Wendywong Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 Need a kick up the arse I think - I feel so lonely. And don't feel like I have anyone to reach out to. I'm 36, all my friends are coupling up with people, getting engaged, married, having babies. I feel like this has been the case for the last 10 years. And I feel totally on the side lines. So happy for them and love celebrating their times with them. But at the same time, eveytime I hear someone moving on with their life I get that fearful feeling that I"m being left behind and it's just not working out for me. I get scared about the future and wonder if i'm just going to be alone for the rest of my life. I am social and have lots of friends, i'm ok looking, healthy weight etc. Why am I in this position ..... I feel like there must be something wrong with me! 36 and still single, wanting a relationship, meet random guys I like, have brief flings if anything at all, then nothing. Arrr Link to post Share on other sites
Amy74 Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 I'm sorry you're struggling. I'm struggling on the other side. 40--divorced with no friends. Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 OP - why do you keep just having a flings with the guys you like? If you want a relationship stop having flings... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
shet Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 You sound like me but 6 years older and female. That actually means I'm not best placed to offer advice. I certainly can't seem to break the cycle myself. I can give you moral support though. Here I am, giving it you, sending it out into the ether, can you feel it? I didn't think so. Here's my perspective these days. My friends entirely fall within 2 camps. On one side, are the people who have been in relationships for a long time, mostly their first partners in fact, or certainly their second. Often married. They nearly always met through work or friends or have been together since high school. Not much to say about these types. On the other side are the ones who are more recently in rships. All of them struggled before that to meet anyone, often trying online dating and hating it. What broke the spell for them was invariably a bolt from the blue. A piece of luck. Something they couldn't have played for, expected. Not from regular dating. For example, one friend of mine was single from age 19 to age 30. He got a ****ty job in a bar. One day a fellow barman, during conversation, expressed surprise that he was single and said he knew a single gal, they'd like each other. Bang, that was it, that was a year ago, they now live together. Nothing in common at all but it doesn't matter. Another guy I know was single and a virgin and rampantly misogynistic as a result of his failures until age 27, when he met a girl through friends. 3 years later and they're getting married. A woman I know was single for many years, then in the space of a year had 3 different guys all through going to the pub on Fridays with a friend. She had a baby after 6 months with the last one, and they're marrying later this year. Another met her now husband, in her late thirties after a decade of singledom, getting her car repaired. I believe a joke about his bald spot set it off. They have a child now. What I take away from this is that you can lament not meeting anyone, all day every day, right up until you actually do. When life randomly hands you it. Provided you are out in the world. All those friends of mine were given opportunities by the universe, a free pass. I don't know about you but I've never had one of those yet. No bartenders, no friends of friends, no chatty car mechanics, introducing me to single ladies on a plate. Everything I get I have to fight tooth and nail for, it's exhausting, and it goes nowhere. All I can do is cultivate a network and keep my eyes open for the chance at someone who gives a flying **** about me in return. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
HappyLove Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 I feel your pain OP. I'm in the same place and I feel everyone else's pain too but we can't give up! Let's face it relationships come easy to some people. Some people have never spent one day single while others have to fight just to land a date. Some people also have zero standards and that's why they are never single. But we have to keep our chin up and change our attitudes. When you're miserable about life people can sense that! No one wants to date Debbie Downer. You gotta get yourself in a good place and have a positive attitude and not just a fake one either. So invest in yourself. Hit the gym whether your big or small it'll help you feel much better about yourself. Start taking classes! Take up painting, reading, cooking, or dancing. Basically get off your butt and out the house! Try a new social circle clearly the ones you're in is leading nowhere. By taking up some new hobbies and investing in yourself it helps you to feel better. Also you'll be too busy to feel bad for yourself. And you never know who you may meet!!! If love is what you want and you have to fight for it then FIGHT for it. Get out there and do things differently than you've been doing. Talk to more people. Make sure you look your best! If God told you that you'd meet the love of your life Friday at 3:12pm. You would be hitting the gym and buying some new clothes! Well do it anyway because you never know when but you'll be ready. Think positive and you'll attract positivity into your life. People smell a miserable person a mile away and want nothing to do with them. So stop the pity party and at least try! 6 Link to post Share on other sites
SadNLonley Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 I feel your pain OP. I'm in the same place and I feel everyone else's pain too but we can't give up! Let's face it relationships come easy to some people. Some people have never spent one day single while others have to fight just to land a date. Some people also have zero standards and that's why they are never single. But we have to keep our chin up and change our attitudes. Yep that's me too. 43 and for the 1st time in my adult life single and not getting hit on by men of my standard. Dont get me wrong, Im not looking for Brad Pitt (although I wouldnt refuse either), but the ones who are approaching me on OLD (none IRL let) are way not in my league at all. When you're miserable about life people can sense that! No one wants to date Debbie Downer. You gotta get yourself in a good place and have a positive attitude and not just a fake one either. So invest in yourself. Hit the gym whether your big or small it'll help you feel much better about yourself. Start taking classes! Take up painting, reading, cooking, or dancing. Basically get off your butt and out the house! Try a new social circle clearly the ones you're in is leading nowhere. By taking up some new hobbies and investing in yourself it helps you to feel better. Also you'll be too busy to feel bad for yourself. And you never know who you may meet!!! This is exactly where I am right now. Trying to figure out how to feel better about myself and find something to do to assist in that matter. Its hard though. If love is what you want and you have to fight for it then FIGHT for it. Get out there and do things differently than you've been doing. Talk to more people. Make sure you look your best! If God told you that you'd meet the love of your life Friday at 3:12pm. You would be hitting the gym and buying some new clothes! Well do it anyway because you never know when but you'll be ready. Think positive and you'll attract positivity into your life. People smell a miserable person a mile away and want nothing to do with them. So stop the pity party and at least try! Its so hard to meet men. I hope faking positivity until its true will help. Im tired of missing out of the touches, cuddles, kisses, etc of a man. I miss it so much!!!! Used to be so easy to pick up men (many a years ago.lol). Not so easy anymore at 43 with 2 teenagers, fairly average looks, fairly average body, and not spending all my extra time in a bar. OLD just isnt doing it for me. Lucky for the girls it is working with. Ok, stopping the pity party Link to post Share on other sites
HappyLove Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 Yep that's me too. 43 and for the 1st time in my adult life single and not getting hit on by men of my standard. Dont get me wrong, Im not looking for Brad Pitt (although I wouldnt refuse either), but the ones who are approaching me on OLD (none IRL let) are way not in my league at all. This is exactly where I am right now. Trying to figure out how to feel better about myself and find something to do to assist in that matter. Its hard though. Its so hard to meet men. I hope faking positivity until its true will help. Im tired of missing out of the touches, cuddles, kisses, etc of a man. I miss it so much!!!! Used to be so easy to pick up men (many a years ago.lol). Not so easy anymore at 43 with 2 teenagers, fairly average looks, fairly average body, and not spending all my extra time in a bar. OLD just isnt doing it for me. Lucky for the girls it is working with. Ok, stopping the pity party OLDing is a HUGE waste of time! You gotta get out there! Start working out! Start taking some classes! You won't have to fake positivity because you will naturally be happier with more to do in life. You will meet more people also! Gotta change it up! At least give yourself 3 months to try and see if it helped any. Link to post Share on other sites
HappyLove Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 Yep that's me too. 43 and for the 1st time in my adult life single and not getting hit on by men of my standard. Dont get me wrong, Im not looking for Brad Pitt (although I wouldnt refuse either), but the ones who are approaching me on OLD (none IRL let) are way not in my league at all. This is exactly where I am right now. Trying to figure out how to feel better about myself and find something to do to assist in that matter. Its hard though. Its so hard to meet men. I hope faking positivity until its true will help. Im tired of missing out of the touches, cuddles, kisses, etc of a man. I miss it so much!!!! Used to be so easy to pick up men (many a years ago.lol). Not so easy anymore at 43 with 2 teenagers, fairly average looks, fairly average body, and not spending all my extra time in a bar. OLD just isnt doing it for me. Lucky for the girls it is working with. Ok, stopping the pity party I went to a meetup group trivia night not expecting much just changing it up getting out more meeting new people. Well there was this hot guy there who was very flirty. Then there was another man who was probably one of the most gorgeous men I've ever seen, he was just at the location buying pizza! I'm not dating any of them but wow that was a nice surprise! Also met a bunch of new people without even having to try and had a BLAST! It was a nice ego boost to have hot guy taking notice of me. But really it was a great time and I went to a few more trivia nights. Hit up meetup.com there's all sorts of groups and events. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SadNLonley Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 I went to a meetup group trivia night not expecting much just changing it up getting out more meeting new people. Well there was this hot guy there who was very flirty. Then there was another man who was probably one of the most gorgeous men I've ever seen, he was just at the location buying pizza! I'm not dating any of them but wow that was a nice surprise! Also met a bunch of new people without even having to try and had a BLAST! It was a nice ego boost to have hot guy taking notice of me. But really it was a great time and I went to a few more trivia nights. Hit up meetup.com there's all sorts of groups and events. That is so awesome! You weren't even expecting it. I have signed up for meetup but so afraid to go alone. Now I have 2 friends that want to do it with me so Im hoping to meet a lot of new people that way. Link to post Share on other sites
HappyLove Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 Yep that's me too. 43 and for the 1st time in my adult life single and not getting hit on by men of my standard. Dont get me wrong, Im not looking for Brad Pitt (although I wouldnt refuse either), but the ones who are approaching me on OLD (none IRL let) are way not in my league at all. This is exactly where I am right now. Trying to figure out how to feel better about myself and find something to do to assist in that matter. Its hard though. Its so hard to meet men. I hope faking positivity until its true will help. Im tired of missing out of the touches, cuddles, kisses, etc of a man. I miss it so much!!!! Used to be so easy to pick up men (many a years ago.lol). Not so easy anymore at 43 with 2 teenagers, fairly average looks, fairly average body, and not spending all my extra time in a bar. OLD just isnt doing it for me. Lucky for the girls it is working with. Ok, stopping the pity party That is so awesome! You weren't even expecting it. I have signed up for meetup but so afraid to go alone. Now I have 2 friends that want to do it with me so Im hoping to meet a lot of new people that way. I went by myself each time! The first time is where you get your nerves out. Everyone is very welcoming and friendly each time I went and most were alone also you really don't need a crew. Remember the point is to get out your comfort zone! Link to post Share on other sites
Targetlock Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 Need a kick up the arse I think - I feel so lonely. And don't feel like I have anyone to reach out to. I'm 36, all my friends are coupling up with people, getting engaged, married, having babies. I feel like this has been the case for the last 10 years. And I feel totally on the side lines. So happy for them and love celebrating their times with them. But at the same time, eveytime I hear someone moving on with their life I get that fearful feeling that I"m being left behind and it's just not working out for me. I get scared about the future and wonder if i'm just going to be alone for the rest of my life. I am social and have lots of friends, i'm ok looking, healthy weight etc. Why am I in this position ..... I feel like there must be something wrong with me! 36 and still single, wanting a relationship, meet random guys I like, have brief flings if anything at all, then nothing. Arrr I am 28 and male but yeah i know how you feel and it is frustrating and gloomy and i can't even get a fling! but we must carry on i guess, nobody wants the gloomy version, they want the real person that is the one who attracts the dates 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wendywong Posted June 11, 2014 Author Share Posted June 11, 2014 Thanks Happylove & Shet for your advice. I am a pretty active person - I've did meet ups, am defiantly no debbie downer (well maybe sometimes when I'm sitting in on my own). I pretty much get on with most people. I just find the weekends to be the worst - i'm at the age in my life where i'm sort of over going to bars. I've done it to death - I'm trying to do other things, but sometimes I don't want to go out drinking at weekends and would love company and that's when I start to struggle and feel like there is no one around. Even coming home form nights out on my own now is starting to pi&* me off, whereas before i'd never give it a second thought. Glad to hear other people feel it too - and especially from guys. I always imagine guys to be loving their single life for some reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wendywong Posted June 11, 2014 Author Share Posted June 11, 2014 OP - why do you keep just having a flings with the guys you like? If you want a relationship stop having flings... I'd like it to be more than flings - maybe they are the wrong guys i'm choosing! Link to post Share on other sites
Lonelylady37 Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 I went to a meetup group trivia night not expecting much just changing it up getting out more meeting new people. Well there was this hot guy there who was very flirty. Then there was another man who was probably one of the most gorgeous men I've ever seen, he was just at the location buying pizza! I'm not dating any of them but wow that was a nice surprise! Also met a bunch of new people without even having to try and had a BLAST! It was a nice ego boost to have hot guy taking notice of me. But really it was a great time and I went to a few more trivia nights. Hit up meetup.com there's all sorts of groups and events. It's great to hear that regardless of our age, we might have a second chance. I'm 44, and single for 4 years. I was married for 23 years so the dating world is totally unknown to me. I don't even know where or how to start. I've considered one of thse meetups, but I always change my mind because I'm affraid I'll feel unconfortable there. Due to my ex husband's cheating I've become extremely non trusting and insecure. I'm lonely and depressed. Any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
leoc1973 Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 Wendy, How fast after you meet a guy do you sleep with him? If you give it up too quick a man will not look at you as relationship material. Sorry I know its a double standard but its the way the world works. I am a 40 year old guy and if a girl sleeps with me too soon I won't call her back. It may make us guys jerks or hypocrites or whatever but we like to think that a woman that we can fall in love with is still a virgin. I met a girl that I thought was a total keeper. Beautiful,in shape, super intelligent and had the same life goals and dreams as me but she sent me naked pics after the first date. Then she tells me the "I hope you don't think I do that often, You are just special, I feel a connection with you... bla bla bla". Of course I think she sends them to everyone. And it turned me right off. A man needs to chase a girl. Don't message him first and play VERY hard to get. Make a guy think there is a prize after the chase. If you are decent looking and you aren't doing these things then I have no clue what the problem is. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 You are right on so many points. But still, time has changed, now men and women don't play by the rules and I believe that i am right when I say good girls and good guys don't win in the end.. So, yes, you will dumb this girl, and she might be a good girl, she'll end up with a better person and you might end up alone.. Or maybe she'll end up alone and you end up alone too or you will find someone who knows. ... Sometimes, you have to look beyond sex and think about who is really in front of you... ten years from now, is this person going to make you happy or not .... Link to post Share on other sites
leoc1973 Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 I agree with what you are saying. I am not arguing that. I can't help how I feel. Men like the chase and I always tell my female friends that men fall in love accidentally. Women do it by design. We are children, we want to hang out with the guys, drink, chase women and get laid. So when a woman holds out long enough we start to develop feelings. We tell our friends how respectable she is and our friends tell us she is a keeper. Do you know how hard it is to sleep with a girl and have all your friends call her a whore because she had sex right away? Because yes we tell our friends everything. If we have a date the first question our of our friends mouth is "did you bang her?" Of course we tell them and the reaction usually is something like "aww man she was pretty, too bad, oh well there are lots more out there" Ask on the forum for guys honest opinion and they will all tell you. Its not like we wanna be dicks we just can't help the way we feel. I just had to yell at a really good female friend of mine because she met a guy she really likes and she was going to sleep with him tonight. She has only been out with him 3 times. I hope she takes my advice or by this time next week she will be crying on my shoulder about "whats wrong with me?" "why every time I really like a guy he doesn't like me" ever notice that most women have a male friend or 2 that has been in love with them forever? Its because she doesn't want anything to do with him. PLAY HARD TO GET!! I can't stress it enough! Link to post Share on other sites
ktya Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 Interesting seeing a bunch of guys telling girls to hold out as long as they can. A woman plays too hard to get i next her. Lots of fish in the sea. She puts out on the first date and she hits the top of the list. Link to post Share on other sites
andrewskye Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 Awww you wont be alone...jus a dry add pell. Ill take you out Link to post Share on other sites
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