He asked his friend....to ask me out. What do I say next?

[Lernaean_Hydra]

So, there's this 24hr cafe near my house I go to often. Many months ago one of the clerks Luke started chatting with me and we speak frequently. The conversation eventually turned flirtatious. He told me he was from the East Coast, is only a few years older than me, has a kid He's been divorced for a few years and got married really young (17), etc. Eventually he half asked me out with a non-committal, open-ended "you should let me talk you out sometime" as I was leaving the shop one night. All I said was "Definitely" as I exited.

 

 

There's also another clerk named John that works there but on a different shift. He's very polite and friendly but not flirtatious. We chat from time to time but never more than the superfluous "Oh, what are you plans this weekend" or "Ha, aren't you a night owl!"

 

One day I walked in and saw both John and Luke were working the same shift - rare for them. The vibe was...awkward, to say the least. Usually Luke greets me enthusiastically, we joke around, flirt, etc. However this day, Luke was being, well I wouldn't say cold but definitely standoffish. He and John had a brief, whispered conversation and then John took my order while Luke went to the back. After that, Luke rarely spoke to me when John was around and vice versa and if either one of them did, it was very superficial. BUT, if John wasn't around, Luke was back to his old self. I suspected a few things but...I wasn't invested enough to call either of them on it.

 

 

Anyway, today, I go in and Luke is standing there. He asks me how I've been (haven't seen in maybe 2 weeks), we talk for a bit but there's no flirting. He then says "I uh..I have a little surprise for you." I make a joke about him possibly having won the lottery, we banter about that for a minute but then he tells me "So, yeah you know that guy? He likes you and he wants to go out on a date with you."

 

So I said "what? What guy?" (though I pretty much knew). He tells me John has had a crush on me for a while. A million thoughts ran through my mind. I was so taken aback so I ask "What is this, middle school? Why didn't he ask me himself?". He says "John's really REALLY shy I guess..you know?" Before I could say anything else he says "Yeah, he's actually here right now but he ran to the back when he saw you coming in cause he wanted me to ask." I just sort of giggled and said 'Oh my gosh', took my drink and left.

 

To be honest, John has made zero effort with me beyond providing friendly customer service so I'm a little confused. I don't like John. At all. He's cute and everything but we don't have a report and the fact that he asked his friend/coworker to ask me out is off-putting. Plus, I like Luke much better anyway. That aside, I have no idea if John actually put Luke up to this or if Luke was just screwing with me to test the waters and see if I was interested in John.

 

I'll see them both again, obviously so A) how do I reject John? B) how do I keep things from being soooooooo awkward? and possibly C) should I even bother letting Luke know he's the one I'm interested in?

[Snakechammah]

Hmm... from what I read, I feel that maybe Luke was 'testing' you in that sense. Maybe John was really doing his job as a good customer service person and since you don't feel he has ang feelings for you, he was probably being friendly.

 

If Luke really did try to test you, that shows a manipulative side of him. Perhaps a bit controlling and jealous too. Do bear this in mind if you decide to pursue something with him in the future, this is a telltale sign.

 

In my opinion, Luke likes you and feels a little threatened by your friendliness to John. John could be an innocent party.

 

But this is interesting! Please do update us on the outcome!

 

All the best!

[preraph]

I know what I would have said if Luke had come to me with that: So are you my pimp now?

 

But since you probably like Luke and it seems like he's being a nice guy, just tell him you don't date guys who aren't confident enough to handle their own date making. Since John was too big a wuss to talk to you, no reason to reply to him either except to be polite and professional. If you want to prompt Luke to ask you out, you might add that if you were going to date anyone from there, it would be him, not John.

[PegNosePete]

I know what I would have said if Luke had come to me with that (if I were a girl): well John's alright but I like you, what are you doing tonight?

[Lernaean_Hydra]

I know what I would have said if Luke had come to me with that: So are you my pimp now?

 

But since you probably like Luke and it seems like he's being a nice guy, just tell him you don't date guys who aren't confident enough to handle their own date making. Since John was too big a wuss to talk to you, no reason to reply to him either except to be polite and professional

Very true. And frankly if the roles were reversed and Luke pulled this crap it would've killed my attraction to him instantly. Anyway, I'm all for the gentle let down but god things might get awkward around here real fast.

 

If you want to prompt Luke to ask you out, you might add that if you were going to date anyone from there, it would be him, not John.

 

I know what I would have said if Luke had come to me with that (if I were a girl): well John's alright but I like you, what are you doing tonight?

 

Both of these responses would've been great and are pretty much in line with something I would have normally said, but I didn't for two reasons. 1) upon finding out that John was in the shop as well - likely within earshot - I thought to say something like that would've been a little too harsh; and 2) a part of me suspected Luke was trying to get me to say I liked him better or some such so I didn't want to stoke his ego if he really was playing that game.

 

Oh, and then there's the little matter of how now I feel like I can't even ask Luke out (or prompt him to ask me out) again because these dudes do have to work together and they're actually pretty good friends outside of work.

Edited June 11, 2014 by Lernaean_Hydra

[gaius]

Oh, and then there's the little matter of how now I feel like I can't even ask Luke out (or prompt him to ask me out) again because these dudes do have to work together and they're actually pretty good friends outside of work.

Don't worry, that won't stop him if he likes you. Guys don't have friends when it comes to women. He might have specifically done that to sabotage him actually. The "friend" thing to do would have been to get him to ask you out himself.

 

I'd just tell him you're not interested in John if it comes up again. Exactly like that. Which if he's not an idiot should hint him you're interested in him. What's John going to do to make it awkward if you two start dating anyway? Have a friend voice displeasure with you for him?