maestrok Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 Well so I was seriously contemplating this idea of reinitiating contact with an ex-boyfriend of mine that we broke up 4 years ago. Complete NC since then. Why? Well facially, he moved to the city I live in. More honestly? I do miss him. And not necessarily but maybe see if there's a second chance..? Thoughts and/or advices? Thanks a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maestrok Posted June 9, 2014 Author Share Posted June 9, 2014 Someone please? Link to post Share on other sites
Wisecrack Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 There is a reason that someone is an ex. Time can make blurry the things that initially caused the break up but you both broke up then in the end and deep down, people don't change. Link to post Share on other sites
RDawg Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 I agree that peoples characteristics and nature do not change but circumstances change and people do mature with age and experience. I say do it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
unoelo1 Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 I'm a big believer in second chances. You've got nothing to lose, reach out to him and see what happens. And let us know how it goes What caused the break up in the first place anyway? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 I think do it... its been a long time x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alexjones1 Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 I'm a big believer in second chances. You've got nothing to lose, reach out to him and see what happens. And let us know how it goes What caused the break up in the first place anyway? I also do believe people change. We ourselves will change during a relationship and that is mostly what causes problems....if you keep that in mind go for it. Long as you wont feel bad if he says no, or totally rejects you. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyConnection23 Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 I also say go for it but don't expect anything. Four years was a long time and people can change immensely in that time frame. On the other hand, if he is new to the city then he may want to find a group of friends or people to spend time with....something perfect for you. However, I would ask you why you still miss him? Do you miss him as a person or are you lonely and looking for someone you think you know? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 Who broke up with who? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HeartinPain Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 How long was the relationship? Who was the dumper? What are the reasons behind the break up? 4 years is a long time and people tend to look back favorably at a relationship particularly if they were the dumper. You should contact only if you do not have any expectations. Link to post Share on other sites
gj13 Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 Honestly, I'd do it. I mean, it's been 4 years of NC. There's not much to lose :/ Let us know how it goes Link to post Share on other sites
Author maestrok Posted June 15, 2014 Author Share Posted June 15, 2014 I'm a big believer in second chances. You've got nothing to lose, reach out to him and see what happens. And let us know how it goes What caused the break up in the first place anyway? Still debating. We broke up because I was moving away. Once it became certain that I was moving to a different state, we both got pretty nervous about it and started arguing over small things, which gradually escalated and eventually to a break-up (mutual I guess). Once thing that still stops me is I'm not sure what his reaction would be when I contact him out of the blue after more than 4 years. I'm sure he'd be surprised but given that he's never contacted me thus far.. do you think he'd still want to meet up and possibly rekindle things? Am I just wasting effort and time here? Link to post Share on other sites
zen2475 Posted June 15, 2014 Share Posted June 15, 2014 I agree people can change immensely in four years. Life's experiences will cause you to mature and reflect, gaining further insight into one's goals and values. The only way you'll know if you have wasted time and effort is to try. You have no way of knowing how he may react. Look closely at your motivations for contacting him and as others have suggested, just go into with no expectations. I wish you the best! Link to post Share on other sites
Philomena_Pond Posted June 15, 2014 Share Posted June 15, 2014 What could it hurt? People get so hung up on the label of "ex." People don't change? That is total BS! Is anyone in here going to tell me that who they were when they were 14 is who they are when they were 30? People use that as excuse to judge people. Open your eyes…everyone changes, adapts, recognizes, shapes…its life and if you don't change you are living incorrectly. I am a totally different person now than I was when I was 17. I used to be an angry, naive, religious and afraid person. I still have the same interests, but am no longer Catholic (pantheist now) and have a completely different life now than I did when I was 17. I am 27 now. Even in 8 months I'm a totally different person. I have a different life, I respond instead of react, I am positive instead of negative…I've shed a lot of really terrible behaviors that I used to have because I realized the cause, forgave my life and moved on. I've just never rekindled with an ex or wanted to until now. My most recent breakup ended because of wrong timing…I need to get a lot together in my life to be the person I need to be for me before I can share with someone else. I shouldn't have entered into the relationship at the time that I did, but hey we all make mistakes. Would I love to reconnect with him one day? **** YES. But I can't until I'm 100% me. It's been 4 years and you are curious? What could it hurt? Send him a Facebook message (text seems risky after 4 years because he may have a new number or you would have to explain who you are and if it's bad time to get a text, he may not respond and forget…Facebook is a bit more private than a text). Look at how we are with our same sex friends. Have you ever gotten into a fight with them and the friendship kinda broke up? Then after a few months or years you reconnect and everything is great again? Why can't that happen in love? It's because of how people treat the breakup…a lot of times we see the worst in each other after a breakup, say terrible things that cannot ever be forgiven. If you guys ended it well and didn't hurt each other to the point where you think the other is a ****ing psycho…give it a go. My favorite quote is "What would you do if you weren't afraid?" Living life by that is the best way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author maestrok Posted June 15, 2014 Author Share Posted June 15, 2014 I dont even know what to say. Guys think/take things differently from girls. I dont want to say wrong things to scare/pressure him away. Should i just ask him to meet or what? And what if he asks why im contacting him? I feel like i cant say things like i missed you or want second chance lol thatd be creepy, no? Link to post Share on other sites
Poppyolive Posted June 15, 2014 Share Posted June 15, 2014 I'd just contact him saying I heard you are in town and I was thinking about you, would you fancy going for a drink. Let that be your first step. It looks to me there wasn't any super hard feelings. So I wouldn't worry about it too much. If he agrees, don't plan too much, gauge how the night goes and see how you feel. You may not even want him back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyConnection23 Posted June 16, 2014 Share Posted June 16, 2014 I dont even know what to say. Guys think/take things differently from girls. I dont want to say wrong things to scare/pressure him away. Should i just ask him to meet or what? And what if he asks why im contacting him? I feel like i cant say things like i missed you or want second chance lol thatd be creepy, no? Guys pretty much think the same thing as girls in situations like this. Just ask him to get a drink. Low key, friendly invitiation to hang out and see what his reaction is. If he asks why, just say its only a drink and you would like to catch up with him after all this time. You shouldn't want to reach out and say "I want a second chance with you." You are trying to date this person again. You need to remember what it is like to date and use that knowledge again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maestrok Posted June 18, 2014 Author Share Posted June 18, 2014 So i did contact him. Not sure what to do now though. I know I want to meet him and I can definitely do that but I'll be away for July (back in August). Should I still try to move things along or wait until August? Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
redbaron005 Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 I'd ask him out for a coffee to 'catch up.' I wouldn't tell him that you still love him or anything but flirting a bit if he agrees to the meet up would be totally okay IMHO. If you decide to, contact him by email or phone (fb is not acceptable) as reaching out sounds totally okay after 4 years. All the best! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author maestrok Posted June 18, 2014 Author Share Posted June 18, 2014 I'd ask him out for a coffee to 'catch up.' I wouldn't tell him that you still love him or anything but flirting a bit if he agrees to the meet up would be totally okay IMHO. If you decide to, contact him by email or phone (fb is not acceptable) as reaching out sounds totally okay after 4 years. All the best! Hey I already did contact him. Mind giving me advice on my response right above? Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
redbaron005 Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 Read thora-tiki's thread. https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/415395-my-no-contact-story. Cheers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maestrok Posted June 18, 2014 Author Share Posted June 18, 2014 Read thora-tiki's thread. https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/415395-my-no-contact-story. Cheers. I dont think her story really addresses any of my concerns? I am not worried about what I'll do once we hang out but I'm unsure if I should halt things until it becomes practical for us to hang more frequently... Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 How exactly did he respond? Link to post Share on other sites
Author maestrok Posted June 18, 2014 Author Share Posted June 18, 2014 How exactly did he respond? Just telling me about what he's been up to and his plans, etc. the he asked about me. Not sure when (or if at all) I should ask him to meet up, as I am not really free until August... Can meet up once in June but that's about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 Just telling me about what he's been up to and his plans, etc. the he asked about me. Not sure when (or if at all) I should ask him to meet up, as I am not really free until August... Can meet up once in June but that's about it. You are overthinking it. If you want to meet him in June, meet him in June. If not, then wait. Honestly, it doesn't really matter either way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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