Relationships with past drinking buddies

[sharkbite0]

So, I have stopped drinking and now its summer time and my friends drink constantly. I used to be the biggest drinker of all and I realized it put my entire life on pause...if not back peddling.

 

I want to know what everyone has done with their friendships with past drinking buddies. Every weekend its the same deal, even throughout the week. They never want to do anything else because its "too expensive" but they will spend 100's on alcohol every week.

 

Since i've stopped, I've taken up yoga (even though i look ridiculous at my attempt) I have decided to stick with it and hope it helps turn my life to the right track.

 

For all those that have stopped drinking and were surrounded by constant drinkers...did you stop hanging out with them all together or only in small amounts? never when they drink?

 

Any tips, Ideas, awareness thoughts...all are appreciated, thanks all and good luck with your battles!

 

-Mr. Bite

[SkyLex]

guess i could relate a lot with your story.. not because we are in the same situation, but rather i'm on the other side of the story. I'm the one who can not stay away from alcohol, weekends or weekdays. in other words, i'm in the shoes of your drinking buddies.. man, its really difficult you know. i have this weird withdrawal syndrome where my muscles would chill if i skip an alcohol. i don't think i'm normal without it.. how are your buddies doing nowadays, have you lost contact with them?

[Emilia]

I drank more in my early 30s after my divorce and falling in with a younger party crowd. It got boring quickly though I did do it long enough to have a substantial amount of my social life revolve around alcohol. Then I went travelling and went through periods of complete sobriety and parties/drinking depending on the people I met.

 

When I came back to the UK I put an end to it, joined lots of meetup groups, took up sailing and surfing and built a new circle of friends from people that go out and do stuff. Drinkers actually tend to have a very boring lifestyle. There are a lot of people out there with a variety of interests that go out and do things.

[Emilia]

For all those that have stopped drinking and were surrounded by constant drinkers...did you stop hanging out with them all together or only in small amounts? never when they drink?

Sorry for this part: I stopped socialising with most because the new circle of friends were frankly more interesting and with heavy drinkers I often had nothing else in common with.

 

Others I see sometimes but I don't really hang out with drinkers much anymore.

 

A different social life is the answer. A more active one.

[sharkbite0]

thank you, I realize its tough to be a drinking buddy when you know you should stop but that is not my group of friends. Instead they are the ones encouraging the drinking and will not have a good time without it.

 

I'm wondering if I should limit my time with them to when there isn't alcohol being consumed (hardly ever not drunk so this time would be small windows) or if I should assume that I'm not going to see them too much anymore and appreciate the good times we had but learn to let go?

 

Gaahh.....Why must alcohol consume so my lives, life was so great in younger years, filled with imagination and pursuit of adventures! I'm going back but it would be nice to have some old friends join me.

 

Thanks all, and good luck with all your battles!

-Mr. Bite

[d0nnivain]

Getting new friends & hobbies is a good idea.

 

 

I changed my habits about 14 years ago after I got a DWI. I couldn't give up all my partying friends because my family members were in that circle & I drove them home a lot. It took a lot of will power, but I was able to still hang out with the partiers & not drink. When I do want a drink, I try to think about what I'm consuming (I opt for lower proof things) & how much. It has worked for me & I have inspired some of them to cut down too. It can be hard because being the only sober one is no fun. However, it does give you some insight into how stupid drunk people act. You begin to think -- wow did I really look like that too?

[sharkbite0]

All very good points! and I know I'm an idiot when I'm drunk. I've heard how much I drink is completely unnecessary from all of my gf's and its time for me to stay sober. I just feel like I might have to give up on the party scene all together, I've had my fun and I feel like maybe I need to leave it at that. As far as the nights out for no reason, I think I'm done with them. I feel like I will still attend birthdays and other celebrations.

Nice work on the strength to not over consume though, I give you a lot of credit and hope to have that length of time under my belt someday!

DWI is a crappy way to learn your lesson but I have a few friends that seem like it was the only way they were going to slow down.

Thanks, and good luck on the battlefield of life!

-Mr. Bite

[littleplanet]

I went through this in my mid-twenties.

Because I grew up with an alcoholic parent - I had it real easy making the switch.

When I got fed up with booze, I just stopped. Never a total abstainer, just real moderation.

When I made that decision, the "buddies" went with it. Because the booze was far more "buddy" than sober friendship.

I didn't judge them, or get all moralistic. I just moved on.

Eventually a lot of them did too - though some of them didn't (and haven't still.)

 

Now I play in bars, pubs, clubs.

My audiences are all over the map.

I do it on coffee. I like a clear head on stage. But that's just me.

 

The lousiest thing in life is wrecking your health (physical and mental) for the sake of friendship (or what seems to be friendship, anyway.)

The social glue of it can be pretty magnetic - but when you know you're drinking way more than what's good for you....there really is only one logical decision to make.

And after you do make it, your first loyalty is to yourself.

You have to live inside your own skin......they don't.

 

Good luck with this!

Stick it out. The rewards can be substantial !

[sharkbite0]

little planet......that was awesome, and very helpful.

I like when you say wrecking your health for friendship is the worst thing you can do.

I'll have to look myself in the mirror a little longer and more intensely in the future. Thanks all for the help, will let ya know how it goes.

You guys are all such a great help and source of motivation, feel like I can do what I need to do with the few words you've all shared,

Truly........Thanks you!

-Mr. Bite

[Tayla]

So easy to say, yet hard to do. Changing people places and things.

 

No longer put myself in places that the theme is to drink. No longer hang with people in such places. and the Thing is...My former drinking buddies actually admire that I am straight as an arrow on not picking up that first drink. And No I do not try to play mind games by saying...geee I'll have one and be done or one with less alcohol content in it. It does NOT work that way.

 

Sobriety is 100% commitment and 100% declining people places and things that try to intercede on that goal.

 

A simple No thanks works wonders! Keep moving forward and know you are doing this for you.

[sharkbite0]

Thanks Tayla for the words of wisdom.

Its very clear to me that saying "just one" or "less alcohol content" is completely useless to me.

I like how you put my thoughts into words. Just made things a lot clearer for me, thank you! can I ask, how long have you been sober? and what type of hobbies and things do you have to keep yourself busy?

-Mr. Bite

[Tayla]

22 years sobriety.

 

Hobbies ? Hmmm...Maybe sobriety is my hobby

 

Arts, Crafts, reading, traveling, music, dancing, enjoying my family.

 

Heres hoping you gain a foundation of good supportive friends and memories that you'll remember. Best to you.