mercuryshadow Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 (edited) Okay, long story short, my H's good friend has recently befriended my H's ex. This particular ex tried to start a lot of trouble between us about a year ago, though she was completely disconnected from his life for over 2 solid years at that point. She stalked and harassed me online via social media. It was absolutely pathetic. My H has not wanted anything to do with her since their relationship ended due to her hiding a drug addiction and cheating on him. Considering that info, why would one of my H's best friends befriend her, or vice versa? This friend of his is about ten years younger. Does this seem intentional? Do I disconnect from him due to his befriending of my H's obviously nosy and toxic ex? I really don't want any more trouble, and it's sad to me that an adult would be so relentless. I honestly don't want her to be privy to anything about our married life together. Edited June 9, 2014 by mercuryshadow Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 This is a great example of why people should never date their friend's exes. No one thinks about how complicated the situation actually is and the impact on everyone involved. This woman is probably getting next to him just to stay connected to your H and try to make him jealous and just be in his life. I would definitely cut them as a couple out of your social calendar and wouldn't be ever talking to the male friend about her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mercuryshadow Posted June 9, 2014 Author Share Posted June 9, 2014 Thank you!! They certainly aren't dating but are obviously becoming friendly. And I hate to be so cynical, but after his ex's last attempt at causing trouble, this dynamic is very transparent to me. I thought stuff like this was supposed to stop in high school? As for my H's friend, I am hesitant to think it is being done out of malice. I think it's his ex trying to be noticed. Pathetic. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 ^Yeah. He's just beings stupid, but there will be no reasoning with him because he'll just say you're jealous (or she will) and she will be literally crying on his shoulder for sympathy, so he will believe her because he wants to. Whether it's friendship or more doesn't really matter. This stuff causes problems. There was a woman who a guy I was in love with fell for. She was a real mess and broke his heart and all but then still tried to cause problems between us even though by that time, we were just friends. Then she began dating a guy in my inner circle and I think it was intentional just to try to get to me, because she knew this would bring her into my circle more and she enjoyed using that power. We were all at a club and she helped herself to my bottle of champagne and made herself at home at my table. I took my champagne and left. I never said anything to the guy friend because I knew it would burn out fast, and it did. Some people just like finding power that way. You just have to block them from your life as best you can. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mercuryshadow Posted June 9, 2014 Author Share Posted June 9, 2014 ^Yeah. He's just beings stupid, but there will be no reasoning with him because he'll just say you're jealous (or she will) and she will be literally crying on his shoulder for sympathy, so he will believe her because he wants to. Whether it's friendship or more doesn't really matter. This stuff causes problems. There was a woman who a guy I was in love with fell for. She was a real mess and broke his heart and all but then still tried to cause problems between us even though by that time, we were just friends. Then she began dating a guy in my inner circle and I think it was intentional just to try to get to me, because she knew this would bring her into my circle more and she enjoyed using that power. We were all at a club and she helped herself to my bottle of champagne and made herself at home at my table. I took my champagne and left. I never said anything to the guy friend because I knew it would burn out fast, and it did. Some people just like finding power that way. You just have to block them from your life as best you can. It's a shame that these kinds of things are imposed on us even as adults. I have always had to deal with territorial and controlling females, and the funny thing is, I am the complete opposite of that. I hold myself a certain way, but am not interested in competing for attention or any of that nonsense. At any rate, I'm steering clear. I just wish I were not so aware of these things. It puts me on edge. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 That woman I was describing, after she broke his heart, he was over at my place hanging out and needing comfort (I had also had a recent heartbreak so it was all platonic) and she somehow got my phone number and even though she had just hurt him by whatever she did, she called my house and said "X marks the spot" and then while he was at my house, which was probably two or three days, he got a call from his roommate that his room was on fire. We went over there and found a valentine I'd sent him some time before (I sent them to everyone I knew - it wasn't mushy or serious) and she'd apparently lit the edge of it and used it to set his bed on fire. So apparently even though whatever she did to him was extremely humiliating for him and he considered it a breakup and was just devastated, she wasn't done and enjoyed all that drama and probably just thought she'd be mean to him and he'd just keep coming back for more and acted like it wasn't over. She caused him so much trouble. His roommate kicked him out saying he lit the room on fire by smoking in bed and he wasn't even there. He moved out of state not long after that. Can't say I blamed him. There are just toxic people. That woman ended up out of state (thank god) living out in the country with a biker dude that looked like Charles Manson. She always liked chaos, so I guess she finally got what she wanted. Let's hope yours finds a new target soon. It's always nice to introduce people like that to your worst enemies and hope they form a bond. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 Wisdom comes from learning from past experiences . Sounds like you know already what is the wise things to do on this matter. Disconnect and stay that way. You have grown and moved on. Protect that which you value. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mercuryshadow Posted June 10, 2014 Author Share Posted June 10, 2014 Thank you both. Yes, my experience has taught me well...many times over. Recently, a friend I had to distance myself from years ago reached out to me, expressing that she was sad that she wasn't included in my wedding and this new chapter of my life. I told her that it was not that I didn't care for her or think she was a good person, but rather that I had disconnected to protect myself. What had happened was that she ended up in an EA with my son's father. My son's father was engaged at the time. I didn't know the extent of their involvement until it all went awry. I also found out that she would repeat things to my son’s dad that I had told her in confidence. And caused the relationship beyween him and his FI to sever. It affected my son. I had no choice but to distance us from her. She made a stupid mistake and I forgive her of that, but can I ever trust her again? No. Link to post Share on other sites
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