Feeling Lonely Posted February 13, 2005 Share Posted February 13, 2005 I am seriously bummed out! my story is at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56861/ but basically, i'm a very jealous and flirty person. What do i do? In my past relationship i had completely double standards, i will admit. I fancied other people and told him, but the one time he fancied someone else i completely screwed! I was also a huge flirt, i once went out with my mates and got another guys number. I even did it infront of him with my best friends boyfriend without even knowing what i was doing! As a result of it i lost my best friend and my boyfriend and now he's found someone else that would never do the stupid things that i did. So in attempt to get him back and not just for the benefit of the "us" but for my individual benefit and any future relationships i want to learn to control myself and think logically. PLEASE HELP ME TO BE A BETTER PERSON! Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted February 13, 2005 Share Posted February 13, 2005 Hello, From the sound of this it seems like you have great self-esteem issues and you need to constantly prove to yourself that you are desirable. Of course this will lead to self-destruction if you are in a relationship. Ask yourself are you happy leading a life like this? Clearly you are not. When you are in a relationship in the future and you have a desire to engage in this type of behavior then ask yourself the following question: Would I want my partner to be doing to me what I am doing to him? What you have been doing is totally disrespecting a person who cares for you. I suggest that you look for somebody new since you seem to see this as some sort of game playing on your part. I don't blame your boyfriend for breaking up with you and finding someone else who is more mature in their behavior and respecting of him. You don't hurt people who you are involved with. Why is that so hard for you to grasp? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Feeling Lonely Posted February 13, 2005 Author Share Posted February 13, 2005 wow. that was definately a very honest response. wasn't really expecting that. but it was a kind of refreshing slap in the face. I need to think logically about everything i do before i do it, something i seem to have a great problem with! Link to post Share on other sites
Javelin Posted February 13, 2005 Share Posted February 13, 2005 Excuse me for being a bit blunt, I'm a very jealous and flirty person. What do i do? Before I can answer that, I'll have to say that's kind of an Oxi-Moron. Especially if you're able to Flirt infront of your boyfriend. But what do you do, is stop flirting when you're in a relationship, that's all. I have no idea why you'd do it so much in the first place. Were you not satisfied with your boyfriend? I even did it infront of him with my best friends boyfriend without even knowing what i was doing! I find, "not knowing what you were doing" hard to believe. I'm sure you know exactly what you were doing, why you were doing it, and what your motives were. I need to think logically about everything i do before i do it. Not E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G; all you need to do is ask yourself, " Will what I'm doing hurt my boyfriend if I told him about it?" If, "yes!" - Don't do it... If, "no!" - Re-think the question... Look at it from another perspective. Then answer the question again, and if, "no" then it'll probably be alright to do. So in attempt to get him back You probably wont get him back if he's found someone new that won't do the things you did to him. (like stated above). However this should definately be a lesson learned. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted February 14, 2005 Share Posted February 14, 2005 Lonely, It's definitely a self-esteem/insecurity issue, and it's something you have to deal with BEFORE you get into another relationship. I don't know exactly what insecurities you have, but everyone has them to some extent - you're not alone there. Just know that if you don't deal with them yourself, someone else may have to deal with them, and that's no fun for anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
loved up lady Posted February 16, 2005 Share Posted February 16, 2005 i total agree with what everyones said! Improve your self-esteem first huni! Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted February 16, 2005 Share Posted February 16, 2005 Boundaries, friend...all relationships require boundaries. There are things that you do with your "significant other" that you don't do with anyone else. There are things you do with friends, that you might do with your SO, but you don't do with complete strangers. In short, you need to learn to STOP when you're about to cross that line. You don't need to ask what that line is...you're a jealous type yourself. If it would bother you if HE did it, then why would it be ok for YOU to do it? And I agree with the others here...he's moved on, and cut his losses. I glanced at your other thread, and I've got to agree with what you said..."he had a lot to deal with". You should SERIOUSLY look at starting some personal counseling to deal with your issues. The self-esteem, the self-harming, etc... THEN look at starting a relationship with someone who can have you at your best. Good luck friend! Link to post Share on other sites
meejessica Posted February 16, 2005 Share Posted February 16, 2005 I have seen people like you. You love attention in my opinion, and its selfish, and immature. You just need to grow up. You also need to stop the bad habits now before your in a long term relationship, marriage even w/ kids you could end up screwing up your entire family. I have an old friend who did this to her family. She was hot, big nice boobs yada yada so she flaunted herself wearing only white tank top w/ no bras. In front of her daughter. One day her daughter said to her Mom why do you call all the guys that. It was sad and it took her loosing her husband for 6 months to finally wake up and be a mature adult. She was 30. But w/ that bangin body, and nice tan she loved when guys and girls would fall into her trap. Sorry for the long story but what your doing totally brought back memories of how she was : ( ~Jess Link to post Share on other sites
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