Does anyone think the procedure to get a girl is too exhausting??

[BarackObama]

What do you think guys?

[ThaWholigan]

It depends on how much of your self-worth you are basing on it, and whether you see it as a chore to get a result rather than seduction.

 

In that sense, it's not as exhausting as it used to be for me - once I understood that.

[Phoe]

Funny, I was just discussing this in another thread.

 

Part of the problem is men thinking all these elaborate perfect moves and jumping through hoops and competing to with the girl is necessary.

 

 

More often than not, it's just plain not that horribly complicated.

 

 

You know how my exes got me? They asked me out. That's all it took. No competitions, no vying for my interest. Just ask. That's all.

 

 

When I did OLD, 18 men messaged me. Out of those 18 men that I talked with, only ONE asked me out.

 

 

The ONE that asked me out, got the date, and is now my boyfriend.

 

 

Simple.

[ThaWholigan]

Funny, I was just discussing this in another thread.

 

Part of the problem is men thinking all these elaborate perfect moves and jumping through hoops and competing to with the girl is necessary.

 

 

More often than not, it's just plain not that horribly complicated.

 

 

You know how my exes got me? They asked me out. That's all it took. No competitions, no vying for my interest. Just ask. That's all.

 

 

When I did OLD, 18 men messaged me. Out of those 18 men that I talked with, only ONE asked me out.

 

 

The ONE that asked me out, got the date, and is now my boyfriend.

 

 

Simple.

The word "no" is often a big deal to these guys. They build it up in their heads before the fact aswell. No adequate use of tension, they bottle it within.

 

Also, one has to understand who one attracts, how they attract them, and what it is about them they can emphasize in order to be more attractive. That's what I did - I absolutely sucked with women, now I still kinda suck, but a lot less .

[2.50 a gallon]

So you have to put some effort into meeting, dating and getting a girl friend.

 

 

I have long ago learned when you get something for nothing, it is always worth nothing.

[normal person]

Funny, I was just discussing this in another thread.

 

Part of the problem is men thinking all these elaborate perfect moves and jumping through hoops and competing to with the girl is necessary.

 

 

Good post. It reminds of other threads where guys try to have some premeditated plan of attack where they subtly build attraction, find a way to insert themselves into a girl's free time, take them out to lunch under some ambiguous premise, etc... None of that is necessary. If she likes you, she likes you. You don't need all the other bull.

 

Women want guys just as bad as guys want them. If you're worth their time, you'd be surprised at how easy the process is.

[M30USA]

The current American dating system is set up for the benefit and convenience of women. You have to dance to the beat of the woman. You have to read their subtle nuiances and make changes to their cues. One mistep will result in failure. Women have no such pressure. The idea is that if you don't put in the exhausting effort, you won't "get the girl". Someone else will. I'm not saying this is wrong. It is what it is. Make a conscious decision if you want to partake and then follow that path.

Edited June 9, 2014 by M30USA

[somedude81]

Dating for men is super hard unless the girl actually likes you. Then it's super easy.

 

Of course getting a girl to like you is easier said than done.

[M30USA]

Dating for men is super hard unless the girl actually likes you. Then it's super easy.

 

Of course getting a girl to like you is easier said than done.

 

I've heard people say the same thing. Don't bother pursuing a girl unless she likes you.

[GoreSP]

'procedure'?

 

No wonder you find it exhausting...

[somedude81]

I've heard people say the same thing. Don't bother pursuing a girl unless she likes you.

 

Pretty much.

 

I doubt it's a coincidence that my one and only GF (now ex) liked me for about a month before I asked her out. Once I knew she liked me, everything else was super easy.

 

The only real issue was that I had no idea she liked me until I took a risk. Which makes me wonder how many girls actually liked me, but I didn't know so I never asked them out. It actually kind of makes me feel bad to think that I missed out on possible girlfriends because I just didn't know that somebody may have learned kid me and I just didn't know.

[Targetlock]

some times it can be tricky and i have trouble reading the signals, or just never encountered them

[nofeelings22]

The current American dating system is set up for the benefit and convenience of women. You have to dance to the beat of the woman. You have to read their subtle nuiances and make changes to their cues. One mistep will result in failure. Women have no such pressure. The idea is that if you don't put in the exhausting effort, you won't "get the girl". Someone else will. I'm not saying this is wrong. It is what it is. Make a conscious decision if you want to partake and then follow that path.

 

 

I'm not sure that's American. That's evolution.

[normal person]

Don't confuse things, OP.

 

Getting girls shouldn't be exhausting. If she likes you the process should be pretty effortless.

 

The exhausting thing should be the lifelong process of becoming a person that girls like. That doesn't come so easily.

 

So what's on your resume? What's so special about you? What're you banking on girls liking about you? Do you feel like something about you is being overlooked?

[M30USA]

Don't confuse things, OP.

 

Getting girls shouldn't be exhausting. If she likes you the process should be pretty effortless.

 

The exhausting thing should be the lifelong process of becoming a person that girls like. That doesn't come so easily.

 

So what's on your resume? What's so special about you? What're you banking on girls liking about you? Do you feel like something about you is being overlooked?

 

 

I think if you're trying to become more likeable by women, you're going about it the wrong way. While women will never directly admit this, they want you to pursue your own dreams. A domesticated, trained man is not respected. Women may have such a man for a husband and be stable, but they won't respect him.

[normal person]

I think if you're trying to become more likeable by women, you're going about it the wrong way. While women will never directly admit this, they want you to pursue your own dreams. A domesticated, trained man is not respected. Women may have such a man for a husband and be stable, but they won't respect him.

 

Well I didn't make any implication about what women like. I'm suggesting men do things that are inherently attractive, ie: be happy, achieve things, better themselves, etc. Not be some who answers to every whim of a girl, we all know the fate of those guys.

[M30USA]

Well I didn't make any implication about what women like. I'm suggesting men do things that are inherently attractive, ie: be happy, achieve things, better themselves, etc. Not be some who answers to every whim of a girl, we all know the fate of those guys.

 

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh sssssssssssssssssssNNNAAAPPP!

 

(As they used to say.)

[Andy_K]

Funny, I was just discussing this in another thread.

 

Part of the problem is men thinking all these elaborate perfect moves and jumping through hoops and competing to with the girl is necessary.

 

 

More often than not, it's just plain not that horribly complicated.

 

 

You know how my exes got me? They asked me out. That's all it took. No competitions, no vying for my interest. Just ask. That's all.

 

 

When I did OLD, 18 men messaged me. Out of those 18 men that I talked with, only ONE asked me out.

 

 

The ONE that asked me out, got the date, and is now my boyfriend.

 

 

Simple.

 

How many messages did each guy send?

 

It's all very well saying the one that asked got the result, but what if the 17 others intended to do exactly the same thing but learned from previous experience that women always said no if they asked too soon, and were simply trying to improve their odds?

 

You can't simply ask a girl out on every message. We could equally right now be reading a post from a girl about how all the guys were far too pushy, except the one she spent several days building a good connection with and then decided to meet.

 

As a guy, particularly online, you can be dismissed for going too fast and you can miss your chance if you move too slow. And you have no idea what speed is appropriate for any particular girl, because they're all different.

 

What guys mean by perfect moves is exactly this - knowing when to make the move for any particular girl. Knowing when to ask her out, or how flirty or how physical you can get how soon, because if you get it wrong you generally miss out to a guy who judged it that bit better than you. Like all those other guys who missed out on you.

 

It's not that simple.

Edited June 10, 2014 by Andy_K

[nofeelings22]

How many messages did each guy send?

 

It's all very well saying the one that asked got the result, but what if the 17 others intended to do exactly the same thing but learned from previous experience that women always said no if they asked too soon, and were simply trying to improve their odds?

 

You can't simply ask a girl out on every message. We could equally right now be reading a post from a girl about how all the guys were far too pushy, except the one she spent several days building a good connection with and then decided to meet.

 

As a guy, particularly online, you can be dismissed for going too fast and you can miss your chance if you move too slow. And you have no idea what speed is appropriate for any particular girl, because they're all different.

 

What guys mean by perfect moves is exactly this - knowing when to make the move for any particular girl. Knowing when to ask her out, or how flirty or how physical you can get how soon, because if you get it wrong you generally miss out to a guy who judged it that bit better than you. Like all those other guys who missed out on you.

 

It's not that simple.

 

I swear this is easier for guys who are good with and like cats, such as myself.

 

There is no logic to it. It's an art. You have to feel the girl out. You go as fast as you can comfortably go without making her feel uncomfortable.

 

Ever tried to get a cat who doesn't know you to come across the room and hang out with you? Practice that first. If you can do that, you can get a girl with the exact same skills.

 

It's a dance. A little game of trust.

[nofeelings22]

I think if you're trying to become more likeable by women, you're going about it the wrong way. While women will never directly admit this, they want you to pursue your own dreams. A domesticated, trained man is not respected. Women may have such a man for a husband and be stable, but they won't respect him.

 

I think what he means is working on yourself. Your appearance, your status in society, what makes you unique as a person. That's a lifelong journey.

[central]

I never found dating exhausting. Mostly, I found it fun, with occasional setbacks or frustrations. I think you may benefit from changing your attitude.

 

If simply looking for a gf is this difficult, you certainly aren't going to be able to do what it takes to KEEP a gf. I've found most of my relationships to require little work (my first marriage being the major exception) but they do require constant awareness and communication to keep them healthy and fulfilling.

[SensitiveTJ]

It's only exhausting if you aren't successful at it.

[GravityMan]

Procedure? Haha, what "procedure"?

 

Look, I believe that 90-95% of ALL straight men have had at least one relationship under their belt by the age of 30. I'm talking ACTUAL relationships (i.e. girlfriend) that have advanced beyond the initial stages of dating. The majority of those men have had several such relationships. Half have been married. 75-85% of those men have had their first relationship before the age of 25.

 

Now, are all of those men charismatic Rico Suaves who wear Rolex watches, drive S-Class Mercedes and work for high profile law firms? No, hell no. Some of them are lacking in education and/or street-smarts. Others were a bit shy. Some were a bit awkward. Some were somewhat insecure (but not to an extreme). Some were unemployed, or broke, or living paycheck-to-paycheck. Some were so bad at dancing and rhythm that a pet monkey could probably do a better job staying on beat. Many of them were just "normal" people that we see all around us everyday. Plenty of them were not that good at reading women's "indicator of interest" signals. Some of those men are jerks at times. A few are/were homeless, or into hard drugs, or alcoholics. Some of them don't have stellar social skills...but at least they aren't totally clueless. I could go on and on.

 

Yet all of them managed to encounter women, likely multiple women, that were attracted to them, and managed to have at least one GF. That should really drive the point home that it isn't meant to be difficult to find a GF. Most of them simply chatted with the woman for a bit like a normal civilized person does, and then asked them out. (Or the woman made the move.) That's it. The chat doesn't have to be "perfectly delivered" and seldom is...it just has to feel genuine and engaging. No rules (aside from common courtesy stuff), no mission objectives, no magic formula, no game-playing. Everybody likes different things, and tastes can change and evolve. It's almost harder to make it to 30 and NOT have at least one girlfriend in your past or present. A few guys barely do anything and still manage to somehow "stumble" their way into a relationship.

 

Guys who really "struggling" are almost always their own worst enemy; they're shooting themselves in the foot. They tend to fall into one of two groups:

 

1) They don't put themselves out there, they're afraid of women or otherwise don't socialize with women in a normal way. From the POV of these guys, women (especially good-looking ones) may as well be from the planet Venus. They don't seem to realize that treating women as if they are some foreign species is putting them on a pedestal.

 

2) They try too hard and overthink things. The OP seems to fall into this group. It should not be "exhausting" to land a decent woman, even if she's attractive. Guys in this group often grow bitter and angry, especially when they notice other guys who they deem "lesser" than themselves landing that hot brunette. Many of them focus too much on trying to "impress" the woman (that may be partly the fault of society and media). Decent women don't go on dates to sit back and hope the guy impresses/entertains her; they date to get to know the guy better and to see if there's a connection there - something worth pursuing further.

 

Guys in both groups are usually very insecure and don't respect themselves.

[sillyanswer]

What do you think guys?

 

Calling it a procedure makes it sound very clinical.

 

I enjoy dating.

[2.50 a gallon]

Once I got over my shyness and learned how to talk to women as just another person on this planet, my dating life took off. That and I loved life and lived it. Meaning, I got out and did things. I danced, I fished, I hiked, I went to races, movies, learned to cook, etc. I also learned that as the old song say "Girls Just Want to Have Fun"

 

I hardly ever targeted a girl.

 

I met them every where, my apartment complex, cashiers, bank tellers, etc. I would just talk to them and listen to what they had to say, their likes, dislikes, and quite often would find something that they had wanted to do but had never tried. Such as going fishing, or a car race. Have you ever tried the food at this place?

 

And yes I got turned down, but who cared, they will never know what they missed. Those that said yes, we went out and had a fun time.