DitzyPanda Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 One of my girlfriend's friends started getting closer to me. After she broke up with her ex she started coming to me to vent her feelings and I gave her some advice like I do with anyone else who has a problem. Now she gives me frontal hugs (i don't like giving frontal hugs to gal pals, it feels weird) and gives me this gaze of interest that I'm not used to. I'm not sure how to friendzone her without being blunt and hurting her feelings. She keeps telling me how ever since her break up she's being feeling unattractive (she's plenty attractive tbh but I dont know how to reassure her that). Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 i am aksed for hugs and guys take hugs from me unexpected ly normally around my head i have become adept at the awkwardness and i try to move my body so my breasts are not squashed against them, not only for me but for them too , its an uncomfortable position for any friend to be in, guys will hug my neck from behind which i am ok with if i know them well enough its playful, i prefer to hear their voice first so i know its a friend of mine you have to let her know you are not comfortable it is a cringe worthy thing for a female to make a guy uncomfortable I would never want to do this to a friend, or a guy who had a partner, i would not even want to really hug a guy with a partner, a cheek touch like a butterfly kiss with no lips or eyelashes is a show of respect on greeting to me,cheeks are friendly warmth and wonderful to give especially in winter not a full body hug..Even more so no full frontals, you are taken, talk about your gf a lot, that's what i do to elicit a respectful distance needed and required by me, i have when with an ex partner long term and official, simply asked a guy would you feel comfortable hugging me like that if my boyfriend were here, he backed off and maintained distance. do it soon no hesitation you are taken Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 She's not a friend to your GF. You should allow your GF to know what her "friend" is doing with you. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Lernaean_Hydra Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 One of my girlfriend's friends started getting closer to me. After she broke up with her ex she started coming to me to vent her feelings and I gave her some advice like I do with anyone else who has a problem. Now she gives me frontal hugs (i don't like giving frontal hugs to gal pals, it feels weird) and gives me this gaze of interest that I'm not used to. Nope the f*k out of this right now. And also let your girlfriend know about this "friend" of hers and just how "friendly" she's being with you. She keeps telling me how ever since her break up she's being feeling unattractive (she's plenty attractive tbh but I dont know how to reassure her that). That's not your job. You have no duty to reassure her she's still attractive. She'll either have to come to that realization on her own of feel ugly forevermore. You're falling for stereotypical predatory tactics women have used since the dawn of time. She comes to you, presents as this broken, vulnerable, helpless damsel in distress while slowly but surely trying to seduce you. Maybe as a way to regain her self-esteem (some misguded women think "stealing" someone else's mate means they are the pinnacle of attractiveness); maybe because she's just a bitch. Whatever it is, she knows exactly what she's doing. Every look, every hug, every sad sigh is calculated and intentional. Tell her in no uncertain terms that while you hope she's able to get herself in a better state, her behavior is wildly inappropriate and will not be tolerated going forward. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
xxmusical Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 Does your girlfriend know that her FRIEND has been venting her problems to you, her BOYFRIEND? I think you need to take a step back and set some boundaries with this "friend." The things she's been doing are a bit too much. And please don't tell her, "you're beautiful" to make her feel better. I would be furious if my boyfriend told my girl "friend" that she's attractive regardless how "down" she's feeling Link to post Share on other sites
Author DitzyPanda Posted June 9, 2014 Author Share Posted June 9, 2014 I told her to stop getting close to me and to go to someone else for advice. She really was just a friend, but I can't be around her when she wants more from me. Link to post Share on other sites
jbelle6 Posted June 17, 2014 Share Posted June 17, 2014 Nope the f*k out of this right now. And also let your girlfriend know about this "friend" of hers and just how "friendly" she's being with you. That's not your job. You have no duty to reassure her she's still attractive. She'll either have to come to that realization on her own of feel ugly forevermore. You're falling for stereotypical predatory tactics women have used since the dawn of time. She comes to you, presents as this broken, vulnerable, helpless damsel in distress while slowly but surely trying to seduce you. Maybe as a way to regain her self-esteem (some misguded women think "stealing" someone else's mate means they are the pinnacle of attractiveness); maybe because she's just a bitch. Whatever it is, she knows exactly what she's doing. Every look, every hug, every sad sigh is calculated and intentional. Tell her in no uncertain terms that while you hope she's able to get herself in a better state, her behavior is wildly inappropriate and will not be tolerated going forward. Big red X to this. The good old damsel in distress. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 17, 2014 Share Posted June 17, 2014 One of my girlfriend's friends started getting closer to me. After she broke up with her ex she started coming to me to vent her feelings and I gave her some advice like I do with anyone else who has a problem. Now she gives me frontal hugs (i don't like giving frontal hugs to gal pals, it feels weird) and gives me this gaze of interest that I'm not used to. I'm not sure how to friendzone her without being blunt and hurting her feelings. She keeps telling me how ever since her break up she's being feeling unattractive (she's plenty attractive tbh but I dont know how to reassure her that). Time to point her in the direction of your girlfriend and tell her that she should talk to her now and not you. In a nice way of course. Start talking about your girlfriend more around her too. "you will find someone else when the timing is right and you'll be as happy as me and *insert gf's name*." Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 Treat her as a fellow human being, with regard and civilness. You can be a kind friend without the physical interaction if you are uncomfortable with that. We each have boundaries. My friends will often show respect and say may i give you a hug? You then can decide yes or no. Its called being comforting. I've found that one can be reassured thru validating or encouragement. Try that. Do set the tone thru your words in what is and isnt tolerated if she does seem to be crumbling under the weakling premise. Friends can draw the line without erasing the friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 (edited) Whether you're male or female, either way, this is a potentially explosive situation. That girl is NOT a good person if she's pursuing one of her friend's loves. She is a piece of crap and she is manipulating you trying to make you feel sorry for her to get what she wants. You need to tell her to go the F away and stay away from you, period. And then you need to tell your girlfriend about it and that you already told her to go away because she has a right to know this woman is not a friend. Edited June 18, 2014 by preraph Link to post Share on other sites
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