bandida Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 I just don't feel comfortable about his habit. My family already told him they won't meddle with our marriage problems unless it's food or money, anything more personal will not be entertained. I don't know why he has the need to tell my parents about everything wrong I do. I don't know what to do. I feel like punching him but he might tell my parents again. My parents feel so bothered that he comes to them when he can't handle me. He has such a low threshold for patience. He's a tattle. I don't know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 What do you mean 'handle you'? How so? What kinds of things is he tattling about? Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 It's his form of betrayal. Yes, he's betraying you. Why don't you both sit down when he's upset with you - and calmly communicate with each other? He can state what upset him - you can listen - you can come up with ideas together how you can do things differently moving forward - and make an agreement about how new action will take place. What exactly does he take to them? Does he have any reason why he doesn't bring it directly to you? How do you USUALLY react to him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bandida Posted June 8, 2014 Author Share Posted June 8, 2014 I'm schizophrenic. He tells my parents when I get into a episode and my family have dealt with me since day one and they're accustomed to it but they dont really like how my husband is pressuring my parents to do something. Literally nothing can be done when I'm going through a fit. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 Are you on medication? Do you take it as prescribed every day? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 What do you mean by every time I mess up? What kinds of things are you doing? Maybe he feels like you are irresponsible but doesn't want to feel like he's taking a parental role with you, so he's hoping your parents will help. Your choice of words, like "tattle" and "handle me" seem kind of immature, along with feeling like you want to punch him. Why does your husband have to handle you? It sounds like your parents and your husband are both tired of it, whatever it is. Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 The illness explains a lot. What beach asked - are you controlled by medication? I'm guessing not. Why not? Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 Ok, I just saw your recent post. I think he is overwhelmed and looking for support. It is not easy for spouses of the mentally ill. You need help, and you are correct, he doesnt know how to handle you. He likely wants to help you, but does not know what to do. You need to tell your doctor about your "fits", maybe they can adjust your meds. They also may be able to educate your husband so he is not so overwhelmed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 I don't know why he has the need to tell my parents about everything wrong I do. What are some examples of things you do that he's told them? Kids involved? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Tiger Lily Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 I feel like punching him but he might tell my parents again. Sounds like you punched him before. Is that accurate? If so, you're acting out of line. Your husband probably doesn't know where to turn (but knows something is wrong), so he tries to reach out to your parents who have experience living with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
janedoe67 Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 I don't like tattling either, BUT If you are not on medication, shame on you. He needs to be telling someone. And if you are punching him, then he needs to tell more than your parents. He needs to tell the police. With the medication and therapy options available, there is zero excuse for not complying with treatment. Link to post Share on other sites
dory Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 what you told us is too vague; tell us what happened the last time he told on you to your folks. Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 I'm schizophrenic. He tells my parents when I get into a episode and my family have dealt with me since day one and they're accustomed to it but they dont really like how my husband is pressuring my parents to do something. Literally nothing can be done when I'm going through a fit. Literally nothing can be done? Then what do you expect him to do when you're going through a fit? Honest question, really. What should he be doing? I suspect that he goes to your parents because he isn't sure how to handle it, and he wants their input, since they've dealt with you "since day one." Why are your parents so bothered when he comes to them? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bandida Posted June 9, 2014 Author Share Posted June 9, 2014 I just wish he'd stop. My whole family are annoyed cause all he really does is pester my parents with phone calls but my parents' only way to resolve it is by shipping me back to Seattle (we're in Toronto), which isn't something we'd both want. We're married cuz we eloped. Nobody was for us due to the fact I have a mental illness and he has asperger's. I'm pretty sure hes been told to not report it to my dad unless we still wanna be together in the end or something along those lines. My parents are also really sensitive. When they hear this bad news about me, my mom gets sick and gets bed-ridden, and they just are cold around me and would act all disappointed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bandida Posted June 9, 2014 Author Share Posted June 9, 2014 Sounds like you punched him before. Is that accurate? If so, you're acting out of line. Your husband probably doesn't know where to turn (but knows something is wrong), so he tries to reach out to your parents who have experience living with you. Oh. I have taken a swing at him and his car man and I feel like hell recallin those times. He lashes back sometimes so doesn't that make us even? I am actually medicated. Since 2000, in high school, I've been on different medications. Yes terrible things still happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Eivuwan Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 I just wish he'd stop. My whole family are annoyed cause all he really does is pester my parents with phone calls but my parents' only way to resolve it is by shipping me back to Seattle (we're in Toronto), which isn't something we'd both want. We're married cuz we eloped. Nobody was for us due to the fact I have a mental illness and he has asperger's. I'm pretty sure hes been told to not report it to my dad unless we still wanna be together in the end or something along those lines. My parents are also really sensitive. When they hear this bad news about me, my mom gets sick and gets bed-ridden, and they just are cold around me and would act all disappointed. I hate to say this, but when both of you have such serious mental health problems, then the marriage will be extremely difficult. You have trouble controlling your hallucinations or delusions and he is unable to be emotionally sensitive. People with asperger's are pretty rigid. I think it's going to be hard for you to get him to stop talking to your parents. Link to post Share on other sites
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