Marriage and Family Needed

[EmilyXYZ]

Hello, I'm a first-time poster here, so I do apologise for this long question. I'm worried about my husband and our family and found this site to be very supportive and insightful.

 

Background:

 

My hubby and I have been married for 12 years, together, we are raising 3 beautiful children. Before we had a family, I was a nurse and he was a top financial-planner. He's kind, caring, generous and a very smart man. He loves numbers and has a weird interest in GDP and financial information. I love him to bits, but he's really harsh on himself. He's a work-a-holic and always gives, but never takes. When we do things together (entertainment, sex, holidays etc.) his #1 priority was trying to please me rather than looking after himself.

 

The Problem:

 

When we had a family, decisions had to be made. I loved my job and was on the verge to promotion. However I knew how much my hubby loved his job and as a result, it was decided that he would work full-time while I would stay at home with the children. I thought this would make him happy, it didn't. He now thinks that his love in finance has ruined my career and my life. Therefore he must make every effort to redeem the sacrifices I have made. He puts a lot of pressure and stress on himself and often questions whether he deserves me.

 

Big Problem:

 

He's now working two jobs (financial-planner and warehouse). He works 90 hours per week and I'm really scared. I've tried to stop him, but he wouldn't listen. He said that he's doing what he's doing for financial security (college funds for the kids, mortgage, emergency funds, paying off my education fees and trying to get me back into the workforce). He also wants to give the kids $10,000 by the time they're 18, plus $25,000 to help them buy their first home.

 

This is very nice and kind for him to do, but it comes at a great cost. He's barely in the house, we haven't had sex in 4 months and he's barely eating or sleeping. He doesn't have time to enjoy himself, he uses his spare time to look after and educate our children. I tried and tried to restrict his work and give him some time for himself but he doesn't want to hear about it. It's like he has a passion to serve, he's not my slave, he's my husband. He's also in a lot of physical pain, he often grunts whenever he's sleeping.

 

It's like he's never happy. Whenever his family is sad, he thinks that he needs to work harder to make us smile. Whenever his family is happy, he thinks that he should maintain his workload. Whenever I try to give him pleasure (sex, massages etc.) he gets very stressed and tries very hard to make it up. Honestly, if you give him $5, he'll give you $25 back.

 

My Questions:

I'm really sorry for the detailed question, I'm just scared that this may affect our marriage and his life.

 

What should I do? I've tried to talk to him and find some work so that he can reduce his hours. But he won't let me do it.

 

Should I be concerned about our marriage? I love him bits but I get very upset when he won't let me satisfy him (sexually, surprise gifts treats). The kids love him to death, I should've noted this earlier. They get very sad and scared when my hubby doesn't get home till 11pm.

 

Are there any health concerns? I'm just wondering because last week, I found my husband passed out on the kitchen floor at 1am.

 

I've made contact with some of his friends. He loves golf so I'm trying to organise some sort of golf holiday with him and the boys, no work, no family pressure, just him enjoying himself. I hope that I can get this through to my hubby but my chances are very slim.

 

Any advice that I can get will be much appreciated. Thank you for your time :-).

Edited June 9, 2014 by EmilyXYZ
Incorrectly stated the topic 'Family and Marraige Advice Needed'