Author angel7163 Posted June 12, 2014 Author Share Posted June 12, 2014 oops I hit the submit reply button twice. Sorry Link to post Share on other sites
Author angel7163 Posted June 12, 2014 Author Share Posted June 12, 2014 As I reread my words, I noticed that I said I work Mon-Fri. No, thats not right. I work about 20 hours a week. Im sure I need to tell you more, so just ask if you want. Link to post Share on other sites
SerCay Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 (edited) Drinking is an excuse from his side. He's obviously content the way things are. He's drinking himself so why would it be a problem that you have a drink or 2... 10 yrs and not living together? Unless you two have a living-apart-together relationship, ie. you guys agreed to live apart, ths is a very strange thing. If I were you I would not try for marriage, I would try to see if you guys can live together. PS. You sound co-dependent and not happy with your lonely self. I would sort myself out first, I dont know you but it ''sounds'' as if you're looking at him for your happiness. You should make yourself happy first..never ever depend on someone else.. Edited June 12, 2014 by SerCay 1 Link to post Share on other sites
juicygirl Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 I'm like many others, I really don't see the point of getting married now after 10 years, if it ain't broke... Why do you want to get married all of a sudden? You've been married 3 times to men who all used you and you pick them. Hopefully this guy is different but again if your happy and his not a ******* why not just be happy as you are?Maybe it has to do with the death of your mother and loss and nothing to do with actually getting married? Maybe your boyfriend drinks a beer a night,but his not drinking to numb the pain of loss., maybe that why his saying honey you need to stop drinking because then you'll have to deal with your issues. You didn't make marriage a requirement in the beginning and the fact you've been married 3 pervious time spelled out to him 'she never wants to get married agai'n. You went 7/8 years not wanting to be married and now suddenly you do? The good thing is he said to you it's not off the table, which is a miracle because most guy would have said I don't want to. Also why do you not live together after 10 years? I understand he has a house and you have a house but why is someone not renting out their house and living with the other person? Are you going to be a married couple that doesn't live together? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 (edited) You seem like a very nice lady with a lot to offer in a relationship. For whatever reason, your boyfriend of ten years doesn't want to marry you. It happens. Your drinking wasn't an issue for him until you forced the topic of marriage. So it's likely just a delay tactic and excuse. You'll likely walk if he tells you "no" outright, and the current arrangement meets his needs. From his perspective, why jeopardize that unnecessarily? Instead he's letting you jump through hoops. If someone doesn't want to marry you, accept it. Time is one of those precious commodities that you never get back. Spend your time looking for, dating, and investing in a relationship with someone who values you and wants the same things that you do, namely marriage. This guy isn't it. He's balking at the very thought after ten years...seriously, TEN years...a DECADE!! It's irrelevant how much of a catch you consider him or whether the pickings are slim where you live. He doesn't want the same things you do. What you're doing--trying to change his mind--is an exercise in futility. You're simply delaying how long it takes to find the right man for you. I would move on. Edited June 12, 2014 by angel.eyes Link to post Share on other sites
JFReyes Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 To all the people that are puzzled by having a 10 year relationship without marriage or living together I say this: The OP was talking about mature (50+) adults. By that time they've had 1,2, maybe 3 marriages/LTR's; adult children and possibly grandchildren. "Been there, done that". Plus, blood (as in kin) is stronger than steel. Romantic love (a la Romeo & Juliet) is rare at this age. A 10 year long committed relationship under these conditions may have many explanations but I don't think ignorance or inexperience are some of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author angel7163 Posted June 13, 2014 Author Share Posted June 13, 2014 Drinking is an excuse from his side. He's obviously content the way things are. He's drinking himself so why would it be a problem that you have a drink or 2... 10 yrs and not living together? Unless you two have a living-apart-together relationship, ie. you guys agreed to live apart, ths is a very strange thing. If I were you I would not try for marriage, I would try to see if you guys can live together. PS. You sound co-dependent and not happy with your lonely self. I would sort myself out first, I dont know you but it ''sounds'' as if you're looking at him for your happiness. You should make yourself happy first..never ever depend on someone else.. ................................................................................................... Thank you for saying that. Its real hard when you're by youself. I dont feel uncomfortable with with myself its just that I want to be with someone. Are you saying I should just be happy living by myself????? Besides that, we tried living together for about a month and his children at the time interfered. They have then been away for about 2 years. Link to post Share on other sites
Author angel7163 Posted June 13, 2014 Author Share Posted June 13, 2014 Thank you so much for that. I feel you know Im a sincere person. Since my car accident in 1992 I have become very dependent on someone. My mother would always give me encourgement, but she is no longer with me. Tonight, I looked beautiful and when I talked to him after I left the meeting, I started the crap again about marriage and he became despondent. Why do I do that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author angel7163 Posted June 13, 2014 Author Share Posted June 13, 2014 To all the people that are puzzled by having a 10 year relationship without marriage or living together I say this: The OP was talking about mature (50+) adults. By that time they've had 1,2, maybe 3 marriages/LTR's; adult children and possibly grandchildren. "Been there, done that". Plus, blood (as in kin) is stronger than steel. Romantic love (a la Romeo & Juliet) is rare at this age. A 10 year long committed relationship under these conditions may have many explanations but I don't think ignorance or inexperience are some of them. What? Im not sure I understand.. you maybe to far advanced from me. Explain in English Link to post Share on other sites
ja123 Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 These are 2 places on LS (Loveshack) that might help you figure out the acronyms: LoveShack.org Community Forums - FAQ: Reading, posting, editing, and deleting messages http://www.loveshack.org/forums/off-topic/water-cooler/228723-loveshack-terminology-guide-acronyms-forum-shorthand 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Priv Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 You seem like a very nice lady with a lot to offer in a relationship. For whatever reason, your boyfriend of ten years doesn't want to marry you. It happens. Your drinking wasn't an issue for him until you forced the topic of marriage. So it's likely just a delay tactic and excuse. You'll likely walk if he tells you "no" outright, and the current arrangement meets his needs. From his perspective, why jeopardize that unnecessarily? Instead he's letting you jump through hoops. If someone doesn't want to marry you, accept it. Time is one of those precious commodities that you never get back. Spend your time looking for, dating, and investing in a relationship with someone who values you and wants the same things that you do, namely marriage. This guy isn't it. He's balking at the very thought after ten years...seriously, TEN years...a DECADE!! It's irrelevant how much of a catch you consider him or whether the pickings are slim where you live. He doesn't want the same things you do. What you're doing--trying to change his mind--is an exercise in futility. You're simply delaying how long it takes to find the right man for you. I would move on. Ummm... I don't read anywhere he is using and/or undervaluing her, quite the contrary. He just does not want to get married anymore. Maybe bring up the topic of living together. See where that goes as up until recently you did not want to get married either and probably communicated that too throughout the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author angel7163 Posted June 13, 2014 Author Share Posted June 13, 2014 Ok the only thing about living together is this.........I would need to give up my place to move in w someone that may decide he does not want me there. I know in a marriage that might happen also, but I feel marriage would make it harder for someone to kick the other one out. And plus its just the right thing to do. Maybe not this day and age but Im old school and he is also. Oh, I also know why its because I have a Sheltie (big one at that) and he is an inside dog. My bf hates dogs in the house unless their small. Any other suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
Author angel7163 Posted June 19, 2014 Author Share Posted June 19, 2014 ok so he left me tnite. What to do next? Link to post Share on other sites
Toodamnpragmatic Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 ok so he left me tnite. What to do next? Grieve, mourn, lean on friends & family for support, look at any legal rights owed and figure out what you want from life and appreciate all the positives. You don't mention marriage or children and sorry after 10 ears if you had neither, you're better off. Sorry and best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 ok so he left me tnite. What to do next? What was his reason? Have you had ANY drinks since he asked you to quit completely? Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 He's made it clear he doesn't wish to marry now - yet you've pushed him. Even posting here - in the "marriage" area - it's reaching - you're not married - and he never intended to marry - yet you've pushed and pushed him away. Link to post Share on other sites
juicygirl Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 Oh dear I was afraid of this. He seems to have made it pretty care he doesn't want to get married, but you kept picking at it. I believe he still cares for you,but he can see that marriage is something you clearly want and his letting you go so you can find the happiness he can't give you. If you end up back together you'll have to accept the fact that if you stay with him it's a future without marriage in it. Take some time for yourself to deal with the break up. Sorry and best of luck for the future. Link to post Share on other sites
Author angel7163 Posted June 19, 2014 Author Share Posted June 19, 2014 What was his reason? Have you had ANY drinks since he asked you to quit completely? Not to be rude but I never said he asked me to quit completey. I had a few drinks, yes. But he also had some. Link to post Share on other sites
Author angel7163 Posted June 19, 2014 Author Share Posted June 19, 2014 Oh dear I was afraid of this. He seems to have made it pretty care he doesn't want to get married, but you kept picking at it. I believe he still cares for you,but he can see that marriage is something you clearly want and his letting you go so you can find the happiness he can't give you. If you end up back together you'll have to accept the fact that if you stay with him it's a future without marriage in it. Take some time for yourself to deal with the break up. Sorry and best of luck for the future. Thank you. You are very kind. I think, well really, I dont know what to do. He walked out by saying, Its over. Listen to this....We had sex 2 nites bfor that I intiated like you wouldnt believe. During that time, he expressed such love. I am soo confused. Im not sure if you are aware that I have had a closed head injury, but can you believe this guy? Why is he telling me one thing and then do just the opposite the next day. I cant live wout him. Please help!! Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 What was his reason? Link to post Share on other sites
Author angel7163 Posted June 19, 2014 Author Share Posted June 19, 2014 He's made it clear he doesn't wish to marry now - yet you've pushed him. Even posting here - in the "marriage" area - it's reaching - you're not married - and he never intended to marry - yet you've pushed and pushed him away. I thought this was marriage and life partnership thread. SORRY Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 What was his reason? Can you answer? Link to post Share on other sites
ja123 Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 (edited) I'm very sorry for your breakup. You'll need to take some time for you. These are a couple of sites that might be helpful, if not now, for future: Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders : Experience Life and Your Value Is As Good As How You Treat You (Part 1) | Baggage Reclaim Best of luck! Edited June 20, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redacted commercial links Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts