Need support

[SBHook]

Hi guys,

 

(sorry for my english)

 

I've wrote about my story here before.

 

The thing is: I'M IN LOVE.

 

I still am.

 

My ex-boyfriend and I broke up around a month ago (officially). We started having a crisis around three months ago, when his Russian ex-girlfriend moved here and they got in touch again.

 

When she moved to the same town as us (last month), and he took her under his roof, I officially "let go". Until then I was fighting for it. Fighting for us. For our relationship.

 

My ex-boyfriend and I still work together. We still see each other everyday. I catch him looking at me all the time. A male friend of ours says ex-bf definately still likes me. The other day he said he went to have a word with my ex-boyfriend and asked him if "man to man" he liked me "as a friend or as woman". He told me he answered "as a woman" shyly.

 

I told him either he or ex-bf was white-lying in order not to hurt my feelings. He said he swears on his daughters.

 

Either way...

 

I'm in love.

 

Ex-boyfriend and I never argued. Never used to fight. Never broke up and got back together before. He simply... "stopped" being in a relationship with me because he felt... balanced over his feelings for this other girl when she was back.

 

I asked him why did he have give me the illusion that we were perfectly fine together and that we were moving on to different levels in our relationship (marriage, children, in the future), when things were never real?

 

He told me it was never a lie. It was all true then.

 

This girl plane ticket back to Russia is on July 14. I can't wait for that day. But lately I've been thinking, what if she doesn't go back? She was working as a teacher in another town until she moved to our town. I don't think she's working now. But she is probably looking forward to it very hard. I don't doubt that.

 

Her Facebook status is of a "single" woman. She posted a quote from the movie "500 Days of Summer" the other day: "You don’t believe that a woman could enjoy being free and independent? I just don’t feel comfortable being anyone’s girlfriend. I don’t actually feel comfortable being anyone’s anything. I like being on my own. I think relationships are messy and people’s feelings get hurt. Who needs it? We’re young, we live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world, might as well have fun while we can and and save the serious stuff for later."

 

I believe she posts these things and considers herself a single woman because if he is to cheat on her with me (now or when she's back to her country), she will say "we were never serious in the first place", so that she can be superior to all of it. She payed almost US$ 2000 on her plane ticket. I don't think it's very easy for her to go and come back frequently.

 

I used to fear for my life when I believed he would marry her or that she would get pregnant in order to stay here, until I read the things she posted on FB.

 

My ex-bf and I were 95% compatible. LOL.

 

We had the same outlook in life, same opinion, and our differences were complimentary. We both appreciated the "certainty" of our relationship at the beginning. We were never fond of flings and love games and etc.

 

I've heard about all kinds of advice before. The no contact. The moving on. The letting go. The "he's not worthy". The "you are better than that", but the thing is I still love him. My love for him was pure and honest. I could see we were compatible. We were best friends. I can see that we both still like one another.

 

He still tries to reach out for me at work frequently. And he reacts to me just as I react to him. I'm usually cold to him at work. He at first tries to be nice, but when he sees me acting angrily at him, he responds the same way. But usually it's a private thing between us. Not something like we make everyone see it. Sometimes I think he acts like that because there's still something between us. If he didn't care, he would be indifferent.

 

All I want to know is that if he's going to be back or not? For good or for worse?