melusine71 Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 This is EXACTLY what I needed to hear right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Haohmaru Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 Great post. This has really helped me get through a lot. However, throughout the whole 20 pages, I didn't see some issues addressed that I think are really important. I am a man. I was the dumper. Men who dump get it the hardest from society, and this post is no different. However, I did it for the right reasons. I realized that I was not mature enough to be in a long term relationship, and the problems in our relationship were caused mostly by this lack of maturity. Coming to terms with these feelings is as hard as being the dumpee. How difficult is it to think that maybe I missed The One because of something so stupid as "timing"? Later, when I am ready, she will most likely be with someone else, because she is beautiful, charming, and on the way up. And what about coming to terms with not being able to fully love, experience love? The emptiness is debilitating. I deleted her from my phone to respect her NC wishes, and now my phone is full of nothing but people I don't want to call. My job is already pointless, and the only pleasure I derived during the day was calling her on breaks. I am free to bang any chick I want, and I don't even feel like putting in the effort. One girl even threw it at me last Saturday. I took a pass. I didn't give a ****. I know that we were not supposed to be together, at least not right now. So I did the right thing. I am not sitting pining about it; I am doing the things to make myself a more mature man -- meeting new people, getting new experiences. BUT!!!! Contrary to what many may believe, the male dumper is not always an unemotional jerk looking to use 'er and lose 'er. At least not the males who are trying to become honest, good men. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 Bump again! Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 Awwwwwwww Haohmaru that was sweet. It brought a lil tear to my eye! How sweet are you! Link to post Share on other sites
Elena62 Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 22 days of NC and I swear it's a killer some days. I've had absolutely, and I mean absolutely NO desire to even blow wind in his direction. The only thing I miss is the sound of his voice and his soft laugh. I don't hate him and never will - but I deserve better. This is such a great thread. I really needed to read something like this, today. I went on a no-strings lunch date, yesterday. I told the guy just a little bit (because he knows me anyway) and he said: "You deserve to have your needs met, you're not doing anything wrong by coming out with me, stop depriving yourself!" It's going to get better. It's going to get better for ME! Link to post Share on other sites
sandflea Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 22 days of NC and I swear it's a killer some days. I've had absolutely, and I mean absolutely NO desire to even blow wind in his direction. The only thing I miss is the sound of his voice and his soft laugh. I don't hate him and never will - but I deserve better. This is such a great thread. I really needed to read something like this, today. I went on a no-strings lunch date, yesterday. I told the guy just a little bit (because he knows me anyway) and he said: "You deserve to have your needs met, you're not doing anything wrong by coming out with me, stop depriving yourself!" It's going to get better. It's going to get better for ME! Yeah - this is a great thread. Keep the dream alive! Congrats Elena. Bust a move! SF Link to post Share on other sites
wyrllish Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 Ahh...needed the reassurance lately. I CONTINUALLY read posts on never contacting the ex, especially if you have hope of a reconciliation(i'm not at the point yet to just picture her out of my life). Yet I still fight myself during the day on whether or not I should text. She's under tons of stress atm, for other issues not cause of me, and doesn't even need me bugging her. Just worsens any possible chance I have. BAH! hate the silence but know it is necessary! Link to post Share on other sites
dfreeman Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 BAH! hate the silence but know it is necessary! Embrace the silence... It is so much better than the noise that will be going off in your head after you contact her...it very rarely goes the way you want it to go! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 Bump again! This thread really has to be pinned to the top of the page as it helps so many people. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 Bump for Heather... Link to post Share on other sites
vg6951 Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 I have read through this ENTIRE thread the past few days. It has been incredibly helpful. Can I refer you guys to my thread, I have been mostly talking to myself and I haven't been doing very well at all ;-( http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1569571&posted=1#post1569571 Link to post Share on other sites
Cannondale Posted March 19, 2008 Share Posted March 19, 2008 I've been reading through this thread, and there is some crazy good info and advice in here. The thing that really struck a chord with me is that for the most part we are all lucky like NF says. I mean if I had stayed with my ex, sure I would have a sex partner back in my life but other than that she took me away from all that I loved and what meant the most to me. My social and family life suffered a lot when I was with her and I couldn't do the things that I loved to do, and to top it all off she posed a threat to my career aspirations too...just wasn't worth it. Sure it still hurts bad at times, but I know in my heart that I am so much better off without her. Link to post Share on other sites
0hpenelope Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 Bump. I think this is a helpful thread. Some (if not all) harsh truths to realize, but realize we must. Link to post Share on other sites
joybean72 Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 NoFoolin, I'm SO there with ya on this thread! It's the only way to cope when someone does this to someone else! F%#K em! Dangerous Liasons. Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted March 25, 2008 Share Posted March 25, 2008 There are some pieces of advice which hold true no matter what. This thread is one of them. I wrote about the difficulties a while ago of maintaining 'no contact' and jeez is it hard. It is bloody hard going. But... it works. Doesn't ever feel like it will be worth all the pain, but it is. I'm not through the woods by any means, but further than I was when I was struggling with NC. Thanks guys. Link to post Share on other sites
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