Male friend always makes an excuse not to "seal the deal"...

[irc333]

...and by "seal the deal" is confirm or call her to ask her out on a date.

 

I have a friend of mine, late 40's, who has this constant pattern of telling me that he met this pretty decent lady at a party (sometimes at a Meetup) and he would talk to me about how they have a lot in common, he finds her attractive, etc.

 

I would simply ask, "So did you get her number?"

 

Him: "Well, no, I've been busy with doing home projects around the house and other things, but I'm sure I"ll bump into her again at another function".

 

And VERY recently, the same thing happened. He met a woman at a pool party, but never got her #. He'd always talk about how he is considering asking her out, but never actually does it.

 

As a friend I would get into a back and forth volley as to why even bring it up if you haven't even sealed the deal with her yet?

 

He'd throw up a smoke screen, change the subject, tell a stupid joke in order to stop talking about it.

 

With the last woman he met at the pool party he said, "Well we got in touch via Facebook, but I don't use it a lot, I guess I'll contact her through there, but I hardly use Facebook and I don't really care to date a woman that's on Facebook a lot like she is."

 

And I"m like "Um, her using Facebook is a deal breaker for you?"

 

And he says, "Well, not really, but there's just something about Facebook where I don't want to post my life on there when I'm out at events."

 

Funny thing is, people used to get onto him about taking pictures at events, but never putting them up on Facebook because they're so anxious to see how they turned out...esp. when the pics involve them (but that's an entirely different conversation anda meaning to his madness right there, lol)

 

It's like he's always finding reasons to not call up a woman to ask her out. When you call him on it, he gets defensive.

 

That being said, he's has talked about purposely being elusive or "indifferent" to women to garner attraction and I think that's what he's doing now. Though it's quite wishy washy, but he claims this methodology is what attracted some women to him.

 

So I guess if I ask, "Hey, that woman you met last week, you go out with her yet?"

 

Him: No, not yet, been busy

 

Me: Oh okay, did you call her yet?

 

Him: No, I didn't get her phone number.

 

Me: "Ummmm....whyyy?"

 

Him: Makes a stupid joke to sidestep answering. Eventually he'll say, "Dude, you have your way of asking women out, I have my way.".

 

So what's your assumption, think his "game" is something worth looking into? DO you think this is something that would attract women? Being purposely aloof to attract women, taking my sweet time about it?

 

Of course, I think it's hardly ever worked for him, because I've witnessed his methodology sabotaging his dating situations to the point of pissing women off.

 

But what's your take on this?

[todreaminblue]

I consider it a really silly way of communicating interest, definitely liable to cause problems in later communication and lacks definitive style and substance to play games and so self defeating an attitude to have.

 

I would think this is more a show to be a lack of maturity for a 40 year old man.Goes to prove younger men can be as mature if not more so than older men......lol.Which makes me rather happy that i read this post.I plead the fifth on why i am happy.

[irc333]

I consider it a really silly way of communicating interest, definitely liable to cause problems in later communication and lacks definitive style and substance to play games and so self defeating an attitude to have.

 

I would think this is more a show to be a lack of maturity for a 40 year old man.Goes to prove younger men can be as mature if not more so than older men......lol.Which makes me rather happy that i read this post.I plead the fifth on why i am happy.

 

Actually, he's 49. lol. But I know what you mean. I think when I mention, "So is this your game", I kind of back peddles or sidesteps the subject again. As if he's not only trying to fool the women, but also me as well.

 

There was a time where a woman that really liked him , they were starting to date (at least according to her) , but thing was, she lives on the opposite side of the house party...he lived on one side of town, and her on the other, so they met at the host's home in the middle.

 

She carpooled with female friends, and he came on his own.

 

At the party they were hanging together, but he purposely hung back away from her from time to time. She'd always be approaching him and then asked him to dance....he claimed his ankle was too sore to dance.... then ANOTHER woman at the party was really into him, kept asking him to dance, then she drug him out on the dance floor, and even worse...it was a SLOW dance.

 

The woman he was supposedly "seeing" was offended of course.

 

I was like "Dude, why didn't you simply tell that woman that you're WITH someone?"

 

And he said, "Well, I am not 'WITH' anyone, and I don't want to go around telling people I'm 'WITH' someone."

 

As if he didn't want anyone to know that him and said women were "together" in some fashion.

 

I'm like "dude, whatever".

 

 

What's sad is, the dude is not a player at all, he doesn't sleep around either, but very decent guy, but I think he has issues with women...and the thing is, I think he doesn't care or has been really complacent about women lately and if he has an encounter with a woman he likes, he isn't' really much for making an effort and finds building fences or digging up a stump at home to be more appealing.

 

He likes to come off as being "busy" when he really he's more of a socialite than a "dater".

 

Funny thing is, he's taken up a few hobbies, and women that are interested in him would say, "Oh, I'd like to try that some time!"

 

Basically dropping the hint about her joining him on said hobby. Of course, it goes right over his head...but when I say, "Dude..that was your opener man!"

 

And he's like, "Nah, I wouldn't feel comfortable introducing a woman to a hobby she knows nothing about and all the work involved in trying to teach her."

 

I think one time, he was going to an event that wasn't a "hobby" at all, but more of a Polish Americn Society club...he mentioned the event and it was right near the woman's home...she "hinted" at coming along, but didn't invite her. He said he didn't want to have a woman tag-a-long to an event where people he knew for years would see them together.

 

But hey, as a friend he's great! lol

[C-LUV]

Is he shy around these woman? By what you are saying it sounds like his evasiveness is more to do with a lack of confidence rather than a tactic - maybe he's pretending that's his tactic so you don't think less of him for being a bit scared / unconfident ..... that's just the vibe i'm picking up through your posts though.

[irc333]

Is he shy around these woman? By what you are saying it sounds like his evasiveness is more to do with a lack of confidence rather than a tactic - maybe he's pretending that's his tactic so you don't think less of him for being a bit scared / unconfident ..... that's just the vibe i'm picking up through your posts though.

 

 

Well, he did reveal to me that it's been feeling more like work lately to attempt dates with women. The preparation, the ability to woo, etc. He feels it simply isn't worth the work anymore...but I think it's only implied, but he's admitted to simply not having the "energy" much anymore.

 

He is, however, enjoying the moments he's been having with his friendships more so than developing something romantic. He has a great circle of friends, but when it comes to romance, that's a different conversation.

 

Some of his social circles are more like a family to him than a possibility of romance and maybe he's content on that?