confusion and clarification

[joy]

I have been with him for five and a half years. Recently we have not been doing that well. He of course will say that he can't make me happy, despite his efforts. I would say that I have been accepting of minimal investment on his part and patient. I am talking about emotional investment by the way. Materialisim is not my style. Anyway, he has a habit of blowing me off. He will just not call or show up. Without exaggerating he has done it at minimal of 40 times. Again we have been together for awile. He finds it silly that I get upset. I look at the future and see myself with kids who have a father who forgot that his kids want to see him every day. My dad did it and I will shave my head bald and retreat to Mecca before this guy does what my dad did. Someone help me out.

[Tony T]

It sounds like you have a man who not only takes you for granted but doesn't treat you as an equal but rather with a good measure of disrespect.

 

Assuming you have done everything possible to turn this around, I don't see any other option you have but to terminate the relationship.

 

Before you do that, you have to let him know just how serious you are. Your problem is that you have put up with his crap without complaining for a very long time. Now, you have to let him know you're not going to tolerate him blowing you away and not listening to you or acknowledging your feelings. He greatly dishonors you by characterizing your feelings as "silly." See if he changes. If not, get away.

 

I seriously doubt he has any idea how a healthy relationship is conducted. Furthermore, I have my doubts that he is capable of major change, at least not in the short term. He may change gradually over the next 25 years or so.

 

You would not look good in Mecca with a bald head. You deserve happiness a good relationship can bring you and you aren't in one at present.

[sparkle]

Hi Joy,

 

You can't change people or expect them to change. Tell yourself that he will not get better. He will be like this. You said you saw this behavior in your father; now you see it in your boyfriend. Break this habit now. Otherwise this cycle may continue, your kids will learn from it, and pick guys similar to him too.

 

So YOU are the one that has to make the change. You have to decide whether you can HAPPILY spend your life with this guy, just the way he is. Or whether you want to leave him and be happy because you will definitely find a guy that will be able to give you so much more than this one has to offer.

he has a habit of blowing me off. He will just not call or show up. Without exaggerating he has done it at minimal of 40 times. Again we have

There is a saying that goes something like "fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me". If he doesn't show up/call once, it's his fault. If he does it again, you're the one to blame because you allowed him to do this by giving him yet another chance and staying with him even though he let you down.

 

Once he mistreats you a couple times, it's a hint that he's going to do it over and over again until you finally get the courage to leave him. 40 times is way beyond crazy!

with kids who have a father who forgot that his kids want to see him every day. My dad did it

If you don't have kids now, think about your future children. If this is the kind of father you can trust and rely on to take care of your children, then by all means stay with him. Otherwise, you know exactly what to do.

 

You just gotta do it!

 

And Joy is the one thing you're lacking by staying with him.