CaliGuy Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 Caliguy!!!!!!!!!! oh I've been out o the area for a spell; but I'll be rearin my head on the regular for the next couple of months. hope things are going well for you. No Foolin They are excellent my friend. In fact, never better I've passed your advice on to many people so, just to let you know, you're helping many more people that you realize. Keep up the good work, amigo. Link to post Share on other sites
loveinlife Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 hi guest! This reminds of my situation. I was like your ex, eventhough my ex didn't treat me well i still loved her unconditionally and spoiled her. i dumped one of the girl i was dating of two months bc my exgf came back for a brief time. I am really sorry to the girl i dumped, we made up and we are just friends now. Currently, my guard is so high to find a new girl bc I don't want to hurt any innocent feelings as i am still grieving over my ex. i learned my lesson. gluck =) Link to post Share on other sites
finallyhappyme Posted November 2, 2007 Share Posted November 2, 2007 Ok just read this thread and I it!!!! I def needed to read that. All I have is heart ache..I will survive! Link to post Share on other sites
wowIlose Posted November 7, 2007 Share Posted November 7, 2007 legendary thread Link to post Share on other sites
bigheartkindsoul Posted November 7, 2007 Share Posted November 7, 2007 Do you really think contacting your ex is going to help you? No I don't hence why I haven't and won't - ever Link to post Share on other sites
FindingMyselfAgain Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 This is the best thing I have ever read in my entire life. Link to post Share on other sites
finallyhappyme Posted November 16, 2007 Share Posted November 16, 2007 This is the best thing I have ever read in my entire life. LMAO isn't it :love: Link to post Share on other sites
Tormented Posted November 17, 2007 Share Posted November 17, 2007 Great thread, Foolin! Strange that I've been a "LS'er" for over a year and just now read this thread. Shame, because I really needed to read it when I split with the ex. Could've of saved me tons of anguish! I nod my head in agreement with all that you say, but I would like to humbly add my 2 cents... Sometimes, staying away from your ex isn't enough. Especially so for those here who find themselves either (A) - going back to the ex on a off and on basis, or (B) - finding themselves in several dysfunctional relationships with the same type of partner. In situations like the above, the only solution is getting down to the root of YOUR issue(s) or risk living out your days unhappy. Case in point... I couldn't understand how I fell for a man who caused me so much mental anguish and sorrow, and worse, WHY I allowed him back in my life repeatedly depite how terribly he treated me. I endured more pain that I ever should had and had nobody but myself to blame. It was self-induced. But why? So I did some deep soul-searching and discovered that I fit all criteria for "Codependency." Wasn't easy to accept but at least I now had a spring board to launch from. My battle with this won't be easy...uphill all the way...but well worth it if doing so will prevent me from entering bad relationships with toxic partners. Sometimes, it isn't as simple as a "bad" ex. Sometimes...it's a case of purging the "bad" within us. I'm so glad you posted this thread, Foolin. Thank you! ~T~ Link to post Share on other sites
kitkat289 Posted December 14, 2007 Share Posted December 14, 2007 excellent thread...now whenever I have these urges I come to LS and try to be stronger every day. Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 (edited) Great thread... been here a while and I'm surprised I just got to it. All very true for most cases. Last contact with the ex wife was dec 4th... after many off and on periods of NC throughout the year and guess what? yep ... it still managed to set me back a little even though it was mostly business. So really people, unless there are children or other important factors that require contact. LET THEM GO! Whatever reason your thoughts give for contacting the ex as 'freinds' or 'to get closure' Your subconscious is actually fooling you into trying to get another fix! Here's a great site on divorce which a lot will apply to LTR breakups in general. http://www.divorcerecovery101.com/addiction.htm http://www.divorcerecovery101.com/site_map.html Edited December 28, 2007 by sumdude Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 Bump! Time to wake this thread up, too many people are in NC mode and need help! nofoolin', you're the best buddy! Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 Bump! Time to wake this thread up, too many people are in NC mode and need help! nofoolin', you're the best buddy! Good call WWIU. This truly does fall under one of the better threads category. Interesting to see the different people on here who have posted from the past three years. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 I wish they would pin this thread at the top. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 I wish they would pin this thread at the top. Agreed. Moderators???? Link to post Share on other sites
Always Wrong Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 (edited) Absolutely Fabulous! WOW! A great flow of info... excellent thread! Edited January 21, 2008 by Always Wrong Link to post Share on other sites
brothermartin Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 Well said hommie. Very well said. Link to post Share on other sites
Always Wrong Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 (edited) I printed this thread ... only an inch thick... and stayed up late reading all the responses... again. No Foolin... that was exceptional! You reached out and touched the vast majority of people here, and will continue to do so in the future... even if you never write another thing! Your lesson is a hard learned one. A perfect example of the school of hard knocks. My hat is off to you... I wish everyone could have a friend like you in their time of relationship crisis... or any crisis for that matter. I feel like a grain of sand on the beach in your presence. Hail No Foolin! Long live No Foolin! Edited January 22, 2008 by Always Wrong Link to post Share on other sites
Author No Foolin Posted January 23, 2008 Author Share Posted January 23, 2008 I check in real quick to see how the masses are hanging and find out I have posters hailing me................At ease:eek:. My thinking in this thread is not original by any means; rather, its a joining of many different thoughts from various posters, people I know/knew and my own personal wars I had to wage back then (Man those days were such a long time ago, its funny to think I was that messed up over a girl). Remember: Pain like anything is temporary. Many times the things you think about come to you (this includes the good and bad). Be mindful about what you focus on kids. No Foolin Link to post Share on other sites
Always Wrong Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 Ahhh, the wise one speaks. I attended a motivational seminar in connection with work recently, and believing you're going to be a success was one of the focal points. Think success, and it will come to you. Think failure, and it will come to you. Those who dare to fail, will find success. AW Link to post Share on other sites
mistie03 Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 Take it from me the absolute worst thing you can do is attempt to get in to contact with your ex (regardless of the reason). From a guys perspective, men have a far more difficult time getting over their ex. I think women have a far stronger support structure and tend to listen to the advice of family and friends; thus, when they hear enough times "that he's a jerk" and have their feelings validated by those outside the relationship, they tend to run with it. If you have spent considerable time away from your ex, 4+ months, your gonna need a 100 yard touchdown pass to get him/her back into your life. I've been through this several times. All contacting your ex is going to do is really screw you up, like spiking yourself in the nuts with a snow shovel (know what I'm saying). You don't want to know how they are doing (its really more than you can handle). Nothing that you are doing is going to impress or endear them to you, regardless who dumped who. I have noticed that those of us here, tend to be the ones that are plauged by the memory of loves lost. Our ex is not pimping this site. They do not sit and pine after you. They have moved on. Take this example: past behavior is the best indication of future behavior. Think back to a time when you ex discussed ex-boyfriend/girlfriend with you. Remember how they talked about them? Remember how they got over them? They are doing the same thing to you (we are very slowly accepting this and we are very, very pissed off). In my opinion and after many conversations with guys and girls, you don't quite get over those you have been close to. If you have ever had a death in your family you will understand where I'm coming from. Regardless of time you will always have a small ache when their memory surfaces, fact. However, the agony of loss will eventually go away. I am a firm adhearer to the concept of modeling the sucess of others to become sucessful. What I'm saying is mimic what others are doing to get yourself free. This is what I have learned. 1) Treat yourself as if you are your girlfriend/boyfriend when you first met them. how did you speak to them? Speak to yourself in the same way. Did you dress to the 9 to be more attractive for your love? Do the same for yourself now. Were you physically attentive to them? Get massages, change up your flat, put yourself in luxury. Did you workout to impress them? Exercise and get rocked up for yourself now. 2)You must treat your ex like he/she is a serial killing stalker. Avoid all (once again ALL) contact with them. Do not call, e-mail, PM, morse code, smoke signal your ex. You will go back to day one of your break up when you do this. Subconciously I think they want to hurt you, so you can hurt like they did. 3)Break your patterns. Do not drive by your ex's place, work, hangouts. You will not accomplish anything but hurting yourself. How would you feel if you see him/her with another (back to break up day 1)? Find other hangouts, other routes to work, other places to workout May cost you some extra money to change locale but it saves on the pain. 4) Become obsessed with a project (this is essential) do some thing you always wanted to do, I don't care what it is. Make sure it involves other people (makes it social). Give yourself little free time. Its when were alone that the demons come. 5) know your mind, find out when you think about your ex, and plan accordingly. I know when I'm tired or really hungry or have nothing to do, her memory surfaces (and she's a scrub). WATCH HOW YOU TALK TO YOURSELF. Congnitive Behavioral Therapy adhears to: What you think is what you feel. This for me is very true. When I feel bad, I do it to myself, not her, not you, ME. 6) Lay off serious relationships for awhile...REALLY! When you do have down time from your now hectic life, that is when you go out with friends and get your drink/party on. 7) Hook up......Yes I said hook up! People, really much of the time all we miss is the physical closeness we had with our ex (for guys this is normally 90% true). My ex was a walking version of the Blair Witch Project (that was me standing in the corner LOL). The physical was all that kept me, even when s**t was really bad. I have found now adays many people are into no strings realtionships or "booty calls" if you will (many people just don't want the hassle of being emotional, or have time for a relationship). My advice is enter into negotiations with a perspective girl/guy. Negotiations should consist of the nature of the realtionship (physical+no drama). Both parties must agree or someone is going to get hurt. I believe that once the physical is taken care of and no relationship is assumed you can be free to work on yourself. The power of the ex will be greatly diminished. 8)Emergency measures: If you run into your ex. If you can roll out before they see you, bail. YOU CANNOT HANDLE what they have to say to you. If you can't bail, wave, smile, roll out (somethings are better left unsaid). If you are trapped and you have to talk, follow these rules A) do not give any info out about you B) do not request info about them C)You are busy, state this nicely, with smile, roll out. You have just saved yourself a ton of pain and you are also mysterious, they think that they're not worth your time (they're not). 8.5) After action: After you see you ex, your going to be a tad screwed up. Refer rule 1) talk to yourself like you are your significant other. Flood yourself with realistic positive comments and walk it off and GET BUSY DOING SOMETHING. 9) Alone emergency measures: A) Get busy doing something (make a card castle, exercise, whatever) B) instill this thought: My situation is not bad, there are people on this planet dying from killer waves, sleeping on the street, being abused by those who should be taking care of them or wasting away from disease, all I got is heart ache, I'm being a little B**ch. If your really hurting just roll into a cancer ward and try to explain your problem to people who are about to take a dirt nap, walk it off To close, I am well on my way to walking this off. Big part of it was lurking here. This is all that I have learned. You people rock. I'm gonna stick around because unknowingly you did the same for me. Point of interest, I have two dates lined up for the rest of FEB. I'm back!!! I would not change one single thing. What dosen't kill us make us stronger. No Foolin Excellent advice, No Foolin! I am doing the NC now. He has a lot of stuff in my garage, but I will deal with that later. I don't feel strong enough right now to call him about coming to pick it all up. So, for now, I'm working out and hanging out with friends. I had been with him for so long that I need to make some new friends, too. I don't know how I'm going to go about that just yet. But I will. I'm kind of isolated because I work at home. Link to post Share on other sites
Always Wrong Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 Excellent advice, No Foolin! I am doing the NC now. He has a lot of stuff in my garage, but I will deal with that later. I don't feel strong enough right now to call him about coming to pick it all up. So, for now, I'm working out and hanging out with friends. I had been with him for so long that I need to make some new friends, too. I don't know how I'm going to go about that just yet. But I will. I'm kind of isolated because I work at home. Get rid of his stuff mistie. He's going to interpret that as you're hanging onto an excuse to see him again. Don't give him false hope. Tough it out and have him come get it, and have some other family members present for the event. Don't do it alone. Once all his stuff is gone, you can really start the healing process. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 Bump!!,,,.... Link to post Share on other sites
mistie03 Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 I love this thread. No foolin is dead on with his advice. NC has cleared my head and my heart. I'm gonna be OK. I wouldn't have made this far without NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Always Wrong Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 Congratulations mistie03. Keep posting. It nice to hear about the progress people are making. Link to post Share on other sites
sandflea Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 Most excellent No Foolin! Most Most Excellent!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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