriously?? Lol. Because avatars definitely define a person! I love how in all that you still felt the need to try and throw an insult at me through your efforts to help this kid. Did I attempt to insult you at all in any of my posts?? Perhaps if you can't disagree with someone without being petty, you should take a break from participating in open forums.

[Taramere]

Do you still want help, drummerdude98?

 

Look at what beatcuff had to say.

 

 

That was the most down to earth and sincere message you'll ever find here.

IC = Individual Counseling.

 

I understand why you came here and what sort of convenience the internet provides. It's easy to communicate online from the safety of a comfortable room. But there's so much more to look forward to in any kind of individual counseling. What happened is very overwhelming for anybody to deal with. In counseling you can narrow down the ideas of what to do to get through this. That might even include funneling all that stress into activities such as sports, drumming, video games in a more social setting, or even your first job if you haven't worked yet. You never know until you try but please consider the suggestion.

 

Of all the things you could possibly call your mother, the c word is probably the most degrading are hurtful thing to say. There are adult women that have no idea what they would personally do in this position, but they would no longer allow you to live under their roof. Sixteen year olds just like you have been kicked out of their house into boarding institutions. What you did was that severe and that unacceptable.

 

That's good advice. I suppose that many of us are zooming in on the mind boggling disrespectfulness that the OP showed his mother, and probably a lot of people are anxious to avoid getting embroiled in colluding with him in the "your parents are terrible people" type thing. Your post was very good in balancing zero tolerance for the way he spoke to his mother, with the more supportive approach that some of us have struggled with regarding this particular problem.

 

The general impression here is of a household where conflicts often become physical - which is bound to create a tense, pressure cooker environment. And the more tense the environment the more difficult the conflict becomes to resolve because everybody's in fight or flight mode.

 

To Drummerdude: You're a young adult now and you have to make choices about the sort of person you want to be. Do you want, in 25 years time, to find yourself losing your temper and punching your 16 year old son because he just called you a stupid ****? Or do you hope by that point that you've learned good conflict management skills that you can pass onto your own children in order to have a healthy and respectful relationship with them?

 

What this situation shows is that for whatever reason, you don't respect your parents. You live in their house and you are presumably supported by them, but you don't respect them. Maybe you're full of notions and grievances about how wrongly they've parented you...and maybe they have made a lot of mistakes, I've no idea. Clinging onto resentments and grudges won't help you. What you need to do is start learning how to handle conflict - and if your parents have a difficulty in managing their tempers and conflict then you'll have to look beyond your family for assistance in managing conflict better.

 

A counsellor could certainly help you, and you might also ask whether there are workshops available for helping people in your situation to role play better conflict management. It's down to you, really. Your parents might never learn how to handle conflict very effectively, but that doesn't give you a valid reason for not taking responsibility to improve your handling of it.

 

Here's an article about conflict management that's aimed at teens.

 

http://www.cyh.com/healthtopics/healthtopicdetails.aspx?p=243&np=291&id=2183

[Owl]

OP you continue to withhold information. we are getting the trickle truth, note the follow up posts with more background. but still not sure WHY he fought his dad: see message #26, we know about the fight but not what led to it. OP is framing the conversation for sympathy while avoid the root cause. and several other posters are feeding you well: call the cops, any violence is bad (more on this below).

 

Mom did not walk in and shut off your game withOUT warning, did she? in fact she told you at least 3 times that day to shut it off and do 'x'. of course you should ignore her its something you have done numerous times before. well she finally had it.

 

it appears each of you have difficulty with emotions. you were pissed at what she did, call her C*** and she hit you. both were wrong. YES a child can be wrong.

 

i suggest you seek out an IC. they will allow you to discuss your thoughts without judgement. sorry parents will judge, why? they are scared. they want the best for you. and well frankly they don't know the answer and are scared they will fail you. if you had an honest conversation with them you may find out they see themselves as failures.

 

Mom sees you 'wasting' your life playing video games while an important SAT test (which helps determine the college you can attend) is closing in. she wants you to do well so you get into a good college, a good degree, a good job and BETTER LIFE THAT HERS.

 

and the truth is if she could, she would be playing video games as well (or her vice of choice).

 

back to calling the cops --- seriously that is step that should not be taken lightly (which some posters are). if in US, thanks to lawsuits: when they arrive they will arrest your mom. she will spend the hours at the station. the cops will be REQUIRED to call social services (they will do their own separate investigation). if it is a weekend she may spend it there in jail waiting for arraignment (especially in a typical town). so no work on Monday AND dad will have to be there as well (two work days down). oh and her name will be in the local paper (police log). next she will need to hire an attorney ($500 +/-). she will spend another day at court for the 'trial'. with no real defense it will be more of a what is the sentence. if she had no priors it should be more of the judge telling her to 'stop it'. if there are priors --- this maybe a real situation.

 

then social services will have their say, not withstanding what the courts say. they may take you to a foster home.

 

do they deserve that --- MAYBE. the home should be a place a child feels safe and secure. frustration will happen when persons are in constant close contact. an occasional physical confrontation while not ideal is allowable (thinking more of siblings). but there are other avenues that are much better choices. an IC will guide you there.

 

good luck.

 

I agree with this as well.

 

Here's my thoughts for the OP.

 

You have a choice, right now, to decide what you want these next couple of years to be like.

 

You can either continue things as they have gone, or you can change how YOU are doing things.

 

You can't change your parents...but you can change how you deal with things.

 

Here's the deal...this all STARTED with a wrong that no one has addressed. You refused to log off a video game when your mom told you to. You got angry with her when she insisted that you do so...and then you massively escalated the situation with your word choice. You CHOSE (and yes, you made a choice here) to use one of the most offensive words in the English language against your mother.

 

She furthered the wrong by reacting in anger, rather than acting rationally. Not the right thing to do...but also not surprising considering the button you pushed.

 

You could have avoided all of this. Going forward, you can avoid repeats of this instance.

 

This is simple advice. Right now, think about how you want to spend the next two years or so, living at home.

 

You've got the choice to change how it goes. You can continue to disregard your parents when they're trying to get you to do something, or ask you something, or in some way interact with you. You can choose to respond as you did this time...in anger, disrespectfully, with foul language, because you don't get your way. And you can suffer the continued consequences for doing so. You can continue to escalate these things until your family reaches a breaking point.

 

Or...you can change how you act. You can recognize that if you change your behaviors, change your responses...you can de-escalate these kinds of situations, or avoid them altogether.

 

You are on the edge of being an adult. It's time to start embracing some more adult behavior. Or...suffering more adult consequences if you choose not to do so.

 

It really is up to you.