Chest Size

[todreaminblue]

thanks for the advice, just one question. What is "lurv"?

 

 

mae wests way of saying love....... she had a drawl

[MrGuy]

Oh ok, another problem i have is that whenever i upset her i can't ever seem to give her the space she needs and she always tells me to leave her alone when she's upset. But I have a problem of giving her space. When she isn't around i even spam her phone to get her attention. Things like this could be the reason why she uses the break up thing and making her feel uncomfortable.

[MrGuy]

She's going away for 2 weeks next week with her family have a big family reunion so that's nice. It's tradition every year, right now though she doesn't want me to see her in person so yea... she says part of her wants to see me but the other isn't comfortable with me around. She's says if things get better or the days get better (cause we've been arguing almost every day) then she would want to see me. I want to understand her, any advice?

[thefooloftheyear]

She's going away for 2 weeks next week with her family have a big family reunion so that's nice. It's tradition every year, right now though she doesn't want me to see her in person so yea... she says part of her wants to see me but the other isn't comfortable with me around. She's says if things get better or the days get better (cause we've been arguing almost every day) then she would want to see me. I want to understand her, any advice?

 

Good luck, buddy....

 

I think you are in over your head...Just seems like a drama queen and you are going to make yourself as nuts as she is eventually...eh.................

 

TFY

[regine_phalange]

Why don't you make a game character that looks like her?

Or let her find photos of celebrities that look like her in your computer...

Do this small sacrifice just to reassure her.

[No Limit]

Her idea about getting bigger breasts isn't about you, it's about her and to make her feel better about herself.

She's insecure and her self-esteem suffers every time she walks by a woman or girl with bigger breasts, and that is quite annoying. Tops showing off little more than the ribcage, sleeveless dresses barely staying in place, the edges of the bra showing through every shirt...

 

These are minor things that can turn an insecure girl crazy. A friend of mine has the same problem but goes nuts about it, barely eats anything else but an apple or two per day in her attempt to be 'perfect'...

 

My advice would be; try anything you can to just distract her from this. And if she mentions it, tell her exactly how you feel about it.

 

And about the operation itself -- depending on her age, I think before she decides anything she should at least wait until she's fully grown.

[MrGuy]

I asked her that once and she thought it was weird. I think if i ask her again she'd be upset, as for photos of celebs that would anger her even more. Even if the celebs resemble her. Also Regina Phalange, not sure if you're referencing from the show friends but cool name. No Limit i could try and distract her from that but how exactly? She's old enough to get the surgery but i really don't want her to change her body. Then again it is her body and it's hers to decide.

[FitChick]

Elizabeth Hurley didn't get bigger breasts until she was mid-20s. Some women just grow later.

[No Limit]

No Limit i could try and distract her from that but how exactly? She's old enough to get the surgery but i really don't want her to change her body. Then again it is her body and it's hers to decide.

 

Hmm, tough question. Well of course, if one of your main activities is going to the beach together or swimming, I'd call that off for a while.

Other than that, I'm not sure. It depends on what it is exactly that turns her focus back to her breasts. But if she's the type that will compare herself to any other woman that passes her, then wandering through nature would be an idea - although I guess she's not the type for that at all, at least the majority isn't.

[MrGuy]

Think it would be difficult to distract her, she even gets blah about it at work and i know i can't be there. Really trying to be nice to her at the moment and tell her nice things. I know I'm being selfish saying this but i too want comfort from her, but she hasn't given any lately. I don't know is it being selfish? I just want to feel wanted, but i know she doesn't want me that much. I even told her i'd miss her since she's going to be gone for 2 weeks and she responded with "miss you too" sounded sarcastically though. Meh

[BetrayedH]

To me, it sounds like she is used to pushing you around. She's got you on a string and can do whatever she wants and you take it, running in circles trying to please her.

 

In my experience, women CAN'T love a man they don't respect. I think you need to change up your approach.

[MrGuy]

To me, it sounds like she is used to pushing you around. She's got you on a string and can do whatever she wants and you take it, running in circles trying to please her.

 

In my experience, women CAN'T love a man they don't respect. I think you need to change up your approach.

How do i go about changing my approach?

[BetrayedH]

How do i go about changing my approach?

 

I'm having a hard time finding the words but I will try...

 

What I think women find sexy is CONFIDENCE. If a guy is tripping over himself to apologize over every little thing, fearful of his GF's reactions, and so forth then it conveys weakness. And women don't find weakness to be sexy. If she can walk all over you, she can't respect you as a man. I think you need to start conveying strength. Don't be an arsehole but you should be strong enough to tell her when she is wrong, when she's behaving immaturely, and so forth. Don't be afraid to challenge her. Don't apologize when she's the one being unreasonable. And frankly, don't fight. If you're yelling, screaming, swearing, crying and whatnot, it's clear that she has too much power over you. A man who is confident and comfortable in his own skin doesn't need to do these things. That manly confidence is what women find attractive.

 

To keep more in tune with this thread, you should be able to confidently say that yes, I've always had a preference for big boobs. There's nothing wrong with having a preference that pre-dates your relationship with her. You can reassure her that it's just a preference, that you love her, and that you're perfectly happy with her the way she is and wouldn't want her to change a thing. But don't trip yourself up trying to be apologetic or somehow pretend like you don't or won't like big boobs anymore because the reality is that this is about her insecurity, not about something wrong with you.

 

I just see a lot of weakness in your posts (my apologies for how that sounds) and I think your GF is going to respect you less and less the more that you try to win her back or nice her back. If she can leave for two weeks and treat you crappy when she leaves and you're still pining away for her, I think she's going to respect you less than if you were to say that this isn't working for you.

 

I get the impression that you need to define clearer boundaries about what you're willing to accept in a relationship and not be afraid to walk away from unacceptable treatment. There's nothing wrong with that and it demonstrates strength and confidence in yourself. That's attractive.

 

Any of this resonating with you?

[MrGuy]

I'm having a hard time finding the words but I will try...

 

What I think women find sexy is CONFIDENCE. If a guy is tripping over himself to apologize over every little thing, fearful of his GF's reactions, and so forth then it conveys weakness. And women don't find weakness to be sexy. If she can walk all over you, she can't respect you as a man. I think you need to start conveying strength. Don't be an arsehole but you should be strong enough to tell her when she is wrong, when she's behaving immaturely, and so forth. Don't be afraid to challenge her. Don't apologize when she's the one being unreasonable. And frankly, don't fight. If you're yelling, screaming, swearing, crying and whatnot, it's clear that she has too much power over you. A man who is confident and comfortable in his own skin doesn't need to do these things. That manly confidence is what women find attractive.

 

To keep more in tune with this thread, you should be able to confidently say that yes, I've always had a preference for big boobs. There's nothing wrong with having a preference that pre-dates your relationship with her. You can reassure her that it's just a preference, that you love her, and that you're perfectly happy with her the way she is and wouldn't want her to change a thing. But don't trip yourself up trying to be apologetic or somehow pretend like you don't or won't like big boobs anymore because the reality is that this is about her insecurity, not about something wrong with you.

 

I just see a lot of weakness in your posts (my apologies for how that sounds) and I think your GF is going to respect you less and less the more that you try to win her back or nice her back. If she can leave for two weeks and treat you crappy when she leaves and you're still pining away for her, I think she's going to respect you less than if you were to say that this isn't working for you.

 

I get the impression that you need to define clearer boundaries about what you're willing to accept in a relationship and not be afraid to walk away from unacceptable treatment. There's nothing wrong with that and it demonstrates strength and confidence in yourself. That's attractive.

 

Any of this resonating with you?

I understand what you mean. Right now as I am i keep apologizing for everything, cept for today in the morning and i told her what was up, she said sorry a few minutes later. Any who I want to be confident but yea i'm afraid she might react how she does and try to leave me. One thing that's holding me back is I always have the feeling that she's been secretly having another relationship with another guy, or at least secretly talking to him. I haven't found any proof it's just how she gets at times. For example the lack of affection sometimes or the lack of intimacy, even when things are going well, it confuses me and makes me wonder if she has feelings towards someone else.

Edited June 16, 2014 by MrGuy

[BetrayedH]

I understand what you mean. Right now as I am i keep apologizing for everything, cept for today in the morning and i told her what was up, she said sorry a few minutes later. Any who I want to be confident but yea i'm afraid she might react how she does and try to leave me. One thing that's holding me back is I always have the feeling that she's been secretly having another relationship with another guy, or at least secretly talking to him. I haven't found any proof it's just how she gets at times. For example the lack of affection sometimes or the lack of intimacy, even when things are going well, it confuses me and makes me wonder if she has feelings towards someone else.

 

I took notice that you said you're "afraid." Any good therapist eventually gets us to look our fears right in the face and to decide what the hell we're so afraid of. Part of this "confidence" thing is knowing that you will be ok no matter what happens. Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. You will not die without this woman. If she's cheating on you, you'll be better off without her.

 

But if you succumb to your fears and just do everything to salvage the relationship, she's going to view you as a doormat and no one respects a doormat. Standing up for yourself may be exactly what you need to salvage this relationship and to be an attractive partner for future relationships. You even gave a good example in your last post where, for once, you didn't trip all over yourself trying to apologize and what happened? SHE apologized. You stood your ground and she respected that.

 

As I said before, this is not a license to be an arsehole. When you really screw up, go ahead and give a sincere apology. But if you think she's going to respect you or be attracted to you because you kiss her ass, you've got it all wrong. Frankly, she needs to know that if you don't get what you need from this relationship, you're going to walk. Hasta la bye bye. Say what you need. Say it with confidence. Don't feel bad or apologize for it. And then give her the chance to respond. If she agrees to meeting your expectations of a healthy relationship, fantastic. If she doesn't, you need to follow-thru and not be afraid of anything. You will survive and thrive on your own. And you'll find a good woman that will meet the basic needs in a relationship. Be the man in this relationship. Show some leadership and she'll have a reason to be proud to follow you.

[Trimmer]

Just a interesting fact : 75% of all females that commit suicide have had some type of plastic surgery in their lives.

 

Kinda shows you that if you are inherently unhappy with yourself, and blaming your lips or your boobs or whatever.... fixing it, doesn't really fix the real underlying issue.

 

You GF needs professional help.

I do acknowledge that there are studies that show that women with cosmetic breast implants (analyzed separately from reconstructive surgery patients) have a higher rate of death by suicide than the general population, and the likely conclusion that changing a perceived physical issue doesn't necessarily "fix" the underlying emotional issue.

 

However, I'm still calling for a reference on the 75% statistic you mention. I think you make good points, but I can't find any source for such a statistic, and as it's a fairly startling figure, (and germane to the OP, whose girlfriend is distressed at her own body and considering surgery) I think either it deserves factual backup, or calls for a retraction.

[TXGuy]

I do acknowledge that there are studies that show that women with cosmetic breast implants (analyzed separately from reconstructive surgery patients) have a higher rate of death by suicide than the general population, and the likely conclusion that changing a perceived physical issue doesn't necessarily "fix" the underlying emotional issue.

 

However, I'm still calling for a reference on the 75% statistic you mention. I think you make good points, but I can't find any source for such a statistic, and as it's a fairly startling figure, (and germane to the OP, whose girlfriend is distressed at her own body and considering surgery) I think either it deserves factual backup, or calls for a retraction.

 

This was not my quote, but I googled boob jobs and suicide. It looks like various studies show (including webmd) that women with boob jibs are 3 to 6 times more likely to commit suicide than women as a whole. I didn't see a 75% stat, but didn't look that hard.

[MrGuy]

I took notice that you said you're "afraid." Any good therapist eventually gets us to look our fears right in the face and to decide what the hell we're so afraid of. Part of this "confidence" thing is knowing that you will be ok no matter what happens. Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. You will not die without this woman. If she's cheating on you, you'll be better off without her.

 

But if you succumb to your fears and just do everything to salvage the relationship, she's going to view you as a doormat and no one respects a doormat. Standing up for yourself may be exactly what you need to salvage this relationship and to be an attractive partner for future relationships. You even gave a good example in your last post where, for once, you didn't trip all over yourself trying to apologize and what happened? SHE apologized. You stood your ground and she respected that.

 

As I said before, this is not a license to be an arsehole. When you really screw up, go ahead and give a sincere apology. But if you think she's going to respect you or be attracted to you because you kiss her ass, you've got it all wrong. Frankly, she needs to know that if you don't get what you need from this relationship, you're going to walk. Hasta la bye bye. Say what you need. Say it with confidence. Don't feel bad or apologize for it. And then give her the chance to respond. If she agrees to meeting your expectations of a healthy relationship, fantastic. If she doesn't, you need to follow-thru and not be afraid of anything. You will survive and thrive on your own. And you'll find a good woman that will meet the basic needs in a relationship. Be the man in this relationship. Show some leadership and she'll have a reason to be proud to follow you.

She's leaving tomorrow so maybe i'll just go out with it today and let her know how i feel. If she really doesn't care then ill leave. No point loving a girl if she doesn't love you back right? I'm going to put it right there in her face and let her know if she doesn't want any part of the relationship then I'll break up with her. Though i hope she really still does care about me. And I hope I'm wrong about her cheating on me.

[Trimmer]

This was not my quote, but I googled boob jobs and suicide. It looks like various studies show (including webmd) that women with boob jibs are 3 to 6 times more likely to commit suicide than women as a whole. I didn't see a 75% stat, but didn't look that hard.

Agreed, I saw similar numbers. And I will point out that the statistic like "women with cosmetic breast enhancement have an X times greater likelihood of suicide" is certainly pertinent, but a completely different statistic than "of all women suicides, 75% have had plastic surgery."

 

I know it seem like I'm being picky, but tossing out that kind of statistic, if it's unsupported, is irresponsible. If we let things like that go unchallenged, unsupported, then pretty soon it gets passed on as fact: "I read somewhere that..." And this erodes our ability to have rational and informed discussions about these subjects.