Why did my dad put a payee program on my fiancee?

[Broncos38]

My fiancee is frustrated cause she had her SSI since 2004 and my dad was my payee for three years prior meeting my fiancee cause I was forced into the hospital for a grieving process but I was drugged up for nothing and my dad was very controlling and he threatened to take my car away. But I really don't understand why my dad kept on bringing money and my car like it was the most important thing in the world to him in our relationship. But my dad doesn't really trust my fiancee and she has nothing wrong. Me and my fiancee feel like we're not as close as we used to be. And cause of my dad changing addresses and the payee program in which she was not supposed on to begin with from her doctors. And now she has 4,000 credit card debt because of this and its allot harder for her to pay her bills on time because her rent gets paid first. And she used to be able to move up due dates but with required paper statements it's extra money to do it. My fiancee doesn't really pressure me into anything and my thinks she does cause my dad is so overprotective of me and I are 34. The apartment we're in now is not really our first choice. They only cared about me and not me and my fiancee as a whole. And on top of that we can't get married till next year cause of my parents. And my gained 47 pounds because of all the stress and she has a under active thyroid. And my dad did this just to protect me even though my fiancee helped me through everything I was dealing with from past couple of girlfriends that hurt me. My parents assumed every girl is the same. Plus my dad thinks my fiancee is making up the whole emotional abuse story but it really happened.

Edited June 8, 2014 by Broncos38
forgot something

[MuscleCarFan]

What is a payee program?

[Broncos38]

The payee program is to depend on representative to pay your bills for you. But there is a monthly fee to have it. To budget your SSI or ssdi. Helping you to pay rent so that way you don't have to worry about it. But there disadvantages though cause they require you to have paper statements and that a waste a money.

[CarrieT]

What is a payee program?

Google is your friend.

 

It is for people who are incapable of taking care of themselves and need someone to manage their income.

 

Sounds like the OP's father is manipulating the system to get the OP's SSI income.

[Broncos38]

Why is my dad doing that to my fiancee even though he doesn't exactly know her spending habits. It seems like he doesn't trust her with her money at all and why does he think he can get away with it. This is really messed up.

[ASG]

Why is my dad doing that to my fiancee even though he doesn't exactly know her spending habits. It seems like he doesn't trust her with her money at all and why does he think he can get away with it. This is really messed up.

 

How can he even do that, though? How can random strangers just take hold of your money, just like that??

[beach]

34 years old and still not showing evidence of being independent and responsible for yourself is not good reason to marry.

 

If you show independence for a year or two (each of you) on your own - then it's good reason to discuss a union.

[Broncos38]

But fiancee's doctors never really required her to have the payee to begin with until this April. And now she no choice to til August 1 to take over her money again. This whole thing is messing up our plans to get away this summer.

[ASG]

But fiancee's doctors never really required her to have the payee to begin with until this April. And now she no choice to til August 1 to take over her money again. This whole thing is messing up our plans to get away this summer.

 

But why would YOUR DAD be in charge of HER SSI? He's not family. He has no authority, really. So, why is he in charge of her money? How did that even happen?

[Broncos38]

When I wanted to take over to change my payee from my dad. But my fiancee helped me to encourage me. But at the appointment that day the lady called my dad as to why my money was in Colorado away from me like I could not access for a while. The social security office lady left her desk and told Alainna my fiancee that it looks like you need one too. But the only thing that I can come up with is she has seizures but she has not had any for over a year now and only gets staring ones and my dad told landlords without her consent like it was any bodies business anyway and not everyone understands that. She got so flustered and upset cause my dad made assumptions about her. We're not all that happy to be in this situation especially she doesn't have to be. I hate seeing her upset about this.

Edited June 8, 2014 by Broncos38

[beach]

But fiancee's doctors never really required her to have the payee to begin with until this April. And now she no choice to til August 1 to take over her money again. This whole thing is messing up our plans to get away this summer.

 

Responsible people don't plan a vacation when there's thousands in debt to be paid off.

 

Forget the vacation thought.

 

Work and earn money. Walmart - anything.

 

You want a vacation? Earn money to pay off debt and then save money you earn to get away.

Edited June 8, 2014 by beach

[TigerLilly78]

Responsible people don't plan a vacation when there's thousands in debt to be paid off.

 

Forget the vacation thought.

 

Work and earn money. Walmart - anything.

 

You want a vacation? Earn money to pay off debt and then save money you earn to get away.

 

 

Seriously? yes they do they just don't make it a over the top one a lot of people are in debit now a days and this is a special case were the op and his girl have been taken advantage of or at the very least had their money poorly used if they are both on SSD or SSI they might not be able to just "work" for what they want and no it doesn't mean they are on a wonderful "free ride"..

[beach]

Seriously? yes they do they just don't make it a over the top one a lot of people are in debit now a days and this is a special case were the op and his girl have been taken advantage of or at the very least had their money poorly used if they are both on SSD or SSI they might not be able to just "work" for what they want and no it doesn't mean they are on a wonderful "free ride"..

 

It actually means that people that work are paying their way.

 

I don't mind putting my hard earned money into the pot to help others that can't help feed themselves.

 

But I do have issues with paying for their vacation. Especially when they have debt they COULD/SHOULD be paying off first.

[TigerLilly78]

Op I don't know your exact situation but I am rather familiar with the SSD system and the payee program not to sure tho you said you guys are on SSI? so not sure if the same exact things apply. But for SSD there should never be a "fee" to have a payee unless the payee themselves are taking money for handling your funds if that's so that's illegal! and they are not entitled to it.

 

 

Now it kind of sounds like your father is paying the bear bones minimum "rent" and maybe not using the rest of the funds for the proper uses? I've seen this trick done before. The 1st thing you need to do is see if you guys can find anyone else who is willing to be a payee?? it doesn't always have to be a family member if your not comfortable with how they are doing things.

 

 

So find some one talk to them explain what's happening how some of your bills are not getting paid and this is putting you in debit. Right now your 1st priority is get the money out of your fathers hands "if he was the payee and did not use the funds to pay bills he might even be held responsible for outstanding debit"

 

 

Then the next step is IF you feel you or your gf are capable of handling your money to keep at social security and tell them you want to manage it yourself. They can do a in office evaluation to decide if you qualify worse come to worse you might have to go to a doctor.

 

 

IF you either A can't find anyone else or B are not allowed to handle you own monies social security can as a very last resort assign you a case worker from their office to handle your money for you. Now its prob not ideal but at least that way ALL your bills would be getting paid to some degree.

 

 

Far as the vacation you guys are entitled to one much as anyone else but 1st you need to sort this mess out. Misuse of social security funds is quite illegal as is taking advantage of the disabled. But just cause you guys are on the payee program doesn't mean you are not entitled to be herd or have your concerns addressed.

 

 

Now you might need to try a different office and speak to a different worker cause its really hit or miss with those people as to getting one who really genuinely wants to help.

 

 

Main thing stay calm and collected and never show them your not capable of handling things you will get it sorted if you just keep at it and know your rights! good luck

[TigerLilly78]

It actually means that people that work are paying their way.

 

I don't mind putting my hard earned money into the pot to help others that can't help feed themselves.

 

But I do have issues with paying for their vacation. Especially when they have debt they COULD/SHOULD be paying off first.

 

 

Actually a lot of the times SSD especially when the disability is mentally based as im guessing considering these two have now been given a payee is based off of the incomes that their parents made when they worked. So yeah kind of not correct there its not "coming out of your pocket" so to speak they are already entitled to it. But your attitude is the typical "there just getting a free ride" one and that's ok your entitled to it but just know most don't make over 700 something a month total on SSD so yeah its a great "free ride" indeed they are really rolling in the high life..lol

[beach]

Actually a lot of the times SSD especially when the disability is mentally based as im guessing considering these two have now been given a payee is based off of the incomes that their parents made when they worked. So yeah kind of not correct there its not "coming out of your pocket" so to speak they are already entitled to it. But your attitude is the typical "there just getting a free ride" one and that's ok your entitled to it but just know most don't make over 700 something a month total on SSD so yeah its a great "free ride" indeed they are really rolling in the high life..lol

 

I never referred to it as a "free ride" you did.

 

The amount may be determined by their parents income - but it's paid OUT from a fund the working people in the world pay INTO...which includes me.

 

I didn't say I have issues with needs being met by those in need - I stated it not right to vacation with that money - especially when they have DEBT that needs to be paid off!

 

They are supposed to be LEARNING responsibility - vacationing instead of paying toward obligated debt is not responsible!

[TigerLilly78]

I never referred to it as a "free ride" you did.

 

The amount may be determined by their parents income - but it's paid OUT from a fund the working people in the world pay INTO...which includes me.

 

I didn't say I have issues with needs being met by those in need - I stated it not right to vacation with that money - especially when they have DEBT that needs to be paid off!

 

They are supposed to be LEARNING responsibility - vacationing instead of paying toward obligated debt is not responsible!

 

 

It comes out of the funds there parents earned for them they wont make anymore then they are entitled to via what was already earned. I think you have SSD confused with welfare programs. Far as the vacation if you read my main post to the OP I also said they need to sort this mess out 1st before any vacations are planned.

 

 

I don't think this is a case of the OP just wanting to squander the money they get but more one of their money was misused and taken advantage of to start off with. For all we know the OPs fiancée could saved and have had the funds set aside for the vacation before the OPs father was given payee status.

 

 

Once a payee is assigned the person then loses all rights to their monies a lot of times the payee system is taken advantage of and sadly many times its the family who are the worst offenders. Taking the persons monies and not paying bills or paying the minimum and using the rest including anything saved up for their own agenda's.

 

 

So in reality we really don't know what the ops finical status was its quite possible before the payee was assigned that they had things in better standings. Basically the payee system is quite flawed and taken advantage of as a whole quite often. On a last note you didn't have to exactly say "free ride" your innuendoes did that for you I just called you out on it..lol

[beach]

It comes out of the funds there parents earned for them they wont make anymore then they are entitled to via what was already earned. I think you have SSD confused with welfare programs. Far as the vacation if you read my main post to the OP I also said they need to sort this mess out 1st before any vacations are planned.

 

 

I don't think this is a case of the OP just wanting to squander the money they get but more one of their money was misused and taken advantage of to start off with. For all we know the OPs fiancée could saved and have had the funds set aside for the vacation before the OPs father was given payee status.

 

 

Once a payee is assigned the person then loses all rights to their monies a lot of times the payee system is taken advantage of and sadly many times its the family who are the worst offenders. Taking the persons monies and not paying bills or paying the minimum and using the rest including anything saved up for their own agenda's.

 

 

So in reality we really don't know what the ops finical status was its quite possible before the payee was assigned that they had things in better standings. Basically the payee system is quite flawed and taken advantage of as a whole quite often. On a last note you didn't have to exactly say "free ride" your innuendoes did that for you I just called you out on it..lol

 

No "innuendos" TL. Stop putting words in my mouth.

 

I have no issues with people tapping resources to be capable of "living"!

 

I stated that paying debt should be prioritized over "vacation".

 

 

And if they aren't capable of making decisions that show they are capable of being responsible young adults - I do believe they should follow advice from a responsible adult that has their best interest in mind.

 

Vacationing with their money does not show good decision making skills while they have $4K in outstanding debt.

[Tayla]

The appointee of funds distribution is to safeguard the monthly billings and household. Its primarily done to maintain financial safety for the disabled person. Its neither a scam or a conspiracy. Its how the process works. I"ll allow some of you high functioning persons to absorb what fundamental requirements would be indicative to create a payee assigned.

 

The Op is being managed properly . The intent to marry can have the payee modified, yet it sounds that neither are able to function within a budget.

 

A case manager should be able to best review any changes in status or sudden improvements that would encourage self managing funds.

[TigerLilly78]

No "innuendos" TL. Stop putting words in my mouth.

 

I have no issues with people tapping resources to be capable of "living"!

 

I stated that paying debt should be prioritized over "vacation".

 

 

And if they aren't capable of making decisions that show they are capable of being responsible young adults - I do believe they should follow advice from a responsible adult that has their best interest in mind.

 

Vacationing with their money does not show good decision making skills while they have $4K in outstanding debt.

 

 

I'm not going to go round and round on this your posts reeked of "how dare they want a vacation when they are receiving a benefit go get a job" you said those things not me I will call BS when I think it applies im sorry if that upsets you.

 

 

Now moving on agreed if they genuinely cannot handle their monies yes they def do need help. BUT its quite possible they had everything in some sort of order before the payee status was implemented.

 

 

Cause ive seen that system taken advantage of big time and bills left unpaid while the benefit receiver has no control over any of it. Yes they have debit but it could very well not be of their own doing if they do not have access to the funds to pay the bills!

 

 

Things are not always as black and white and we think they are so to just discipline the OP like a spoiled irresponsible child when you don't know the entire true story is prob not the best option here imo anyways..

[TigerLilly78]

The appointee of funds distribution is to safeguard the monthly billings and household. Its primarily done to maintain financial safety for the disabled person. Its neither a scam or a conspiracy. Its how the process works. I"ll allow some of you high functioning persons to absorb what fundamental requirements would be indicative to create a payee assigned.

 

The Op is being managed properly . The intent to marry can have the payee modified, yet it sounds that neither are able to function within a budget.

 

A case manager should be able to best review any changes in status or sudden improvements that would encourage self managing funds.

 

 

I know exactly why this is done and some times yes it is required but also some times its not some times the person can handle things to a degree with the help of a family member or friend just fine.

 

 

I have seen other wise rather capable people roped into the payee system cause a family member went to social security and had it set up all be it these might be the exceptions but it has happened. Cause the system can be flawed even tho its based on good intention's it can be played and taken advantage of.

 

 

And yes a case manager should be able to help but often you get one who honestly just doesn't care and your just a number to them hence the hit or miss on getting one who will actually take the time to really look into things properly. I guess if you haven't seen this system 1st hand and how it can be flawed you wouldn't fully understand I've had family who have been thu this..

 

 

Edit to add that the intent to marry depending on how the benefit was set up can change or stop the benefits now im not to sure if they both are receiving SSD SSI tho. So that is something the op needs to have explained to him witch it doesn't sound like the father is doing.

 

 

Also a huge red flag for me was when the OP said "there is a huge fee for having a payee" there should never be a fee for this that makes me think the funds are not being managed in his best interest..

Edited June 8, 2014 by TigerLilly78

[beach]

OP - do you have the option to change the person who handles your money?

 

Does your girlfriend have an option to change who handles hers?

 

Do you know anyone you trust completely to handle things in your best interest?

 

Do you know if income decreases if/when you two get married?

 

Can you tell us what your deficiencies are at this time?

[Broncos38]

My fiancee has SSI and I have SSDI

[beach]

Can you answer the other questions asked?

[Tayla]

I know exactly why this is done and some times yes it is required but also some times its not some times the person can handle things to a degree with the help of a family member or friend just fine.

 

 

I have seen other wise rather capable people roped into the payee system cause a family member went to social security and had it set up all be it these might be the exceptions but it has happened. Cause the system can be flawed even tho its based on good intention's it can be played and taken advantage of.

 

 

And yes a case manager should be able to help but often you get one who honestly just doesn't care and your just a number to them hence the hit or miss on getting one who will actually take the time to really look into things properly. I guess if you haven't seen this system 1st hand and how it can be flawed you wouldn't fully understand I've had family who have been thu this..

 

 

Edit to add that the intent to marry depending on how the benefit was set up can change or stop the benefits now im not to sure if they both are receiving SSD SSI tho. So that is something the op needs to have explained to him witch it doesn't sound like the father is doing.

 

 

Also a huge red flag for me was when the OP said "there is a huge fee for having a payee" there should never be a fee for this that makes me think the funds are not being managed in his best interest..

 

Thanks , I think we are both on the same page, different manners of explanations and facts.

The OP has the right to change payee, the protocal should have been explained during the Hearing to Determine Representative Payee. The ALJ (administrative Law Judge) is the one who assigns and approves.

No program is bullet proof, yet the assumption that something is shady and that the OP is being taken advantage of has not been proven. Its up to the system to audit and determine. Not us here on the boards. The best we can do is advise the OP of the resources and proper procedure for following up. The use of "huge Fee" can be multi fold maybe he means he is paying the price emotionally and stress wise for having his father attend to his financials. We do not know. ALL it takes is an audit to be ordered to determine if true funds are being allocated to areas that are NOT the recipients. The OP's payee would then be accountable to the system for repayment if that is the case. Again its an assumption that I cannot make one way or the other.

 

My concern is that the OP is willing to take on the debt of soon to be spouse when there isn't sufficient resource to do so. Once married most debts become community debts. That mindset there tells me the OP needs educated in budgets and finance planning.