He friend zoned himself and now I feel bad

[TigerLilly78]

So I got this long distance friend who I met on line known him for a year or so in that time things were always kind of "awkward" as to how we felt about each other. Basically for a long time I really liked him and made it clear and he would always tell me he liked me as well but still keep his distance in a way.

 

 

He recently told me "it was just a defense agenst getting hurt but he really dose care about me alot" ok fair enough but! prob is im now starting to realize that after a while my feelings have kind of maybe changed. It went from a real romantic interest to a best buddy one cause well that's the vibe he constantly gave off so I guess I went with it.

 

 

Fast forward to now and as of late he's been really flirty and sweet I feel bad cause im at the point I like him as a best friend I think. Funny thing was just a few days ago he told me he gets the " I like you as a brother" line a lot from girls he's interested in..so yea that made me feel bad hearing that but I can kind of see how it could happen a lot if that makes any sense..

 

 

So yea were planning on meeting in a few month's and im just trying to sort out everything cause I really don't want to hurt him but I don't want some one I see as a brother type trying anything either..eh its going to be so awkward im kind of looking forward yet dreading it..

[Gallaxia]

I think maybe you really need to re-examine your feelings for him fairly soon. If you really don't feel anything for him, it's better to let him down easy EARLY and save yourselves from a possibly spending money on hotel/airfare/gas whatever, and an awkward trip. I think it's more important that you be honest to him (even if it'll hurt- for a while) and to yourself.

[Potion9]

So you have not even met each other in person???

 

 

I think it is way to soon to be friendzoned out if you haven't even met.

 

 

Meet up, see whats up and see how things go.

It is a flag though that you already think of him as just a friend and he is clearly wanting to be more than that.

 

 

After you finally meet each other who knows what will happen.

Maybe you'll have feelings for him, and maybe he won't have feelings for you etc

[preraph]

You can't gauge a relationship when you haven't ever met the person. There is so much they don't tell you or can't convey any other way. Have you at least Skyped? If not, you should before you meet.

[TigerLilly78]

You can't gauge a relationship when you haven't ever met the person. There is so much they don't tell you or can't convey any other way. Have you at least Skyped? If not, you should before you meet.

Hey guys thanks for the replies yea we talk on Skype all the time he's starting to use cam lately tbh he looks kind of different to the pics I've always seen guess that's inevitable to some degree. Im not comfortable on cam never have been but he's seen pics of me recent ones and I've never been dishonest in anyway about myself if anything to honest..lol

 

 

The thing is there's plans in the works for a roommate situation in a few months and im not overly sure how I feel about things. Part of me says go for it and another part of me says it could end up being a miserable situation so yeah I don't know.

 

 

I'm just feeling really torn at the moment and my circumstances have me kind of limited. Another thing is he's gotten rather social as of late making new friends at work "some female" and all and hanging out with them a lot and I know there's nothing wrong with that.

 

 

Sure he's said stuff like I will be included when I go there but part of me just isn't interested I've been thu a lot the last few years and I kind of just feel like being alone at this point bad as that sounds and lets face it no one likes a 3rd wheel..*sigh*

[Potion9]

woah woah woah ROOMMATE situation??????

Way to soon.

Slooooooow down.

 

 

You haven't even met in person, Haven't dated etc.

WAY to soon to be moving in with each other.

 

 

Why the rush anyways?

[darkmoon]

yeah, be his room mate, before another female takes the room...seen that before now, along with two room-mates ending up married, yes married, live a little, you can always move out and on, but do not say no to him while expecting a yes back

Edited June 13, 2014 by darkmoon

[todreaminblue]

I put guys in teh friend zone first i dont often develop romantic interests outside my friendship circle i have to trust a guy to feel romantic this side of me that needs trust loyalty stand beside me thick or thin attitude is the side that allows romantic interest to be expressed its the dominant side of me and that side is the side that is able to fight to keep it together and support romantic interests in staying through the really difficult periods if she doesnt fight then it wont stay together on a long term basis....

 

so i am a multiple with more than two sides.....quite a few.....

 

 

.....to develop romati8c interests withotu knowing soemone woudl be rare adn when it does its anomaly..but consideing i am often an anlay.....i then hav eth ecapacity to fight fro that to happen....lol its complicated.....

 

simply if I develop romantic feelings they dont go away whether or not they are fought for though is another matter.....that rests soley on the romantic interest in the guy i am attracted to and his ability to show fortitude and ability to handle a multiple personality...its not for most guys to do...and i have the capacity to make a guy feel unsure and a bit scared of my empathic abilities....maybe my intelelct although i alwasy relate appropriately to who i am talking to..and the ability to know how he is thinking by knowing hsi boyd language.....if he lies.....there is a guard against that.....that wont move forward with anything adn goes ok....why is he hiding something....that why i normally befriend romantic interests or possible one...but it truly is rare to have romantic interest first.....i do knwo that if have romantic interest it doesnt fade out so i would ever have eto say i love you as a brother it only fades out with abuse .....and or dishonesty and that is when i have the capacity to fight for it... i think that in fact is pretty cool...but not for every guy....lol..he has to know how to fight and have guts to stand up or beside me right or wrong like i would for him ....to me if he cant do that....he is not a man for me..

 

 

 

only when there has never been romantic interest would i call a man my brother......it makes it a little incestuous in thought...so i would deny that completely in saying if i have romantic interest and that isnt something that will make them ever a brother to me...friend maybe...not brother......and its normally in reverse friend then flame for......anomaly's though are rare so need to eb noticed.....lol....good luck...i d feel for soemoen who gets todl i love you like a brother from romantic interest......i love my ex like a brother the oen who sleeps on my couch....as there never was romantic interest....on both sides......it was out of sympathy for the good i saw in him being abused adn his volunteering time to help others street kids in particular.......... and protection against other suitors i went out with him and i woudl have stayed with him in spite of not having romantic feelings had he been faithful and loyal and honest and supportive....but a part of me refused to fight to stay and chose to leave......and claim him as a brother........deb

[Tayla]

Usually for a lady who had interest that were thwarted, we tend to compromise and accept them in a friendship way. Its rare that we "re-visit" that concept and move back to the BF potential.

 

I have seen it happen , though its rare. They would have to do some major Woo'ing to recapture a ladies heart.

 

I have found that its friendship that blossoms into a suitor interest, and not the other way around....

 

I disagree that persons who correspond thru media yet haven't the chance for physical meet ups are less of a relationship. The mind and personality are still present no matter how near or far.

[TigerLilly78]

woah woah woah ROOMMATE situation??????

Way to soon.

Slooooooow down.

 

 

You haven't even met in person, Haven't dated etc.

WAY to soon to be moving in with each other.

 

 

Why the rush anyways?

 

I've never really been in a "rush" actually it was his idea in the 1st place to come and help me move up there cause he knew I wasn't overly happy in my living situation and im not.

 

Turns out neither is he im going to need to move ether way so yeah I guess were both kind if thinking if it doesn't work out romantically least were good friends? I suggested a small vacation 1st but he seamed to like this idea better and as it kind of works for me at the moment I kind of went with it..

 

yeah, be his room mate, before another female takes the room...seen that before now, along with two room-mates ending up married, yes married, live a little, you can always move out and on, but do not say no to him while expecting a yes back

 

Well there are a few skanks ahem ..sharks in the water so to speak..lol and this idea has ran thu my mind also the idea that maybe hes just not overly into a long distance thing "hes been royally screwed by a wacko on line bitch who ended up hurting him" so yeah I can see your point...

 

As of late its kind of more a "us vibe" then a "friends" one hes been giving off and its different kind of nice might take some getting use to at this point. But im going to go with it and give him another chance he seams happy so that's good guess time will tell if its meant to be it will..least we get along so well so that's a good start I guess..